If you were being cheated on...... [Archive]

foodcourtdruide

09-20-2006, 12:32 PM

If you were being cheated on, but you were in a great relationship, would you want to know? Does it even matter? I used to be overly paranoid about things like this, but now (after several horrible relationships) my stance is "who cares". If I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me tomorrow I'd break up with her. However, if that truth suddenly came to light 20 years from now I don't think I'd have any regrets.I'm really happy in our relationship, but every now and then very suspicious things happen that are textbook signs of a cheater. I won't go into detail about what those things are, unless anyone cares.So, am I pathologically jaded by relationships, or is my logic brilliant?

Lumber

09-20-2006, 12:39 PM

I`d want to know...Once a cheater , always a cheater. 

scorpion

09-20-2006, 01:13 PM

Lumber wrote: I`d want to know...Once a cheater , always a cheater.    DITTO

cupcakelove

09-20-2006, 01:15 PM

I agree with the other posts.  If you two are in an open relationship, thats one thing, but if she's constantly lying to your face, that's something completely different.  For me, trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.

Jujubees2

09-20-2006, 01:19 PM

Word Cupcakelove,A relationship must be built on trust. If not, it's doomed to fail.  I would have the same reaction today as I would 20 years from now if my wife were to confess of marriage infidelity.  My response would be "See YAAAAAAAAAAAA".

dereckfishboy

09-20-2006, 01:46 PM

Jujubees2 wrote: Word Cupcakelove,A relationship must be built on trust. If not, it's doomed to fail. I would have the same reaction today as I would 20 years from now if my wife were to confess of marriage infidelity. My response would be "See YAAAAAAAAAAAA".   So no guys here cheat, huh? Big board with all these members and the only ones gonna speak up are the "cheating is bad" people, huh?  Anyways, chicks do things behind guys back and it's not always cheating. A few years into a relationship , the endorphines you feel when you think about your partner eventually fade. Sometimes you've got to entertain some things that your partner's instinctual feelings of jealousy wouldn't allow. But feeling those endorphines rushing through your head again can revitalize your relationship and bring the spark back to sex. You want open? Then be a man when your girl tells you she talks dirty to other guys but doesn't touch 'em. Cheating isn't so black and white.

foodcourtdruide

09-20-2006, 01:47 PM

cupcakelove wrote: I agree with the other posts.  If you two are in an open relationship, thats one thing, but if she's constantly lying to your face, that's something completely different.  For me, trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. I used to feel just like this. However, I just feel like there's no longer such a thing as an ideal relationship or trust. I think a lie is such an easy and convenient thing, and everyone is weak enough to resort to it. This may be my pathological mistrust speaking, but I don't believe that anyone can be trusted. I think our society puts restrictions on the simplest human desires, which leads us to lying so we can protect those we care about.

angrymissy

09-20-2006, 01:55 PM

Relationships should be based strictly on constant paranoia.

Jujubees2

09-20-2006, 01:56 PM

dereckfishboy wrote:  Jujubees2 wrote: Word Cupcakelove,A relationship must be built on trust. If not, it's doomed to fail. I would have the same reaction today as I would 20 years from now if my wife were to confess of marriage infidelity. My response would be "See YAAAAAAAAAAAA".   So no guys here cheat, huh? Big board with all these members and the only ones gonna speak up are the "cheating is bad" people, huh?  Anyways, chicks do things behind guys back and it's not always cheating. A few years into a relationship , the endorphines you feel when you think about your partner eventually fade. Sometimes you've got to entertain some things that your partner's instinctual feelings of jealousy wouldn't allow. But feeling those endorphines rushing through your head again can revitalize your relationship and bring the spark back to sex. You want open? Then be a man when your girl tells you she talks dirty to other guys but doesn't touch 'em. Cheating isn't so black and white.  I've been married 13 years and with my wife for 15 and have never cheated (nor did I ever cheat on any of my other girlfriends).  Have I been tempted?  Absolutely.  But I would never act on those feelings.  I know this sounds old fashioned (and I'm not that old) but when I took my marriage vows, I took them seriously.  If I wanted to run around and screw everything that aroused my endorphins, I wouldn't have gotten married.  This is not to say that I don’t dream of a little "strange" every now and again.   And if my wife told me she talks dirty to other guys I would be extremely jealous because I can't even get her to talk dirty to me.

