My son!!!!!!!!! [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

reeshy

11-18-2006, 02:21 PM

I just met with my son who is a FDNY fireman.....he told me is gay!!!!!!!!!!When my son was growing up....he was the straightest kid I ever seen....I never saw this coming.... I just looked at him and asked him why he told me this after all these years.....He said that it had bothered him that he wasn't honest with me like he had always been......I still love him....but this is really hard to handle......I always thought my son was straight....now..... Shit....I can't even think striaight.....I just want to get drunk and forget about this shit!! When I left him....I didn;t say a word.....but I left him......in a restaurant in Manhattan.....igot up and walked out the door.... I feel like punching a door or screaming up at the sky...all futile... What the fuck do I do?????????????

torker

11-18-2006, 02:25 PM

Love him with all your heart.

angelinad128

11-18-2006, 02:26 PM

Reeshy, you LOVE your son! How can this be so damaging? It doesn't change the person he grew up to be. So he doesn't give you grandkids...Cheer up! There are alot of worse things out there! You know that very well!!!!!

Kevin

11-18-2006, 02:28 PM

Just give it time to sink in Reesh. It was just sprung on you out of nowhere. Anybody would be shocked. Quick question, do you feel worse that he is gay, or because you feel he did not trust you enough to tell you until now? It would be a toss up for me. But just let it sink in, there is nothing you could really do but give it time, he is your son and basically you can't do anything with fam.

Kevin

11-18-2006, 02:31 PM

wtf is up with this board?? 1st I post, then i see everyones response but Reeshys post, now i only see Reeshys post and no replys??

This message was edited by Kevin on 11-18-06 @ 6:32 PM

Hottub

11-18-2006, 02:32 PM

*Topic Moved.* You know what Kev? What the fuck? he is your son, right?An upstanding citizen, a protector of the community, and a great guy. Why should this be an issue if he is content.I used to think about this from time to time. But you know what? Fuck it.  We raise our kids. We show them what is right and what is wrong. We give them our wisdom. but ultimately, it is up to them. This decision does not fall in the wrong column.My 2 cents.  PM me later.

blakjeezis

11-18-2006, 02:34 PM

I feel like an intruder on something very personal. It seems like one of those situations where any advice offered isn't anywhere near commensurate with the absolute tornado of emotions you must be feeling. Do what you have to do: rant, rave, scream, cry, kick things, punch things, but never stop loving him as much and as hard as you always have. He told you because he loves you and lying to you made him feel like he was betraying you. I'm sure it was just as difficult for him to say as it was for you to hear.  I'm not saying it's easy, no doubt, but think how much more difficult it would be if this lead to any kind of estrangement. I dunno, my two cents.

torker

11-18-2006, 02:34 PM

Love him with all your heart. And tell him you love him with all your heart.

Kevin

11-18-2006, 02:35 PM

Hottub wrote: *Topic Moved.* You know what Kev? What the fuck? he is your son, right?An upstanding citizen, a protector of the community, and a great guy. Why should this be an issue if he is content.I used to think about this from time to time. But you know what? Fuck it.  We raise our kids. We show them what is right and what is wrong. We give them our wisdom. but ultimately, it is up to them. This decision does not fall in the wrong column.My 2 cents.  PM me later.Agreed. You can't really do anything with Fam, kids expecialy. Like i said, give it time...... I still do not know why i can not see anyother replys.....

reeshy

11-18-2006, 02:35 PM

I love my son with all myu heart.....but this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!

Fallon

11-18-2006, 02:38 PM

What's the difference if he's straight or gay, you want him to be happy. I'm sure it's still shocking to hear, but it will get easier to handle with time.

Hottub

11-18-2006, 02:41 PM

reeshy wrote: I love my son with all myu heart.....but this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! Why?. I hope my kids grow up close to be what you have raised your kids to be. They obviously love and repect you. It may bother you for a while, but it really should not be an issue.

torker

11-18-2006, 02:42 PM

Sounds like your feeling guilty, but I'm not sure there is anything to feel guilty about.  If he's cool with who he is, I'd say that's a good start. If he tried to hide it or deny who he truly is, he would be miserable.  I'm just typing what comes to mind because if I was faced with the same situation, I don't know what I would do either.  Hang in there.  I'm drinking, so join me if it helps.

Kevin

11-18-2006, 02:43 PM

reeshy wrote: I love my son with all myu heart.....but this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! Quick question, do you feel worse that he is gay, or because you feel he did not trust you enough to tell you until now? It would be a toss up for me. But just let it sink in, there is nothing you could really do but give it time, he is your son and basically you can't do anything with fam.If you all see my origanal post, i am sorry, i wrote this in the orig post. but for some reason i can't see it.

