Mom's Final Battle...

[Friday]

<p>Hey Guys...</p><p>Just wanted to post a note to those of you who
have heard about my mom's battle with various illnesses over the
years.&nbsp; You guys have always offered kind words of support and so
I thought I would fill you in on her latest... and most notable...
battle.</p><p>Thanksgiving morning I walked into her home to find her
mid-seizure.&nbsp; I dialed 911 and we have been at the hospital ever
since.&nbsp; Apparently, she had been seizing for a couple of hours and
she has suffered a massive stroke on the right side of her brain,
leaving her paralyzed on her left side, as well as other damages caused
by lack of oxygen to the liver, brain and other organs.&nbsp; Her best
case prognosis will bring her a life in a wheelchair and absolutely no
guarantee for regaining her speech and cognitive functions fully.<br />
</p><p align="left">My mom has a Living Will... a healthcare proxy that
has outlined exactly what she does NOT want to happen to her.&nbsp; It
is because of this, and because I love my mom more than words can
express, that I have made the decision to let her go and not pursue
feeding tubes and other extraordinary measures of life
support/continuance.&nbsp;&nbsp; </p><p align="left">This is the
hardest decision I have ever had to make... but I know it is the right
thing to do.&nbsp; Both ethically, and because I know that if I defy
Mom's wishes, I will be haunted forever by her foot kicking me in the
ass...&nbsp; she has warned me about this in the past.&nbsp; She is a
fiesty broad, my mom! &nbsp;</p><p align="left">Anyway... I just
thought I would share.&nbsp; Please do not pity me... I am strong
because my mom made me that way.&nbsp; And while I will cry and hurt
and experience all the pains of losing the best mother a girl could ask
for....&nbsp; I know that she will be with me forever and I hold onto
the time we had.</p><p align="left">(For those who don't know... she
was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 13 years ago last week.&nbsp; She has
fought 3 kinds of cancer, diabetes, blood transfusions, and a host of
broken bones, etc etc etc... she is a FIGHTER and she is a WINNER as
far as I am concerned.&nbsp; Go Mom!)&nbsp;</p>

[Gvac]

<p>Wow.&nbsp; I don't really know what to say other than I hope everything works out in the best way possible.&nbsp; </p><p>I'm so sorry you had to go through this, especially on Thanksgiving, but you sound as if you're looking at the situation in the best way Tracey. &nbsp;</p><p>Hang in there and you know we're all here for you. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

[Don Stugots]

<p>tracey, please see your inbox.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>god bless.&nbsp;</p>

[Justice4all]

<p>Trac....I will wish all the best for your mom. I am sorry to hear what is happening, but I know you are strong. You hang in there kiddo!!!! If you are half as tough as your mom you will both come out ok from this.</p><p>If you need anything I am one town away.</p>

[PapaBear]

<p>Please do not pity me... I am strong because my mom made me that way.</p><p>She sounds like a great mom. No pity... But I'm sure I'm not the only one who will be thinking of you and your family.</p>

[FUNKMAN]

My Condolences Friday!&nbsp; Nice to hear you are&nbsp;Proud and Strong, it's a great way to handle it!

[Kevin]

Best wishes to you and your Mom. I would not not wish a sick parent on my worst enemy.

[TheMojoPin]

<p>It's an incredibly tough thing you're going through, maybe even the toughest any of us ever face.&nbsp; Just love her and remember her and know that she'll do the same forever.</p>

[spoon]

Sorry Fri, my condolences.&nbsp; I totally agree with her wishes as I'd want the same.&nbsp; You're doing right by your mom and her wishes.&nbsp; Don't get down on yourself, you're being incredibly strong from a very tough position.&nbsp;

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by spoon on 11-27-06 @ 1:49 AM</span>

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Tracey.

[Death Metal Moe]

Never know what to say in these thread.&nbsp; I'm extremely sorry.&nbsp;

[flavopop]

Tracey, condolences to you and your entire family during this tough crisis.&nbsp; Take the fact that your mom passed on some great knowledge along with a lot of love while she was here.&nbsp; Your strenghth in this matter is simply inspiring.&nbsp; Hang in there.&nbsp;

[angrymissy]

You are a strong person to respect your mother's wishes, I know that it is hard to let go.&nbsp; My thoughts are with you and your mom.<br />

[foodcourtdruide]

<p>You and your mother are extremely inspirational. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.</p>

[angelinad128]

<p>My thoughts and prayes are with you.&nbsp; My mom also has a living will due to the fact that she has teminal liver disease.</p><p>I hope I am as strong as you when its my turn.</p>

[Doogie]

I admire your strength and conviction in this most trying of decisions. Not too many people would stick to their plan with it, but as you stated, you were honoring your mothers wishes. I am truly sorry for your loss but admire your strength.

[Yerdaddy]

Sounds like your mom rules!

[Furtherman]

<p>I can't even begin to think what you're going through, but stay strong and you&nbsp;have my condolences.</p>

[Contra]

You are a wonderful person and I'm sure your Mom is very proud of you. You know I got you back, hang in there!

