My grandfather died today

[DreamWeaver]

<p>Is it wrong that I'm not upset about it? We weren't really that close. I saw him at every family function and I worked for his company so occasionally I would see him at work. But we never really spoke that much. If we did it was the usual hi how are you, or he was insulting me. It was mandatory that he be the first person you say hello to because he was the &quot;Godfather&quot; and look out if you pissed him off. He'd say he was leaving you out of his will. Who gives a fuck? He was just an angry old man. He had a girlfriend for the past 40 years of his life. Everyone in my family knew..including my grandmother. Talk about family drama! The man made her miserable. When he didn't make it to Easter this year there was no tension! Everyone was happy and laughing. It wasn't like&nbsp;that when he was around.&nbsp;My cousins and I used to joke about when this day came...We said we were going to wear party hats to his funeral. But now it's here and everyone is hysterical except me. It's like they were all playing a joke on me. All of a sudden people care.</p><p>What kills me the most is that my grandmother has now lost 2 daughters and a husband to cancer. And seeing my father and my cousins cry...it kills me. But that's it. I have no feelings towards this man.&nbsp;&nbsp;Am i evil and spineless? I was never mad at him so it's not like i'm holding feelings of hatred towards him. It's just like...whatever. Oh well.</p>

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[Death Metal Moe]

<p>People will probably run you down for speaking your mind, but I for one don't think you're evil.&nbsp; I mean you didn't have a close relationship with the man, why should you try to fake it?&nbsp; You're upset to hear it and see how upset your family is, but hey.&nbsp; You feel how you feel.</p><p>So I don't think you're uncaring or monstrous, personally.&nbsp; So that's my opinion, whatever it's worth.</p>

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[Death Metal Moe]

<p>Uh oh, I just re-read what you said, and you joked about his death?&nbsp; Seems the &quot;Over Reation Police&quot; and their &quot;Touchy Deputies&quot; might tell you how you're a sociopath, and you take enjoyment in the death of someone else.</p><p>Wait for it.</p><p>I for one say, &quot;Piss Off&quot; to people who die that were mean to me in my life.&nbsp; Who cares?</p>

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[Recyclerz]

<p>Is it wrong that I'm not upset about it?</p><p>I don't think my vote should count for that much in this situation, but my $0.02 says no.&nbsp; I think everybody has family situations like you've described - I know I have had them and still do.&nbsp; People are conditioned to behave certain ways in times of stress and usually do so without thinking much about it; it sounds like your family has fallen into that pattern.&nbsp; My unsolicited &quot;Dear Abby&quot; advice is your only responsibilities in this situation are to console and support your grandmother (who sounds like she's had kinda a rough life being married to this guy) and, maybe, refraining from jumping up on the casket, pointing an accusing finger at the corpse and yelling &quot;Rot in Hell, you SOB&quot;.&nbsp; </p><p>(I tried that once and it wasn't as well received as I expected.)</p>

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[Stewie]

I don't think it makes you evil.&nbsp; Seeing others you care&nbsp;hurting is hurting you.&nbsp; That alone shows that you have feelings and are not cold hearted.&nbsp; You are allowed to not miss certain people.&nbsp; If you didn't really know the guy or didn't really want to associate with him it's fine.&nbsp; YOU'RE ALL GOOD.&nbsp; Now much like Moe said, that is just my feeling on this.&nbsp; Some people may see it different.

[mdr55]

<p>Stuff happens. Your grandpa is dead. So what? He was a SOB.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Is that how you feel? Nothings wrong with that. He's dead. Good riddance.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Don't
you just hate it when someone dies and everyone talks about them like
they were a saint but they really weren't. WTF is that about.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>But anyway......sorry for your loss.&nbsp;</p>

[TheMojoPin]

<font style="font-size: 9px" face="Verdana">quote: </font><p>Uh oh, I just re-read what you said, and you joked about his death?&nbsp; Seems the &quot;Over Reation Police&quot; and their &quot;Touchy Deputies&quot; might tell you how you're a sociopath, and you take enjoyment in the death of someone else.</p><p>Wait for it. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Come on, was this really necessary in this thread?&nbsp; Of course, you'll just look at this as &quot;proof&quot; of what you just said, but seriously, what drives you to completely derail these kinds of threads with unecessary and redundant&nbsp;drivel like this?&nbsp; And please, if you want to reply to me, do it through PM.&nbsp; We don't need to clutter Dreamweaver's thread further with this kind of crap.&nbsp; And this goes for anyone else, too.&nbsp; I mean it.&nbsp; DW, I'm sorry it even had to go to THIS point in the first place, and I apologize deeply.<br /></p><img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=TheMojoPin" border="0" /> <br />Desperate ain't lonely... &lt;&lt; Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends. &gt;&gt; &quot;You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad...&quot;

<font color=black>This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 8-11-05 @ 12:56 PM</font>

[mdr55]

It's always about Moe. He's right and you all are wrong.<img border="0" src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/blink.gif" /><br />

[TheMojoPin]

ENOUGH.