This message was edited by Kevin on 11-18-06 @ 6:44 PM

Tall_James

11-18-2006, 02:53 PM

Reeshy - he is still your son and you love him like you always have.  I know its a huge thing to get your mind around but please call him.  Its sounds like he really loves you and respects you enough as a father to tell you the truth.  And I guarantee it took a lot of bravery on his part to come out and tell you.  And as a fireman, you already know he is one of the bravest kids on earth.He needs to hear from you, even to tell him that you need time to process this.  Be as honest with him tonight as he has been with you tonight.I know these are just words from a stranger, but know that you are in my thoughts and hope that you and your son can come to an understanding and strengthen the bond of a father and son as a result.

johnniewalker

11-18-2006, 02:54 PM

I don't know you, but you seem like a real nice guy.  I know my dad and he would kill me if I don't turn out the way he wants.  I think he has every right to feel that way, he had us at 17 and he destroyed his life to raise us right.  I think you have every right to feel like you do, just take some time to think it out and then give it another shot  talking to him.   Good luck man.

Sheeplovr

11-18-2006, 02:55 PM

..

This message was edited by Hottub on 11-18-06 @ 7:45 PM

OGC

11-18-2006, 03:20 PM

I have two sons. They are ages 9 and 7, so obviously I don't know how you feel or how I would feel if one of my sons grew up and told me he was gay.I would hope that I would accept him no matter what as long as he was happy.I am going through a lot of turmoil in my life currently, my Dad has been battling colon cancer for about 6 years and I suspect that things are going to get worse soon. My Mom is a very passive woman and I have no idea how she will react when my Dad dies. My sister had a series of strokes about a year ago and she is no where near the person she was, and I doubt she ever will be. The reason I mention these things is that they have made me rethink what is important. And currently life is important. I am so scared of losing one of my children. I tell myself that if my sons just grow up to be healthy and happy, nothing else will matter to me.That being said, I am sure that this announcment by your son hit you like a ton of bricks and I'm sure I would be shocked at first too, but as others have said, as time goes by, you will realize that as long as your son is happy and healthy in his life, you really can't ask for more.There are a lot of worse things that can happen to your kids in the world today.

jsmigley

11-18-2006, 03:32 PM

I don't know you, I'm new to the board. Your son being gay is no reflection on you and the values you raised him with. You said you still love him. I think as soon as you get your thoughts together and canspeak rationally to him you should call him to let him know you love him and support him (even if your not sure you do). The sooner you start speaking with him the better your chances will be of saving yourrelationship with him.

Fez4PrezN2008

11-18-2006, 03:37 PM

I understand how you might feel a little shocked. It's not necessarily something that I would want to hear from my kids, but at the same time I would not love them any less. You probably just need to get over the shock of this coming at you from left field. He's an adult and can make his own choices. You can't "make" a person want to be or feel something that they are just now down with. I am sure that he felt like he took a really big chance telling you about this and he is probably worried to death right now that you are going to reject him. My suggestion is tell him that it's a little shocking to hear this when you were not expecting it but that you still love him and that you respect him enought to be willing to let him live his life on his own terms. And remember, just because he is making different choices that you might make, its not a reflection of you. Besides, look on the bright side, you now have a little better chance of getting to know Fez better. Seriously, good luck.

TheMojoPin

11-18-2006, 03:38 PM

Reeshy, I know there's a lot of a disagreement over the issue, but I personally think people are born gay or straight.  Raising your son "right" really wouldn't have anything to do with his sexuality, in my opinion.  If anything, you raised a great son given what he does for a living and if he has the courage to accept something like this about himself and tell his father.  He clearly loves and trusts and respects you enough to be honest with you over this, so take that for what it's worth.  At the end of the day, nobody's getting hurt, hopefully, and he's still your son.

furie

11-18-2006, 03:39 PM

Please remember which forum this is in.  Unless the thread starter says it's OK, lay off the jokes.  Thanks.-Mojo

This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 11-18-06 @ 7:44 PM

docgoblin

11-18-2006, 03:42 PM

I've got a 17 year old son, and two daughters, 15 and 9. My son is a budding musician with hair that's jet black with blond streaks. he's got roughly 7 or 8 piercings on his face (I know of no others on the rest of his body, but you never know). He's still the kid that I was watching play baseball and lacrosse, and took to wrestling events and ballgames a few years ago. That bond can never change. If any of my kids came to me one day and told me they were gay I wouldn't feel any different about them than I did the day they were born. There are far worse things that your kids could end up being. I know everyone feels differently about this, and we can't tell you how you should feel Reeshy, but the main thing is to not shut your son out. If you've had a great relationship with him all these years, you shouldn't throw it all away in an instant. Give this some serious thought.