foodcourtdruide

09-20-2006, 02:00 PM

angrymissy wrote: Relationships should be based strictly on constant paranoia. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.I think a lack of paranoia in a relationship is a huge mistake.One of the most important lessons I learned was that blind trust is a mistake.

angrymissy

09-20-2006, 02:02 PM

everyone has that paranoia int eh back of their head, it's normal

This message was edited by angrymissy on 9-20-06 @ 6:04 PM

Gaia

09-20-2006, 02:11 PM

foodcourtdruide wrote: I'm really happy in our relationship, but every now and then very suspicious things happen that are textbook signs of a cheater. I won't go into detail about what those things are, unless anyone cares.So, am I pathologically jaded by relationships, or is my logic brilliant?I care, and I'm nosey. TELL US!

angrymissy

09-20-2006, 02:12 PM

Yes, I am nosey too... dish the dirt

foodcourtdruide

09-20-2006, 02:35 PM

angrymissy wrote: Yes, I am nosey too... dish the dirt Well. I suppose I don't mind spilling my guts to complete strangers.Many small things were occuring that made me suspicious. She was getting a lot of text messages/phone calls from guys while we were together. She had some horny guy messages on her myspace. She would flip out sometimes if I went into her bedroom at her place, like she was hiding something in there. Once, she hung out with a male friend, then called me several hours later and told me that her phone wasn't getting any reception so she couldn't call, but they were in his basement. She constantly disappears. We call eachother every few hours while I'm at work and sometimes she won't answer her phone for 5 or 6 hours. She'll say she was sleeping, but sometimes I think that's pretty unlikely. So, being the paranoid mistruster that I am... I looked through her text messages a few times. I saw guys messaging her like "hey baby", etc. Which was fine. I thought they were just dudes that were in the picture before I was around. But I saw two interactions which made me REALLY suspicious. One was a family friend that is married and told her that her wife may have found out about them and they should stop seeing eachother. She said he always flirts with her and hits on her and he was joking. The second was a guy who referred to himself as her "side action" in his text message. She explained this away as some horny dude that was always texting her and she didn't even respond to. But he sent her dozens of messages, and unless he was really desperate she had to be responding. The problem was, she ALWAYS deleted her "sent" messages so I had no way of knowing what she would say back.These are all sort of circumstantial evidence. She swears up and down that she's telling the truth about them and to be quite honest, I have no reason not to trust her becuase she's been SO good to me. She's a great girlfriend and a great person. I stopped looking through her phone because I don't want the pain of suspicion anymore.That's my sob story.

grlNIN

09-20-2006, 02:39 PM

I could go in many different directions here but i'll attempt to stay focused and keep my point on target.First of all it's wise to know your ground. What you may call a "relationship" someone else(partner included) may view as something entirely different. So it's in your benefit to always lay the cards on the table from the get go.Now, that being said if one is not in an open relationship or atleast a relationship where both sides know other stuff is going on and ignore it....then cheating is just about the biggest form of disrespect i could possibly imagine.For me it doesn't even come down to trust but moreof common decency & integrity. You don't treat people in that fashion especially people you care about, it is morally wrong and appalling. Not to mention a HUGE character flaw if you're a repeat offender and more often than not if you cheat once and don't get caught you're going to do it again.I'm not trying to sound holier than thou or anything because i have cheated on someone before but now this is just how i see it.

foodcourtdruide

09-20-2006, 02:45 PM

grlNIN wrote: I could go in many different directions here but i'll attempt to stay focused and keep my point on target.First of all it's wise to know your ground. What you may call a "relationship" someone else(partner included) may view as something entirely different. So it's in your benefit to always lay the cards on the table from the get go.Now, that being said if one is not in an open relationship or atleast a relationship where both sides know other stuff is going on and ignore it....then cheating is just about the biggest form of disrespect i could possibly imagine.For me it doesn't even come down to trust but moreof common decency & integrity. You don't treat people in that fashion especially people you care about, it is morally wrong and appalling. Not to mention a HUGE character flaw if you're a repeat offender and more often than not if you cheat once and don't get caught you're going to do it again.I'm not trying to sound holier than thou or anything because i have cheated on someone before but now this is just how i see it.    I must respectfully disagree. I think that showing disrespect comes in different forms to different people. Respect is subjective.For example, a heroin addict may steal money from someone they respect. Stealing from someone could be seen as the ultimate sign of disrespect by some people. However, out of desperation if you steal it doesn't necessarily reflect your respect (or lack there of) for that person.  With cheating...Sex does not mean the same thing to everyone. Some people view sex as casual and relatively meaningless. If this is the case, and the person has a sex addiction then cheating would be the equivalent of the heroin addict stealing for a fix.

