Burying a friend

[chili]

<p>Hey buddies.</p><p>Just went through a rough couple of days. I found out one of my best friends died in a car accident over the weekend. He wrapped his car around a telephone pole, died instantly. I went to the visitation last night, drank to his memory with our friends, and buried him today. Since I heard the news, I've just felt worse and worse every day. The visitation and funeral were the worst. Has anybody gone through a similar situation? I'm just looking for some guidance here other than a bottle of whiskey.<br /></p>

[JamMaster]

<p>My condolences...</p><p>I am not sure If I can be of much help.&nbsp; I went through the same things last year.&nbsp; A friend of mine died in a motorcycle accident.&nbsp; Best advice I can give is talk about your feelings with friends and family.&nbsp; Its an awful thing to go through and as cliche as it sounds, it does get better with time.</p><p>Sorry I could not be more help...</p>

[FUNKMAN]

<p>My Condolences!</p><p>don't use too much booze to heal your pain... in time things will get better!</p>

[BoondockSaint]

I buried a friend two and a half years ago.&nbsp; He was only 25 at the time and got hit by an SUV while he was on his Harley.&nbsp; It was rough and still is at times when I think about him.&nbsp; I'm not sure what advice I can give you except to talk with your other friends about it.&nbsp; That really helped me get through it.&nbsp; Good luck and my condolences.

[Bossanova]

<p>Im so sorry,</p><p>I too have gone through this.&nbsp; A freind of mine, who I considered my big brother was killed in a fire at Bloomsburg University.&nbsp; It was the toughest thing I had ever dealt with.&nbsp; During the first few nights my friends and I drank and smoked, but it never helped.&nbsp; We just started telling stories about him, and laughing at him being insane.&nbsp; Sometime just crying with your closest friends helps.&nbsp; It did for me at least.&nbsp; I still think about him, but only good things.&nbsp; You will have sad days, but (cliche) your friend would want you to enjoy him not grieve.&nbsp; We actually have an annual softball game for himnow.&nbsp; We are all here for you budday.&nbsp; And again I'm sorry</p>

[chili]

Guys, I really, really appreciate the help. I think we all know how cliche this is, but how utterly true it is, that we have to just remember the good things about our lost friends and all the good times we had together. His death has kind of given me new perspective on stuff. He was 2 months younger than me when he died, and it just got me thinking about what we all do with the time we are given.<br />

[Gvac]

<p>I've buried two very close friends; one died at age 19 in a motorcycle accident and the other took his own life a few years ago.&nbsp; </p><p>It's a tough thing to get over, but as cheesy as it sounds the good memories you have of them really keeps them alive in your heart and mind.</p><p>Just a word of caution, though...alcohol is a strong depressant.&nbsp; It provides temporary relief from the pain but only makes it worse later on.&nbsp;</p>

[Bossanova]

<p>Seriously. My one friend wanted to start fights all over the bar the night we found out.&nbsp; Drinking made him so much worse.&nbsp; Its cool to take the edge off, but I know drinking made me miss him.&nbsp; And try not to refuse peoples help.&nbsp; I pushed my parents away, and didnt eat for like a week.&nbsp; See I had a week before the funeral do to ID ing the body.&nbsp; They were so worried aboutme, and for no reason.&nbsp; They can only help</p>

[tele7]

First off, sorry to hear about your friend.&nbsp; I lost 2 good friends, one when I was 10 and the other when I was 15.&nbsp; Both got hit by cars on the same road.&nbsp; They took me out of school in the 5th grade to go to his wake.&nbsp; I'm sure it still effects me to this day....but I'm not sure how.&nbsp; Obviously drinking the pain away was not an option at that age.&nbsp; I was forced to deal with it, and eventually it got a little easier to handle.&nbsp; This may sound harsh, but don't use this horrible event as an excuse to drink.&nbsp; Just try to face the pain head on and allow yourself to mourn.&nbsp;

[PapaBear]

<p>It's tough to lose a friend so suddenly. Yes, you will still feel a lot of pain for a while. It will never completely go away, but it mostly will. I lost a friend to an auto accident 17 years ago. He's now been dead for as long as he lived. I still get a lump in my throat when I drive by his grave, and am usually terrified when I drive by the spot where he crashed.</p><p>You'll be ok, but just don't drink too much for a while (not saying you did). I did, and it made the whole thing worse.</p>

[HeyGuy]

<p>My Condolences to you and your friends family. I dont know what to say about burrying a friend, but I buried my father a year and a half ago and its still hard. But everyday it gets a little easier and with time you will think about the times you had and keep those memories in your heart and never forget your friend or loved ones when they die. Hope you understand that drinking wont help it will just prolong your pain. Everyone who loses someone needs to moarn (SP?) So the sooner your able to do it sober the sooner you will be able to deal with what happened. </p><p>Good luck and stay strong!</p>

[stickyfingers]

