Its as if I dont know how to feel

[ag]

<span style="color: black; font-family: arial"><font size="3">&nbsp;About two weeks ago I found out that my older brother who is mentally retarted has Cancer. At first they weren&rsquo;t sure what kind it was. All they knew is that he had spots on his liver. Finally after several tests they bad news came back that it was a type of testicular cancer. Although the tumor might not be painful, it spreads it self through the blood stream attacking all the organs and even the brain. From what my Mother and I were told fourth hand by my father was that my brother had maybe 6 months left in him. At this point it doesn&rsquo;t even look like that. I came home from the gym today and Asked how things were going, My mother has been really busy with work and I know she's probably stressed out about her older son. She told me she found out yesterday that my brother was in the hospital and going into hospice. At that point I was just numb. I didn&rsquo;t know what to do or say. One thing I had to do I knew was go to work and let them know(could call the phone systems were down) I told my boss the situation and told me not to worry about work. At this point I&rsquo;m still numb, in shock almost. I cant think straight. My mind is racing. Worrying about this that and everything else. Stupid stuff like how I don&rsquo;t have something to wear for a funeral. How is everyone going to react to seeing my mother in over 7 years. I think deep down inside somewhere I know the end is near. Although he was mentally retarted he knew what was going on most of the time. He lived a good life. A spoiled one if anything. He had a good life of watching A tape of JETS vs. Patriots over and over again, and having a big bowl of chips in front of him. Oh and cant forget every time a commercial came on, he'd come running into where ever we were and with almost super human strength pull you into the den to fast forward through the commercials. I could go on more about him but I&rsquo;m not. I just typed this to vent a little and its working. Thanks!</font></span>

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[MrPink]

sorry to hear about your brother. i hope you get the strangth to get through this hard time.

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[Bulldogcakes]

<p>Sorry to hear it, Ag. I lost my sister to cancer a few years ago. It's always tough to have your family
get broken up this way. Condolences. </p><p><br />


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<font color=black>This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 5-15-05 @ 9:00 AM</font>

[Duke]

<p>sorry to hear that</p><p>i hope for the best&nbsp;</p>

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[Snoogans]

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<font color=black>This message was edited by Snoogans on 5-13-05 @ 10:32 PM</font>

[FUNKMAN]

<p>AG,</p><p>Sorry to hear about your brothers misfortune. Just stay strong and give thanks for the time you were able to share together. </p>

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[monsterone]

i had to log on.&nbsp; as&nbsp; i read your post, it made me sadder and sadder.&nbsp; i couldn't finish it.&nbsp; be strong bro, i feel for you.

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<font color="red" size="1">violent thoughts & prayers</font>

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[zathrus]

<p>Ag,</p><p>&nbsp;sorry to hear about your brother. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.&nbsp;</p>


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[PapaBear]

My best thoughts are with you AG. It's easy to tell, from what you wrote, that you love him very much. God Bless....

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[sr71blackbird]

Im sorry for you Ag, I hope he doesnt suffer and your family and you get through it.&nbsp; Im sure writing that helped you, maybe write more about him and your experiences as a testament for the future, maybe it will give you solice and help you stay strong.&nbsp; Hang in there.

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[reeshy]

My prayers are with you and your brother. I know what's it's like to have a sibling who is sick!!!! Hang in there, Buddy!!!!!

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[Contra]

I wish you luck in the struggle ahead.

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Easy come easy go...Live is but a dream...See you space cowboy