View Full Version : breaking up
<p><font size="3">I just recently got out of relationship with a girl that lasted almost 3 years. We started off great, We couldn't have been happier. We were both head over heels. Unlike her, I hadn't really dated at all before. Only had one girlfriend when I was a teenager, and a couple extremely short flings in the years following. So I was very inexperienced when it came to have a real relationship. But I was going to do anything I could to keep it going. Even if it meant being dishonest. Things quickly took a turn for the worse about a year in. I lied about some things I shouldn't have lied about, I wasn't there for her when I should have been a couple times. </font></p><p><font size="3">Basically, I was a horrible boyfriend. I've always had tendency to be a bit selfish, and that mixed in with her is a bad combination. Often times I felt like I was the victim, like she was being unreasonable for something she was rightfully mad at me about. It would just go back and forth, and we would continue butting heads until we both had headaches, or we would break up. We broke up at least 10 times in the past 3 years only to get back together again. Nothing was ever truly resolved, just pushed down inside. And each breakup things were said that couldn't be taken back, so our attitudes towards each other got increasingly worse. I wasn't trying to be worlds worst boyfriend. I wasn't deliberatly sabotaging things although it seemed that way to her. I was just fucking stupid. I thought that I wasn't doing anything wrong, when I was actually doing EVERYthing wrong. And when I knew I was doing something wrong, or saying something mean, it was because I had felt like I was the one being wronged. I always wanted things to work out for us, but I thought they would just magically start getting better without much effort, and whenever I would start putting effort in, if I didn't see immediate results, I would again get upset with her. I would always seem to screw things up somehow. I lost her trust and her respect, and that was only a year in. </font></p><p> <font size="3">The years following were spent mostly apart from each other. We would basically just see each other on the weekends. There was hardly any affection.. The sex, which was never really that great to begin with was completely gone. We still had our good times in between, but they were few. We still both loved each other, but I don't think either of us wanted to face the reality that it wasn't going to work. </font><font size="3">We really had something special if you can believe it, we considered ourselves soul mates, and could finish each others sentences, knew what each other were thinking without saying anything, and had things that we would laugh about that nobody else would understand. We had a great time when our moods were both good. I loved doing things with her. She was a great friend and cool person. I truly loved her. We could spend countless hour/days together and not be sick of each other. She really had me wrapped around her finger, little did she know. I would have done anything for her.</font><br /><br /><font size="3">All this put her into a deep depression. Ruined her sex drive, made her eat compulsively, and gave her a great feeling of despair. Actually, I can say the same for myself as well. I guess I did this to both of us. Although she still loved me, she hated me for all I had done. And she would let me know every opportunity she had that I had fucked up. Kissing her was like kissing a rock, no affection whatsoever. Towards the end, she was constantly in a bad mood. Everything was getting her down, and I was tired of us both being miserable. I finally ended it. I felt so relieved that it was over at first. I felt happy that I had regained control of my life. And here it is a month later, and I miss the hell out of her. And I f
<p>Lots of sound advice in this other <a href="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/viewmessages.cfm/Forum/81/Topic/52962/page/Breaking_Up.htm" target="_self">"Breaking Up"</a> thread</p><p> </p><p>.</p>
<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by SinA on 10-17-06 @ 11:23 AM</span>
Yeah, I read that thread, and was thinking about posting this in there, but my situation is very different. I am past the stage of trying to figure out whether or not I want to be with her. I've already made the decision. Dealing with the decision is my problem.<br />
Jennitalia
10-17-2006, 07:48 AM
let it go. move on. sounds like too much was said and done to ever turn back and start over. doesnt sound like it was ever a healthy relationship. perhaps you miss mostly the idea of having a girlfriend. as far as her blog, that's her way of sorting through it. she's expressing herself, and it's probably very cathartic. i'm sure it hurts you to read it, so i would suggest not reading it. Keep yourself busy. try and meet new people. it does get better and easier with time. but, whatever you do, dont sit there and dwell on it day after day; it won't make things any easier for you.