<p>Well, death is an unbelievably life changing thing.&nbsp; Unless, you've been through something like&nbsp;this (someone close to you)&nbsp;you have no idea.&nbsp; I know I started a thread about it, but I have to tell you its one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.&nbsp; My gf's mom died, at 51 years old,&nbsp;as suddenly as you could ever imagine on 6.6.06.&nbsp; </p><p>This was the most influential day of my life for many reasons.&nbsp; </p><p>-I am now closer with her family than ever, in fact, I feel like I am considered family.&nbsp; Hell,&nbsp; I drove my gf's dad to the funeral the day they buried his wife of 30+ years.&nbsp; </p><p>-My parents, who slept &nbsp;in seperate beds my whole life, are now closer than ever, realizing how short life is and have learned to appreciate each other way more than they have in quite some time.&nbsp; They've gone&nbsp;on vacation together twice this summer.&nbsp; Not once in the past 4 years&nbsp;had they done that.&nbsp;</p><p>-I have more motivation than ever to succeed, in life, as early as possible to be able to have a little fun before I die myself.</p><p>-I am not afraid of dying at all anymore.&nbsp; I see how well she is still talked about and can only wish I am seen in the same light when my time comes.&nbsp;</p><p>Basically, I am saying that she did not die in vain by any means.&nbsp; If you can take something from this it shows alot about how great they were and how much this person meant to you.&nbsp; Use it to guide yourself to a better lifestyle.&nbsp; In my opinion, it is&nbsp;a great way to honor that person.&nbsp; When, you are successful in your life or do something special many years down the road, you can always say that you owe something to your friend and tell everyone how great he was.&nbsp; If I can do something great with my life I know I will owe some of it to her.&nbsp; </p><p>I think about her every day...</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by stickyfingers on 8-30-06 @ 12:15 AM</span>

[stickyfingers]

as far as drinking goes....<br /><br />&quot;some drink to remember, some drink to forget&quot;<br /><br />I know that her dad and I have the most heartfelt coversations over a nice drink of Remy Martin V.S.O.P.<br /><br />I can see why people say to stay away but if you are like me, someone who holds his emotions in, it does pave the way for some self ventalation.

[PaulF]

<p>I've gone through a number of situations like this. What seemed to help the most were my other friends - who were also experiencing the same emotions, as well as remembering the good things about that person's life. Yes, you change - sometimes a little, sometimes a lot - as a result of the experience. Sometimes the implications of this one event pop up many, many years later. The suicide of my friend's brother about 15 years ago changed how I reacted to a situation that came up recently because it popped into my head at that moment and probably helped me prevent another persons suicide. </p><p>Another friend's death in a car accident around the same time set off a chain of events that continues to this day, some bad, some good. His death left a vacuum in a close knit music scene that resulted in a shuffling of bands and lineups, friendships and careers. Some people are touring the world right now, others have put those years behind them and are married with families and 9-to-5 jobs. It definitely changed my life resulting in me putting in a lot more time into the music scene for a number of years until some other events intervened.</p>

[TheArtOfTheFU]

<p>&nbsp;My condolences, I've been there. Jorli was riding to work one morning with the rest of the crew, they were T-boned at an intersection on a country road.</p><p>Your life is changed, accept that.</p><p>Talk about it. Talk about him. Just talk, it will help.</p>

[Jennitalia]

<p>I've had two close friends die.</p><p>The first one was during our sophomore&nbsp; year in college.&nbsp; Joe and I were really good friends.&nbsp; We bonded a lot during our first year together.&nbsp; We both had a thing for each other, but I was involved with a mutual friend.&nbsp;&nbsp;My best experiences in college were mostly because with him.&nbsp; I remember the weekend he died, I was walking by the lounge and he was there.&nbsp;&nbsp; I was jealous at the time cuz he was dating somebody, so being an ass, I didn't ackowledge him.&nbsp; He had gone home that weekend for his father's birthday, but was going to come back to school that saturday, since he lived about a half hour away.&nbsp; A bunch of us had some friends up visiting, and Saturday night we started to head out, and then we ran into some friends walking back to the dorm, saying Joe was in an accident and died.&nbsp; It just didn't sink in.&nbsp; An hour or so later we had the local news on, and they reported the story.&nbsp; I remember seeing his totaled jeep lying there, and I just lost it.&nbsp; I'll never forget watching his younger brother, just completely crying at the funeral as they were walking out.&nbsp; And I'll never forget the last time I got to say goodbye to him, seeing him laying in the coffin.&nbsp; I must have cried for three months straight.&nbsp; It really devastated me.</p><p>My other friend that died still&nbsp;has me somewhat messed up.&nbsp; He was a guy that I dated in high school and a little in college.&nbsp; He was a couple of years younger than I was.&nbsp; We were in love, had a great connection, but the timing wasnt right, as he was doing his thing in college, and I was 4 hours away doing my thing.&nbsp; We stayed friends, and I still spoke with his mom occasionally.&nbsp; He moved down to Florida to live with his dad, who was quadrapalegic.&nbsp; He was going to become a massage therapist and physical therapist and was in his last year.&nbsp; He had some troubles up here with his mom (his stepdad killed himself a couple of years before) and was a little too much into the heavy drugs.&nbsp; So he was getting his life together in FL.&nbsp; On the weekend of his 22nd birthday, he was driving home early in the morning and fell asleep at the wheel.&nbsp; a car hit him, and he wasnt wearing a seatbelt, and he got thrown out of the car and was ran over by a tractor trailer.&nbsp;&nbsp; His body was flown back to NY to be buried.&nbsp; My sister told me what happened.&nbsp; I remember being really pissed at my mom, because she had no intention of ever telling me what happened.&nbsp; So my sister and I went to the wake, and his mom was so happy to see me.&nbsp; There were pictures of us from my prom&nbsp;up, with some other photos.&nbsp; It was a closed casket.&nbsp; I remember crying that night and my boyfriend at the time, who was always the jealous type, decided to pick a fight with me, because how dare i mourn the loss of somebody I once loved and would forever be connected with.&nbsp; So it was kinda hard for me to deal with it.&nbsp; I still have these vivid dreams of Chris every few months, dreams that mess me&nbsp;up for a few days afterwards.&nbsp;I feel as if Chris is connecting me when these dreams happen.</p><p>Chris and Joe both loved to have a good time, so I try to live that way on behalf of them.</p>