grlNIN

09-20-2006, 02:56 PM

I don't think you can really compare a heroin addict stealing money for drugs to fucking someone else but that's just my P.O.V.Sex is sex. It's a basic human instinct, yes but for some it's also a gateway for many, MANY emotions and unfortunately, most people cannot define the line between the two.I'm not one to judge your situation, whatever works for you is great and no one should try to convince you otherwise...I'm merely just explaining where i was coming from on the issue.

foodcourtdruide

09-20-2006, 03:04 PM

grlNIN wrote: I don't think you can really compare a heroin addict stealing money for drugs to fucking someone else but that's just my P.O.V.Sex is sex. It's a basic human instinct, yes but for some it's also a gateway for many, MANY emotions and unfortunately, most people cannot define the line between the two.I'm not one to judge your situation, whatever works for you is great and no one should try to convince you otherwise...I'm merely just explaining where i was coming from on the issue. I hear where you're coming from. I guess since I've never done heroin or cheated on someone, I really can't speak on either,lol.I think this works for me because I've given up. I consider myself beat. I'm a Kerouac disciple.

Gaia

09-20-2006, 03:19 PM

Ok..., I'm a suspicious person. I trust NO ONE. This does not sound good, but maybe I am the wrong person to ask. I cannot handle NOT knowing.  I would do devious, underhanded shit to get info about what she's doing when your not around....like have a male friend call her cell and *67 it ...and be like " hey baby.....what's up?" , and see if she slips up and says something. I’m basing this on the texts...what you are saying is that she has an answer and or explanation for everything, and you have no idea what she's sending out. I mean...that just sounds off to me....   The fact that you look, or that you have looked at her cell in the past means you do want to know. The fact that you don’t always believe her little "stories" means something....my Momma always said "trust your instinct, trust your gut".  I don’t know...maybe you are just being paranoid, I mean there are times where my Boyfriend tells me things and my feeling is; "yeahhhh ok, sure" but after a while, when it's the same feeling of distrust day after day, over and over, then you have to either evaluate the situation and find out if she's worth the worrying and worth trusting, or you have to make a conscious effort to find out if she truly is being faithful, instead of you always feeling like something’s going on that you don’t know about. That way there is no question, either she is cheating, and you dump her and move on to greener pastures, or she isn’t and you were just being a little funny like me. If that’s the case then you just need to work on your trust issues, like I need to work on mine.  See; I AM crazy....but at least I know it.

jax

09-20-2006, 04:47 PM

foodcourtdruide wrote: If you were being cheated on, but you were in a great relationship, would you want to know? Does it even matter? I used to be overly paranoid about things like this, but now (after several horrible relationships) my stance is "who cares". If I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me tomorrow I'd break up with her. However, if that truth suddenly came to light 20 years from now I don't think I'd have any regrets.I'm really happy in our relationship, but every now and then very suspicious things happen that are textbook signs of a cheater. I won't go into detail about what those things are, unless anyone cares.So, am I pathologically jaded by relationships, or is my logic brilliant?If your stance is who cares and you are really happy in the relationship why wouldn't you just ask her what's up?  Once the topic is raised you could let her know that you are happy with her and if she feels the need to have other people in her life she doesn't need to sneak around.

reeshy

09-20-2006, 04:52 PM

If my chick cheated on me....I'd rip her heart out and feed it to my dog!!!!

A.J.

09-21-2006, 04:24 AM

angrymissy wrote: Relationships should be based strictly on constant paranoia. Relationships of ANY kind.<img height="491" src="http://www.indiana.edu/~frithome/faculty/PBondanella/images/prince.gif" width="300" border="0" />

