Puppet in Peril: The Haikus

[Plethora]

<p>As with any significant, heart-breaking crisis that the American public faces together, the nation watches and waits as one.&nbsp; As we enter Day 5 of the Puppet-Napping, together they huddle in their rumpus rooms flipping from channel to channel, surfing from site to site, to learn of the latest developments in the unfolding drama.&nbsp; And eventually, when they come to the stark realization that it is completely out of their hands, they try to make sense of it.&nbsp; <em>They write Haikus.</em><br /></p>

[barjockey]

<p>the morning paper<br />harbinger of good and ill<br />- - I step over it</p>

[Coach]

<p>Roberto</p><p>molested by his owner</p><p>Finally free</p>

[PapaBear]

<p>Patricia Hearst called</p><p>Roberto's Chef love ain't real</p><p>It's Stockholm Syndrome</p>

[ozzie]

<p>Three&nbsp;thirty a.m.</p><p>Somewhere&nbsp;red eyes are crying</p><p>My heart lives there too</p>

[suggums]

<p>a bad person</p><p>is not made</p><p>by stealing puppets&nbsp;</p>

[ozzie]

<p>Just five syllables</p><p>Then followed by seven more</p><p>My haiku for Dave</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Damp, dark and pantless</p><p>Remembrance of a pale fist</p><p>The&nbsp;void&nbsp;goes unfilled</p>

[razorboy]

<p>retarded ginger</p><p>with your bits that don't pay off</p><p>no puppet for you</p>

[IrishAlkey]

<p>In my backyard lays</p><p>A muppet, soon he will die</p><p>'lest Dave is funny</p>

[Sheeplovr]

<p>a Drunken Retard</p><p>Lost his jack off Puppet</p><p>Hosp is the culprit&nbsp;</p>

[bobrobot]

<p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Roberto puppet</font></p><font face="Times New Roman" size="3" /><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In a gay relationship</font></p><p align="left"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;With some greasy chef</span></p></font>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by bobogolem on 5-18-06 @ 8:32 AM</span>

[bobrobot]

<font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa"><p class="MsoNormal">Puppet Oh Puppet</p><p class="MsoNormal">Pantless puppet abducted</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa">Damp and hopeless doll</span></p></span></font>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by bobogolem on 5-18-06 @ 8:31 AM</span>

[bobrobot]

<span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa"><font face="verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif"><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman">Roberto taken</font></p><font face="Times New Roman">&nbsp; <p>&nbsp;</p></font><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman">While ESD was drinkin</font></p><font face="Times New Roman">&nbsp; <p>&nbsp;</p></font><p class="MsoNormal" align="left"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa">Does Dave need AA?</span></p></font></span>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by bobogolem on 5-18-06 @ 11:09 PM</span>

[bobrobot]

<p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Each day that passes</font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">This bit weakens further still</font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Death to Roberto!</font></p>

[ChimneyFish]

<p><strong><em><font face="georgia,times new roman,times,serif" size="2">I missed the replay</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">What has happened to fuckface????</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">Do I really care????</font></em></strong></p>

[Ogre]

<p>Wolfgang on T.V.</p><p>&quot;Death to all Chefs&quot; cries out Dave</p><p>Heartbreak cripples him</p>

[bobrobot]

<p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Little David Blaine</font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Is your puppet ass in pain?</font></p><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Shaved by a wood plane</span>

[bobrobot]

<p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Master of puppets</font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Took Roberto from poor Dave</font></p><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'times new roman'; mso-ansi-language: en-us; mso-fareast-language: en-us; mso-bidi-language: ar-sa">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Remember laughter?</span>

[Sheeplovr]

<p>A bit with PayOff</p><p>thats what the Crime is about</p><p>Hope it Wraps up soon&nbsp;</p>

[mikeyboy]

<p>still wet from the stunt<br />the captor can't be happy<br />puppet smells like mold</p>

[Sheeplovr]

<p>Kool-aid Jizz and Beer</p><p>Thats the Scent of Roberto</p><p>wash that fucking thing&nbsp;</p>

[ozzie]

<p>Note on a napkin</p><p>Reads &quot;No Payoff, No Puppet&quot;</p><p>His fate lies with Dave</p>

[Sheeplovr]

<p>Day 5 of Crisis</p><p>Dave is getting More Angry</p><p>will this Ever end&nbsp;</p>

[mikeyboy]

<strong>suggums</strong> wrote:<br /><p>a bad person</p><p>is not made</p><p>by stealing puppets&nbsp;</p><p>book store boy screws up<br />wrong number of syllables<br />you don't sell haikus?</p>

[ChimneyFish]

<p><strong><em><font face="georgia,times new roman,times,serif" size="2">Dave doesn't have heart</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">Holds breath for forty seconds</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">Why the useless lungs????</font></em></strong></p>

[ozzie]

