Having a fat cock ain't all that!! [Archive]

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Iamnotatool

07-27-2005, 02:11 PM

<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%" border="0"><tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td>*--Story -* <table cellspacing="5" cellpadding="0" align="left" border="0"><tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td>* class="photoCaption" align="center">Thumbs down! <div /></td></tr></table>I really have to put a stop to this glorification of giant penises. Seriously, I can’t take it anymore. From pills like Longitude to Swedish penis pumps, the fascination with having a monster manhood is out of control. Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I happen to have one of those “huge cocks,” and it isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yeah, yeah. I suppose it’s better than having a really small penis, but this damn thing hanging between my legs is ridiculous. If I had the option, I’d trade it in for regular-sized member in a second. Shit, I’d even take one on the small side. Five inches sounds great to me. I’m not kidding. There are three inches of me that is still a virgin. That’s just frustrating. There is only so many times you can hear, “slow, slow, slow, ouch” before you start to wonder if it is all worth it. Everybody always focuses on the few positives, but let me tell you, it ain’t all church picnics and ice cream sandwiches. Most of the time it’s just a nuisance. Take for example your morning BM. I bet you don’t even think about it when you roll out of bed, grab the Daily Tribune, and head for the head. Well not me. No reading the newspaper while I cut turds. I need both hands—one to wipe and one to hold my stupid, giant penis. One slip up and my junk is bobbing in the bowl with a school of Bumpy Brownfish. Sound like fun to you? And I can’t tell you how many movies I’ve missed the first ten minutes of because I am getting the third degree from the damn ticket taker about trying to smuggle in outside food. “Sir, you can’t take that cappicola into the theater.” <table cellspacing="5" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"><tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td>* class="photoCaption" align="center">Less is More. <div /></td></tr></table>What am I supposed to say? There are kids around. It’s embarrassing. And, how about shorts? Those must be nice. It’s damn hot right now in Los Angeles, but unless I want to risk exposing myself to the world, I am in trousers. I can’t even wear boxer shorts. You see, it’s not just the size; it’s the weight. I need some support. Not that briefs don't pose their own set of problems. Putting them on is like trying to stretch a twin-size, fitted sheet over a king-size mattress, but it’s better than the back problems I had when I was letting that monstrosity hang free. Don’t even get me started on condoms…Magnum, you say? Yeah, right. Those things are like a tourniquet. I might as well try to squeeze into the tuxedo from a Ken doll. One time, while on vacation in Mexico, I met up with this hottie local scuba instructor, Maria. We hit it off. She even tried to act excited when I pulled out my curse, but I could see the terror in her eyes. She didn’t have any trash bags or shower curtains, and I wasn’t about to raw dog it with some Third World trollop, so I ended up using the left leg of a youth-size wetsuit for protection. I couldn’t feel a goddamn thing with that on. It was a disaster. And forget about oral. I mean, some girls might try it for the novelty, but unless she’s a circus performer you’re half-mast even before she starts complaining about her jaw hurting. Sure, there are some girls who love a great big penis, but those girls are all skanks. I’m looking for a nice girl, not some loose tramp who I am embarrassed to take home to my mom. And don’t try to tell me you are a nice girl who likes her men big. If your g-sp

kevcala

07-27-2005, 02:15 PM

Tell me about it, nobody wants to buy this baby from me.<img width="144" height="191" border="0" src="http://www.funny-pictures.biz/images%20for%20web/BigFatRooster.jpg" /> 

<img width="301" border="0" align="left" alt="Crud" src="http://home.hvc.rr.com/kevcala/sigpics/kevcala_sig5.jpg" />
Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice.

Big Ass #22981

This message was edited by kevcala on 7-27-05 @ 6:16 PM

Meve

07-27-2005, 02:50 PM

Do you really think people are going to come here read that long ass
post about you complaining about having a big one, and then responding
to it. Your nuts. 

"Suck it. Suck it dry"

Hottub

07-27-2005, 02:57 PM

I read the whole long-ass post, I chuckled, and I know from experience, it ain't tool. Just an amusing story he found on one of his filthy sites that he wants to share with us.

