Fez's Line Of The Day

[Landblast]

<p><font size="2">&lt;&gt;on mother receiving money for having a retarded child:</font></p><p><em><font size="2">.....yeah, alittle drool and you get 10 grand.....</font>&nbsp;</em></p>

[Cleophus James]

<p>Classic </p><p>&quot;theres seven dicks in my ass and theres always room for more.&quot;&nbsp;</p>

[lleeder]

<strong>ESDsucks@life</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Classic </p><p>&quot;theres seven dicks in my ass and theres always room for more.&quot;&nbsp;</p><p>I thought it was &quot;always room for eight&quot;</p>

[Crispy123]

&quot;would Jesus show up on PALTALK holding his dink?&quot; classic

[Cleophus James]

<strong>lleeder</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>ESDsucks@life</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Classic </p><p>&quot;theres seven dicks in my ass and theres always room for more.&quot; </p><p>I thought it was &quot;always room for eight&quot;</p><p>&nbsp;I will blame a typo<br /> </p>

[IMSlacker]

From Monday's Free FM show (just now listening to it)

"Ow, Ow, you hit me with a cowbell!"

[lleeder]

Mud Cat

[docgoblin]

Mud Cat

From the hospital bed, with needles and tubes all up in him, the man was solid gold tonight!

We love you Fez!

[wehitandrun]

This is the perfect thread. Fez has perfected the one liner.

I can't wait until he's back, this'll take over Bennington's line of the day in a matter of weeks.

[Landblast]

on Dave gouging his eye out for 35 grand and then,..

R: then, would you let someone shit in your eye??
Dave: oh, yes i would,..

F: you always wanted brown eyes,...

[Landblast]

on a caller saying, in the future, women will actually learn to put the toilet seat down by themselves,..

F: ...and put an end to those needless ass drownings,..

[Landblast]

on Crazy Jen's 100 things to do before she dies list,

R: number 27 is,..go to a topless beach,..
F: oh please,..if she stays home, she satisfies 10,000 other peoples goals!,..

[ANC]

Does anyone have the audio of Fez from the hospital that was on Friday's Free FM show?? He was killin'!

[Don Stugots]

on Crazy Jen's 100 things to do before she dies list,

R: number 27 is,..go to a topless beach,..
F: oh please,..if she stays home, she satisfies 10,000 other peoples goals!,..

that just made me crack up. thanks for posting it.

[IMSlacker]

On Sheepy rototilling a field: "That means running a batch"

[Landblast]

on Lilly being the anti-Earl

F: ...when are the business cards coming in?,....Lilly, Anti-Earl, Ron And Fez Show,...

[underdog]

To Paul O : "Do you think three months before the funeral was too soon to start dating?"

[K.C.]

on Lilly being the anti-Earl

F: ...when are the business cards coming in?,....Lilly, Anti-Earl, Ron And Fez Show,...

Fez saying that Lilly was the 'anti-Adrian' to Earl's Rocky got me today.

He's been on fire since coming back from stent #2!

[ralphbxny]

To Paul O : "Do you think three months before the funeral was too soon to start dating?"

That was hysterical!!

[drjoek]

To Paul O : "Do you think three months before the funeral was too soon to start dating?"

I did a spit take on that one

[Landblast]

caller on giving Fez Winnie's little black book for numbers

R: little black book,..that thing's an encyclopedia,..
F: my doctor says i shouldn't lift anything heavy for a week,..

[weekapaugjz]

from yesterday's show:

sheepy - i was roto-tilling the field
fez - i think that means running a batch

[nevnut]

from yesterday's show:

sheepy - i was roto-tilling the field
fez - i think that means running a batch

On Sheepy rototilling a field: "That means running a batch"

I thought that was pretty funny also.

[Landblast]

i'm throwin in Fez's LOTD from today and yesterday first when i can get it,..but i'm posting classics and any ol day! is that cool? he's got like a billion gems.

[DoubleJ]

On Sheepy rototilling a field: "That means running a batch"

from yesterday's show:

sheepy - i was roto-tilling the field
fez - i think that means running a batch

Good stuff

When Fez came back to the show this week, Earl was taking a beating from the callers about failing Fez in his time of need. An angry Earl erupted and screamed at one particular caller, "You weren't there ... You weren't there." To which Fez quickly noted, "He was there just as much as you were, Earl."

I like this thread. It's a shame it was lost for six months. It would certainly rival Ron's line of the day had it not been buried for so long. No matter, I suspect it will only take half that amount of time to overtake it at this point.

[weekapaugjz]

man i suck, maybe i should try reading some posts before throwing up fez quotes all willy-nilly.