This message was edited by docgoblin on 11-18-06 @ 7:44 PM

cozzie

11-18-2006, 03:43 PM

*Hottub edit. PM is pending*   Being serious now, just tell him how you feel, if your dissapointed, mad , upset just tell him. Clear the air and  leave all the animosity  at the door. HE will always be your son -straight or gay- just be happy for him and love him , if that's what you choose to do. but open back up the door and talk to him  one way or another.

This message was edited by Hottub on 11-18-06 @ 7:46 PM

Jujubees2

11-18-2006, 03:51 PM

Reeshy, he is still your son, the same person he was before he told you he was gay.  I have two sons and if one of them came to me one day and told me he was gay, I wouldn't feel any different about him.  Hey, whatever makes them happy.  Isn't your son being happy more important than he sexual preference?

Dougie Brootal

11-18-2006, 03:58 PM

you should tell him that you didnt mean to walk out on him at the restaurant and that you only did because you were in shock. im sure he is just as upset about this as you are. this is no reason to lose your son, call him and tell him you love him...cuz you do!

reeshy

11-18-2006, 04:41 PM

Thank you to all of you...thank you for getting my head straight...I took a few hours to walk around my neighborhood with my dog to think about this... I have since talked to my son...he's coming over to talk with me in a about an hour.... I love him dearly.....I told him so....it's just that this has come on suddenly....I really never knew.....Jesus Christ...this kid had a fiance a year ago...... I'm new to this shit....some of you know I'm very old fashioned and that being gay isn't my cup of tea...  I will need all of your support in this and trying to accept what my son is.....I haven't yet.....I really son't understand it all......but he is my kid and I love him above all others!!!!

TheMojoPin

11-18-2006, 04:44 PM

You'll pull through, reesh.  It's huge news and a lot to take, but again, he'll always be your son.  Focus on that and hopefully everything will be OK.  The rest will just fall into place.

cozzie

11-18-2006, 04:48 PM

Reeshy, alot of  us don't know from a hole in the wall, me included.  Your son hit you with a ton  of bricks, he knows it will take YOU sometime to get a grasp on what he told you , hope all goes well with the second talk.

Alice S. Fuzzybutt

11-18-2006, 04:54 PM

Kevin, I know this is very hard for you. There are two things you can do-- fight it and be miserable or just learn to accept it. (I know, much, much easier said that done.). Your son is still your son. All the great things you've shared with him haven't changed.  You may never  totally accept  your son's decision, but you still love him.  As hard as it is,  please  try to  accept  your son's  decision  from the point of view that it makes him happy. All parent's ultimately want their kids happy.Best of luck Kevin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Kevin

11-18-2006, 04:57 PM

Alice S. Fuzzybutt wrote: Kevin, I know this is very hard for you. There are two things you can do-- fight it and be miserable or just learn to accept it. (I know, much, much easier said that done.). Your son is still your son. All the great things you've shared with him haven't changed.  You may never  totally accept  your son's decision, but you still love him.  As hard as it is,  please  try to  accept  your son's  decision  from the point of view that it makes him happy. All parent's ultimately want their kids happy.Best of luck Kevin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 Ok this is wierd, this is the 2nd time people thought it was me with the problem, Its Reeshy that wrote the thing. Alice i know you thought it was me and you ment well, but, those comments should be directed at reeshy. He needs the supports, not me.

This message was edited by Kevin on 11-18-06 @ 8:58 PM

Alice S. Fuzzybutt

11-18-2006, 04:59 PM

I get jokes...

Hottub

11-18-2006, 05:03 PM

Not here, please.Thank you.

Don Stugots

11-18-2006, 05:04 PM

Hottub wrote: *Topic Moved.* You know what Kev? What the fuck? he is your son, right?An upstanding citizen, a protector of the community, and a great guy. Why should this be an issue if he is content.I used to think about this from time to time. But you know what? Fuck it. We raise our kids. We show them what is right and what is wrong. We give them our wisdom. but ultimately, it is up to them. This decision does not fall in the wrong column.My 2 cents. PM me later.   i agree bro.  he is your kid.  you raised him to be honest, hard working and a man of honor and pride.  be proud of him for what he has done with his life.  so what he is gay.

