Is there something wrong with me? [Archive]

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Gaia

09-27-2006, 07:44 PM

Obviously I posted in this forum because I want some honest opinions. This is something that I have been thinking about for about two or three months.So in a little while I will be 30....yes I said it, and I'm not happy about it. I have noticed a steady increase in my sex drive. Now I have ALWAYS been a very sexual person, but lately I feel like I always want to have sex. ALWAYS. In class....thinking about sex, in the shower; sex; driving; sex....well you get the picture. I have heard that at 30 a woman reaches her "peak", and dont know if there is truth to that.there are several factors that complicate this situation;1) I see my boyfriend enough, however we have very different schedules, he works a night shift and I go to school during the day, so alot of the time he is either sleeping when I get to his place, or he is just getting ready for work. Like today I got out of class at 1:45, went to his place and he was sleeping, I was very tired and I crave closeness with him and love to cuddle so I got into bed with him....rubbed him a little while and cuddled; then I fell asleep, we both woke up around 8 and he had to get ready for work right away. That happens alot. 2) We have been together for over 4 years now, I honestly think that every man in the world wants what the guy next to him ordered, and that men get bored easily. So I am worried that he's tired and or bored of me already, which I KNOW happens all the time. I would like to think that he knows I am not the typical female, and I dont mean that every female does it, but I hear alot of guy friends talk about how after a while theres a lack of sex and interest etc. with thier chick. I can tell you I have NOT lost interest in sex, or experimenting or anything...I would do anything for him, and oral....thats constant, he gets it all the time and he knows its my favorite thing in the world to do.  I know that you cant waste your life worrying about " what if ", but I have had too much heartache in my life to think it wont happen tomorrow. 3) I wrote earlier I have always been a very sexual person, I have always been that way when I am in love with someone, the more I feel for a person...the more I want it. I love my boyfriend more than anything, but I am also very modest/shy with my body, I have a biiiiig issue with self image and I always have. It's this wierd struggle inside of me; between being sexually turned on and wanting to have sex;  and being shy and not liking my body at the same time. So how do I manage? How do I get what I want? Time with the man, his attention and not feeling like a freak for being self conscious even though I want to get down and dirty? Am I just dreaming that this could be achieved? Or do I need years of therapy?

Recyclerz

09-27-2006, 09:00 PM

Since you're asking for opinions (not advice) and I am old and wise, here are some of mine:There's nothing wrong with you.  Medical/psychological consensus says that women generally hit their sexual peak in their 30's.  Enjoy it.If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship and your schedules don't mesh for optimal nookie ther's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself during your downtime.  Load up on store brand alkaline batteries; they're cheaper and scientific studies show they last just as long as the Energizers and Duracells. If you're the Gaia I'm remembering from the bar crawl days (dark hair and eyes, you were working as an artist) then any looks/body image issues you have, however real they seem to you, are objectively misplaced.  You were incandescently hot then and I can't imagine that anything short of advanced leprosy could even put a dent in that in the intervening years.As to what one has to do to have a successful long term relationship - I got nothin'.

FUNKMAN

09-27-2006, 09:06 PM

Is there something wrong with me? nope! more normal than most. it's cool that you care about things.  just focus more on the positives and less on the negatives. don't forget the negatives and improve them just a little at a time.

Gaia

09-27-2006, 11:21 PM

Recyclerz wrote: Since you're asking for opinions (not advice) and I am old and wise, here are some of mine:There's nothing wrong with you.  Medical/psychological consensus says that women generally hit their sexual peak in their 30's.  Enjoy it.If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship and your schedules don't mesh for optimal nookie ther's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself during your downtime.  Load up on store brand alkaline batteries; they're cheaper and scientific studies show they last just as long as the Energizers and Duracells. If you're the Gaia I'm remembering from the bar crawl days (dark hair and eyes, you were working as an artist) then any looks/body image issues you have, however real they seem to you, are objectively misplaced.  You were incandescently hot then and I can't imagine that anything short of advanced leprosy could even put a dent in that in the intervening years.As to what one has to do to have a successful long term relationship - I got nothin'.  Ok...so at least I know this peak is normal....The taking care of myself thing....got ya' covered on that, although I must say that theres nothing like a warm body ;)and this: "If you're the Gaia I'm remembering from the bar crawl days (dark hair and eyes, you were working as an artist) then any looks/body image issues you have, however real they seem to you, are objectively misplaced.  You were incandescently hot then and I can't imagine that anything short of advanced leprosy could even put a dent in that in the intervening years."I am not looking for compliments here, so please dont think that, but I have to say....thank you so very much for the compliment...it made me smile and blush ...no one has ever described me as " Incandescently hot ".......Thank you. And funk...no one has ever called me "normal" haha....Im just kidding...thanks a bunch you guys. <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/tongue.gif" border="0" />