<p><font size="3">It is SO hard to stay away from her blog. Especially in the past coupld days, when every single post is either about how horrible I was/am, or how she met yet another guy. It's awful... I have stayed away from it for almost 24 hrs now, so that's a good start I guess.</font></p><p><font size="3"> </font></p><p><font size="3">You're partially right about the fact that I will miss the idea of having a girlfriend. When we first started dating that was definitely a major plus. After such little experience, I jumped right into a relationship with a beautiful and smart woman that was probably out of my league to begin with. But she did grow on me, she became extremely important to me over the years, although I was always so awful at showing it. It's true I was a little reluctant to the idea of spending the rest of my life with her, but I was willing to give it a shot, because I did love her. </font></p><p><font size="3"> </font></p><p><font size="3">I just wish that we could both just move on, realize that we weren't right for each other, remember the good times we did have, and eventually be friends. I'll really miss the connection we had, and I don't want to hate each other. But maybe it's inevitable that she's going to hate me.</font></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>thx for the advice by the way. </p>
<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by trig on 10-17-06 @ 12:26 PM</span>
SouthSideJohnny
10-17-2006, 08:28 AM
<p>As a wise friend told me, "You just saved yourself your first divorce." Move on, but learn from the experience. As painful as it is right now, if you learn from the situation, you will be different, more mature and more supportive n the next relationship. You will get over it in time.</p><p>I suggest viewing Swingers to help you get over it and back on track. There is a very appropriate scene where Mickey and Rob are talking about the pain of breaking up with a girlfriend and how the pain does go away eventually.</p><p>PS - Unless you are a complete masochist, block her blog's URL from your browser so you won't be tempted to check it out. You will never move on if you don't leave her behind.<br /></p>
terry1979
10-17-2006, 08:41 AM
What is her blog? I need to see the other side to this story before I can give sound advice, plus it sounds hilarious....
<p><strong><font size="3"><span class="postbody">"You just saved yourself your first divorce."</span></font></strong></p>
<p> </p><p><font size="3">Wow...great quote. That makes me feel a
little better. Yeah, I guess I just need to focus on other things now
and learn from my mistakes. I saw swingers years ago, but I bet i'll appreciate it a lot more if i watched it now. Blocking that url is a good idea. Thanks bro.<br /> </font></p><p> </p><p><br /></p><p> </p>
<p> </p><strong><strong>terry1979</strong> wrote:<br /></strong><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><strong>What is her blog? I need to see the other side to this story before I can give sound advice, plus it sounds hilarious....</strong><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>Oh...it's a real knee slapper. <br /></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p>
<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by trig on 10-17-06 @ 1:17 PM</span>
If you really want to get back together with her, I'll date her. And that'll bottom her out and make her realize how great you were. Anything for a buddy!<br />
Jujubees2
10-18-2006, 10:56 AM
<p><font size="2">You could just kill her, cut her up and cook her!</font></p><p><a href="http://www.nola.com/newslogs/tpupdates/index.ssf?/mtlogs/nola_tpupdates/archives/2006_10_18.html#195997">http://www.nola.com/newslogs/tpupdates/index.ssf?/mtlogs/nola_tpupdates/archives/2006_10_18.html#195997</a></p>
<p><img border="0" src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/smile.gif" /></p><p> i wouldn't want to do that to you. you couldn't be any worse than i was anyhow. <br /></p><p> </p><strong>narc</strong> wrote:<br />If you really want to get back together with her, I'll date her. And that'll bottom her out and make her realize how great you were. Anything for a buddy!<br /><p> </p><blockquote /><p> </p>
Jujubees2
10-19-2006, 07:18 AM
<p><font size="2">As my man Neil once said, "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do".</font></p><p><img height="300" src="http://www.umbrellaent.com.au/flats/0540.jpg" width="210" border="0" /></p>
KC2OSO
10-19-2006, 07:23 AM
<p> </p><strong>Jujubees2</strong> wrote:<br /><p><font size="2">You could just kill her, cut her up and cook her!</font></p><p><a href="http://www.nola.com/newslogs/tpupdates/index.ssf?/mtlogs/nola_tpupdates/archives/2006_10_18.html#195997">http://www.nola.com/newslogs/tpupdates/index.ssf?/mtlogs/nola_tpupdates/archives/2006_10_18.html#195997</a></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>From the article: "<strong>Charred head</strong>" Didn't they tour with Stringcheese last year?<br /></p>
<strong>SouthSideJohnny</strong> wrote:<br /><p>As a wise friend told me, "You just saved yourself your first divorce." Move on, but learn from the experience. As painful as it is right now, if you learn from the situation, you will be different, more mature and more supportive n the next relationship. You will get over it in time.</p><p>I suggest viewing Swingers to help you get over it and back on track. There is a very appropriate scene where Mickey and Rob are talking about the pain of breaking up with a girlfriend and how the pain does go away eventually.</p><p>PS - Unless you are a complete masochist, block her blog's URL from your browser so you won't be tempted to check it out. You will never move on if you don't leave her behind.<br /></p><p>I just wanted to thank you for reccomending I watch Swingers. Holy shit did I need to watch that.. There were so many parallels with the feelings Favreau's character had to my own. Like the way he would check his messages all the time. I was checking my messages all the time too, not to mention her blog. I guess those same parallels could be applied to any loving relationship that eventually ends though. The scene at the end where he has to choose between talking to his ex and the new chick he met the night before was classic. I would have made the same decision he made, and knowing that makes me feel a lot better about the initial decision I made to leave the relationship. </p><p>I am in no rush to find another woman, or to jump into another relationship. I am going to enjoy my new found freedom for a while, but one day I hope I meet my heather graham :)</p><p>thx again southside... and everybody else who posted.</p>
<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by trig on 10-23-06 @ 2:09 PM</span>
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