should i call my mother? [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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phixion

08-04-2006, 09:04 AM

today is my moms bday. and im wondering if i should call her. heres the backstory my mother and father are going through a divorce. my mother is the vice president of an upstart tech company, my father has worked for verizon since he was 19. my mother promised me and my dad that she just wanted to end the marriage and she didnt want anything from him, monetarily. so last week my dads lawyer gets a letter saying my mom will be going after my dads 401k and when my dad brought this up to her she said yes and she was also going to try and take my dogs away from me. i have two beautiful english bulldogs who are old and are like my brother and sister. the boy has such bad soldiers that carry him up and down the stairs everyday and night, and the girl is going blind. but my mom wants them......anyway she said she doesnt want to spend her birthday coming out to queens and its her birthday so she should get to do what she wants. but im thinking if shes doesnt want to see then she doesnt want to hear from me either. not to mention my sister is visiting from florida and my mother hasnt seen her yet either.ive never liked being an adult so i dont want to make this decision for myself so i have all of you to make it for me. by like 630 ill count the votes and go with the majority.

Dougie Brootal

08-04-2006, 09:09 AM

no offense intended, but she sounds like a collossall bitch. i would either a) call and tell her to never speak to me again, orb) not call her at all. ever.but im a very vindictive asshole so remember that as well.

absinthe

08-04-2006, 09:22 AM

I voted no, but I would not try to never speak to her again like doug said.  Maybe not getting a call will make her realize that she is hurting a lot more than your dad with her decisions regarding their divorce.  Whatever the case, I hope everything works out for you.

angeladi

08-04-2006, 09:36 AM

i agree with the person above me, i would speak to her eventually shes still i your mother, but i wouldnt call her as bad as it sounds, maybe she needs a reality check!!! good luck to you and to your sister, hopefully you get to keep your dogs too, i cant belive she would try to take them. i have a soon to be one year old little boy and i cant imagine taking anything from him that would ever hurt him

newport king

08-04-2006, 09:42 AM

i voted no. i know some people will say "she's still your mom" and that you should call. but just because she is your mom does not give her carte blanche to act like an asshole. if you do talk to her maybe you can tell her whats on your mind. she clearly had no intention of going after your dads money or your dogs, but like everyone else that lawyer got in her ear and changed her mind. it amazes me that people forget about family and listen to lawyers in divorce situations.

SatCam

08-04-2006, 10:50 AM

If you really want to be an asshole, call her and wish her a happy birthday. Then make sure you let her know much she's fucking up your family and doing shit to you that you don't deserve. Then send her a card

fezident

08-04-2006, 10:55 AM

When I was young, I was constantly fighting with my mother.  Constantly.  She made it very clear that she did not want kids. We were a burden.  My older brother is withdrawn and socially inept.  My younger brother moved as far away as possible while still remaining in the US.  I, the middle child, tried to hang in there and make changes. Of course, none of us have (or WANT!) kids. None of us feel qualified to be a parent.When I was younger, I acted out.  I would rebel in the only ways I knew how. (blaring my stereo....blowing off curfew...etc etc) Eventually, I got shipped off to boarding school where she would leave me -even when school was closed for the holidays.  I would sit in the dorm with the lights off for days at a time because I had no way to get home and I wasn't allowed to be on campus.  Yada yada yada. A few years ago (when I was 27) I got into another fight with my mom.  I was in a tough spot and I turned to her for advice.  She simply couldn't be bothered and told me to call a lawyer.The next day, I called her and very politely said the following."Mom. I don't love you. I never did. And you don't love me either.  If you were my job...I would quit.  If you were my wife, I'd divorce you. If you were a movie, I'd walk out. So...that's what I'm gonna do.  I'm walking out on you.  Don't ever call me again. Not even to apologize.  Lose my number. You are no longer a blip on my radar. Goodbye."That was 1999. I seriously haven't spoken to her since then. Or my father. Or my grandmother.  And I must say...I am happier because of it.  It was not a decision that I made lightly but, rather one that was thought out and deliberate.Smartest thing I ever did.  I wasn't running away from conflict. I was running TOWARDS sanity.