nate1000

09-21-2006, 05:08 AM

foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: Yes, I am nosey too... dish the dirt Well. I suppose I don't mind spilling my guts to complete strangers.Many small things were occuring that made me suspicious. She was getting a lot of text messages/phone calls from guys while we were together. She had some horny guy messages on her myspace. She would flip out sometimes if I went into her bedroom at her place, like she was hiding something in there. Once, she hung out with a male friend, then called me several hours later and told me that her phone wasn't getting any reception so she couldn't call, but they were in his basement. She constantly disappears. We call eachother every few hours while I'm at work and sometimes she won't answer her phone for 5 or 6 hours. She'll say she was sleeping, but sometimes I think that's pretty unlikely. So, being the paranoid mistruster that I am... I looked through her text messages a few times. I saw guys messaging her like "hey baby", etc. Which was fine. I thought they were just dudes that were in the picture before I was around. But I saw two interactions which made me REALLY suspicious. One was a family friend that is married and told her that her wife may have found out about them and they should stop seeing eachother. She said he always flirts with her and hits on her and he was joking. The second was a guy who referred to himself as her "side action" in his text message. She explained this away as some horny dude that was always texting her and she didn't even respond to. But he sent her dozens of messages, and unless he was really desperate she had to be responding. The problem was, she ALWAYS deleted her "sent" messages so I had no way of knowing what she would say back.These are all sort of circumstantial evidence. She swears up and down that she's telling the truth about them and to be quite honest, I have no reason not to trust her becuase she's been SO good to me. She's a great girlfriend and a great person. I stopped looking through her phone because I don't want the pain of suspicion anymore.That's my sob story.Two comments: 1. You are without question being cheated on. 2. You are clearly a doormat and deserve to be cheated on. "side action" -c'mon dummy, wake up. Edit: one last thought: grlNIN, How about steppin up to the plate to give this guy a charity freebie, try to knock the sap back onto his game.  

This message was edited by nate1000 on 9-21-06 @ 9:12 AM

scorpion

09-21-2006, 05:15 AM

Ok cheating is black and white?  If your in a relationship then be in one.  If anyone of you feels the need to find someone else to fulfill your "endorphone needs" then there is something wrong.  Respect encompasses alot of things in a relationship including how your actions would make your boy/girl friend feel.  How would your girlfreind feel if this this was being done to you.  I assume that she would flip out.I was in a similar situation a while back and "he's just a friend" always turn out to be just a lie.  Had I done things different I would have dumped he ass after the first time. It has taken a long time to trust anyone after that and still today.

grlNIN

09-21-2006, 05:27 AM

nate1000 wrote: Edit: one last thought: grlNIN, How about steppin up to the plate to give this guy a charity freebie, try to knock the sap back onto his game. 

This message was edited by nate1000 on 9-21-06 @ 9:12 AM   Sorry, I only work Frat parties. I hear your woman is available though.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 05:29 AM

nate1000 wrote: foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: Yes, I am nosey too... dish the dirt Well. I suppose I don't mind spilling my guts to complete strangers.Many small things were occuring that made me suspicious. She was getting a lot of text messages/phone calls from guys while we were together. She had some horny guy messages on her myspace. She would flip out sometimes if I went into her bedroom at her place, like she was hiding something in there. Once, she hung out with a male friend, then called me several hours later and told me that her phone wasn't getting any reception so she couldn't call, but they were in his basement. She constantly disappears. We call eachother every few hours while I'm at work and sometimes she won't answer her phone for 5 or 6 hours. She'll say she was sleeping, but sometimes I think that's pretty unlikely. So, being the paranoid mistruster that I am... I looked through her text messages a few times. I saw guys messaging her like "hey baby", etc. Which was fine. I thought they were just dudes that were in the picture before I was around. But I saw two interactions which made me REALLY suspicious. One was a family friend that is married and told her that her wife may have found out about them and they should stop seeing eachother. She said he always flirts with her and hits on her and he was joking. The second was a guy who referred to himself as her "side action" in his text message. She explained this away as some horny dude that was always texting her and she didn't even respond to. But he sent her dozens of messages, and unless he was really desperate she had to be responding. The problem was, she ALWAYS deleted her "sent" messages so I had no way of knowing what she would say back.These are all sort of circumstantial evidence. She swears up and down that she's telling the truth about them and to be quite honest, I have no reason not to trust her becuase she's been SO good to me. She's a great girlfriend and a great person. I stopped looking through her phone because I don't want the pain of suspicion anymore.That's my sob story.Two comments: 1. You are without question being cheated on. 2. You are clearly a doormat and deserve to be cheated on. "side action" -c'mon dummy, wake up. Edit: one last thought: grlNIN, How about steppin up to the plate to give this guy a charity freebie, try to knock the sap back onto his game.  This message was edited by nate1000 on 9-21-06 @ 9:12 AM A few comments...1. My question to everyone was NOT if I was being cheated on. 2. Your opinion of me being a doormat is completely insignificant. You don't know me, or my life or my situation. You are the stereotypical message board guy.3. I don't need a "charity freebie". That's ridiculous and insulting.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 05:35 AM