LordJezo

09-28-2006, 05:24 AM

<a href="http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&se=gglsc&d=5000672048&er=deny" target="_self">Here is something in fancy words and terms so it must be true.</a>In Study 1, results from a cross-sectional sample of college students
from the United States (N = 803 women, 415 men) revealed that women
between 30 and 34, relative to older and younger women, described
themselves as more lustful, seductive, and sexually active.<a href="http://www.questia.com/PM.qst?a=o&se=gglsc&d=5000672048&er=deny" target="_self"></a>

Jujubees2

09-28-2006, 06:30 AM

Geez Gaia, You sound a lot like my wife.  We’ve been married for 13 years (together for 15).  She was 24 when we got hitched and I was 30.  So there was the age difference right from the start (Mother Nature is such a bitch for having us reach sexual peaks at different ages).  Over the past few years, now that she is in her 30’s, I’ve noticed my wife having a larger sexual appetite (not that she didn’t have one when we first met).  But like you, our schedules are crazy and with two kids, it gets more and more difficult to find alone time.  And like you, my wife is very self-conscious about her body.  But I try to help her by showering her with compliments when the need arises.Now after 15 years with my wife, I do occasionally think about getting some “strange” but would never act on that thought.  And most men I know feel the same way.Now as for the oral, the frequency definitely decreased after the ring went on the finger.  I had been told this before I got married but didn’t want to believe it.

angelinad128

09-28-2006, 07:37 AM

There is nothing wrong with you. I'm right there with you with the age and drive issue. Since your in school, next semester try to get classes that work with the time difference.

Captain Stubing

09-28-2006, 08:14 AM

"Is there something wrong with me?"YES!  Now that that’s out of the way…………..  Sexuality and self-consciousness – two topics that are inexorably mixed in our culture.  We are surrounded by sexual imagery conjoined with imagery of what is SUPPOSED to be sexually arousing.  Meaning, essentially, if you don’t meet that standard (or, more importantly, don’t THINK you meet that standard) you are not sexually arousing.    This paradigm, in short, is bullshit.  Accept the paradox that you are you, that you have an imperfect body (JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE), and that you, despite these perceived imperfections, can still both enjoy sex and be sexy.  Impaired body image is basically a brake pedal to your enjoyment, but you have to recognize it and choose.......acceptance.

Gaia

09-28-2006, 11:00 AM

Awww....you guys are awesome, I didnt think I would get any responses for this! You guys have given me ALOT to think about and alot of new perspectives,,,and that is greatly appreciated. Thanks again...you guys are really the best!!

SouthSideJohnny

09-28-2006, 11:29 AM

Alot of people feel the same things you're going through.  Every long relationship ebbs and flows, and this could just be an ebb, especially if it has only been a few months.From a guy's perspective, there are two things in your post that can be big turnoffs:  (i) the chick always worrying that you're going to cheat and go elsewhere; and (ii) biiiiig issues with self image.  Yes, people do cheat and it sucks!  But, worrying about it constantly does show through in your behavior and it can become a self fulfilling prophecy.  I have heard more than one buddy say, "If she always thinks I'm cheating or going to, i might as well do it."  As well as you think you might be hiding it, he's probably seeing that your thinking this, and if so that's a huge downer.  Actually, about six months ago Ronnie talked about this on the air.  He really opened my eyes to not worrying about it since you can't do anything about it.  He's absolutely right.  If you trust the guy, then trust him.  If you don't trust him, why are you with him? The other thing is the self image problem.  On the one hand, it sounds like you're into sex and experimentation, but then you say you have this self image problem.  That's a real HUGE inconsistency.  Guys want to be with someone that's fun and who really enjoys sex.  Nothing is more of a turn on than someone that's uninhibited.  No matter what your body is like, you should love and be proud of who you are.   Most of the guys I know would rather be with someone who is less than perfect but comfortable with herself in the bedroom than with someone who's better looking and has body image issues. . . .   Wait, let me clarify that, in a long term relationship most of the guys . . . .You're in school and about to turn 30 - it's time you take some time to learn about yourself.   Also, your post suggests you may lack self confidence.  There are a million books that can help with that and the body image issue.Just my $.02, and I hope everything works out for you.

Gvac

09-28-2006, 02:35 PM

I don't know if anyone else shares my "affliction" but for some reason my sex drive increases tremendously this time of year.  There's something about the crisp Autumn air that really kicks my libido into overdrive.  Maybe that's what's got you going, Gaia. And for those of you unfortunate enough to have never met Gaia in person let me tell you something - she's scary pretty.  The kind of pretty where you have to repeat a mantra in your head over and over again.  Something like "stop staring at Gaia...stop staring at Gaia...stop staring at Gaia..." and you still stare.  If she's got self-esteem issues, there's no hope for any of us.

