IkeaBoy
10-25-2001, 03:15 PM
This is a first draft, I just wrote it quickly.
Alpocalypse Now
INT. Al's Apartment
--The End played over--
Al (VO): Woodbridge, Shit, I'm still only in Woodbridge. When I was unemployed after the sports babe, it was worse. I just sat alone, crying, wanting to get back into the business, management, something. Every minute I stay in this room I get weaker and every minute people are just waiting for me to mess up more. Everybody gets what he wants. I wanted a job, and for my sins they gave me one. Oh crap I pooped myself.
INT. WNEW Office
Jeremy is standing like Ford, Ken is sitting at the desk.
Jeremy: We have a job for you.
Al: A job?
Ken: Yes Mr. Dukes, a producer for a radio show.
Al: Really?
Jeremy: It's in New York.
Al: New York? That seems kind of far.
Jeremy: It's just a subway a way.
Al: Yeah but...
Ken: Mr. Dukes, are you afraid of the subway? Because if you are...
Al: No., I'm not. I swear. I'm not.
Jeremy: There's something else you should know. We'd like for you to report to us.
Al: Like a spy?
Jeremy: If that's something you have a problem with...
Al: No Sir Mr. Coleman
Jeremy: Watch them...with extreme prejudice. You start Monday.
Al (VO): I could tell the handsome British chap loved me.
INT. Subway car
Al (VO): I was being taken down to 55th Street by way of the subway, a pretty common site. Only problem was, I wouldn't be alone. In my car there were young kids. scary kids. kids that probably had guns, or knives and wouldn't think twice about murdering me. I just started blurting things out to keep my fear from showing, keeping my bowels in, never mentioning one thing about my job because they'd probably rob me. Thank God I reached my stop soon enough, I didn't like being called Captain 5 Pumps.
INT. WNEW studios
Al (VO): Crap, I came early. I encountered Opie and Anthony, these two guys had a special light about them. You knew they wouldn't get a scratch on them. And that Anthony probably has a huge penis...but I'm not gay.
Opie: I love the smell of naked women in the afternoon, it smells like victory.
Al (VO): I like naked women and all but those women were too whorey for me, they probably had sex with two, three guys. I'd hide in the bathroom...but it's public. where can i go for the next 30 minutes? I was about to hide when a man came behind me. A fat guy. who only talked in bad song parodies.
Billy (To 'Bye Bye Miss American Pie'): Are you Al the new guy?
Al: y-yes.
Billy (To Beatles' '8 Days A week is not enough to show i care'): Don't look so meek and get your butt right over here
Al: My butt? Are you gay?
Billy: (To 'Papa's Got a Brand new Bag'): I am Not a friggin fag
--Al is taken to R&F's office--
INT. R&F Office
Ron: So what are you going to do to help us and the show?
--Al freaks and destroys a fooseball table and runs out--
Fez: The Hunger...the hunger.
-----
Carrot Man to Big Apple: I Miss my baby carrot.
Pro-War NYU Student. We're not all peace fags.
Moonraker was Inexcusable
This message was edited by IkeaBoy on 10-26-01 @ 3:39 PM
Alpocalypse Now
INT. Al's Apartment
--The End played over--
Al (VO): Woodbridge, Shit, I'm still only in Woodbridge. When I was unemployed after the sports babe, it was worse. I just sat alone, crying, wanting to get back into the business, management, something. Every minute I stay in this room I get weaker and every minute people are just waiting for me to mess up more. Everybody gets what he wants. I wanted a job, and for my sins they gave me one. Oh crap I pooped myself.
INT. WNEW Office
Jeremy is standing like Ford, Ken is sitting at the desk.
Jeremy: We have a job for you.
Al: A job?
Ken: Yes Mr. Dukes, a producer for a radio show.
Al: Really?
Jeremy: It's in New York.
Al: New York? That seems kind of far.
Jeremy: It's just a subway a way.
Al: Yeah but...
Ken: Mr. Dukes, are you afraid of the subway? Because if you are...
Al: No., I'm not. I swear. I'm not.
Jeremy: There's something else you should know. We'd like for you to report to us.
Al: Like a spy?
Jeremy: If that's something you have a problem with...
Al: No Sir Mr. Coleman
Jeremy: Watch them...with extreme prejudice. You start Monday.
Al (VO): I could tell the handsome British chap loved me.
INT. Subway car
Al (VO): I was being taken down to 55th Street by way of the subway, a pretty common site. Only problem was, I wouldn't be alone. In my car there were young kids. scary kids. kids that probably had guns, or knives and wouldn't think twice about murdering me. I just started blurting things out to keep my fear from showing, keeping my bowels in, never mentioning one thing about my job because they'd probably rob me. Thank God I reached my stop soon enough, I didn't like being called Captain 5 Pumps.
INT. WNEW studios
Al (VO): Crap, I came early. I encountered Opie and Anthony, these two guys had a special light about them. You knew they wouldn't get a scratch on them. And that Anthony probably has a huge penis...but I'm not gay.
Opie: I love the smell of naked women in the afternoon, it smells like victory.
Al (VO): I like naked women and all but those women were too whorey for me, they probably had sex with two, three guys. I'd hide in the bathroom...but it's public. where can i go for the next 30 minutes? I was about to hide when a man came behind me. A fat guy. who only talked in bad song parodies.
Billy (To 'Bye Bye Miss American Pie'): Are you Al the new guy?
Al: y-yes.
Billy (To Beatles' '8 Days A week is not enough to show i care'): Don't look so meek and get your butt right over here
Al: My butt? Are you gay?
Billy: (To 'Papa's Got a Brand new Bag'): I am Not a friggin fag
--Al is taken to R&F's office--
INT. R&F Office
Ron: So what are you going to do to help us and the show?
--Al freaks and destroys a fooseball table and runs out--
Fez: The Hunger...the hunger.
-----
Carrot Man to Big Apple: I Miss my baby carrot.
Pro-War NYU Student. We're not all peace fags.
Moonraker was Inexcusable
This message was edited by IkeaBoy on 10-26-01 @ 3:39 PM