scorpion wrote: Ok cheating is black and white?  If your in a relationship then be in one.  If anyone of you feels the need to find someone else to fulfill your "endorphone needs" then there is something wrong.  Respect encompasses alot of things in a relationship including how your actions would make your boy/girl friend feel.  How would your girlfreind feel if this this was being done to you.  I assume that she would flip out.I was in a similar situation a while back and "he's just a friend" always turn out to be just a lie.  Had I done things different I would have dumped he ass after the first time. It has taken a long time to trust anyone after that and still today.I think most decent people have had to deal with the "he's just a friend" thing. I wish life was as simple as you state above. I don't think cheating is black and white. Ron always talks about some woman from The View that interprets cheating with her husband as simply talking to another woman. I think the problem is as I stated above.. we all have needs and desires, but we don't want to hurt those that we care about. So we lie.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 05:52 AM

jax wrote: foodcourtdruide wrote: If you were being cheated on, but you were in a great relationship, would you want to know? Does it even matter? I used to be overly paranoid about things like this, but now (after several horrible relationships) my stance is "who cares". If I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me tomorrow I'd break up with her. However, if that truth suddenly came to light 20 years from now I don't think I'd have any regrets.I'm really happy in our relationship, but every now and then very suspicious things happen that are textbook signs of a cheater. I won't go into detail about what those things are, unless anyone cares.So, am I pathologically jaded by relationships, or is my logic brilliant?If your stance is who cares and you are really happy in the relationship why wouldn't you just ask her what's up?  Once the topic is raised you could let her know that you are happy with her and if she feels the need to have other people in her life she doesn't need to sneak around.  This is great advice. However, I think she'd just end up lying about it to protect social norms. I just may try it though.

scorpion

09-21-2006, 06:04 AM

if i gave you the wrong Impression then I am sorry.  I meant that cheating is not black and white it really come down to what you'r willing to accept as cheating or not.Yes life is not that simple.  We all wish it were.  Yes we all lie to not to hurt people we care about.  But a relationship also goes both ways.  Trust, Repect and Fidelity must come from both not just one side.  You may really care about that person but she should feel the same for you.  If there is a need to get something that should be part of your relationship from someone else then something is not right.I lived through this and in the end I put myself through more pain and agony than I should have.   But do what is best for you, thats what's important in the end. Ps: that is just my view.Take care of yourself.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 06:30 AM

scorpion wrote: if i gave you the wrong Impression then I am sorry.  I meant that cheating is not black and white it really come down to what you'r willing to accept as cheating or not.Yes life is not that simple.  We all wish it were.  Yes we all lie to not to hurt people we care about.  But a relationship also goes both ways.  Trust, Repect and Fidelity must come from both not just one side.  You may really care about that person but she should feel the same for you.  If there is a need to get something that should be part of your relationship from someone else then something is not right.I lived through this and in the end I put myself through more pain and agony than I should have.   But do what is best for you, thats what's important in the end. Ps: that is just my view.Take care of yourself. It's the hardest thing to live through. The guy before that wrote "you deserve it" really doesn't understand life and relationships. I think it's great you have a more optimistic point of view of relationships than I do. You're clearly a bigger person than I am.I think that everyone betrays others trust and respect. Whether they could help it or not.

angrymissy

09-21-2006, 07:02 AM

I'm just going to be brutally honest here.  Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this.  You love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat.  Since it bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and you're going to get hurt in the end.   From the tenor of your posts it sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a mutually agreed upon "open" relationship.  Side action?  Deleting all sent text messages?  In the basement with guys and no cell phone service?  C'mon now.  You're letting yourself be played, stick up for yourself.  It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more devastated the longer this goes on.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 07:26 AM

angrymissy wrote: I'm just going to be brutally honest here.  Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this.  You love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat.  Since it bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and you're going to get hurt in the end.   From the tenor of your posts it sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a mutually agreed upon "open" relationship.  Side action?  Deleting all sent text messages?  In the basement with guys and no cell phone service?  C'mon now.  You're letting yourself be played, stick up for yourself.  It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more devastated the longer this goes on.Thanks for your honesty. I think I'm being played in a way. But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.The truth is she treats me great. Better than any girlfriend I've ever had, or any of my friends girlfriends. She's really amazing and everything else is perfect. I'm not blind, or a sucker. I'm fully aware of what's going on, I just don't care. This is why I disagree with the "doormat" comment.Which brings me back to my original thought.  Which I think most people have already answered. I guess cheating matters more than being treated well.

