Long Distance Relationships

[fluffernutter]

Short version, first paragraph

So bottom line, can they work? Pro's and Con's? Is it really worth all of the trouble if he/she (in my case she of COURSE!) is worth it?

Scroll down to "The Present" if you wish to bypass the LONG drawn-out intro"

So 6 months ao I was working down in Baltimore and doing some shopping and just met someone whom I was instantly attracted to. For some reason i couldn't take the hint that she was also checking me out as well. Maybe the following me around the store had something to do with it. I can never tell cause I am just so not used to being, well, checked out. So after my first visit and then second visit later that night, I said nothing to her but was still being checked out pretty heavily. I can never take a hint.

This was on a Saturday and I had a full day of work on a Sunday and Monday I was heading home. I stop in and I figure I have nothing to lose. I can either just drive home and kick myself for not doing anything and dealing with the regret or go and make the perverbial ass of myself and ask her out. I did the asking, she said YES, I am floored and I head home with number in hand.

We proceed to IM and then upgrade to the phone and it is just great. We really click here and we're talking about future plkans in our own lives and everything just clicks even more. Family, kids, career, it all just eerily fits together. To boot, appearance wise she is just identical to what I am attracted to. Think Thora Birch in Ghost World with tattoos. Only problem is she lives 2 and a half hours away. We wound up having a first date and just have an amazing day at the Inner Harbour and Aquarium and things are just great. The distance thing was starting to get in the way a little bit though. She told me she was a bit selfish and would want me there all the time and wasn't sure if it would be a good idea or not. I agree and things just kind of float along and we keep talking online until last weekend.

The Present

So my plans for New Year's flicker out and I get home prepared to spend an evening with the cats and myself. I IM her just to say Happy New Year and she invites me down. We talk for close to 5 hours and things just click so well again and let's just say the spark reignited.

I really just have this gut feeling that things would really go well if we started something. Me personally, when it comes to long distance relationships I am willing to give all the effort and do everything I can to make it work. Especially since she is worth driving the 120 miles to see her every week or so. of course, she can return the favor and drive up to see me but for the time being I am willing to do everything I can to make things work.

I realise it will take two to makes things gel. If she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her then I think things really can develop into something wonderful. I get the line from my family, "Why can't you find someone close-by?" If I could I would. I can't pick who I click with and who I don't. There certainly hasn't been a plethora of ladies knocking my door down and when one comes into the picture that is far away, I seriously consider it. Good things don't happen that often here girl-wise in fluffyland so when they do, I want to jump at the opportunity. Believe me, I have been doing a lot of thinking about it as of late too.

I had one previous relationship like this before where the girlfriend lived an hour and a half away and it worked pretty well for almost 2 years. I figure anything is possible if there is 100% commitment from both sides. Hey, in a perfect world, I would love to have met someone 10 miles away and be able to hang out a few times a week. Sometimes you are just dealt a more difficult hand and have to make the best of things.

So after all my blabbering, for anyone here who has had experiences like this, I would love to hear your experiences and how you makes things work. Maybe there are others in the same boat who could use the advice as well.

Oh yeah, I'm fully prepared for it, let the to

[mikeyboy]

It can definitely work, provided that both of you are willing to make the commitment. With a 2 & 1/2 distance, it's long, but it could be much worse. With that distance, with a little effort, you can see each other once a week. I've had a long distance relationship that worked out, and I've known people with cross-country LD relationships that have worked out and people who have had LD relationships with people in other countries that have worked out.

If you're both willing to make the effort, it can definitely work.

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This message was edited by mikeyboy on 1-5-05 @ 11:26 PM

[Death Metal Moe]

So THAT'S what you did when you TOTALLY DITCHED ME on NEW YEARS!! PRICK!!!!

Just kidding. Hey, it sounds like you already answered your own question. I have no experience with long distance relationships, but if she's worth it, do it. Period.

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[Iamnotatool]

Sorry. I disagree.


LD fuckbuddy's = ok

LD Serious relationship = nope


Someonody is gonna wanna fuck somebody.

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[Melrapuo]

Long distance relationships can definitely work. If you two are willing to work it out, then why the hell not.

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[EQ]

' Think Thora Birch in Ghost World with tattoos'.