[Landblast]

R: ..hey Fezzie, well it's Earth Day today, did you do anything, did you plant some seeds,..
F: yeah i planted some seeds today,...in my batch towel,...

[IMSlacker]

beep . . . beep . . . beep

[EliSnow]

"This McCartney music's making me shit again."

[IMSlacker]

"I need those check for my medicine!"

[IMSlacker]

On Rod Stewart stomach full of semen urban legend:

"That reminds me, my soup is ready."

[runnerkid]

fez is the best. ever.

[Fez4PrezN2008]

R - On saying Fez was spotted in Manhattan buying "cubans" on the street corner...
F - Those were nurses aids.

[Landblast]

to Elfish

R: when was the last time you ran!?
F: last call.

[Landblast]

Ron blaming Fez he's not sick and has been watching too much of The View.

F: ...in and out of my delirium, i saw they might of been showing some summer grilling tips,...

[Landblast]

Elfish: I'm trying, I might be trying out the 12 steps,...
F: Elfish, i hope you fall down those 12 steps!

[prothunderball]

talking about being reincarnated as a squirrel...

"I wouldn't mind the part of being in the park and letting old men feed me nuts"

OK it's from the April 26 2004 show, but I just heard if for the first time and the line combined with Ron's reaction had me laughing my ass off.

[docgoblin]

This thread needs more love! Fez had some amazing lines yesterday... Rapid fire:

Regarding West Side eating like a rat:

Here she is holding a hamburger... She's holding it with both paws.. You know, like a squirrel holds on to something?...

[Landblast]

on Paul O having "bed head" saying he still had shit on his face.
F: time to change the sheets,...

[Landblast]

about Earl

F: the empire strikes black

[docgoblin]

Again, regarding Dave's ex:

I never called her dog-face... It would have been rat-face!

[docgoblin]

Another great line about West Side:

Dave: Was there anything rat-like about her when she wasn't eating?

Fez: She tends to scurry... And she's great in a maze!

[docgoblin]

Ron: Look! Baby Love has found another kid to play with...Big A.

Fez: She'll end up in a lake like that little girl in Frankenstein!

[Landblast]

on books for the Bill Clinton Library
F: How To Win Friends And Influence Fat Chicks

[Landblast]

on books for the Bill Clinton Library
F: Chicken Soup For The Impeached Soul

[Landblast]

on Wonder Woman being created artificially

F: she's basically like if Pinocchio had tits.

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Caller calls in talking about how much she loves Chicago's 'Color my World'

Fez (after listning to the song): More like 'color my world shit brown'.

[docgoblin]

From one of the 'Best Of' segments that ran yesterday regarding Dave and West Side's first break-up, and her love for men of the culinary arts.

Dave: Those were dark times...

Ron: Yeah, she couldn't see with all those balls around her!

Fez: Chef balls!... Chef Ballsardee!

[docgoblin]

During Bronx Johnny's Sextraveganza yesterday, discussing different sexual terms:

Bronx Johnny: There's a thing called a Danny Glover...

Fez: ...Where you can't get a cab after sex!

[sithlord]

From the old WNEW days. During the producer mosh pit segment Fez says " the closest I've ever come to being in a mosh pit is being pushed by a fat girl at an Air Supply concert".

[AnnoyedGrunt]

(Talking about a UPS worker who got off on poking women with pins)

Dave: I bet his favourite song was 'Pins and Needles' by the Ramones. *Awkward pause* I guess that one didn't go over. *Awkward pause* That was a joke.

Fez: Because he's little?

[sledhead]

what about when fez dropped the bomb that he was in love with dawn,anthonys sister

[PapaBear]

What are you going to do... Pretend him to death?

[docgoblin]

After hearing the Shirley Phelps Roper Song "God Hates The World:"

She's like a religious John Valby

[docgoblin]

At the wedding when they were describing Stalker Patty's age and the flapper dress she was wearing:

That ain't the dress that's flapping!

[AnnoyedGrunt]

I was listening to an old show from WJFK where Keisha talked about how she picked up guys at a bar called "DC 9".

Ron: 'The DC 9'. Those where the guys she was banging last weekend.

Fez: Good to hear she's slowing down. The week before it was the Crazy 88's.

[TooLowBrow]

ron says lily's shit smells nice

fezz : "mine smells like cream of mushroom soup and burlap"

[underdog]

Earl : This voice, as clear as day, said like, "don't go this way or..."
Fez : I wish it had been the doors of XM

I've noticed that Fez seems perfectly fine when he's making fun of someone. Its fucking hilarious, and Fez KILLS when he does it. He's so good at picking apart someone.

Fez : Ronnie, that's a Psalm Pilot

[sailor]

ron: ferris wheel...merry-go-round...what's the difference?

fez: vertical?