Kevin

11-18-2006, 05:05 PM

I am sorry guys, i honestly did not know that Reeshys real name was Kevin, I really was confused. It was not a joke, I am sorry about the Mistake.

hunnerbun

11-18-2006, 05:07 PM

Kevin, if you think hearing it was hard, just imagine the personal torment and turmoil he went thru before telling you.  My best friend came out to me about 8 yrs ago.  Like you I was shocked that I didn't pick up on the fact that he was gay.  When he told me I just didn't say anything.  He looked at me and asked if I was going to say anything and I said...It doesn't matter one way or the other gay/straight you are the same person as you were 5 minutes ago and that is good enough for me.  He was so relieved I thought he was going to cry because another friend freaked out at him.   I know it wasn't a son, but I figure as  fucked up as a lot of hetero relationships are, if he can find someone who he loves and loves him back, and they are happy and can make it in this world then they have more going for them then the straights if you ask me.  Your son will need your love and support now more then ever because for evry understanding person out ther there will be 10 assholes waiting to bash him or turn their backs on him.

Bulldogcakes

11-18-2006, 05:11 PM

reeshy wrote: I love my son with all myu heart.....but this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! Reesh, dont blame yourself. Most scientists think this stuff is genetic, anyway. And the echo what everyone else has said, its nothing shameful or to be embarassed about. Its just another lifestyle, and way more accepted now than it ever was before. I know it must be a shock to you right now, but when you calm down I think you'll realize what matters is who he is as a person, that you love him, and that he is and always will be your son, no matter what.

DarkHippie

11-18-2006, 05:15 PM

There are much worse things you can be than gay.  What part specifically is bothering you?  Is it the idea of him being different?  Were you hoping for grandkids?  Maybe its just the shock of the whole thing and after you talk with him again you'll realize that there's nothing to be upset about.Feel better budday, and remember that your boy is a good man

Bulldogcakes

11-18-2006, 05:19 PM

richg0404 wrote: I have two sons. They are ages 9 and 7, so obviously I don't know how you feel or how I would feel if one of my sons grew up and told me he was gay.I would hope that I would accept him no matter what as long as he was happy.I am going through a lot of turmoil in my life currently, my Dad has been battling colon cancer for about 6 years and I suspect that things are going to get worse soon. My Mom is a very passive woman and I have no idea how she will react when my Dad dies. My sister had a series of strokes about a year ago and she is no where near the person she was, and I doubt she ever will be. The reason I mention these things is that they have made me rethink what is important. And currently life is important. I am so scared of losing one of my children. I tell myself that if my sons just grow up to be healthy and happy, nothing else will matter to me.That being said, I am sure that this announcment by your son hit you like a ton of bricks and I'm sure I would be shocked at first too, but as others have said, as time goes by, you will realize that as long as your son is happy and healthy in his life, you really can't ask for more.There are a lot of worse things that can happen to your kids in the world today. Great post, Rich. I lost my sister a few years ago, plus my Nana and a dog I was very attached to all within a year. And it really changes the way you think about things like this. Reesh, once you get over the initial shock I hope you'll go visit your son, give him a big hug and tell him you love him. I'm sure both of you need to do that.

samnyc

11-18-2006, 05:21 PM

It's sad that we can't make jokes about this.  The guy's son came out and he's cracking up.  Everything on this board shoud be fair game.  Why would it hurt Reeshy's feelings if a total stranger said something inappropriate?  And if it did who cares?

Kevin

11-18-2006, 05:29 PM

samnyc wrote: It's sad that we can't make jokes about this.  The guy's son came out and he's cracking up.  Everything on this board shoud be fair game.  Why would it hurt Reeshy's feelings if a total stranger said something inappropriate?  And if it did who cares?Dude, WTF are you fucking talking about? Who is cracking up? Personal shit was never and should never, and will never be fair game in this board, If you can find some other board that does that shit, go there. This board is almost like a family, some of us know eachother personaly and hang out with eachother,So we care about what everybody goes through.

This message was edited by Kevin on 11-18-06 @ 9:31 PM

Don Stugots

11-18-2006, 05:34 PM

samnyc wrote: It's sad that we can't make jokes about this. The guy's son came out and he's cracking up. Everything on this board shoud be fair game. Why would it hurt Reeshy's feelings if a total stranger said something inappropriate? And if it did who cares?   we are not really total strangers.  we are a community, we are friends, some of us are friends with benefits and some of us are family.  we stand beside each other for support when it is needed.  we are not just here for dick jokes and asking the women if we can smell there underwear after a hot date.