<img src="http://www.silentpix.com/images/mysigs/hottub/rotate.php" align="right">
so does that mean that it was "THE ORANGE BOWL OF FAILURE?" Staples <a href="http://www.silentpix.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=Myalbums&file=thumbnails&album=41" target="_blank">See The Cruising Vessel</a> Check out silentpix.com.

Meve

07-27-2005, 03:10 PM

Oh that explains everything. lol 

"Suck it. Suck it dry"

Wormwood

07-27-2005, 03:22 PM

does tool know he's gay yet?

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/dfaz11779/dearwormwood2.gif">

check the flava of the rythym i wrote and while i got a chance let me clear my throat

Bulldogcakes

07-27-2005, 03:39 PM

quote:I
read the whole long-ass post, I chuckled, and I know from experience,
it ain't tool. From experience? 
  

<img border="0" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/Kevin2700/cakescopy.jpg" />

<a target="blank" href="http://bulldogcakes.tripod.com/index.html">My brand spankin new site Bully Baby</a>

Do Siamese twins have to file seperate tax returns? Or do they file jointly?

This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 7-27-05 @ 7:40 PM

FUNKMAN

07-27-2005, 03:46 PM

Having a fat cock ain't all that!! the needledicks of the world will be glad to hear it....

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/sig_funkmanstill.jpg">

mikeyboy

07-27-2005, 08:24 PM

quote: Your nuts. What about 'em?

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=mikeyboy"> Ron & Fez Show Log (http://www.osirusonline.com/ronfez.htm); Daily News Scratch N' Match is the Devil The Music Mikey Likes Show on RadioBBQ, weekdays 11:00 am - 1:00 pm (http://www.radiobbq.net) Now with new theme song (http://www.ronfez.net/mediastorage/mikey/mikeyshowtheme.mp3) by BoBoGolem

Gmann

07-27-2005, 09:23 PM

quote: Tell me about it, nobody wants to buy this baby from me.<img height="191" src="http://www.funny-pictures.biz/images%20for%20web/BigFatRooster.jpg" width="144" border="0" />    Doesnt Amy own the copyrights on this bit here ???

Iamnotatool

07-28-2005, 07:58 AM

I'm not gay, just really happy.   And I have a gigantic cock.

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/iamnotatool.gif>
Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

Doctor Manhattan

07-28-2005, 08:17 AM

TheMojoPin

07-28-2005, 12:11 PM

“Sir, you can’t take that cappicola into the theater.”Ah, so he's Italian.And thusly, the lie is exposed.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">

1979 << On the streets of your town... >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

Bulldogcakes

07-28-2005, 02:42 PM

Quite a comment coming from an Irish guy, Mojo. 


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/Kevin2700/cakescopy.jpg

My brand spankin new site Bully Baby (http://bulldogcakes.tripod.com/index.html)

Do Siamese twins have to file seperate tax returns? Or do they file jointly?

Iamnotatool

07-28-2005, 02:51 PM

That's why Mojo got the nickname "McPinky"

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/iamnotatool.gif>
Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

fezident

07-28-2005, 03:19 PM

quote: quote: Your nuts. What about 'em?   Good one, Mike!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v355/tucker71/fezident.jpg

"Jam out with your clam out"

Iamnotatool

07-28-2005, 04:21 PM

<img src="http://www.thephatphree.com/_photos/caveman.jpg" border="0" />

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/iamnotatool.gif>
Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

TheMojoPin

07-28-2005, 04:24 PM

quote: Quite a comment coming from an Irish guy, Mojo. <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/Kevin2700/cakescopy.jpg" border="0" /> <a href="http://bulldogcakes.tripod.com/index.html" target="blank">My brand spankin new site Bully Baby</a> Do Siamese twins have to file seperate tax returns? Or do they file jointly? Yeah, but the difference is I'm not running around lying in the face of the painfully obvious.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin">

1979 << On the streets of your town... >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."