messed up with girlfriend..advice? [Archive]

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saveopieanthony.net

10-30-2006, 06:40 AM

I've been going with this girl for over a year (literally...our anniversary was last weekend) and she truly is the love of my love.  I can't imagine life without her, she's sweet, sexy, honest, caring, etc.  The only thing about her is she's a little insecure, since she was practically engaged to another guy for 8 years in another part of the county and left him (because he cheated on her with a stripper type of girl in their circle of friends.)Anyway, everything was great with her.  The only thing was this other girl I knew that I fell really hard for years ago came back into my life and ended up breaking up with her boyfriend as I started going with my girl.  This other girl (who emotionally crushed me...really...drove me to drink, etc) asked me out a few months back because we ended up working at the same company (knowing I had a girlfriend).   Although the company is literally hundreds of people, my girlfriend did not take any of this well.  I did NOT know that's where this other girl was working when i accepted , but honestly I would've taken the job anyway (it was 1/3 more dollars per year).   My GF doesn't believe i didn't know, and my friends didn't tell me because they (a) didn't think it was an issue anymore and (b) I told them to stay out of my relationship with my GF after a misunderstanding involving this other girl as well. That was a major issue because my girlfriend felt I was just with her even though I wanted this other girl.  Based on my gut (and asking around on this board a while back) I told this other girl that I'm going with this girl and to leave me alone..because I don't want to disrespect my GF and I wouldn't feel comfortable going out for drinks.  I told my girl everything and although she was upset about everything, we worked though it.Oh, also keep in mind her parents are divorsed and her mother is / was an alcoholic. Anyway, we went to an engagement party over the weekend, which I did not want to attend, but went with my girlfriend anyway.  We were supposed to be there for a little while and leave, but ended up staying for several hours (3 - 4 hours).  I quickly ran out of beer and ended up going with vodka and cranberry juice.  Problem is, I have a problem with hard liquor.  I can drink beer for days and just be buzzed...but don't know "when to say when" with vodka.  I ended up getting a little drunk.  She did too on wine, and we were enjoying ourselves. Turns out, her supposed "best friend" is an attractive slut.   Everyone knows this fact.  I would have nothing to do with her because she was a slut and because she was my GF's friend.  Anyway we were on the way out and leaving and Slut / GF Best Friend came up after she changed into her costome, a sexy cop costume (with a touch of S&M) where everyone stared at her.  People commented about it, joking around including myself.  I was drunk but apparently I joked around too much and pushed it too far (honestly don't remember it) and apparently I looked at this Slut / GF best friend and my GF caught the glance in the elevator on the way outside / leaving the party.  She exploded as soon as we hit the street and I acted like a drunken boyfriend, getting out of the cab and leaving her on her way home, not knowing what i did wrong.   I went to her place and tried to talk to her, and honestly I had no idea what I did until the next day because she wouldn't talk about it that night, except to say "how can you do that to me, she was my best friend..how can you look at another girl that way!!???"I honestly do not remember doing anything like that, but remember making fun of her attention getting outfit.  I was drunk and wouldn't cheat on my GF...but apparently I stared "lustfully" at this Slut / GF Best friend too much and my GF kicked me out of her place and spent the day crying to herself.  &

Furtherman

10-30-2006, 06:49 AM

saveopieanthony.net wrote: The slut / GF best friend made sure to be the center of attention and change into a slutty costome at the end of her sister's engagement party (yeah...wtf).  Apparently I stared too much although that was her intention....  Her missioned was accomplished.  He wanted the attention and you, and probably every other guy there, did.Your girl sounds fragile.  You're just going to have to keep your eyes to her and yourself for a while if another sluttly cop enters the room.  Wait until her confidence builds back up.  She shouldn't even be friends with this girl in the first place.And the "can't handle hard liquor" excuse?  No excuse.  If you don't think you can handle it, don't do it.

Tall_James

10-30-2006, 06:50 AM

Mods, please move this discussion to the "That's Life" forum to prevent goofy responses.Love is never easy my friend.  I wish I had an answer for you but the flowers you sent are a good start.

saveopieanthony.net

10-30-2006, 07:03 AM

Thanks for the movement suggestion Tall James...and the actual advice. Surprisingly, I find this outlet very constructive when it comes to stuff like this where I can talk to people out there that aren't directly related in real life to me and my chick. I went to one of the flowers sites and got their "same day delivery" category items, which should be named the "so you fucked up and need to get something out" category. "To ____ : LOVE TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT WORK. IM SORRY I DIDN'T DO MY PART THIS WEEKEND. OF THE THINGS THAT MEAN THE MOST, YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT AND IM SORRY I LET YOU DOWN. PLEASE GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE, Love _______"

saveopieanthony.net

10-30-2006, 07:05 AM

Jennitalia

10-30-2006, 07:06 AM

things always get blown out of proportion when you're drunk. more so when you are insecure, as your girlfriend is.  i dont think you were out of line at all.   I'm sure this will blow over.  continue to talk things out, and always show her you love her (the flower thing was a good idea).. unfortunately, until she learns to love herself and get some self confidence, this sort of thing will probably happen again