HeyGuy

08-04-2006, 11:24 AM

phixion wrote: today is my moms bday. and im wondering if i should call her. heres the backstory my mother and father are going through a divorce. my mother is the vice president of an upstart tech company, my father has worked for verizon since he was 19. my mother promised me and my dad that she just wanted to end the marriage and she didnt want anything from him, monetarily. so last week my dads lawyer gets a letter saying my mom will be going after my dads 401k and when my dad brought this up to her she said yes and she was also going to try and take my dogs away from me. i have two beautiful english bulldogs who are old and are like my brother and sister. the boy has such bad soldiers that carry him up and down the stairs everyday and night, and the girl is going blind. but my mom wants them......anyway she said she doesnt want to spend her birthday coming out to queens and its her birthday so she should get to do what she wants. but im thinking if shes doesnt want to see then she doesnt want to hear from me either. not to mention my sister is visiting from florida and my mother hasnt seen her yet either.ive never liked being an adult so i dont want to make this decision for myself so i have all of you to make it for me. by like 630 ill count the votes and go with the majority.I voted no. Your father should now go after whatever she has as well. Why is it that women always get to do it, your father should now be a dick and take her for everything and get his stake in whatever she has in the upstart company.My parents got divorced when I was like 10 and they didnt go after anything they actually just ended it and my father did the right thing by my mother. They then became like best friends and up til my fathers death they would do whatever they could for one another. I guess they were smart enough to realize that they loved eachother at one point and that they had 2 children to raise together even if they werent married. Your mom is still your mom and she needs to see what she is doing to her kids and her soon to be ex. At one time she loved him, so why hurt him on purpose now?

Dougie Brootal

08-04-2006, 11:28 AM

fezident wrote: When I was young, I was constantly fighting with my mother.  Constantly.  She made it very clear that she did not want kids. We were a burden.  My older brother is withdrawn and socially inept.  My younger brother moved as far away as possible while still remaining in the US.  I, the middle child, tried to hang in there and make changes. Of course, none of us have (or WANT!) kids. None of us feel qualified to be a parent.When I was younger, I acted out.  I would rebel in the only ways I knew how. (blaring my stereo....blowing off curfew...etc etc) Eventually, I got shipped off to boarding school where she would leave me -even when school was closed for the holidays.  I would sit in the dorm with the lights off for days at a time because I had no way to get home and I wasn't allowed to be on campus.  Yada yada yada. A few years ago (when I was 27) I got into another fight with my mom.  I was in a tough spot and I turned to her for advice.  She simply couldn't be bothered and told me to call a lawyer.The next day, I called her and very politely said the following."Mom. I don't love you. I never did. And you don't love me either.  If you were my job...I would quit.  If you were my wife, I'd divorce you. If you were a movie, I'd walk out. So...that's what I'm gonna do.  I'm walking out on you.  Don't ever call me again. Not even to apologize.  Lose my number. You are no longer a blip on my radar. Goodbye."That was 1999. I seriously haven't spoken to her since then. Or my father. Or my grandmother.  And I must say...I am happier because of it.  It was not a decision that I made lightly but, rather one that was thought out and deliberate.Smartest thing I ever did.  I wasn't running away from conflict. I was running TOWARDS sanity.amen dude! walk away and dont look back! just because some one is family doesnt mean you have to love them, when you waste love on ingrates like that, it cheapens the feeling you have for those you do love.

Sheeplovr

08-04-2006, 11:41 AM

you'll talk to army recruiter but not your own mother

Recyclerz

08-04-2006, 12:12 PM

I like Satcam's angle on this.Everybody's been through family drama/trauma to some degree or another. I've never seen or experienced a situation where civility made a situation worse (even if at the time it tastes like your eating a shit sandwich). You have skin in the game here - it sounds like you want your dogs to live with you (wherever that is).  I don't see where picking a side and going jihad on the other parent benefits your interest, at this point.  Honesty, with at least the appearance of civility, is the way to go for now.  If your Mom is as bad as some are implying here (or is as bad as Fezident's) you have the rest of your life to get even (or to walk away.  Bravo Fezident).Anyway, read the opinions here, but since only you know the whole backstory, trust your gut on this one.

