Who pays?

[Gwen]

Ok ladies and gents: just wondering are any of you offended when a guy tries to pay for you or conversely when a girl won't let you pay? Is there a proper number of dates when letting the guy pay becomes acceptable? By the same token is there a certain number of dates when going dutch becomes the standard?
I mean unless I'm flat broke there is nothing annoying than a guy insisting on paying. I just feel like it bears alot of obligations if you let him pay for you. Not to mention this is 2001 not 1310, I make more than the average serving wench did back in those days and as much as I like it at times, I dont always need to be taken care of. My money spends the same way as yours. I mean there are certain times when I let my boyfriend pay, like if we're on a date(but I used to fight him tooth and nail) but when we just go out for food we generally split the check or we take turns paying. I dunno it just annoys me. Im wacky like that sometimes.

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[RF Godfather]

Speaking from experience, I have never let any of my dates pick up the tab. I feel like it is my duty to pay and I want to pay.
Am I offended? Never got in the situation so I never ask them to do so.

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This message was edited by RonFez Mark on 10-24-01 @ 1:38 PM

[Jennitalia]

I son't think it matters who pays for things. I don't mind paying for things. I enjoy spending money on my boyfriend. Unfortunately, I haven't really had any money to spend on him so he ends up paying most of the time.

[Pootertoot]

This is ettiquette I have yet to figure out. I think there's a twofold problem here:

I'm generous to a fault. If I'm on vacation, for example, I FIGHT with people to pay for them to do things. It's just a goodwill gesture...I have money, I intend on spending this money this vacation, but I'm not just going to spend it on MY happiness, I want to make those around me happy.

That extends over into regular life...for example, when I met Gwen for bowling, I insisted that I pay for our games. She responded by threatening to kick me in the balls if I didn't take her money. So I quickly took that money. My balls are precious.

The second thing that complicates this issue is the Man/Woman relationship which hasn't really been worked out to any measure of satisfaction in our time here on earth. Gwen never lets her boyfriend pay for her, but is constantly strapped for cash. So logic would procede that, since they are a couple and supposed to be acting as a unit rather than two individuals, her boyfriend should pick up the tab when he knows Gwen is most hard up. Is that so bad?

Conversely, a friend of mine is a lazy fuck and constantly broke. He's a "traditional" guy and insists on paying for everything. This frustrates him, though, because he does pay for EVERYTHING, with not even the slightest offer from his girlfriend. It has become expected of him, to the point that when he does break down and ask her to pick up their movie tickets, she scoffs and their night is ruined from that point on.

So, while it's not the 1300's, not everyone acts as if it isn't. From a guy's standpoint...what am I supposed to do? I WANT to pay for everything, but I don't want to pay for EVERYTHING, if that makes sense.

What do I do?

Oh, and Gwen, next game's on me. Loser buys a game. How's that?

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[TooCute]

I made the plans? I pay. He
made the plans? He pays. Just
hanging? Whoever gets the
money out first. Simple.

If guys insist, I'll usually
let them pay but I always keep
track of these things in the
back of my mind so that I make
sure that things even out in
the end (e.g. right now I owe
Gvac a beer minus a soda minus
85 cents ;))





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[Sheeplovr]

this is easy

If the guy ask out the girl he should really pay for everything

After a while like boy freind girl freind thing you should share it unless its like a speical thing that one planes it.

but if its like a date and the girl starts taken out money let her pay for what she wants to pay

and if the girl asks a dude out she should pay but he will probly offer to pay cause guys feel like they should

number 333 its the way to be
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[IkeaBoy]

I'm willing to pick up tabs to movies, dinner, coffee etc but when that bitch crosses me...oh she paid, she paid dearly.

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[iscream22]

For food, he pays his, she pays hers, he leaves tip.

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[Jennitalia]

Well, if the guy pays for me, the least I could do to return the favor is put out :)

[TheGameHHH]

I love paying for my girlfriend whenever we go out, and even before I met her I wanted to pay for any of my dates...Call me old fashioned, but I like doing it.

[The Blowhard]

In the end, we ALL pay.

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copyright 2001 pootertoot inc.

