New Job. New Problems. [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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bitterbuffalo

06-11-2006, 07:00 PM

I just got a new job in NYC. More money, higher profile job...the whole deal.  The problem is this: Ever since I was 14 and visited New York for the first time, I knew that I wanted to end up there. There is so much about that damn city that appeals to me, including most of my good friends. Now that I have a job with an almost decent salary, it has never been more of a reality to me.  So it would seem like a simple solution, right? Pack up, find a roommate and make a go of it. What could possibly make things sticky in such a golden scenario? A girl, obviously.  She and I first met at my last job and we have been on and off since last Fall. Over that time, we have grown really fond of each other and we now spend more time together than ever before. In her mind, if I move up to Brooklyn or Queens, I would never come back to Jersey to see her. I would become an instant New Yorker, find some other great lady, and that would be the end of the collective US. I don't necessarily agree with her ultra-realist opinion, but I do see where it comes from. She has been through alot: two marriages, two kids, shitty boyfriends, etc. and she really does like me alot, and the feeling is mutual. Living in NJ will eat up any of the extra money that I would make in NYC (railpass, car, gas, rent, etc.) but it isn't entirely impossible to do...and I cannot do it without a roommate in either case.  So in the next week or so I have to decide if I am going to move to New York and throw myself headlong into this new job, thus fulfilling a long standing dream OR stay in NJ and find an apartment with her somewhere up north with room for us and her kids...  My thoughts on the subject change from minute to minute...and time is running out. I start the new gig on the 29th.  ugh.

blakjeezis

06-11-2006, 07:07 PM

If she's in Jersey it's not an enormous ride to get to her from the city. A relationship that's worthwhile will withstand the distance. Go ahead with your plan, move to the city and live like you want to. If the relationship is for real it will last, if not, you haven't forsaken your dream.

bitterbuffalo

06-11-2006, 07:11 PM

See, that seems to not only be the concensus, but the most rational choice. The only person NOT on board with that idea her... I think it is because it doesnt speak well to the future of the relationship...I wish David Lee Roth were still on the air so i could ask him...

suggums

06-11-2006, 07:15 PM

the mo money we come across the mo problems we see

Tall_James

06-11-2006, 07:34 PM

Can I ask how old are you?  Not to be a dick but to gauge my answer to you.

suggums

06-11-2006, 08:00 PM

he'll be 28 this july, according to his profile. tall james is a n00b

Tall_James

06-11-2006, 08:02 PM

suggums wrote: he'll be 28 this july, according to his profile. tall james is a n00b Thank you Columbo.

suggums

06-11-2006, 08:06 PM

thats kojak to you mister

Tall_James

06-11-2006, 08:08 PM

suggums wrote: he'll be 28 this july, according to his profile. tall james is a n00b I've got to go with the group here.  If you're able to achieve your dream of living in NYC and if the opportunity presents itself - take it.  This is your dream.  I don't want to sound harsh but it sounds like your woman's dream is to be married, hence the two marriages.  If the relationship is strong, 50 miles is nothing.  Don't sacrifice your dream.  You'll only resent her later if you do if the relationship hits a rough patch.  I wish you luck.

PapaBear

06-11-2006, 08:19 PM

I concur. Living in NY is your dream. Is she your dream girl?

Tenbatsuzen

06-11-2006, 08:28 PM

I just can't read a thread where Blakjeezis posts anymore without getting majorly distracted.  And the only person I can blame is myself.  DAMNIT! Focus:  Since we've talked in PM before, you know that we were both in the same boat. Since you said that you were "on and off", and you speak of her as a "great lady" but not "the ONE", that's a big red flag to me.  It's also a red flag that she's being standoffish because of your career.  Since you both met at your last job, she of all people should undestand the nature of the beast and how important is to be in Market One.  I say talk it over with her.  Let her know how important YOUR dream is, and how living and working in NYC is such a big deal to you.  Tell her that this what you've worked your whole life to do, and you want her to share in that dream. If she gives you attitude, knowing it'll negatively affect the money you make because you're staying closer to her, then you've got problems. Personally, if a woman wasn't "The One", and she was giving me problems about things I worked my whole life for, I would get out of the situation immediately.

bitterbuffalo

06-11-2006, 09:20 PM

All of this def rings true, except for me being 28 in july...must have filled out my profile wrong...my birthday was in february. That is what makes it so figure out, because she may very well be the ONE. Like Jet LI. I just wonder if I would be throwing that away... I def think I need to sit down with her this week and try and work this shit out.

