View Full Version : Things you learn from porn films
looney-bin
07-15-2006, 06:34 PM
<div>1. Women wear high heels to bed. <br /><br />2. Men are never impotent. <br /><br />3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory. <br /><br />4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her. <br /><br />5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm. <br /><br />6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men. <br /><br />7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob. <br /><br />8. Women always orgasm when men do. <br /><br />9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. <br /><br />10. All women are noisy when rooting. <br /><br />11. People in the 70's couldn't shag unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. <br /><br />12. Those tits are real. <br /><br />13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. <br /><br />14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!) <br /><br />16. Double penetration makes women smile. <br /><br />17. Asian men don't exist. <br /><br />18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth. <br /><br />19. There's a plot. <br /><br />20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt. <br /><br />21. Nurses suck patients cocks. <br /><br />22. Men always pull out. <br /><br />23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f*cking the both of you. <br /><br />24. Women never have headaches... or periods. <br /><br />25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it". <br /><br />26. Assholes are clean. <br /><br />27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned. <br /><br />28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there. <br /><br />29. Men don't have to beg. <br /><br />30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.</div>
chili
07-15-2006, 06:58 PM
And apparently if you're a man looking to be a porn star you need to go through a couple cycles of roids, get an awful fake red tan, gel your hair, and get about 1000 bucks worth of tatoos.<br />
booster11373
07-15-2006, 07:07 PM
Ive found most of these to be true, more or less
Death Metal Moe
07-15-2006, 07:11 PM
They're the topic of very interesting messageboard threads.
sr71blackbird
07-15-2006, 07:14 PM
Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass
FUNKMAN
07-15-2006, 07:18 PM
<p>if a girl is getting it in both the ass and the vagina at the same time then you know the guys are gay</p><p>why</p><p>their dicks are rubbing against each other</p>
JPMNICK
07-15-2006, 07:22 PM
<strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><p>if a girl is getting it in both the ass and the vagina at the same time then you know the guys are gay</p><p>why</p><p>their dicks are rubbing against each other</p><p>agreed</p>
mjflem
07-15-2006, 07:46 PM
<p>"<em>"if a girl is getting it in both the ass and the vagina at the same time then you know the guys are gay</em></p><p><em>why</em></p><p><em>their dicks are rubbing against each other""</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Does saying "No Homo" have any effect during this activity?</strong></p>
<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by mjflem on 7-15-06 @ 11:47 PM</span>
Death Metal Moe
07-15-2006, 07:53 PM
<strong>mjflem</strong> wrote:<br /><p>"<em>"if a girl is getting it in both the ass and the vagina at the same time then you know the guys are gay</em></p><p><em>why</em></p><p><em>their dicks are rubbing against each other""</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>Does saying "No Homo" have any effect during this activity?</strong></p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by mjflem on 7-15-06 @ 11:47 PM</span> <p>Yes, it only intensifies my rod.</p>
spoon
07-15-2006, 08:37 PM
This list doubles as the guide to a successful marriage.
looney-bin
07-15-2006, 10:15 PM
<strong>spoon</strong> wrote:<br />This list doubles as the guide to a successful marriage. <p>That means my husband better be ready to give me hot butt sex if I bend over and am wearing no panties? He better hold up that end of the bargain and I'll see about give long blow-jobs.</p>
Death Metal Moe
07-16-2006, 06:35 AM
Much like real life, you get bored seeing the same one over and over again.
Bulldogcakes
07-16-2006, 06:58 AM
<p> </p><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass<p> </p><p>Who exactly is turned on by that? </p><blockquote /><p> </p>
Bulldogcakes
07-16-2006, 07:04 AM
<p>Well porn is mostly about mens fantasies, not reality. </p><p>There is female pornography (soft core) which is very dramatic and where nothing ever happens. </p><p> </p><p>And then there are other forms of female pornography, like shoe sales. </p>
FezPaul
07-16-2006, 07:13 AM
<strong>Bulldogcakes</strong> wrote:<br /><p> </p><p>And then there are other forms of female pornography, like shoe sales. </p><p>And diamonds.</p>
HeyGuy
07-16-2006, 07:16 AM
<strong>Bulldogcakes</strong> wrote:<br /><p> </p><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass <p> </p><p>Who exactly is turned on by that? </p><p> </p><p>AS long as its not mygirlfriend, then ME!</p>
Marc with a c
07-16-2006, 07:33 AM
<p><strong><font size="1">Things you learn from porn films </font></strong></p><p><font size="1">how to treat ladies right.</font></p>
Sheeplovr
07-16-2006, 07:43 AM
how did a Mod let a chain letter inter office e-mail thing get posted <br />
Yerdaddy
07-16-2006, 07:50 AM
I learned how to chow box like a lesbian and how to style my sweet mullet.