TheMojoPin

11-18-2006, 05:34 PM

samnyc wrote: It's sad that we can't make jokes about this.  The guy's son came out and he's cracking up.  Everything on this board shoud be fair game.  Why would it hurt Reeshy's feelings if a total stranger said something inappropriate?  And if it did who cares?This is the one forum where we ask people to show some restraint.  If you don't feel you can, just don't open the threads in this forum.  It's that simple.  By setting that kind of environment it allows people to decide whether or not they want people to take their problem seriously.  Please respect that.Sidetrack over, back to the discussion at hand.  If you have further comments or questions about this rule, either PM a mod or start a thread in the Lounge.

This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 11-18-06 @ 9:35 PM

Bulldogcakes

11-18-2006, 05:39 PM

You know Sam, comedy is all about timing. And yours sucks.

samnyc

11-18-2006, 05:50 PM

Based on a recommendation from one of the mods above I'm not going to follow up on my previous post.But I don't see why it should bother anyone to find out a child is gay anymore.  Your son made a decision to share an important part of his life with you and it sounds like you pulled away pretty quickly.  You should be thankful that he has the rights to live his life as he wants to and might try to build on his show of trust in you and improve your relationship.

Ogre

11-18-2006, 05:53 PM

Reeshy, I can understand your shock and initial horror, for I have a son that is just turned 18 years old.  I cannot say that I know how this feels personally, but it must have been like a load of bricks hitting you.  The one thing that I derived from this is that you are both very strong people, I am sure he learned this from you.  It took him alot of courage to bring this to you and you in turn displayed alot of courage and forward thought by agreeing to pick back up the conversation.  I only hope the love that you share as a Father and Son is not blurred by your overall feelings toward homosexuality.  You two will get through this, what your relationship develops into after this remains to be seen.  You two will shape that from here on out.  I must say that I respect you for being able to discuss something as personal as this, in an arena such as this.  At the risk of sounding like an evangelical or something, I offer the three P's  Pause, Ponder, and Pray.  God Bless the both of you.  We are always here for you. 

Death Metal Moe

11-18-2006, 06:06 PM

Wow, that is a mind fuck Reeshy.  I wish I had ANYTHING to tell you, but I'm not a parent.I think this speaks a little bit about how you view Gays.  Do you feel it's not right being gay?  If so, why?I don't know man, I'm sorry this is causing you stress but I don't see the big deal.  People are gay, it happens.  I have a gay family member and I just could care less, but I'm sure it's different with your kids.Good luck.

Don Stugots

11-18-2006, 06:11 PM

i have two cousins that for years dated the hottest women i have seen.  every family function these two guys (they were brothers) had a different chick on thier arm.  turns out they are both gay.  when they told me that they were gay, they hoped that i was cool with it.  i am cool with it.  as long as they are careful as to not get hurt and are happy with themselves, who am i to judge?

reeshy

11-18-2006, 06:34 PM

Thanks to everyone who gave me support....even the ones who didn't.... My son and I are here now....welll, I sent him out for Chinese food....we talked .... I don't agree with his life style and he knows it.....but I love him like no other...and he knows it!!!  Again .......thanks for all the words of knowledge and caring...I love you all.....except one asshole!!!!!!!

Don Stugots

11-18-2006, 06:35 PM

reeshy wrote: Thanks to everyone who gave me support....even the ones who didn't.... My son and I are here now....welll, I sent him out for Chinese food....we talked .... I don't agree with his life style and he knows it.....but I love him like no other...and he knows it!!! Again .......thanks for all the words of knowledge and caring...I love you all.....except one asshole!!!!!!!    i am not an asshole.  jerk.

reeshy

11-18-2006, 06:41 PM

I love Stugie the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No Homo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This message was edited by reeshy on 11-18-06 @ 10:42 PM

Don Stugots

11-18-2006, 06:43 PM

reeshy wrote: I love Stugie the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Homo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This message was edited by reeshy on 11-18-06 @ 10:42 PM   i am glad you are feeling better.  like i said to you before, if you want to talk i am here.

Bulldogcakes

11-18-2006, 06:44 PM

STUGOTS1 wrote: i have two cousins that for years dated the hottest women i have seen. every family function these two guys (they were brothers) had a different chick on thier arm. turns out they are both gay. when they told me that they were gay, they hoped that i was cool with it. i am cool with it. as long as they are careful as to not get hurt and are happy with themselves, who am i to judge?  I bet everyone on this board has two gay cousins, whether they know it or not.

lleeder

11-18-2006, 07:10 PM

I'm glad the shock is wearing off for you and you and your son are working things out. Its better he told you then to find out some other way like East side daves board gossip report.