<p>The&nbsp;retard boy sings;</p><p>&quot;Good SKITTLES, love and kissin&quot;</p><p>Ride 'em in, Rawhide</p>

[ChimneyFish]

<p><strong><em><font face="georgia,times new roman,times,serif" size="2">Team Whatley falls fast</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">A puppet about to die</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">Ron is a genius</font></em></strong></p>

[LimeJohnny]

<p class="MsoNormal">Will Dave deliver</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">A bit that will yield a laugh?</p>

<p class="MsoNormal">Highly unlikely...</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><em><font color="#9900ff" size="2">puppet gone, that is all</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font color="#9900ff" size="2">no more jokes about how small</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font color="#9900ff" size="2">East Side Dave must fall</font></em></strong></p>

[Tall_James]

<p>Where is the outrage?</p><p>The tears of&nbsp;this ginger man</p><p>are harshing my buzz</p>

[Sheeplovr]

<p>Red Embarssement</p><p>ruined Helen's Jean jacket&nbsp;</p><p>East side Come-Up-Ens&nbsp;</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="2">splash, splash, stunt, a smash</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="2">ron and fez, have a&nbsp;party</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="2">puppet gone, ron smokes cigar</font></strong></p>

[Judge Smails]

<p>The joke got old fast</p><p>Bury him in a shoebox</p><p>Because he's little</p>

[Furtherman]

<p>Syllables people!&nbsp; 5, 7, 5&nbsp;&nbsp; Some of you are a disgrace to Haikus!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Dave's hand is missing</p><p>The warm cove of Roberto</p><p>Wooden mouth agape</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Furtherman on 5-18-06 @ 10:42 AM</span>

[Marc with a c]

<p>people take puppets<br />and take some pictures of them</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>because they're small</p>

[feralBoy]

<p>A second lost love</p><p>Why have you forsaken me?</p><p>Chef cock!&nbsp; Not Again!</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font color="#0000cc" size="2">I GOT YOUR DOLL, RED</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#0000cc" size="2">I WILL CUT OFF YOUR DOLL'S HEAD</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#0000cc" size="2">DO STUNT NOW, 'NUF SAID</font></strong></p>

[feralBoy]

<p>No roberto dave?</p><p>You are no longer funny.</p><p>Where is crazy jen?</p>

[Tall_James]

<p>Who's now a suspect?</p><p>Willie Tyler and Lester.</p><p>Ani DeFranco</p>

[Tall_James]

<p>Paul Winchell is dead</p><p>Puppet necrophilia</p><p>Gives you &quot;splinter dick&quot;</p>

[Tall_James]

<p>Waterlogged puppet</p><p>A powerful mildew smell</p><p>Break out the Lysol</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font color="#993333" size="2">East Side Dave, a dope.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#993333" size="2">His puppet is gone, no hope.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#993333" size="2">Who took puppet? Ope!</font></strong></p>

[ChimneyFish]

<p><strong><em><font face="georgia,times new roman,times,serif" size="2">Puppet torturer</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">Who is this doll molester????</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">His name - Eastside Dave</font></em></strong></p>

[Tall_James]

<p>The days grow longer</p><p>Don't worry - he'll be alright</p><p>Like Lindbergh's baby</p>

[Plethora]

tiny hands, lil' feet<br />soaked in E.S.D's sick sauce<br />won't ever be clean<br /><br />

[ChimneyFish]

<p><strong><em><font face="georgia,times new roman,times,serif" size="2">With bit about dead</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">What is it I think I smell????</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font face="Georgia" size="2">A joke about pants</font></em></strong></p>

[Judge Smails]

<p>Dave can't close the deal</p><p>A bit without a payoff</p><p>Somewhere a chef laughs</p>

[feralBoy]

<p>Roberto's forlorn</p><p>&quot;I'm sure dave will rescue me&quot;</p><p>A single tear falls.</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font color="#990033" size="2">I see a puppet.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#990033" size="2">Oh no! Roberto is gone.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#990033" size="2">No more, I grow weak.</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#990033" size="2">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; -Ronaldo</font></strong></p>

[feralBoy]

<p>A drunken father</p><p>Abandons his only son.</p><p>Dave.&nbsp; A deadbeat dad.</p>

[Marc with a c]

may be safe and sound<br />may be hacked to pieces<br />my guess? happier.