FUNKMAN
07-16-2006, 03:36 PM
<strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass <p>and then a guy will french kiss her while she stills has the load and fecal matter in her mouth...</p>
SatCam
07-16-2006, 03:43 PM
Things you learn from porn films
your sister is pretty hot
EliSnow
07-16-2006, 04:38 PM
<p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="3">You also forgot:</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">Women are always turned on by other women, such that if one woman sees another woman naked, they won't stop themselves.</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">If a gang of men come across a naked woman, she's not threatened but will offer to fuck all of them. </font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">Women never have periods.</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">Women prefer to have dicks shoved as deep in their throats as possible. </font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">Every woman love the words "cunt" and "whore."</font> </p>
sr71blackbird
07-16-2006, 04:41 PM
<strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass <p>and then a guy will french kiss her while she stills has the load and fecal matter in her mouth...</p><p><strong><font size="2">HAWT!!</font></strong></p>
mendyweiss
07-16-2006, 04:50 PM
<p>They come up with the cutest titles like " Big tits and open slits</p><p>'</p>
dereckfishboy
07-16-2006, 04:51 PM
<p> </p><strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass <p>and then a guy will french kiss her while she stills has the load and fecal matter in her mouth...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>Oooo.... Where can I pick THAT dvd up...........<br />
sr71blackbird
07-16-2006, 04:53 PM
<p>DONE</p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dxT14WaCag">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dxT14WaCag</a></p>
FUNKMAN
07-16-2006, 05:23 PM
<strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass <p>and then a guy will french kiss her while she stills has the load and fecal matter in her mouth...</p><p><strong><font size="2">HAWT!!</font></strong></p><p>wait, it gets better.... and then the guy will go and tongue kiss his grandmother</p>
Marc with a c
07-16-2006, 05:25 PM
<p><strong><font size="1">Things you learn from porn films </font></strong></p><p><font size="1">"it feels so good when the cum comes out."</font></p>
JPMNICK
07-16-2006, 06:21 PM
<strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>sr71blackbird</strong> wrote:<br />Women will suck your dick after it's been in their ass <p>and then a guy will french kiss her while she stills has the load and fecal matter in her mouth...</p><p><strong><font size="2">HAWT!!</font></strong></p><p>wait, it gets better.... and then the guy will go and tongue kiss his grandmother</p><p>I call it the Aristocrats</p>
Dirtybird12
07-16-2006, 06:23 PM
<p>I also learned girls just LOVE it when you pull out of their ass and then try to slip into their pussy. </p>
PaulF
07-17-2006, 10:30 AM
<p>9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.</p><p>Didn't need to learn this from porn. Also, if she's a really good sport, she does this to get her boyfriend out of a ticket.</p>
mendyweiss
07-17-2006, 10:55 AM
<strong>PaulF</strong> wrote:<br /><p> </p>9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. <p> </p><p>Didn't need to learn this from porn. Also, if she's a really good sport, she does this to get her boyfriend out of a ticket.</p><p>And if she's a really really good sport, she does it to get her grandson out of a ticket</p>
Bulldogcakes
07-17-2006, 03:34 PM
<p> </p><strong>mendyweiss</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>PaulF</strong> wrote:<br /><p> </p>9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket. <p> </p><p>Didn't need to learn this from porn. Also, if she's a really good sport, she does this to get her boyfriend out of a ticket.</p><p>And if she's a really really good sport, she does it to get her grandson out of a ticket</p><p> </p><p>THats even better. No teeth. </p><blockquote /><p> </p>
It's actually pretty easy to get two cocks in a girl's ass.
Yerdaddy
07-19-2006, 03:18 AM
<h2><font size="3">Why Do Porn Actors Have To Use Such Foul Language?</font></h2><p class="meta"><strong>By Maggie Lehman</strong> <br />April 24, 2002 | <a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/index/3815">Issue 38•15</a> </p><div class="article_photo"><img title="Maggie Lehman" height="113" alt="Maggie Lehman" src="http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_opinion48.article.jpg" width="90" border="0" /> </div><p>Like many people, I enjoy pornographic movies. But I've got a major bone to pick with the actors. It's gotten to the point where you can't watch a porno without being inundated by swearing. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to enjoy a hardcore sex scene, only to have it ruined by the participants screaming, "F– my p–" and, "Oh, yeah, suck my big, hard you-know-what, baby." Is it really necessary to resort to such foul language? </p><p>It would be one thing if the potty-mouthed performers were just the men. Everyone knows men, especially creative types like actors, can be a little rough around the edges. But, sadly, most of the cussing comes from the ladies. From the moment the delivery man unzips his fly to the moment he finishes all over her face, every word out of these ladies' mouths is "F– this" and "F– that." Can't I make it through a single triple-penetration scene without hearing things like, "F– my tight C-word with your huge blankety-blank, you big, black you-know-what"? </p><p><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33248" target="_blank">[continuted at The Onion]</a></p>
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