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>If you were standing next to me, I'd give you a big hug right about now. </p><p>But you're not, so these will have to do.</p><p><img src="http://x77.xanga.com/d41a54e648d3264766515/b43442475.jpg" border="0" width="400" height="300" />&nbsp;</p><p><img src="http://www.unblog.com/scrapbook/2003/images/home_aly_mommy_hug.jpg" border="0" width="350" height="293" />&nbsp;</p><p><img src="http://e-cards.adoption.com/cards/hug.jpg" border="0" width="288" height="432" /></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[cozzie]

<p>my prayers are going out to you , your mom and whole family. I watched my dad die because he had no living will, toughest thing i've ever been through.Cry when you should , and laugh at the good memories. Tell her you love her anytime you can,and my best wishes go to you and your family.</p>

[DJEvelEd]

<p>Real sorry to hear that, but keepn mind that people do recover from massive strokes. I've seen other people doing it when I used to take my Gramma for her stroke therapy. She is better then she was 5 years ago but she's very old (86) and&nbsp;a little&nbsp;lazy so she's not where she really should be. I've seen&nbsp;stroke victims&nbsp;with tremendous willpower and inner strength to overcome and to bypass those dead brain cells by constantly moving and working at motor skills. Other brain cells will have to relearn the things her dead&nbsp;cells used to do.&nbsp;She will have to relearn her motor skills but it can definitely be done. Simple things like crossword puzzles, word games, and math problems will increase her recovery TREMENDOUSLY.</p><p>Best of luck...</p>

[JustJon]

Sorry to hear, darlin'.&nbsp; If you ever need anything, call me.&nbsp; I mean it.

[Gwen]

<p>Respecting her wishes or not that is probably the most difficult thing that anyone could possibly have to do and the poise and your collectedness are a testament to the strength your mother has shown you (as per your own words).&nbsp; I am incredibly sorry that you're having to experience this at anytime let alone in the midst of a crazy holiday time.&nbsp; </p><p>&nbsp;Stay strong, you've done what you needed to and what was right by your mother.&nbsp; You're in my prayers and I hope you're able to find whatever it is you need to keep you strong in this time. </p>

[kellermcgee21]

<p>I know you said your not looking for any pity but I am still sad to hear your story.&nbsp; I'm glad to hear you are handling it well though.&nbsp; I think its really important that you know your mother would be very proud to see your strength and the fact that you are honoring her wishes.</p>

[Friday]

i never got a chance to thank you guys for this.
it's funny to go back and look now... and read the well wishes.... I was so removed at the time I am not even sure I read the responses to the thread thoroughly....

it's 4 months past... and life is more normal but nights like this come up now and again. Random pain. I guess its just par for the course.
But strength endures... and I have learned to Thank god for every single day... even the crappy ones.

Smooches,
Fri

[Friday]

today was mom's birthday
i feel kind of odd that i didn't do anything significant to mark it.
the cemetery is on Long Island and I went last week.
we never made a huge deal on her bday. usually just ordered chinese... so i had that for lunch.
i feel like i should be crying but i am not. just kind of numb. though i crumbled just about every time i looked at my nephew these past two days.

everything is strange ... and nothing can possibly prepare you.

that's all. just typing. :bye:

[Fallon]

The fact that you are remembering her today and everyday and still love her is good enough. She'll always be with you no matter if you go to Long Island or stay home.

[ChrisTheCop]

My Dad's been gone 6 years next month.

On the Anniversaries of his death, I visit his gravesite. And cry. Because I miss him. Still.

On his birthdays, I've always quietly remembered something funny he said or did, even if it wasnt exactly flattering towards him. And I laugh, Remembering how lucky I was to have him for the time I did.

Both opportunities, to laugh and to cry, remind me that it is because of him that I am able to do either.

Where ever she may be, I hope she has a happy birthday.

[Friday]

It has been a year since this thread began... and tonight I did a lot of reflecting.
Re-reading the journals my mom left.... remembering how we watched "Elf" in the hospital room ... remembering the friendship and support that came from my buddays here and well, everywhere.

This year has been a lesson in Change and in Love. Rediscovering a place I have called home for years... and opening myself up to new experiences in a different home. Both have become important parts of my day..my life... and have brought new experiences.... and ultimately, love, into my life again. I thank god for this blessing... for ALL of my blessings, and there are many. So many.

My mom told me to celebrate life. Not mourn its passing. And so this week so far, I have tried my best to do just that. And I will continue to fill my days with laughter and appreciation. With wine and friends... both online and off. With love.

But I wanted to re-visit this thread. And again... express my appreciation.
To the show... for making me laugh.
To RonFez.net ... for making me think, bringing me friendships I hold dear.
To both of the above ... for leading me to the love I was made to be a part of.
To God... for showing me that death is not necessarily the end.

Carpe Diem, motherfuckers :)