Bulldogcakes

10-30-2006, 01:51 PM

It sounds to me like she completely over reacted. You shouldn't have jumped out of the cab, either. So you over reacted too. But hey, you were both drunk. It might be too late, but because you care so much about this girl you're letting her behave like a overly controlling nutjob. You should be stopping this shit before it gets this far. But I'll assume you're young and havent learned how to stand your ground in these situations yet. You've done little to nothing wrong and are being crucified for it. In a normal healthy relationship she might give you a shot on the arm or a dirty look and you'd say "oops" and apologize. Its easier said than done, but people have to try to not bring their baggage from prior relationships to their current ones. Its not fair to treat you like this when you never even cheated on her.    

 

 

This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 10-30-06 @ 6:05 PM

narc

10-30-2006, 02:16 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote: It sounds to me like she completely over reacted. You shouldn't have jumped out of the cab, either. So you over reacted too. But hey, you were both drunk. It might be too late, but because you care so much about this girl you're letting her behave like a overly controlling nutjob. You should be stopping this shit before it gets this far. But I'll assume you're young and havent learned how to stand your ground in these situations yet. You've done little to nothing wrong and are being crucified for it. In a normal healthy relationship she might give you a shot on the arm or a dirty look and you'd say "oops" and apologize. Its easier said than done, but people have to try to not bring their baggage from prior relationships to their current ones. Its not fair to treat you like this when you never even cheated on her. 

 

 

This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 10-30-06 @ 6:05 PM   I couldn't have said it any better myself. Watch out for the way she acts - if she tries to be that controlling in the future, it might be worth cutting her loose. Personally, I think that if you just look, then a girl doesn't have THAT much to complain about. A look is one thing, doing more is something else entirely. I'm not saying she shouldn't chastise you somewhat, but going off and threatening to break up is bordering on Drama Queen. I went out with a girl that wouldn't so much as let me talk to another girl even though everything was fairly innocent (although I casually liked this girl in the past). I tried explaining all this to her, but she was not swayed. I should've known then to break up with her. We eventually broke up anyway in another one of her ridiculous moments.

saveopieanthony.net

10-30-2006, 04:40 PM

thanks buddays. Everything is ok now.  Indeed we were all drunk, and one of the things i mentioned was that she was overreacting, but she denied it.  We were there with another couple and heard that that guy was slapping her ass in this sluty outfit.   I think I remember now that I was looking her up and down and at the other people in the elevator like "get a load of that".  I think that's what my GF saw and overeacted at.  She finally called me tonight and said that she overreacted, but I can't do that again.  She confided in her boss that the flowers I got her were because i fucked up...and he inquired (he's a grandfather so he's not hitting on her) and he said she was overreacting.   He said she was just being high maintainance.  Also, my GF briefly said she couldn't say anything to her friend..."what do I say she's a slut?" So all is good, but I agree with you that she's sensitive and over reacted at the situation.   Thanks all for your help.  I really love this girl and ended up almost puking this afternoon so I needed some help.  thanks buddays.

This message was edited by saveopieanthony.net on 10-30-06 @ 8:41 PM

MadBiker

11-02-2006, 05:33 PM

Ok, this might seem a bit of an out of the blue question, but is your GF on birth control pills by chance?  I had an awful, awful, horrible, just plain terrible emotional roller-coaster ride when I was on the pill.  Alcohol would only intensify all of my anxiety and jealousy and I constantly felt fat, worried, and tired. I used to react to situations like the one you described (and even more mild instances too) the same way your GF did.  Things would settle down and I would be ok for awhile, then BAM out of the blue would come another mystery episode.I also have an alcoholic parent and was with someone for a long time who cheated on me with a stripper...I guess that is a common enough story.  But for me, finally going off BC was a road to mental clarity and emotional sanity.  You might want to discuss that with her, (especially if she is on Ortho Tri-PSYCHO god that has got to be the worst one ever ever ever)so, this isn't much advice but it could be the underlying driver of her insecurity and emotional outbreaks. Check it out.In the meantime, continue to keep lines of communication open and attempt to be supportive of her. The note you sent with the flowers was lovely and made a beautiful statement about how you feel a relationship should work.  Keep at it! Best of luck