The Last Straw [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

ShelleBink

09-09-2006, 07:39 PM

Has anyone else ever gotten to the point where you completely despise another human being, inspite of the fact that they're your parent?

reeshy

09-09-2006, 07:44 PM

Not my parent....but I know how you feel...you just want to kill them.....but you don't and life goes on!!!!

Don Stugots

09-09-2006, 07:44 PM

yes.  my mom is so looney now that she is impossible to talk with.  at one point in my life i didnt talk to my dad for about 5 years.  shit happens.

ShelleBink

09-09-2006, 07:45 PM

reeshy wrote: Not my parent....but I know how you feel...you just want to kill them.....but you don't and life goes on!!!!  

Shit, my next thread was going to be "What do I do with the body?"

Judge Smails

09-09-2006, 07:49 PM

ShelleBink wrote: Has anyone else ever gotten to the point where you completely despise another human being, inspite of the fact that they're your parent? Yes, but the best thing you can do is remove yourself from whatever the situation is until you can calm down and think more rationally.  From personal experience, no matter how "right" you may be and how "wrong" the parent might be, YOU will probably wind up being judged harshly by most of your family if you say or do anything rash.  Calmly step away and don't say or do anything you'll later regret.

ShelleBink

09-09-2006, 07:58 PM

Judge Smails wrote: ShelleBink wrote: Has anyone else ever gotten to the point where you completely despise another human being, inspite of the fact that they're your parent? Yes, but the best thing you can do is remove yourself from whatever the situation is until you can calm down and think more rationally. From personal experience, no matter how "right" you may be and how "wrong" the parent might be, YOU will probably wind up being judged harshly by most of your family if you say or do anything rash. Calmly step away and don't say or do anything you'll later regret.  Yea, first thing I did when the screaming started was get my keys and went to my car ((to which I was called a "fucking worthless piece of shit" for walking away from him))And 3 out of the 4 of my immediate family who were there ((and 2 others who know him but weren't there)) - all they could say is "well, he isn't going to change"Yet this is the shit we've been dealing with forever, his fucking tantrums and never apologizing.

grlNIN

09-09-2006, 08:01 PM

You hit an age that has you realize your parents are actual, real life human beings and not the be-all, end-all to knowledge and good judgment. It's sad but more often than not it is one of the better things in life to ground you and help you decide what your path will be.That being said I happen to have a VERY strained relationship with my parents, going on nearly six years now. I can tell you that if it's not a route you
need to take then don't. Hopefully, one day things will work out with my particular situation(i am not sure what yours is) but at the present time there really is nothing to be done.It's a big loss to cut a parent out of your life, you may not think it now but the more time that passes the harder it will be to keep the lines of communication open & clear.So, whatever it may be that is going on for you Shelle, I'm just giving the advice to try and talk. See if things could be worked out and hold off on cutting ties until you're 100% sure that it is what you need for your life to be good for YOU.

ShelleBink

09-09-2006, 08:06 PM

grlNIN wrote: You hit an age that has you realize your parents are actual, real life human beings and not the be-all, end-all to knowledge and good judgment. It's sad but more often than not it is one of the better things in life to ground you and help you decide what your path will be.That being said I happen to have a VERY strained relationship with my parents, going on nearly six years now. I can tell you that if it's not a route you
need to take then don't. Hopefully, one day things will work out with my particular situation(i am not sure what yours is) but at the present time there really is nothing to be done.It's a big loss to cut a parent out of your life, you may not think it now but the more time that passes the harder it will be to keep the lines of communication open & clear.So, whatever it may be that is going on for you Shelle, I'm just giving the advice to try and talk. See if things could be worked out and hold off on cutting ties until you're 100% sure that it is what you need for your life to be good for YOU.   Just to give you an idea of how it is Maria, my sister, her fiance, and I were trying to figure out where to have her wedding so he couldn't go ((he's afraid of heights, so it makes it feasible))

soupcan

09-09-2006, 08:07 PM

smarten up shelle!!! would you PLEASE  get it together already!.......you've changed, man!

grlNIN

09-09-2006, 08:13 PM

I'm guessing your father is the one afraid of heights?...and if that's right, it seems like the situation is more to do with your sister and her fiance.

Gvac

09-09-2006, 08:16 PM

I have a sister who is insane.  Certifiable.  I'm talking stark raving mad, bat shit insane.  She's a compulsive liar, bounces checks as often as I change my underwear, and thinks she should be treated like royalty.  She's always at war with some family member; it might be Mom this week, Dad next week, grandpa the next, and aunt, an uncle, a cousin, etc.  It goes on and on.  No matter how many times I've declared that I'm done with her and won't be in the same room with her, things always patch up for a while until she has another one of her episodes.  What really complicates matters is that even though the entire family knows my sister is whacked out of her skull, my mother will defend her 'till the end.  This obviously puts a serious strain on relationships within my family.  I've shut them both out of my life for months at a time, not returning phone calls or letters or e-mails, until they finally beg my forgiveness and swear things will be different.  It's almost a game at this point, but it's the only weapon I have to combat the lunacy.  All I can tell you, Shelle, is that staying away for a while may make your father finally realize he has to make an effort to change.  If not, do whatever's best for your mental and physical health.

