How to stop Masterbating

[Doogie]

This lovely piece of info comes from our enlightend friends the Mormons who have churches that look like fucking casinos. Nothing like good advice from the scum of the Earth that have brought us Donnie and Marie.

Stop Masterbating!!! (http://www.helpingmormons.org/Masterbation.htm)

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[DarkHippie]

Nothing like good advice from the scum of the Earth that have brought us Donnie and Marie.
And Ken Jennings.

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<marquee> Check out DarkHippie's latest story, "Keeper", at http://home.pcisys.net/~drmforge/dftoc2.htm </marquee>

[SatCam]

Never read pornographic material.
Like anyone actually reads it?
Never read about your problem.
Don't ask, don't tell!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/sig93_general_bluemen.jpg" align="right" alt="Have a Blue 2005" /><a href="http://www.satelitecam.tk">Ron and Fez Drops and Bits</a>
50%[color=white]

[ChildofFez]

We have posted this here to simply show how much control the LDS church places on individuals. Every aspect of your life will somehow be controlled by the church, invading every corner of your life, including the bedroom.


Ok You got me so far...




7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember - "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.


wait a minute I just read 6 other lines about masturbation and I still have 5 more how am I suppose to stop thinking about my problem and put it out of my mind this way? ahhh that's it I can't read this anymore....fap fap fap fap fap

http://hometown.aol.com/metllicat3/images/100.jpg

A peek into the Life of Boring Interest (http://profiles.myspace.com/users/14086885).

This message was edited by ChildofFez on 3-5-05 @ 3:22 PM

[gone]

When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.

I do not know ONE single person actually admires their naked body in the mirror.. and you have a problem if the sight of yourself turns you on...



dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts,

Chastity belt? Knight armor? Genital bouncer to decide who comes in?



Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

and then when your mind wanders to sex with the girl sitting next to you on the bus... put a bullet in your skull because there is no helping you.

C*U*N*T
This is the place where sigs go....

[TheKnicks23]

I saw this the other day.

Laughed my ass off.

<center><img src="http://theknicks23.8k.com/images/papermariosig2.jpg"></center>

[ChrisTheCop]

It's workin'...

It's workin'.......

Damn. It aint workin'.

But thanx for trying there Mormons.

<img src="http://rfcop.50megs.com/images/jersey_rich-fluffernutter_sigpic.gif">jersernutter productions

[Hottub]

It can't possibly work because Marie Osmond is one of my top-ten jacking images!

http://www.geocities.com/ldsceleb/osmondma.jpg

<img src=" http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v381/artemisentreri/hottub2.gif"border=0 align=right>
so does that mean that it was
"THE ORANGE BOWL OF FAILURE?"
Staples
See The Cruising Vessel (http://www.silentpix.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=Myalbums&file=thumbnails&album=41)
Check out silentpix.com

[furie]

no wonder those people are so repressed.


<img src="http://homepage.mac.com/furie1335/.Pictures/rfsigs/fuddopera.jpg">

<a href="http://fallingtowardsapotheosis.blogspot.com/">mental vomit</a>

[Death Metal Moe]

DAMN IT!

So many of you filthy fucks went to that link that their whole server must have crashed! Oh well, I'll just sit here gently jacking it until it comes back on......... Or I do!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

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<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
<A HREF="http://thebigsexxxy.blogspot.com/">One Big SeXXXy Blog</A>

[A.J.]

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken.

Being tied to a bed frame would probably make me WANT to rub one out.



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Red Sox Nation

[UnknownPD]

When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror.


I've always used the "I look like Billy Staple's method"

[Uncle Smokey]

If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.


So fuckin hot.

[Death Metal Moe]

If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.


So watching Fear Factor may help me too?

They lost me. I'm gonna go jerk off all over myself instead.

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[Doogie]

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "STOP" to those thoughts as loudly as you can


And scare the shit out of the customers at WalMart that think you are about to have an episode and shoot everyone for being sexually frustrated.


12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy.


Until that uncle comes in with his huge knuckles...



13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something


Like Masterb...ohhh wait thats right we are trying NOT to do that.



18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.


And have a cock size hole cut out of the middle for easy access.


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[Justice4all]

3.If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.


Say Jimmy?
"Yea?"
You stopped jerking off yet?
"Nah man...still strong as ever"
Sorry man...can't be friends with you anymore. Need friends who are clean from that shit. Seeyuh around man.