[Gwen]

Heckler, I couldn't have put it better myself

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[JustJon]

well, I make more money than most of my firends, so I am more than willing to pay for anyone...

But in the guy/girl thing... I'll pay for the first few dates. After a while, I will let her pay. But I rarely will go dutch. I'll pay once, then I'll let her pay the next time. i.e., if we're going to dinner and a movie, I'd pay for dinner and let her pay for the movie. But I really don't mind paying if I'm with someone I like.

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[Gvac]

well, I make more money than most of my firends, so I am more than willing to pay for anyone...

See you at the bar crawl this Friday, buddy?


Seriously, though, I am very old fashioned and feel obligated to pay when I am out with a woman, even if she's just a friend. I certainly do not intend it as a slight in any way, it's just the way I am. In fact, I feel like a total shit if I don't pay for everything.

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[shotgirl]

I made the plans? I pay. He made the plans? He pays. Just hanging? Whoever gets the money out first. Simple. If guys insist, I'll usually let them pay but I always keep track of these things in the back of my mind so that I make sure that things even out in the end

I couldn't agree with you more. Thats how I like to approach things.

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[EffMeBoobs]

I have no problem paying. I like to spoil my man and make him the happiest ever. If that involves showering him with gifts and such then so be it. Come Christmas or birthdays I always splurge and I get a bit crazy. If there is no appreciation then my gifts stop. As long as the person I'm paying for is happy and I'm the reason for it then I'm happy. I don't mind being pampered either. It's all about equality. ;)

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[CruelCircus]

This is always a tough one. I think early in the relationship, the guy should pay unless she's specifically taking him out for something- just a tip of a hat to tradition- but you shouldn't make a big scene if she's firm on it. But somewhere, as the relationship evolves, there has to develop a more equal situation. At times I've dated girls for months who wouldn't even make the token offer, and it starts to become a sticking point. You wonder if it says something about why she's with you or about what kind of person she is.
It's not fun to look back over 6 months and see the thousands of dollars you spent and have nothing to show for it but a shot glass and a few beers.

I think too many girls forget that guys like to be treated nicely, as well. Also, it demonstrates a willingness to contribute to the relationship- not in a fiscal way, just in the sense of sharing.


"They counted on America to be passive.
They counted wrong." - Ronny Reagan
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[HordeKing1]

When I was dating I liked my date to offer to pay. Who actually paid after that became irrelevant

The major problem with guys paying all the time is that it gives them an air of entitlement. There's a pervasive feeling that if you pay for enough dates you're entitled to sex. Unfortunately many women share this feeling and feel they have to put out b/c the guy paid for so much stuff.

Sex is great. Sex is wonderful and natural and feels great (hopefully). But it should never be done out of a sense of obligation. And paying creates at least an unconscious feeling of obligation in the woman and entitlement in men.

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[CYYYFYYY]

I always pay.... When the
young lady offers to pay I say
no.... but if she offers again
then I let her pay her way of
course.......


David the Franchize
Everyone Loves CYYYFYYY

[JerseyRich]

I feel like I am repeating a lot of the sentiments already spoken...but...If the guy insists on paying then the girl should accept his generosity and vice versa. Money is such a stupid thing and creates so much more stress in people's lives than need be. If you are a happy couple going out on a date, just work it out.
And don't feel like you are deserving of getting some booty if you buy a chick the never ending pasta bowl and a glass of wine...LIFE IS JUST NOT THAT SIMPLE!

[furie]

i prob. would have been offended if the girl picked up the tab while we were on a date. i don't know why. maybe i'd take it as a sign she thought i was unable to pay.
but there reaches a point when it's ok for her to pay. once the 'courting' stage is over it would be cool. but not early in the relationship.


-- Furie
Creeping towards 100
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This message was edited by furie on 11-16-02 @ 11:26 PM

[Pootertoot]

If it was the first date and the first thing we were doing on the date, I'd take her paying as a sign she wanted nothing to do with me.

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[Circus Boy]

i pay Always! on the first date..she can leave tip if she wants...but after a few weeks of seeing each other its good to switch off every now and then

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[IkeaBoy]

I'd take her paying as a sign she wanted nothing to do with me.Well how much money do 5 year olds usually have on them

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