Jennitalia

09-21-2006, 07:26 AM

yeah, she's cheating on you.

Furtherman

09-21-2006, 07:29 AM

She treats you great?  From what she is doing to you...  you don't know what "great" is.

Jujubees2

09-21-2006, 07:40 AM

foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: I'm just going to be brutally honest here.  Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this.  You love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat.  Since it bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and you're going to get hurt in the end.   From the tenor of your posts it sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a mutually agreed upon "open" relationship.  Side action?  Deleting all sent text messages?  In the basement with guys and no cell phone service?  C'mon now.  You're letting yourself be played, stick up for yourself.  It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more devastated the longer this goes on.Thanks for your honesty. I think I'm being played in a way. But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.The truth is she treats me great. Better than any girlfriend I've ever had, or any of my friends girlfriends. She's really amazing and everything else is perfect. I'm not blind, or a sucker. I'm fully aware of what's going on, I just don't care. This is why I disagree with the "doormat" comment.Which brings me back to my original thought.  Which I think most people have already answered. I guess cheating matters more than being treated well.I don't know how you can consider someone who is cheating on you as someone who is treating you well.

This message was edited by Jujubees2 on 9-21-06 @ 11:41 AM

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 07:49 AM

Jujubees2 wrote: foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: I'm just going to be brutally honest here.  Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this.  You love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat.  Since it bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and you're going to get hurt in the end.   From the tenor of your posts it sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a mutually agreed upon "open" relationship.  Side action?  Deleting all sent text messages?  In the basement with guys and no cell phone service?  C'mon now.  You're letting yourself be played, stick up for yourself.  It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more devastated the longer this goes on.Thanks for your honesty. I think I'm being played in a way. But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.The truth is she treats me great. Better than any girlfriend I've ever had, or any of my friends girlfriends. She's really amazing and everything else is perfect. I'm not blind, or a sucker. I'm fully aware of what's going on, I just don't care. This is why I disagree with the "doormat" comment.Which brings me back to my original thought.  Which I think most people have already answered. I guess cheating matters more than being treated well.I don't know how you can consider someone who is cheating on you as someone who is treating you well.This message was edited by Jujubees2 on 9-21-06 @ 11:41 AM I was hoping I had explained it well in previous posts.. but I guess I didn't.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 07:49 AM

Furtherman wrote: She treats you great?  From what she is doing to you...  you don't know what "great" is. Please elaborate.

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 07:52 AM

Jennitalia wrote: yeah, she's cheating on you.lol, that was a very Miss Cleo-like statement.

Furtherman

09-21-2006, 08:10 AM

foodcourtdruide wrote: Furtherman wrote: She treats you great?  From what she is doing to you...  you don't know what "great" is. Please elaborate.She's sneaking around, not being truthful.  That's not "great" no matter how she makes you feel when you too are alone.  She can't be trusted.  Drop her.

This message was edited by Furtherman on 9-21-06 @ 12:10 PM

foodcourtdruide

09-21-2006, 08:18 AM

Furtherman wrote: foodcourtdruide wrote: Furtherman wrote: She treats you great?  From what she is doing to you...  you don't know what "great" is. Please elaborate.She's sneaking around, not being truthful.  That's not "great" no matter how she makes you feel when you too are alone.  She can't be trusted.  Drop her.This message was edited by Furtherman on 9-21-06 @ 12:10 PM I don't know. Being cheated on just doesn't matter anymore. I could go into further detail as to why I feel this way, but I don't want to bore everyone again.

nate1000

09-21-2006, 08:36 AM

grlNIN wrote:  nate1000 wrote:  Edit: one last thought: grlNIN, How about steppin up to the plate to give this guy a charity freebie, try to knock the sap back onto his game. This message was edited by nate1000 on 9-21-06 @ 9:12 AM    Sorry, I only work Frat parties. I hear your woman is available though. Well, color me sigma-phi.  Believe me, I'd be happy if my wife cheated on me- one less thing I have to do at the end of the day.

walking joint

09-21-2006, 09:09 AM

foodcourtdruide wrote: Furtherman wrote: foodcourtdruide wrote: Furtherman wrote: She treats you great?  From what she is doing to you...  you don't know what "great" is. Please elaborate.She's sneaking around, not being truthful.  That's not "great" no matter how she makes you feel when you too are alone.  She can't be trusted.  Drop her.This message was edited by Furtherman on 9-21-06 @ 12:10 PM I don't know. Being cheated on just doesn't matter anymore. I could go into further detail as to why I feel this way, but I don't want to bore everyone again.you have gone this far, may as well continue

keithy_19

09-22-2006, 10:40 PM

If you were being cheated on, but you were in a great relationship, would you want to know?This seems wrong to me. If you're being cheated on, you're relationship isn't that good at all. Least that's what I think.