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Desperate ain't lonely... << Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."</center>

[mdr55]

DW was your grandpa EVER nice towards you? He couldn't have been that BAD could he?<br />

[Mike Teacher]

<p>But that's it. I have no feelings towards this man.&nbsp;&nbsp;Am i evil and spineless?</p><p>=</p><p>IMHO, no.</p><p>We can choose our friends, but family is different. Some say family comes above all, always, and there are good arguements for that; but some equally good ones for our friends, who we choose/choose us not because of any blood bond. </p><p>Meaning, there's entire sides of my extentded family, who, even when everyone is getting along swimmingly, we just dont see each other for years, and when we do see each other, we dont BS each other about 'having to see each other more often'. We acknowledge that this is fine for us, seeing one of my bros twice a year is fine, it is what it is, we are who we are.</p><p>And entire other sides of same family who will most likely never see each other again, probably even at funerals. We wont go. Sounds cold indeed, but some families are tight, and some, either willingly or by displacement over moving away or moving on, are not so tight. </p><p>Long story short, I didn't feel too bad when my grandparents left this earth. </p>

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[terryc35]

YOU ARE ONE EVIL SOB!!!&nbsp; HOW DARE YOU START A THREAD ABOUT YOUR GRANDFATHER AND SAY YOU DON'T CARE.&nbsp; YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM....is what some people may say.&nbsp; I say fuck it, if he was a prick to you and he made your grandmother's life a living hell for the last 40 years it is shame this day didn't come 39 years ago....at least she would have had a life then.

[TheMojoPin]

<p>I have a grandmother who is still very much alive, and I've recognized that I feel a lot of the things towards her that DW is talking about with her grandfather.</p><p>My grandmother is very, VERY much an old school-type racist, and it has driven me further and further away from her as I've gotten older.&nbsp; Her family just sort of ignores it, but it really sets me off and has radically changed my views on her as a person in general, and has pushed me away.&nbsp; Honestly, if she died today, I don't know how much sorrow I'd feel, if at all.&nbsp; The negative memories now far outweigh the positive ones.</p>

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Desperate ain't lonely... << Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends. >> "You can tell some lies about the good times we've had, but I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."</center>

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>I've only had two grandparents - both grandmothers - as both my grandfathers died before I was born.</p><p>My maternal grandparents were phenomenal.&nbsp; My grandmother and mother always commented how they could see my grandfather in me, as I was a prankster, I had a love of rock and roll music, especially the local jersey shore bands.&nbsp; There was always warm feelings of good memories and love there and I was shattered when my maternal grandmother died.&nbsp; I was a complete basket case for over 2 weeks.</p><p>My paternal grandparents are another story.&nbsp; My grandfather died when my father was 10, and I'm guessing that somewhat emotionally stunted him and probably led to the issues that he and I have today.&nbsp; (It's nothing bad, but still).&nbsp; It was just my grandmother and my father, scraping together, poor as hell and trying to get by day to day.</p><p>My paternal grandmother is EXTREMELY emotionally distant.&nbsp; I crave to have the relationship with her that I did with my maternal grandmother, but it's not there.</p><p>It's not that my paternal grandmother did anything bad... she's just a cold, distant woman who prefers to be alone.&nbsp; I can't remember the last holiday we had with her; it's almost like pulling teeth to get her to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with us, and she lives in a retirement community 10 miles away.</p><p>I feel bad for the woman - i know she's been through a lot of hardship in her life... but I have a bad feeling that I will probably be in the same boat Gina's in when she passes.&nbsp; It's a horrible realization to have - for God's sake, she's my grandmother - but it's something I accepted awhile ago.</p>

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[keithy_19]

<p>You don't have to feel bad. If you weren't too close it wouldn't hurt much, or at all. Seeing your family hurting is what is upsetting to you. You care about your close family, not your grandfather. </p><p>And joking is one way people get throughs tuff and try to cheer people up. It's what I do. </p>

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[CYYYFYYY]

I think it is wrong if you give a damn about a jerk.&nbsp; Society says you alwys have to feel sorry. Society is stupid.