IamFogHat

06-11-2006, 09:38 PM

It's like the mo' money we come across...<img height="153" src="http://www.sfist.com/archives/23mo_money.jpg" width="204" border="0" />...The mo' problems we see...

bitterbuffalo

06-11-2006, 09:42 PM

IamFogHat wrote: It's like the mo' money we come across...<img width="204" height="153" border="0" src="http://www.sfist.com/archives/23mo_money.jpg" />...The mo' problems we see...   The beginning of the Dark Ages of Rap.

narc

06-11-2006, 09:58 PM

I will say for the record that I miss the hell out of Ma$e and his laid back delivery. Sucks that his comeback failed, especially since he himself was the impetus for taking himself out of the spotlight before. But yes, that was the first time we had things like TRL foisted upon us. It wasn't supposed to be like that.

IamFogHat

06-11-2006, 10:34 PM

narc wrote: I will say for the record that I miss the hell out of Ma$e and his laid back delivery. Sucks that his comeback failed, especially since he himself was the impetus for taking himself out of the spotlight before. But yes, that was the first time we had things like TRL foisted upon us. It wasn't supposed to be like that. you...enjoyed...um...Ma$e...?Oh btw, I thought I told you...That we won't stop...

This message was edited by IamFogHat on 6-12-06 @ 2:34 AM

narc

06-11-2006, 11:04 PM

I hated Ma$e until he actually quit for the first time. With a passion. But then the kitsch value set in quickly, and since then I've liked him ironically. I especially like how he's boasted that he's "never been arrested for nothin' domestic."

Sheeplovr

06-12-2006, 02:14 AM

I miss the hell out of Ma$e and his laid back deliverythat
wasn't a laid back Delivery he had a speach impediment and couldn't
talk faster then that thats like saying the white strips has laid back
drumbing when meg white just can't do any betterscrew this guys problem lets talk about Puff Daddy and Biggie

ShelleBink

06-12-2006, 09:45 AM

I'm in the "go for the job" camp... and if you're meant to be with the girl in the long run, it'll show.  You really should do what's best for yourself, and by the way you speak of this job, you should go for it.

mdr55

06-12-2006, 03:22 PM

Go for it. If that's what you want to do, take the job in the big
city. You woman's problem is that she's insecure that you might find
someone better than her. She's probably thinking "out of sight, out of
mind". NY and NJ isn't that far from each other, if you do continue the
relationship, sure it's going to take some work from both of you to
make it work, but if it's worth it, I'm sure both of you will find a
way.  P.S. I know you said the lady has children. But is she Hot?<img border="0" src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/rolleyes.gif" />

Gvac

06-12-2006, 06:33 PM

Leave the <strike>gun</strike> girl, take the <strike>cannoli</strike> job.

torker

06-12-2006, 06:57 PM

Go for it.<img height="207" src="http://www.tvacres.com/images/statue_mary_tyler_moore_toss.jpg" width="200" border="0" />

zildjian361

06-12-2006, 07:05 PM

You dont have to live in ny to work there. rent or but a condo in little ferry get on the 161 bus $6.20 round trip, and leave those kids behind.

tele7

06-12-2006, 07:58 PM

Good Luck, and don't forget to pack an iron.<img src="http://www.itvmovieclub.com/itv/images/products/2/4322-large.jpg" border="0" />

bitterbuffalo

06-12-2006, 08:10 PM

I appreciate all the nice perspective. And don't worry, I packed a few... <img width="160" height="175" border="0" src="http://www.issprops.com/stunt/images/tire-irons.jpg" /> How else will i be able to drink a Coke on the Subway?

Marc with a c

06-12-2006, 08:12 PM

just move into the city, it will be worth it.  leave the high hair and hoop earrings behind.new york city is the greatest place on earth.

bitterbuffalo

06-12-2006, 08:23 PM

evedder wrote: just move into the city, it will be worth it. leave the high hair and hoop earrings behind.new york city is the greatest place on earth. I told her tonight and it was rough. At first. There are definitely alot of issues to work through to make it work out alright. But I think, THINK, I got her to understand why I need to do this.  Now I just need to actually find a place to live...three cheers to friends with couches.    

This message was edited by bitterbuffalo on 6-15-06 @ 1:55 AM

ShelleBink

06-21-2006, 07:46 PM

bitterbuffalo wrote: evedder wrote: just move into the city, it will be worth it. leave the high hair and hoop earrings behind.new york city is the greatest place on earth. I told her tonight and it was rough. At first. There are definitely alot of issues to work through to make it work out alright. But I think, THINK, I got her to understand why I need to do this. Now I just need to actually find a place to live...three cheers to friends with couches. 

This message was edited by bitterbuffalo on 6-15-06 @ 1:55 AM  Make sure you find an apartment with a washer and dryer.

bitterbuffalo

06-21-2006, 08:15 PM

ShelleBink wrote:              Make sure you find an apartment with a washer and dryer.    See, now you are just quoting me my own advice.  Bad form.