SatCam

09-24-2006, 08:05 AM

Even if you don't care that she's having sex with other guys, the problem is that she is lying to you!! You ask her about a guy, and she says they're just friends, but you know they aren't. It's one thing if you have an open relationship and let her sleep with other guys, but even open relationships have trust. Talk to her and/or get out of this relationship.

Bulldogcakes

09-24-2006, 03:14 PM

foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: Yes, I am nosey too... dish the dirt Well. I suppose I don't mind spilling my guts to complete strangers.Many small things were occuring that made me suspicious. She was getting a lot of text messages/phone calls from guys while we were together. She had some horny guy messages on her myspace. She would flip out sometimes if I went into her bedroom at her place, like she was hiding something in there. Once, she hung out with a male friend, then called me several hours later and told me that her phone wasn't getting any reception so she couldn't call, but they were in his basement. She constantly disappears. We call eachother every few hours while I'm at work and sometimes she won't answer her phone for 5 or 6 hours. She'll say she was sleeping, but sometimes I think that's pretty unlikely. So, being the paranoid mistruster that I am... I looked through her text messages a few times. I saw guys messaging her like "hey baby", etc. Which was fine. I thought they were just dudes that were in the picture before I was around. But I saw two interactions which made me REALLY suspicious. One was a family friend that is married and told her that her wife may have found out about them and they should stop seeing eachother. She said he always flirts with her and hits on her and he was joking. The second was a guy who referred to himself as her "side action" in his text message. She explained this away as some horny dude that was always texting her and she didn't even respond to. But he sent her dozens of messages, and unless he was really desperate she had to be responding. The problem was, she ALWAYS deleted her "sent" messages so I had no way of knowing what she would say back.These are all sort of circumstantial evidence. She swears up and down that she's telling the truth about them and to be quite honest, I have no reason not to trust her becuase she's been SO good to me. She's a great girlfriend and a great person. I stopped looking through her phone because I don't want the pain of suspicion anymore.That's my sob story. Dude, she's cheating on you. Many women consider even hanging out with other guys to be cheating, she seems to have no rules whatsoever.  And there's only one thing to do in these situations. Cheat back. Do all the same stuff she does to you, make sure she knows about it and see how she likes it. I'll bet you 10 grand she flips out. People like that usually have enormous double standards, and cheaters HATE being cheated on. Usually thats why they do it in the first place.    <blockquote />

sr71blackbird

09-24-2006, 05:23 PM

But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.Then why make the post??

AnomalisticAnna

09-26-2006, 06:28 PM

foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: I'm just going to be brutally honest here. Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this. You
love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat. Since it
bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and
you're going to get hurt in the end. From the tenor of your posts it
sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself
believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a
mutually agreed upon "open" relationship. Side action? Deleting all
sent text messages? In the basement with guys and no cell phone
service? C'mon now. You're letting yourself be played, stick up for
yourself. It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more
devastated the longer this goes on.Thanks for your honesty. I think I'm being played in a way. But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.The
truth is she treats me great. Better than any girlfriend I've ever had,
or any of my friends girlfriends. She's really amazing and everything
else is perfect. I'm not blind, or a sucker. I'm fully aware of what's
going on, I just don't care. This is why I disagree with the "doormat"
comment.Which brings me back to my original thought. Which I
think most people have already answered. I guess cheating matters more
than being treated well.  As
a person who grew up in a house ridden with infidelity, I can tell you
that it absolutely does matter. From my earliest memories until now, I
remember being out with my dad and one of his many girlfriends. Despite
the fact that my mother knew all along, my parents remained married,
albeit dysfunctionally. Years later I finally understood the trust
issues that burdened each member of my family, especially my mother.
All but one of my serious relationships ended because my significant
other cheated on me. I won't even get into a rant about 'whats wrong
with me' or begin dissecting what it is I did wrong. It's not even
about that and I know it. In a world thats forgotten the meaning of
honor, respect, and dignity, I find it hard to believe that the
exponentially increasing divorce rates and opinions like the one stated
above (see bold print) have no correlation to one other.  <blockquote />

foodcourtdruide

09-27-2006, 05:14 AM

sr71blackbird wrote:  But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.  Then why make the post?? I just want others opinions on the topic. Some people had some very interesting perspectives.