[Plethora]

<p>&nbsp;</p><strong>ChimneyFish</strong> wrote:<br /><p><strong><em><font size="2" face="georgia,times new roman,times,serif">With bit about dead</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font size="2" face="Georgia">What is it I think I smell????</font></em></strong></p><p><strong><em><font size="2" face="Georgia">A joke about pants</font></em></strong></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>no sweat pants on him.<br />big pants nor little pants, none.<br />why give up on pants?<br /><br /><br />he wore no sweat pants.<br />lil roberto never did<br />give up on pants, harry<br />&nbsp;</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font color="#663300" size="2">Master of Puppets</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#663300" size="2">A terrorist, kidknapper</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#663300" size="2">Dave is not amused</font></strong></p>

[Plethora]

<p>And oh how he must<br />prefer a watery grave<br />to sad chef shame snaps<br /><br /></p><p>poor poor roberto<br />dave must eat all those hot dogs<br />so lil rob can stop<br />&nbsp;</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Plethora on 5-18-06 @ 11:40 AM</span>

[Tall_James]

<p>Torturing puppets</p><p>The horror makes my jaw drop</p><p>Just like Roberto</p>

[Judge Smails]

<p>Kidnapped puppet bit</p><p>I invented it, Hoo Hoo</p><p>Miss Jackie Puppet</p>

[bobrobot]

<font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">&nbsp;<p>&nbsp;</p></font></font> <p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Where&rsquo;s Roberto at?</font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">What kinda thief would steal that?</font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3">Where is Gvac&rsquo;s hat?</font></p><font size="3"><font face="Times New Roman">&nbsp;</font></font>

[Rockvillejoe]

<p>Hickory Dickory Dock,</p><p>Fuck you Dave and that puppet up your ass!</p><p>OWWWWWWWWWWW!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>ADC</p>

[SatCam]

write about Roberto?<br />
or something equally lame?<br />
that is the question.

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by SatCam on 5-18-06 @ 4:27 PM</span>

[IrishAlkey]

<p>Dave's little puppet</p><p>I am soaking wet, alone</p><p>When will I go home?</p>

[IrishAlkey]

<p>I am so little</p><p>So little, I am little</p><p>I am so little</p>

[bobrobot]

<p><strong><font color="#000099">With my jaw broken</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">my mouth a naughty tunnel</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">for all to enter</font></strong></p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by bobogolem on 5-18-06 @ 4:56 PM</span>

[IrishAlkey]

<p>Pinnochio, pfffft...</p><p>This would never happen to him</p><p>I wish I was real</p>

[IrishAlkey]

<p>Hosp has stolen me</p><p>We played some dodgeball today</p><p>I think he loves me</p>

[Death Metal Moe]

<p>Time slot fucks the fans</p><p>no idea what's happening</p><p>RON AND FEZ AT NIGHT!!!!!!!</p>

[bobrobot]

<p><strong><font color="#000099">Ow ow ow ow ow,</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow,</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">Puppet Hemmorrhoids!</font></strong></p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by bobogolem on 5-18-06 @ 6:18 PM</span>

[SatCam]

No need for the pills

Roberto has wood all day

Puts it where he wants

[FUNKMAN]

<p>am i plastic or wood</p><p>dreams of my master</p><p>the bit grows short</p>

[TheQuestion]

<p>Drinking White Russians</p><p>Passing out at Karavas</p><p>A fatal mistake&nbsp;</p>

[bobrobot]

<strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><p>am i plastic or wood</p><p>dreams of my master</p><p>the bit grows short</p><p><strong><font color="#000099">Funkman, hear me now,</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">5 then 7 then 5 more</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">is the Haiku form.</font></strong></p>

[The Jays]

Roberto is gone.

Yet East Side Dave still remains.

We are in peril.

[The Jays]

Roberto is gay.

He is off having gay sex.

East Side Dave is gay.


<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by TheJays on 5-18-06 @ 11:14 PM</span>

[Death Metal Moe]

<p>Wow,&nbsp;that double post</p><p>What an embarassment dude</p><p>Please edit it out</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">Puppet is taken</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">East Side Dave,please do something</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">Uh, I got nothing</font></strong></p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by FezPaul on 5-18-06 @ 9:21 PM</span>

[Badinia]

<p>Half-naked puppet</p><p>Dirty, wet, tired- whispers</p><p>Where&nbsp;are you&nbsp;Edgar?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Too small to call home</p><p>Too small to repel gay chef</p><p>Not too small to cry.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Gvac]

<p>I'm not sure why, but Badinia's second Haiku just killed me.&nbsp; I think it was the &quot;too small to repel gay chef&quot; line.</p><p>Thanks for my laugh of the night.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[FUNKMAN]

<strong>bobogolem</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><p>am i plastic or wood</p><p>dreams of my master</p><p>the bit grows short</p><p><strong><font color="#000099">Funkman, hear me now,</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">5 then 7 then 5 more</font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000099">is the Haiku form.</font></strong></p><p>i was not knowing</p><p>the light now shines through brightly</p><p>you are my hero</p>

[FezPaul]

<p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">Funkman gets the gag</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">Funny is now in the bag</font></strong></p><p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">I love Funk.....................no fag</font></strong></p>

[KennethC]

<p>Dummy dismembered</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Now you must drown your sorrows</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Drinking puppet juice</p>

[Plethora]

a power hour<br />a producer sans puppet<br />&nbsp;&nbsp; do i smell puke breath?