TheGameHHH

09-28-2006, 02:51 PM

Gaia, I've never met you but I'm pretty sure a few years ago I saw some pictures, you're an absolute knockout (so am I, there's so few of us in this world). That therapy thing you mentioned in your original post might not be a bad idea. I don't think you need "years" of therapy, but it might not hurt you to sit down and talk to someone about it, it might do you some good.

sr71blackbird

09-28-2006, 05:00 PM

You are fine!   .......Real fine!   <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/tongue.gif" border="0" />     <img height="187" src="http://www.afdtheatre.org/winking_Shakespeare.gif" width="168" border="0" />

cougarjake13

09-29-2006, 08:04 AM

i wonder if the increased sex drive for women when they turn 30 is attributed to the internal click ticking, and time running out to have kidsi know that lately women have been having kids later then 35 but for some reason i seem to remember reading or hearing that anytime over 35 they're are increased risks in pregnancyanyway i dont think there's anything wrong with you, there has probably been millions of other women in your exact situation over the course of humanitybut you said you have an increased sexual appetite and you're worried that he may be bored, has there been a decrease in sexual activity between you and your b/f to make you think this or are you independently thinking that without any reason ???i guess if everything is still running smoothly as it has been then you have to worry about

Don Stugots

09-29-2006, 09:48 AM

i think there is nothing wrong with you.  since i turned 30 a few years ago i have been even hornier than when i was 12.  i want it everyday, more than once or twice, i mean all day i dream about sex.  i have no idea why this happend.  tuckas does her best to keep up but we both work long hours and have different schedules which leads to my batching in the shower.  on the other side of it, alot of my friends that are the same age have lost interest in sex.  i hear them and/or their wives complain about what a chore sex is.  A CHORE???  it is sex and not washing clothes.   so, i guess what i am saying is too each his own.  you are normal (and hot too)

Justice4all

09-29-2006, 11:13 AM

Gvac wrote:  And for those of you unfortunate enough to have never met Gaia in person let me tell you something - she's scary pretty.  The kind of pretty where you have to repeat a mantra in your head over and over again.  Something like "stop staring at Gaia...stop staring at Gaia...stop staring at Gaia..." and you still stare.  If she's got self-esteem issues, there's no hope for any of us.  I agree with the first part G but the second part...well it is nice that under all that beauty beats the heart of a regular human being! (not that we had any doubts about YOU Gaia) So anytime any woman or man blows off someone, we can walk away and go "odds are they have the same issues I do".  <img src="http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Lot/1406/other7.jpg" border="0" /> "You tell yourself 'I'm Stareing right at it"

This message was edited by Justice4all on 9-29-06 @ 3:19 PM

keithy_19

10-03-2006, 03:09 PM

Awww....you guys are awesome, I didnt think I would get any responses for this! You guys have given me ALOT to think about and alot of new perspectives,,,and that is greatly appreciated. Thanks again...you guys are really the best!! While typing this, Gaia stopped to masterbate several times. (I did too as I read it, so it's ok)

boeman

10-05-2006, 03:44 PM

That sounds like a normal person to me... We all have internal struggles, some are just worse than others. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? You've been in the relationship with him for 4 years, you should be able to talk about this comfortably (I know it can be easier said then done).  I do understand what you are saying, My fiancee works nights, and her son stays with me while she works. She gets home from work as I am leaving for work in the morning, I get home from work a mere 2 hours until she has to get ready for work that night. Our sex life can suffer from this because she doesn't work set days... she works one out of every three weekends.

Bulldogcakes

10-05-2006, 03:45 PM

I think you need a new man.

keithy_19

10-05-2006, 07:04 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote: I think you need a new man. I think you're a quitter.

Jujubees2

10-06-2006, 05:49 AM

Gaia,If there's something wrong with you then I don't want to be right.

Bulldogcakes

10-06-2006, 06:56 PM

keithy_19 wrote: Bulldogcakes wrote: I think you need a new man. I think you're a quitter.  Mind your own business! Was I flirting with you?  I dont think so.      

This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 10-6-06 @ 10:57 PM

fleshysilo

10-06-2006, 07:06 PM

YES there is something wrong with you   NO it doesn't involve your sex drive     kuddos for that hottness

Lumber

10-06-2006, 08:00 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote: I think you need a new man.          I have arrived!!!!!

spoon

10-06-2006, 08:57 PM

Yes