foodcourtdruide

09-27-2006, 05:19 AM

AnomalisticAnna wrote:  foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: I'm just going to be brutally honest here. Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this. You love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat. Since it bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and you're going to get hurt in the end. From the tenor of your posts it sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a mutually agreed upon "open" relationship. Side action? Deleting all sent text messages? In the basement with guys and no cell phone service? C'mon now. You're letting yourself be played, stick up for yourself. It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more devastated the longer this goes on.Thanks for your honesty. I think I'm being played in a way. But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.The truth is she treats me great. Better than any girlfriend I've ever had, or any of my friends girlfriends. She's really amazing and everything else is perfect. I'm not blind, or a sucker. I'm fully aware of what's going on, I just don't care. This is why I disagree with the "doormat" comment.Which brings me back to my original thought. Which I think most people have already answered. I guess cheating matters more than being treated well.  As a person who grew up in a house ridden with infidelity, I can tell you that it absolutely does matter. From my earliest memories until now, I remember being out with my dad and one of his many girlfriends. Despite the fact that my mother knew all along, my parents remained married, albeit dysfunctionally. Years later I finally understood the trust issues that burdened each member of my family, especially my mother. All but one of my serious relationships ended because my significant other cheated on me. I won't even get into a rant about 'whats wrong with me' or begin dissecting what it is I did wrong. It's not even about that and I know it. In a world thats forgotten the meaning of honor, respect, and dignity, I find it hard to believe that the exponentially increasing divorce rates and opinions like the one stated above (see bold print) have no correlation to one other.   I absolutely agree with you that the concepts of honor, respect and dignity have changed significantly. However, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Sorry for your situation growing up, that sounds terrible.

AnomalisticAnna

09-27-2006, 05:21 AM

foodcourtdruide wrote: AnomalisticAnna wrote: foodcourtdruide wrote: angrymissy wrote: I'm just going to be brutally honest here. Please don't view this as an attack.It bothers you or you would not be posting this. You
love her so much that you are letting yourself be a doormat. Since it
bothers you so much, so are choosing to act like it's not happening and
you're going to get hurt in the end. From the tenor of your posts it
sounds like it upsets the hell out of you, so you just make yourself
believe it's not happening.It does not sound like you are in a
mutually agreed upon "open" relationship. Side action? Deleting all
sent text messages? In the basement with guys and no cell phone
service? C'mon now. You're letting yourself be played, stick up for
yourself. It's hard, I'm just saying, you're going to be a lot more
devastated the longer this goes on.Thanks for your honesty. I think I'm being played in a way. But what I'm trying to get at is that at this stage in my life I just don't feel like fidelity matters.The
truth is she treats me great. Better than any girlfriend I've ever had,
or any of my friends girlfriends. She's really amazing and everything
else is perfect. I'm not blind, or a sucker. I'm fully aware of what's
going on, I just don't care. This is why I disagree with the "doormat"
comment.Which brings me back to my original thought. Which I
think most people have already answered. I guess cheating matters more
than being treated well. As a
person who grew up in a house ridden with infidelity, I can tell you
that it absolutely does matter. From my earliest memories until now, I
remember being out with my dad and one of his many girlfriends. Despite
the fact that my mother knew all along, my parents remained married,
albeit dysfunctionally. Years later I finally understood the trust
issues that burdened each member of my family, especially my mother.
All but one of my serious relationships ended because my significant
other cheated on me. I won't even get into a rant about 'whats wrong
with me' or begin dissecting what it is I did wrong. It's not even
about that and I know it. In a world thats forgotten the meaning of
honor, respect, and dignity, I find it hard to believe that the
exponentially increasing divorce rates and opinions like the one stated
above (see bold print) have no correlation to one other. I
absolutely agree with you that the concepts of honor, respect and
dignity have changed significantly. However, I don't think that's
necessarily a bad thing. Sorry for your situation growing up, that sounds terrible.  Ehh,
it is what it is. What's worse is people thinking that the loss of
those things aren't necessarily a bad thing. What's the reasoning
behind that point of view? 
<blockquote />