The World's Funniest Joke [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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Judge Smails

06-09-2006, 04:55 AM

<a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/06/09/njoke09.xml&pPage=/core/Matt/pcMatt.jhtml" target="_self">Detective work by a professor investigating the psychology of humour has revealed that Spike Milligan was the author of the world's funniest joke.</a>You may want to be sitting when you read this one:Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?'

cupcakelove

06-09-2006, 04:57 AM

Humor is entirely subjective.  Studies like this are just silly.

JamMaster

06-09-2006, 05:11 AM

I have a good sense of humor, but that joke didnt even make me chuckle.  Then again my sense of humor is probably a bit more raunchy...lol

torker

06-09-2006, 05:28 AM

Wearing my laughing hat definitely made it an even more enjoyable experience.  That is rich.  Smails I give you my very first LOL.                                                  <img height="162" src="http://www.eightypercent.net/photos/NooglerHat-sm.jpg" width="125" border="0" />

EliSnow

06-09-2006, 05:28 AM

I wouldn't say it's the world's funniest joke, but it did make me chuckle.

badorties

06-09-2006, 05:42 AM

it gave me a bit of a laugh ... the 'c-word' joke billy connolly told on o&a last week is my favorite joke at the moment ...

Death Metal Moe

06-09-2006, 05:48 AM

2 peanuts are walking down the Straße.  One of them is "a salted".....peanut.<img height="185" src="http://orothon.com/FunnyStuff/Monty_Python/Images/monty_python_005_title.jpg" width="288" border="0" />

Judge Smails

06-09-2006, 05:57 AM

The funniest joke I ever heard was from a Buddy Hackett HBO Special from the 80's.  It went like this:"These two fags were fucking a dead alligator in the back of a bus . . ."He never even got to the punch-line and it was still funnier than that "World's Funniest Joke".

Furtherman

06-09-2006, 06:36 AM

A baby seal walks into a club...

Jennitalia

06-09-2006, 06:50 AM

A guy walks into a bar...Ouch

EliSnow

06-09-2006, 07:10 AM

I had a joke that I always told to women at parties, generally because they appreciate the joke more.  In almost every instance, they laughed and began telling more graphic jokes or talked about their sex lives.  I think this was originally in Playboy (at least that is where I read it):One saturday afternoon, Annie Smith, a nine-year old, is taking a nap in her room.  She wakes up early and walks upstairs.  As she is walking she hears some weird noises coming from her parents room. The door is partially open, so Annie looks in and sees her mom on her knees giving a blowjob to her father.  Annie is shocked by this, and gasps, and runs out of the room.  The mother sees Annie do this, and stops blowing her husband and goes after Annie.  Annie's mother finds her in Annie's bedroom, sitting on her bed with her head down, twiddling with her fingers.  She walks in and says "Annie, I'm sorry you saw that.  Are you okay?"Annie:  "Um-hmm"Annie's mother:  "Sweetie, I didn't mean for you to see that, but if you have any questions about what mommy and daddy were doing, I'll answer any of your questions."Annie:  "Okay. ..... Mommy"Annie's Mother:  "Yes dear."Annie:  "Is that where babies come from?"Annie's Mother:  "No dear.   ......  That's where jewlery comes from."Not the world's funniest joke, but as a I said it was a good conversation starter.  I had one conversation where one female friend on mine starts talking about how true the joke was and that the only time she gave blowjobs was when she wanted something from her husband.  The other female friend with us responded how she loved to give blowjobs.  Given that this was the girl who wanted to save herself for marriage up until about two years before this conversation, it was a pretty interesting comment.

Recyclerz

06-09-2006, 07:21 AM

It would be funnier with this addendumAnd the hunter on the phone was Dick Cheney!!! Tee Hee Hee Edit: Just wait 'til Funkman finds this thread.  Oh, the bandwidth!  <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/wink.gif" border="0" />

This message was edited by Recyclerz on 6-9-06 @ 11:27 AM

DarkHippie

06-09-2006, 08:13 AM

I LOLed

Snoogans

06-09-2006, 08:16 AM

the funniest joke i ever heard had to do with pizza ovens....or something

SinA

06-09-2006, 08:19 AM

What's a puppet's favorite kind of baked-good?Shortbread.

Snoogans

06-09-2006, 08:20 AM

Dave's puppets favorite is Cornbread

suggums

06-09-2006, 09:15 AM

its no pants joke, thats for sure

JimBeam

06-09-2006, 09:18 AM

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, " Hey why the long face ? ".

Jennitalia

06-09-2006, 09:23 AM

how do you make a tissue dance?put a li'l boogie in it!

FezPaul

06-09-2006, 09:29 AM

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f281/FezPaul/judges.jpg It's easy to grin, when your ship comes inand you've got the stock market beatbut the man worthwhile, is the man who can smilewhen his shorts are too tight in the seat

PapaBear

06-09-2006, 12:24 PM

My favorite joke from that same study...A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

badorties

06-09-2006, 01:04 PM

PapaBear wrote: My favorite joke from that same study...A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves." i love that joke ... i love it even more as the title of a book on punctuation<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592400876/ref=pd_bxgy_img_a/103-7642235-9330215?%5Fencoding=UTF8" target="_blank"><img height="240" src="http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/1592400876.01._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_AA240_SH20_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" width="240" align="middle" border="2" /></a>

This message was edited by badorties on 6-9-06 @ 5:05 PM

Plethora

06-09-2006, 01:07 PM

FezPaul wrote: <img border="0" src="http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f281/FezPaul/judges.jpg" /> It's easy to grin, when your ship comes inand you've got the stock market beatbut the man worthwhile, is the man who can smilewhen his shorts are too tight in the seat judge_smails is going to be pissed. I dug the dead alligator & panda jokes a lot.  Q: What's brown and sticky?A: A Stick.  Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume?A: Because they're ugly & they smell bad.  Q: How do you titillate an ocelot?A: You oscillate its tit a lot.