ShelleBink

09-09-2006, 08:17 PM

No, you kinda misunderstood that last post Maria, its more of, we've all been sick of his shit and really don't want to associate with him anymore.  And the talk of where to have the wedding was this evening at dinner, the fight was Fri night.

narc

09-09-2006, 08:51 PM

At least your siblings are with you. I've never been in this extreme a situation, but I'm close to people who have, and when they were going through it, they leaned on their siblings, because, they're your family too. And family is always best at dealing with other family. They know the players involved, etc. It sounds like you're doing the right thing.

Bulldogcakes

09-10-2006, 04:35 AM

grlNIN wrote: You hit an age that has you realize your parents are actual, real life human beings and not the be-all, end-all to knowledge and good judgment. And soon after that you start turning into one of them (or both), which is really scary. Maybe you could just eat alot of franks and beans before you see him, and when he starts pissing you off, you just let loose a few bombs. Works for me. And if I dont have any frnks and beans around, I just bring my dogs with me, who are always farting. Seriously though, you cant change people. You have a good sense of humor, maybe instead of confronting his behavior you could poke fun at him and diffuse the tension in the room. My Mom is great at doing that.   Or you could just kill the son of a bitch. 

    

This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 9-10-06 @ 8:43 AM

thegreekchic

09-10-2006, 05:03 AM

I hate to say this but.......I dont speak with both of my parents and i cant be more relaxed and happy in my life. I think as a adult i just dont see eye to eye with my parents. Plus my mother is a biter and unhappy person and am just not. Despite the fact she has everything she every needed in life. So a few years ago I decided I dont need to be around someone like that. It just wasnt healthy.  But to each is own.........But I would never go back to that type of unhealthy mental enviroment.

ShelleBink

09-10-2006, 08:47 AM

Its hard to really go back and put into words every crappy thing that's gone on between he and i, or he and my siblings but the more I think of things, the more I realize I don't want him in my life.  I guess the only good thing to come out of it all is that its the motivation for me to do what I can in order to have enough money to be on my own when I graduate college.  But it comes down to the choices and decisions he's made that's affected our family, and how those things are now resulting in him having a very lonely life. I know I've said it before, but I do honestly care for a great amount of you guys on this board for all that you do in being a sort of support system beyond my close family and friends.  I don't think many of you realize what you do. so here it is: Thank You.

angrymissy

09-10-2006, 09:51 AM

Moving out and not relying on them helps, a lot.  I was in a REALLY bad situation when I was about 16/17 and we had no $ and had to live with my grandparents and crackhead uncle.  I left.  I don't have to deal with anyone I don't like anymore unless I want to, and when I do (holidays, etc.), it is in small doses. My relationship with my family is 100% better now that I live an hour drive away.

DarkHippie

09-10-2006, 10:47 AM

My father and I have a very difficult relationship.  He was horrible to my brother and I, and still makes my mother cry on a daily basis.  Yet I can't stop loving him.  He's my father, he made me the man I am (for good or bad).  I may not want to be around him, but I will always love him.

FUNKMAN

09-10-2006, 11:55 AM

I've never cut family off but a few friends i have cut off. i'm not exactly sure why my family has been so close, maybe it was because there were 7 of us together in a fairly small apt, one bathroom, and 4 of the 5 boys slept in one bedroom(2 bunkbed sets).  We(the boys) never asnswered back to our parents and although we got into our own little skirmishes it was always forgotten shortly after.Mom's gone but we all remain very close as far as communicating / making a phonecall once a week on average. We have no problem telling each other " I Love You ". Now that i think about it it was my Mom that kept us so close. She was the emotional tie that kept us together and the bond she built keeps us all close today. Dad's a good guy. In the early days he was a bit free with swinging the belt but he was working two jobs trying to get some sleep and we were playing two on two tackle football in the next room, throwing shit around the house like we were all Nolan Ryan, doing drugs, getting drunk, getting arrested, they had ALOT to deal with...

ChimneyFish

09-10-2006, 12:08 PM

ShelleBink wrote: Just to give you an idea of how it is Maria, my sister, her fiance, and I were trying to figure out where to have her wedding so he couldn't go ((he's afraid of heights, so it makes it feasible)) I hear Krakatoa is nice this time of year.<img src="http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c217/luxa1/krakatoa_200601273732.jpg" border="0" />Wish I could help, but when it comes to my relationship with my parents, I'm, admittedly, usually the crazy asshole.

sr71blackbird

09-10-2006, 02:24 PM

Not either of my parents, but I know a LOT of other people who fall easily into that category! There are a lot of personality issues in my office.  I have a cousin or two that I cant stand either.

El Mudo

09-11-2006, 03:15 AM

As far as my family goes, I think we put the "func" in dysfunction....but thats a whole other story The
point is shelle, you can't blame yourself for what others think about
you or say about you...as cliche as it sounds, it's not your fault I hope your situation works out for the best