reeshy

08-04-2006, 12:50 PM

I didn't vote...I don't know what to say....I still have my parents around and still love them and they love me!!!I read about stories like yours and it makes my heart break.....I guess I'm the lucky one....I had a great childhood and still have my parents around...I'm blessed!!!!Hope things work out for whatever you decide......at least you made me realize how lucky I am....Thanks!!

reeshy

08-04-2006, 12:50 PM

Bulldogcakes

08-04-2006, 03:03 PM

Recyclerz and Satcam are right. My heart says try to get even with her for all the crap she's putting everyone through. My head knows thats a bad idea. When you do grow up, you'll realize your heart is usually wrong. Go with your head.

badorties

08-04-2006, 03:23 PM

reeshy wrote: I didn't vote...I don't know what to say....I still have my parents around and still love them and they love me!!!I read about stories like yours and it makes my heart break.....I guess I'm the lucky one....I had a great childhood and still have my parents around...I'm blessed!!!!Hope things work out for whatever you decide......at least you made me realize how lucky I am....Thanks!! i'm kinda in the same boat here ... i can only say that life is way too short, and just call her ... you really have nothing to lose except for a minute or two -- by calling her, you could a demonsrtate a moment of clarity/maturitytaking the high road in life is usually the better option

Snoogans

08-04-2006, 03:24 PM

Take this from a person who grew up without a father. If you pass on this, and something happens where you dont get another chance, you will hate yourself. My dad never contacted me or gave me any idea how to contact him before he died, and I still feel bad 8 years later that I never tried to find him just to say fuck you, anything. Call your mom. Even if its to tell her how upset she is making you or how much it hurts, whatever. Dont cut ties, and you never know, maybe you calling will change her mind on some things

mdr55

08-04-2006, 04:48 PM

What Snoogs said.

reeshy

08-04-2006, 05:05 PM

Yea...I agree with Snoogs...talk to her .....once your parents are gone...you can't do nothing about it...my parents are old (81 and 76)...I call them evryday just to see how they are.....love them...they love you whether they say so or not!!!!!

KC2OSO

08-04-2006, 05:38 PM

What mdr said snoogans said.

mdr55

08-04-2006, 05:43 PM

phixion

08-04-2006, 07:42 PM

ok well the results were my sister called my mother sitting right next to me luckily she got the my moms voicemail so after she was done i added a curt 'happy birthday ma' thats it thats all. neither have gotten nor expect a return phonecall. at this point i wouldnt say i was the bigger man just an opportunistic hypocrite. whatever but what gets me is her lawyers are telling her whats in her best interest , but as my mother i wish she would take a look at whats in my best interest, cuz the harder she makes it on my dad the harder he makes it on me. honestly i dont know how many more 'you're all i have left shaun's i can take.i had a niece that i loved like my own daughter. i would chop off my hand if it would make her smile. i would do anything for her, fuck my first legitimate paycheck i got was spent on her first birthday present. and i had habits man. so i would give up everything to get her back in my life, id do anything just to see her face again. so at what point did my mother lose that for me? or worst of all did she ever have that for me?rant is over edit: and if any if i could give myp's of the board theyd go to snoogs and sheepy and all of u thanks

This message was edited by phixion on 8-4-06 @ 11:44 PM

Jennitalia

08-04-2006, 07:47 PM

with all the crap you described, you really should go  talk to her.  In the even parents arent prefect, but they love you no matter what.

KC2OSO

08-04-2006, 07:52 PM

me peronally, i wouldn't call this resolved but that's your call.  if you re ok, then let it go.

scorpion

08-06-2006, 06:00 AM

Jennitalia wrote: with all the crap you described, you really should go talk to her. In the even parents arent prefect, but they love you no matter what.   Jennitalia is right. You need to let your mother realize that she is hurting you by her actions.  Divorce somtimes makes people do the worst things to each other and they will sometimes use their kids as means to inflict pain.you need to talk to her..