FUNKMAN

11-18-2006, 09:22 PM

reeshy, we are proud to know you and would be equally as proud to know your son.  i can't say i know you personally but from the time i've known you on this board you are a good man.i have confidence in time you will continue to love and support your son as you always have. and he will  continue to love you as he has always done.for me the fact is there are "gay people", it is not of their choosing, it is within them. they are not sexual deviants.i should know, my eldest daughter is gay...  and i love her dearly!

PapaBear

11-18-2006, 09:29 PM

I don't know if you're the support group type, but you may want to look into it. I did a quick search, and found <a href="http://www.bidstrup.com/parents.htm">THIS</a>. I'm not suggesting you become one of those outspoken "I'm so proud of my gay son" people. It may help you, though.Godspeed, bro!*edit* Looking at the site further, it appears to be more oriented to parents of gay children that are very young. It could still be a starting point.

This message was edited by PapaBear on 11-19-06 @ 1:32 AM

dereckfishboy

11-19-2006, 02:42 AM

I hope everything works out for you. In the end, I think all you can ask for is that your son is a stand-up guy. As long he's got that going for him, then you know you've done your job right. Good luck, although I know in the end you'll all be just fine :)

Yerdaddy

11-19-2006, 03:22 AM

It is the hardest part of being a rollerblader. There's truth in that bit. That must have been really hard for him to tell you. Because he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. You love him. There's no doubt about that. The only question is whether you can accept him, and let go of what your expectations of what he should be are. I don't have any doubt that you will come to that point. I don't think anyone here doubts that. It's just a matter of you going through the process. Good luck Buddy. We're all behind you.

angrymissy

11-19-2006, 06:08 AM

samnyc

11-19-2006, 08:34 AM

What did I say in the thread about your brother getting jumped?  It must be about a month ago already.  I don't remember it anymore so can't comment as to whether or not it was that bid a deal.

Fezticle98

11-19-2006, 08:43 AM

Reeshy, it sounds like you did the right thing. No one should expect you to know exactly how to deal with such a surprising development, but your son should always expect your support. As tough as it was for you to hear, it was probably 10x tougher for him to tell you, not knowing how you'd react. Something tells me others wouldn't be as supportive (i.e. his fellow firemen) so if he can't depend on his father, who can he depend on?On a much less important note, what if Dave were to bring this up in Board Gossip? Do those of you who know him as more than a radio character think he is capable of such treachery? If so, he should be subject to a forced vacation, IMHO.

ShelleBink

11-19-2006, 08:55 AM

In reading this thread, I have to give major kudos to you Reeshy for seeking support and insight from us and rationally approaching the subject in a mature and honorable way.  As one post said, no matter what, he's still your son.  And I can gather that your son is very happy and proud to have someone as caring as you as a father.  :o)

jetdog

11-19-2006, 09:46 AM

Second Shellebink's post.When I first read your (Reeshy's) post I was kind of pissed at the way you reacted, but that's coming from a twenty-something with no kids.  It's was really heartening to see this discussion progress (a few bumps here and there) and to hear how you (Reeshy) handled the sitiuation.  Good job on being a good father.

Jujubees2

11-19-2006, 10:12 AM

reeshy wrote: I will need all of your support in this and trying to accept what my son is.....I haven't yet.....I really son't understand it all......but he is my kid and I love him above all others!!!! First and foremost Reeshy, remember that what he is is YOUR SON, someone who I'm sure looks up to you and loves you.  His sexual preference doesn't change the fact that he is and always will be your son!  I hope and pray that you will be able to accept him for what he is.

Contra

11-19-2006, 01:24 PM

I just wanted to say thanks, like shelle, to Reeshy for sharing this and seeking support on the board.

In the end you will always have your own opinions about your son's preference, but I'm sure in all his life you've haven't agreed with everything he has done in his life.

It's good to see after everything you took it pretty well. I feel for you buddy!

TheMojoPin

11-19-2006, 01:28 PM

Like it's been said, it's cool you felt you could bring this up with the rest of us, reesh.  That's pretty big right there if you're willing to talk about this with other people.  You and your son will be OK.

sr71blackbird

11-19-2006, 05:57 PM

Reeshy,
I know it probably seems very strange, especially from the perspective of someone a little older then the average board person. But in this day and age, this type of thing is kind of "normal" to the younger people. They do not look at sexual preference as "deviant" or shamefull. Being gay no longer has the same impact that it used to. Im sure you love him the same as you did the day before he told you, and he is the same guy, it is just that he has probably been wanting to tell you this for a while, and its been hurting him that he couldnt be as open with you as he'd like; for fear youd reject him for what he is. He probably has just gotten comfortable with you enough to open up to you. He will be fine and if you want to relationship to continue and to grow, let him know you are accepting and still love him and he can talk about it with his father. maybe if he felt he couldnt talk abiout it with you he would move away from you emotionally, you know? Dont worry!