What a coincidence!
That's MY look, too. ;)

( I didn't know I was your 'type')

Seriously, Go for it! ( I just hope she doesn't read this thread ) * If it works out, then you can later consider relocating, and all that. Don't analyze it too much. You can make this work if you both want to...
Distance can work in some relationships, however it's difficult at first. Yeah, the travel is a headache, but if she's the one.. then YAY, Fluff.

So, Please... don't let that discourage you from trying. This might be wonderful for you both.

Good Luck.

[fluffernutter]

Yeah, it could be adventurous. I like adventures.

I have been considering relocating too but not too far away from home here. I would just have to see how serious things would get.

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[mikeyboy]

If you move to Baltimore, you can hear OTL & R&F regularly.

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[Death Metal Moe]

Dude, tell her to get her ass up HERE, PRONTO. Baltimore sucks raw ass and we all know it.

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[EQ]

At the very least,
...everyone seems like they are in favor of you moving.


( Only kidding... )

[mdr55]

2005--the year of the Fluff!!

Go for it. Long distance relationships can work but you have to put alot of work into it.



When I was living in Mississippi, I had two friends that hooked up at one of my New Year's party. But he was in the Navy in Cali and she was going to school in Lousiana. There was one point where she felt that he wasn't as seroius about the relationship as she was and was having doubts. But I guess they talked it out. Eventually they got married and live in Florida now. It was a hell of a bachelor party!! :eg:

[Death Metal Moe]

Ppfffffffffft.

Fucking Baltimore.

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[JohnnyCash]

I think it could totaly work. You seem very into her and I think you should give it a shot. I hope it works out.

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Thank you Freakshow.

[fluffernutter]

It just dawned on me, what if she does read this? What a hole I dug! Cause I was telling her about Ron and Fez the other night when she had almost the same phobia Fez does about getting lost while driving and having the need to know exactly where she is when in the car. I heard Fez on the show on Friday night as I was heading down. Weird irony.

Oddly enough, I really like it down there too. Girl or no girl. Camden Yards is always on my to do list in the summer and I have family down there as well. Along with Philly, Montreal and Boston Baltimore ranks highly with me. Something about the small city that embraces you.


If you move to Baltimore, you can hear OTL & R&F regularly.


Later this month I will be working down there quite a bit so I look forward to hearing OTL in the Afternoon's. If I move anywhere it would be to South Philly or Chester are where I can pick up the Live 105 Signal.


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[A.J.]

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Give it a shot Fluff!

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[Reephdweller]

Fluff, I can tell you from my own experience with Amy that it can work. It has it's ups and downs in that when one of you may just need to be with the other or through hardships it can be difficult. However if your feelings for each other are strong you can get through it.

Me and Amy see each other on the weekends and it helps us to get through the week, especially as the it gets closer to Saturday. There have been many times that I've really wished I was closer so that I could be of comfort to her, such as when she had her the surgery on her leg, or when the idiot smashed up her car. I mean, I was there the day we found out about it together, but the subsequent days after I wish I could have been there and supportive of her. There are those kinds of things that you will find hard - but for all the other times it works well and it makes the times you're with her even more rewarding because you appreciate them and make the most of those moments.

I can honestly say that even though my trips each week to her are long (though not nearly as long as your trips) they are worth it for me. If you find that someone who makes you happy, then it's worth the trip.

In addition to that, I think the key is communication with one another. If the two of you are good at talking over the phone, or in IM or email then you'll be fine. The relationship that Amy and I have is great in that we are so good in this way. I've been in relationships where communication was horrible. In those regards it comes down to being something more of a physical relationship. However that can only go so far. I'm happy and have been happy for the first time in a while because I have the best of both worlds and it's something I value.

If you need someone to talk to, PM or IM me. I think it's great and I wish you the very best of luck.

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[fluffernutter]

Yeah Reef, you and Amy were the first ones I thought of when I was typing this and knowing roughly where you guys both live that can be a long drive. I was looking forward to your take ont he whole thing cause it is obviously working great for you both.

I can really see her and I having good conversations cause we have had that before and I swear I could just listen to her for hours on end cause she can just tell a HELL of a story. It's going to be interesting.

The only problem I forsee is how I like to lay everything on the line and almost always speak from the heart and she seems a little reserved. A for instance, I throw the compliment and she doesn't really respond. I asked her why the other night and she told me she has a hard time believing when people say good things about her. I just told her to get used to it cause I don't bullshit. I could see things coming around.