Like the first thing I will ask Doogie when I see him again would be how is his masterbation coming (no pun intended) so I know wether to talk to him or not?
Sheesh.

Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and not lout when the temptations are the strongest.

Dear God...PLEASE let me have a bigger penis.


<img src=http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/Justice4All.gif>
"Did you catch all of that in your mouth??"
"You betcha!!!!!"
"That's disgusting"
"Shut up and keep sucking!"

[TheMojoPin]

So I should have as much pre-marital sex as possible to avoid mastUrbating, right?



<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">
1979 << On the streets of your town... >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[Death Metal Moe]

So I should have as much pre-marital sex as possible to avoid mastUrbating, right?



<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">
1979 << On the streets of your town... >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

Yea, but only through the hole in the sheet.

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[FUNKMAN]

dictionary.com


masturbate

v 1: stimulate sexually; "The old man wanted to be masturbated by the prostitute" 2: get sexual gratification through self-stimulation [syn: wank, fuck off, she-bop, jack off, jerk off]



never associated 'fuck off' with masturbation

she-bop - that's a new one for me... anyone ever use that?

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/sig_funkmanstill.jpg">

[Death Metal Moe]

dictionary.com


masturbate

v 1: stimulate sexually; "The old man wanted to be masturbated by the prostitute" 2: get sexual gratification through self-stimulation [syn: wank, fuck off, she-bop, jack off, jerk off]



never associated 'fuck off' with masturbation

she-bop - that's a new one for me... anyone ever use that?

http://stilllife1.bravepages.com/images/2248.jpg

nope

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<A HREF="http://thebigsexxxy.blogspot.com/">One Big SeXXXy Blog</A>

[Bulldogcakes]

http://stilllife1.bravepages.com/images/2248.jpg

nope


Of all the women I'd love to hear sing about petting the poodle, Cindi Lauper is way, way down the list.

http://pic5.picturetrail.com/VOL77/857148/1548180/76422236.jpg


If you're wondering, Yes.

[FUNKMAN]

http://us.st8.yimg.com/store1.yimg.com/I/wickedcoolstuff_1832_36102332

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[Death Metal Moe]

Of all the women I'd love to hear sing about petting the poodle, Cindi Lauper is way, way down the list.


Oh come on Cakes. You'd HAVE to throw her a quick one, just for the sake of saying you plowed that crazy bitch.

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<A HREF="http://thebigsexxxy.blogspot.com/">One Big SeXXXy Blog</A>

[FUNKMAN]

rumor has it the Big Unit is on the Yanks

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[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

I am NOT the master of my domain.

I never claimed to be. Nor will I ever be.


<IMG SRC=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/alicebuckysig.jpg>

My dog likes Cheese Doodles. And YooHoo.

[A.J.]

The Queen is dead???

Was it John-John?

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Red Sox Nation

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Ha!

Just sweet memories!

<IMG SRC=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/alicegenesig.jpg>

My dog likes Cheese Doodles. And YooHoo.

[A.J.]

How to stop Masterbating

Chop off one's hands.

<img src=http://img40.photobucket.com/albums/v124/Canofsoup15/Sigs/AJinDC-Sig.jpg>

A Skidmark/canofsoup15 production.

Red Sox Nation

[whiteboy1457]

How to stop Masterbating

Chop off one's hands.


Or you could go to the root of the problem and just chop off your dick

<img src=http://www.christpuncherrecords.com/sigs/explosion.jpg

Cluching defeat out of the claws of victory.

[FUNKMAN]

How to stop Masterbating


take away his Master card



that sucked too...

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/sig_funkmanstill.jpg">

[A.J.]

How to stop Masterbating

Chop off one's hands.


Or you could go to the root of the problem and just chop off your dick

<img src=http://www.christpuncherrecords.com/sigs/explosion.jpg

Cluching defeat out of the claws of victory.

I was offering a unisex solution.

<img src=http://img40.photobucket.com/albums/v124/Canofsoup15/Sigs/AJinDC-Sig.jpg>

A Skidmark/canofsoup15 production.

Red Sox Nation

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Face it-- we're all a bunch of masturbating monkeys.










That's just my opinion.

<IMG SRC=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/alicegenesig.jpg>

My dog likes Cheese Doodles. And YooHoo.

[FUNKMAN]

in order to make other people happy you have to be able to please yourself first


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