Aggie

11-20-2006, 07:13 AM

TheMojoPin wrote: Like it's been said, it's cool you felt you could bring this up with the rest of us, reesh.  That's pretty big right there if you're willing to talk about this with other people.  You and your son will be OK. That's exactly what I was going to say. It's good to know you can vent to us complete strangers. I'm glad you are having an ongoing dialouge about it with him. I can't imagine how confusing it is but trust you will get through it stronger like everything else.

boeman

11-20-2006, 07:46 AM

The way I see it you, have 2 choices:1) Accept him for who he is and get over your issues. This will allow your relationship with your son, who you say you love, be the same as it's always been. His sexual orientation doesn't change who he is.2) Let it bother you for the rest of your life. It will be uncomfortable for you every time you are around your son. This will slowly put a rift between you and him because he will sense the fact that you see him differently. This is probably not the choice you want. I think your best bet is to talk it out with him, let him know how you feel right now but tell him you are trying to adjust to this. At this point you'll have to make your choice out of the above.  But that's just how I see it playing out. Take my words for what they are... I'm just a ham and egger trying to help out.

nate1000

11-20-2006, 08:11 AM

whattya wanna bet that the next .net razzle dazzle mention will be for this thread?BTW, reeshy- only words of advice I can offer is tread carefully. This is some resent-you-for-the-rest-of-your-life type shit right here. At the end of the day, this is your son- you'll get over it.

SPeeDy_Freak

11-20-2006, 08:20 AM

reeshy wrote: I just met with my son who is a FDNY fireman.....he told me is gay!!!!!!!!!!When my son was growing up....he was the straightest kid I ever seen....I never saw this coming.... I just looked at him and asked him why he told me this after all these years.....He said that it had bothered him that he wasn't honest with me like he had always been......I still love him....but this is really hard to handle......I always thought my son was straight....now..... Shit....I can't even think striaight.....I just want to get drunk and forget about this shit!! When I left him....I didn;t say a word.....but I left him......in a restaurant in Manhattan.....igot up and walked out the door.... I feel like punching a door or screaming up at the sky...all futile... What the fuck do I do????????????? Let me just ask this question....Let's just say that right after you left him, he ended up gettinh killed in a car crash. Could you live with yourself knowing that the last moment you spent with him was so akward and unaccepting? If the recent past has taught me is to appreciate every moment and not let things linger. He is your son. Whether he fits your mold of what a man should be. I am sue that with the exception of this information you had little issue with him. I understand that it is surprising to hear so much information. But also realize that he must have not told you for so long because he feared that you would reject him.In the end it is your choice whether to accept his lifestyle of not. Just look at the whole person... your son.

This message was edited by SPeeDy_Freak on 11-20-06 @ 12:23 PM

Captain Rooster

11-20-2006, 02:50 PM

Give him a hug and say, "I love you." He'll deal with enough shit from the rest of the world. Just be the Dad you've always been.

spoon

11-20-2006, 11:11 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote: reeshy wrote: I love my son with all myu heart.....but this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! Reesh, dont blame yourself. Most scientists think this stuff is genetic, anyway. And the echo what everyone else has said, its nothing shameful or to be embarassed about. Its just another lifestyle, and way more accepted now than it ever was before. I know it must be a shock to you right now, but when you calm down I think you'll realize what matters is who he is as a person, that you love him, and that he is and always will be your son, no matter what.  Truthfully who cares if it's genetic or learned, it is what it is.  He sounds like a great guy and it wouldn't have been such an issue if the world overall was more accepting.  If it was, perhaps he would have told you sooner, but loosing the love of a father is a huge thing to risk too.  It's obvious that this isn't your tact, but I agree it'd be tough to find out this late.  You'll both work it out and both of you will have to take it slow if you ask me.  Good luck Reesh, but everything will work out fine.

spoon

11-20-2006, 11:15 PM

samnyc wrote: It's sad that we can't make jokes about this.  The guy's son came out and he's cracking up.  Everything on this board shoud be fair game.  Why would it hurt Reeshy's feelings if a total stranger said something inappropriate?  And if it did who cares?It's an unwritten law that this thread in particular is off limits to rips due to the forum it is in.  It really is for serious discussion only and there are plenty of other forums to fuck around in.  Is it that big an issue to you?  And Kev is right on the family issue, many here are pretty close these days.  Yet would you make fun of a stranger when they reach out for some help?  I hope not.