This message was edited by Plethora on 6-9-06 @ 5:11 PM

Gvac

06-09-2006, 02:14 PM

The infamous "Duke the Dog" joke is far and away the most hilarious joke I've ever heard in my entire life.  For years I couldn't even tell it because I'd start laughing hysterically as I approached the punch line. They don't write 'em like that anymore.

tele7

06-09-2006, 02:22 PM

Guy 1: "I think my dog is gay."Guy 2:  "Why?"Guy 1:  "His dick tastes bitter." Courtesy of the Garry Shandling Show..

newport king

06-09-2006, 02:25 PM

the 'c-word' joke billy connolly told on o&a last week is my favorite joke at the moment ...its really only funny when accompanied by a distinguished accent. the aristocrats would be my fav.

tele7

06-09-2006, 02:26 PM

judge_smails wrote: <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/06/09/njoke09.xml&pPage=/core/Matt/pcMatt.jhtml" target="_self">Detective work by a professor investigating the psychology of humour has revealed that Spike Milligan was the author of the world's funniest joke.</a>You may want to be sitting when you read this one:Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?'TributeThe World's Funniest Joke

FezPaul

06-09-2006, 02:32 PM

telecaster7 wrote: TributeThe World'Funniest Jokehttp://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f281/FezPaul/Liverpoolsgtpepper2.jpg

torker

06-09-2006, 02:44 PM

The Trouble with Tributes<img height="320" src="http://www.lookalikesbychar.com/photos/kirks.jpeg" width="238" border="0" />

Sheeplovr

06-09-2006, 03:42 PM

The World's Funniest Joke downs syndrome<img width="190" height="197" border="0" src="http://www.kermitage.com/html/characterindex/tms/character/fozzie.jpg" /> wakka wakka

Keotok

06-15-2006, 09:09 PM

How do you get a clown off of a swing?You chuck an axe at his face What is black, white and red all over?Panda Rape

PapaBear

06-15-2006, 09:24 PM

Only one panda joke per thread, please...

moochcassidy

06-18-2006, 03:33 PM

ive read a few times that groucho marx got the biggest laugh in recorded history in an NBC studio for 'you bet your life' witha dirty joke about cigars that was never aired.monty python said this was the funniest joke...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsW9DO1k5-swhy would a spike milligan joke refer to new jersey?

moochcassidy

06-18-2006, 03:33 PM

Flea_Man

06-18-2006, 04:41 PM

moochcassidy wrote: monty python said this was the funniest joke...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsW9DO1k5-sYeah I remember that skit. Good stuff. btw that first joke stunk.

Furtherman

06-19-2006, 06:26 AM

moochcassidy wrote: ive read a few times that groucho marx got the biggest laugh in recorded history in an NBC studio for 'you bet your life' witha dirty joke about cigars that was never aired.Groucho Marx was the host and was asking the contestants about their lives.  One man told Groucho that he had 10 children. "Why so many children?" Groucho asked. "Well, I love my wife", the man answered. Groucho paused but a second, then said "I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!"

jafter

06-19-2006, 07:06 AM

How come smokey the bear doesn't have any children?Because every time his wife gets hot he throws sand on her and beats her with a shovel.

jeffdwright2001

06-19-2006, 08:17 AM

Furtherman wrote: moochcassidy wrote: ive read a few times that groucho marx got the biggest laugh in recorded history in an NBC studio for 'you bet your life' witha dirty joke about cigars that was never aired.Groucho Marx was the host and was asking the contestants about their lives.  One man told Groucho that he had 10 children. "Why so many children?" Groucho asked. "Well, I love my wife", the man answered. Groucho paused but a second, then said "I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!" It was actually a female contestant which made it even funnier.For years, the recorded audience laughter was used as the "laugh track" for programs that wanted a way of helping prompt when the funny parts came along.

Furtherman

06-19-2006, 08:20 AM

jeffdwright2001 wrote: Furtherman wrote: moochcassidy wrote: ive read a few times that groucho marx got the biggest laugh in recorded history in an NBC studio for 'you bet your life' witha dirty joke about cigars that was never aired.Groucho Marx was the host and was asking the contestants about their lives.  One man told Groucho that he had 10 children. "Why so many children?" Groucho asked. "Well, I love my wife", the man answered. Groucho paused but a second, then said "I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!" It was actually a female contestant which made it even funnier.For years, the recorded audience laughter was used as the "laugh track" for programs that wanted a way of helping prompt when the funny parts came along.*SMACKS FOREHEAD*jeffDwright... you are right.

empulse

06-20-2006, 05:48 PM

hOW DO YOU GET A BASS PLAYER OFF YOUR FRONT PORCH?pay for the pizza. wHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BASSPLAYER AND A PIZZA?a pizza can feed a family of four. wHATS BETTER THAN WINNING A GOLD MEDAL AT THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS?not being retarded.

This message was edited by empulse on 6-20-06 @ 10:15 PM