I sure hope I'm not baring too much here. This place is such great advice therapy sometimes I can't help it.

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[Reephdweller]

The only problem I forsee is how I like to lay everything on the line and almost always speak from the heart and she seems a little reserved.



One of my ex's was this way. She'd be this fountain of talk and feelings on many things, and then when it came down intimacy and telling each other how we feel or whatever she would clam up. I found out later it was because of previous relationships and problems with abandonment from her father. I mean lots of different things can be factors in why someone can be reserved about their feelings. This relationship I'm in now I am completely comfortable and at ease in telling her how I feel and she is the same. It's nice to have that. But I certainly know the other side of it from other relationships. If you work at it though, I'm confident in time you will see her being more open with you. As time goes by I think most people tend open up more and I think you will find this to be the case as well.

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[FUNKMAN]

LDR's can work only if you don't allow the SDR's to get in the way...

seriously- a good relationship has to be based on trust no matter the distance

i would suggest allowing her to make the commute at least a 3rd of the time. it would be considerate of her

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[GodsFavoriteMan]

Absolutely, though I recommend hiring a PI.

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[JPMNICK]

I think it is worth a shot. You have nothing to lose. hopefully it works out, if not, you chalk it up to experience.

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[curtoid]

I've had two REALLY long distant relationship, both we made work for about 2 years, but once either began to get really serious, they fell apart - but that's me. I'm a really bad boyfriend.

2 1/2 hours, though, is not that bad. Actually anything longer than a day's drive is too far, imo. I would have no problem with someone 5 or even 6 hours away, as long as she and I were both into it.

And Baltimore is a pretty good, affordable (compared to DC) place, and they have The Ron and The Fez so if you wanted to make the move, you could swing it.

[fluffernutter]

I've had two REALLY long distant relationship, both we made work for about 2 years, but once either began to get really serious, they fell apart - but that's me. I'm a really bad boyfriend.


See this is really unlike me to sound this "nice" about myself but I think I am an awesome boyfriend. Of course when I AM the boyfriend and I haven't had that title in well over 4 years.

I just like to treat her the way I would like to be treated. Quite honestly (and this is also weird for me to say) I am a truly amazing person and am worth it to be in along distance relationship with. As is she. I could see if I was a complete and total ashole and just had no consideration for whichever girlfriend in question something long distance would be unfathomable for me. But since I have so many nice traits and do the sometimes almost always cheesiest things (flowers, I will draw cartoons of her, candlelit dinners, home cooked meals, be a good listener, etc.) how could she pass me up. Man, I feel such an ego trip coming on.

Damn.

Strange.


And Baltimore is a pretty good, affordable (compared to DC) place, and they have The Ron and The Fez so if you wanted to make the move, you could swing it.


I'll be down in the DC area next week and may drop in and visit Ron and Fez while I'm there. I'm gonna give her the tip I "may be on" and hope this whole thing doesn't come up cause that could be kinda odd. Cometo think of it, I'll just clam up on the topic.

I may also need some tips on cool places to go down there. Like little antique and shopping villages and the like. Someplaces with character, like Annapolis.








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[Hottub]

(flowers, I will draw cartoons of her, candlelit dinners, home cooked meals, be a good listener, etc.) how could she pass me up.


Shit Fluff, if it doesn't work out, I'll go out with you!
PM me.

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so does that mean that it was
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[wilee]

There's no way of knowing if it will work unless you try. Don't sit on the sidelines and wonder- you may be kicking yourself down the road wondering "What if..."

Give it your best shot, and best of luck.

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[Death Metal Moe]

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IT!!!!

Oh wait, that was someone else's bit. OK, I'll try this.

http://ceisites.com/kegman/images/8010.jpg

IT!!!

Ehh, not the same effect.

http://www.doultonusa.com/HTML/tap.jpg

IT!!!

Jesus, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Where is this going?

Oh well, I leave you with this:
http://unhallowed.com/sigs/SB-card.gif

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This message was edited by Death_Metal Moe on 1-7-05 @ 11:03 PM

[fluffernutter]

Oh man! A Strongbad reference completely kills my chances now. I fucking HATE Strongbad!!! GAH!

Thanks Moe! :p

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