spoon

11-20-2006, 11:24 PM

jetdog wrote: Second Shellebink's post.When I first read your (Reeshy's) post I was kind of pissed at the way you reacted, but that's coming from a twenty-something with no kids.  It's was really heartening to see this discussion progress (a few bumps here and there) and to hear how you (Reeshy) handled the sitiuation.  Good job on being a good father. And remeber, Reeshy grew up in a different era (as you touched on with your age mention) that wasn't as open as present day NYC.  Reeshy is the true Ron/Fez.net Godfather!

spoon

11-20-2006, 11:27 PM

nate1000 wrote: whattya wanna bet that the next .net razzle dazzle mention will be for this thread?If you truly believe this you really don't have a clue about Dave.  ESD is truly a fuck up, but he's not an asshole.  I promise you this will never be mentioned unless Reeshy calls the show himself and puts it out there.  Good luck Reesh.

spoon

11-20-2006, 11:31 PM

SPeeDy_Freak wrote: Let me just ask this question....Let's just say that right after you left him, he ended up gettinh killed in a car crash. Could you live with yourself knowing that the last moment you spent with him was so akward and unaccepting? If the recent past has taught me is to appreciate every moment and not let things linger. Well let's also say that this isn't something that wouldn't be shocking to anyone here no matter what bc of how late in life his son let him know.  Reeshy wasn't totally out of line in his reaction as it also comes down to beliefs and the past relationship with his son.  Truthfully I was rather impressed with how quickly Reesh changed his tact and it took a lot of strength to open up this quickly.

Don Stugots

11-21-2006, 04:32 AM

i dont see anything wrong with the way Reeshy reacted.  he was shocked but after some time passed he pulled his thoughts and feelings together and him and his son spoke and that was it.  Who wouldnt react this way?

spoon

11-21-2006, 04:41 AM

I totally agree and would have reacted in a very similar fashion and I'm quite liberal in my views. 

EffMeBoobs

11-21-2006, 07:28 AM

reeshy wrote: I just met with my son who is a FDNY fireman.....he told me is gay!!!!!!!!!!When my son was growing up....he was the straightest kid I ever seen....I never saw this coming.... I just looked at him and asked him why he told me this after all these years.....He said that it had bothered him that he wasn't honest with me like he had always been......I still love him....but this is really hard to handle......I always thought my son was straight....now..... Shit....I can't even think striaight.....I just want to get drunk and forget about this shit!! When I left him....I didn;t say a word.....but I left him......in a restaurant in Manhattan.....igot up and walked out the door.... I feel like punching a door or screaming up at the sky...all futile... What the fuck do I do????????????? Didnt you tell me the other night that he was seeing 2 girls at once?  The one you knew her name but the other you didn't.  So were they beards or is he bi?   I know it's hard on you because you imagine him to eventually get married and do the things we all expect or are expected to do.  But it was really big of him to come to you like that, so hopefully in time you will come to respect him and accept him for who he is.

mendyweiss

11-21-2006, 03:36 PM

I'm sure your son is proud to have you as a dad.I bet the feeling is mutual.

Bulldogcakes

11-21-2006, 05:05 PM

spoon wrote: Bulldogcakes wrote: reeshy wrote: I love my son with all myu heart.....but this is killing me!!!!!!!!!!! Reesh, dont blame yourself. Most scientists think this stuff is genetic, anyway. And the echo what everyone else has said, its nothing shameful or to be embarassed about. Its just another lifestyle, and way more accepted now than it ever was before. I know it must be a shock to you right now, but when you calm down I think you'll realize what matters is who he is as a person, that you love him, and that he is and always will be your son, no matter what. Truthfully who cares if it's genetic or learned, it is what it is. He sounds like a great guy and it wouldn't have been such an issue if the world overall was more accepting. If it was, perhaps he would have told you sooner, but loosing the love of a father is a huge thing to risk too. It's obvious that this isn't your tact, but I agree it'd be tough to find out this late. You'll both work it out and both of you will have to take it slow if you ask me. Good luck Reesh, but everything will work out fine.  I know, there's alot a data on both sides of the nature/nurture thing. It just sounded to me like Reesh was blaming himself, and I wanted to tell him its very likely he was born that way. But I agree, there's no need to "blame" anyone.