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[Doogie]

It isnt wrong of you to not feel anything towards your grandfather. You will probably just be more upset that your family is upset, and it is a little confusing cause of what they all said about the party hats at his funeral. You are not a monster just someone who isnt feeling fully emotional towards this man for your reasons. You have your reasons and that is fine. Just be there for your family cause they will need you through this time.

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[FUNKMAN]

<p>one thing i always tell myself is respect the elderly but i also add that it'a a two way street, they have to give respect back as well. regardless of whether we&nbsp;have family or friends we are always an individual and ultimately responsible for our own decisions and well being. you're just being honest with yourself and others and if they can't respect that then it's on them...</p><p>i have always been on the fence with regard to my dad's dad as to 'how good' a father or man he may have been. he provided food and shelter and went to church every sunday but they never celebrated birthdays, christmas, or ever went on vacation. as a grandfather it's a different situation, he would catch us in the hallway or outside and always give us a handful of change. then he'd tell us to believe in Jesus and to not buy any cigarettes. at christmas time he always had a handful of plain white envelopes filled with a 10 or 20 for all the grandkids...</p>

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[O&AVIRUS&MORE]

<font face="Verdana" style="font-size: 9px;">quote:</font><p>Is
it wrong that I'm not upset about it? <br />
</p><br />
<br />Yes.<br />


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[Bulldogcakes]

<p>If you two weren't that close, just pay your respects and forget
about how you're &quot;supposed&quot; to feel about this, or anything else. You
feel how you feel. Dont apologize for it. You're entitled to your own
feelings, about this and everything else in your life. </p><p>But
whatever you do, DO NOT wear the revealing low cut red dress to the
funeral. And tell your brother not to wear his Hawaiian shirt. <br />
</p>

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[jafter]

<p>My unsolicited &quot;Dear Abby&quot; advice is your only responsibilities in this situation are to console and support your grandmother (who sounds like she's had kinda a rough life being married to this guy)</p><p>I agree with the above statement.&nbsp; Take the high road console your family that are grieving and take to heart that he will not be there anymore to cause any more&nbsp;tension in the family.&nbsp;&nbsp; THere must have been some good times in your life with your grandfather.&nbsp; Dreamweaver try and become closer with your grandmother now that he is gone she will appreciate it.</p>

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[Justice4all]

<p>G...After reading what you wrote I feel bad for your dad and grandmother, but it sounds like your grandfather was a miserable fuck. I know people like what who were in my family. MY grandfather used to abuse my grandmother and also walked out on my dad when he was just 5. When he died this year...my resopnse was the same as you almost. </p><p>My condolences to your grandmother, who appears that she put up with alot and stayed true to being a good person. And I do not blame you for not feeling bad at all. People like your grandfather do not deserve praise when he passes.</p><p>Maybe sometime you and I can stand over our grandfathers graves and spit on them sometime.</p><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/j4a3_sig.gif" border="0" /> &quot;Did you catch all of that in your mouth??&quot; &quot;You betcha!!!!!&quot; &quot;That's disgusting&quot; &quot;Shut up and keep sucking!&quot;

<font color=black>This message was edited by Justice4all on 8-12-05 @ 8:06 PM</font>

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

<p>I wouldn't feel bad. I've had a plethora of people in my family die on me and I've felt nothing. Your grandpa was a jerk. That's his legacy to pass on. It's not your fault. It's his for being a jerk for most of your life.</p>

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[A.J.]

<p>Not to be cliched but &quot;it don't make you a bad person&quot;.</p><p>I feel no love whatsoever for my paternal grandmother.&nbsp; Mostly, it's because of the way she has ignored my father (her firstborn child and the most normal, upstanding person in his whole family).&nbsp; She was good to my brother and me when we were little but when we moved away she just distanced herself preferring to show favoritism to my father's younger, white-trash, loser brothers.&nbsp; Her explanation was that my father turned out fine and didn't &quot;need her&quot;.&nbsp; My father and mother tried to include her in the important events in our lives:&nbsp; my brother's and my graudations from high school and college, my parents' 25th anniversary party, etc.&nbsp; She blew us off every time.</p><p>There was at least a 15-year gap between times I would actually see her.&nbsp; The&nbsp;last time I saw her was 6 years ago and it was pathetic.&nbsp; She acted liked she had seen me just the day before, not knowing a damned thing about my life and what I was doing.</p><p>I hear she's in a nursing home now and I could care less if she died tomorrow.&nbsp; She's been dead to me for years.</p><p>That said I AM sorry for your loss.</p>

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