[antifaith]

re: Paul O "on vacation" Fez sez Was/Is that Paul O or Steve-O?



I love Fez

I love Ron

I love the one & only Paul O

[IMSlacker]

On Earl leaving the show and going to film school at NYU:

Your first paper will be called "These Are Not the Droids You're Looking For".

[Hottub]

Now wait a minute. Our guy ate shit, and we won?

[Landblast]

on Palmolive

Po; uhh there are some warnings on here Dave,..
F: i think that's about dish-pan hands,..

[sailor]

dave: we're balls out!

ron: i told you, you're not allowed to have your balls out anymore!

fez: i thought that was only around schools.

[Friday]

"A dung war is on and we are in the trenches of it!"

Go Fez!

[nassue]

not really a funny line but it got me pumped


ron: you should take off that stupid jacket and hat.

fez: This hat might as well be a General's Helmet


LONG LIVE GENERAL FEZZZ!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Landblast]

on Dave saying he's been treated differently because he's so pale,..

Dave; ...it's racism!

F: it's pigmentism.

[weekapaugjz]

"i bet opie is jerking off right now"

:lol:

[AnnoyedGrunt]

*Talking about the best porn sites*

Caller: How about FezMarie.gov?

Fez: The government wouldn't out that out. (under his breath) Unless it was all footage from government funded rest stops.

[Landblast]

on hasidic jews

I'm not gonna be of the religion where you have to wear a real heavy coat every day of the year,..

[Landblast]

j u i c y....p u s s y,..

[Landblast]

on earls inability to cross people off from a list

F: you don't take people off with a highlighter,..

[Landblast]

on Earl's role in his family

Earl: ..one of us has to be the good son!..

F: good means not having sex..

[Landblast]

on Earl completing a task

..he can't do it until he finds the elusive golden diamond..

[Landblast]

"desert cake"

[silas]

Ron trying to guess who the now mutual friend is that Fez initially disliked ;

Ron = Is she black?

Fez = No, you'd think so, but no.

[Landblast]

...I thought his name was Fearl...

[Landblast]

"government cheesecake"

[Landblast]

on picture with Casey where Fez is making gun hands

...I'm so glad to be here, I could shoot ya....

[Landblast]

on not liking Daves cheesecake

I can't wait to crap it out to get rid of it...

[celery]

Catty Fez returns:

Female caller Swanson: Why would you talk about a little girl like that, Fez?
Fez: I'm sorry, sir!
Ron: You know that's a woman.

[Landblast]

Dave: ...the shit eating is me, getting in touch with myself,....

F: your inner self...

[E'ville_Doug]

Yesterday when they were having trouble with the phones

ron: "alright lets go to bj......................BJ?"

fez: "well, maybe after the show."

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Ron: I'm done with talking to guys. All I want to talk to from now are women and effeminate men.

Fez: YES!!!

[Flea_Man]

Ron: I'm done with talking to guys. All I want to talk to from now are women and effeminate men.

Fez: YES!!!

that had me dying today. perfect timing.

[Landblast]

on Rons lunch not being cooked

R: ...Earl this is not thought out

F: ..the meats not thawed out

[Landblast]

on Lillys niece being muslim

F: they should put you on some PR poster....

[Landblast]

on Cigar Magazine interviewer asking Ron at the restaurant why "Earl doesn't talk"

F: ......how akward!!!............by that I mean a black man in a nice restaurant.....

[Landblast]

on Dave saying Fez is put off by questions and is curt with people..gives examples.

Dave: ...questions like..what did you have for dinner..or what floor do you live on....

F: Chicken and 14th.

[nassue]

doo doo douche

something that pickles hopes for

[Landblast]

"The Great Texas Cookie Shortage"

[Landblast]

..behind their complaints lays a fat face of a thief...

[Landblast]

on Bobos tendons

R:...it got ripped out,..they got ripped out..

F: probably in a DC neighborhood..

[Landblast]

...you would of thought that would of made more noise, a large bald man and a mandolin hitting the floor..

[Landblast]

on president Truman being on a coin

R: ...maybe he's on Japanese money...

F: yeah, him on one side and a mushroom cloud on the other..

[suggums]

on president Truman being on a coin

R: ...maybe he's on Japanese money...

F: yeah, him on one side and a mushroom cloud on the other..

seconded! nice one fez!

[MikeB]

Matty Fridays calls...
"Hey dolphin crash."

Now close this thread.

[Landblast]

R: ...the Canadian army would lose a war to Winn Dixie...
F: ...they got the same uniforms I know that...

[jeoyramone]

Urine Review

[Landblast]

"coach fat asses team"

[Landblast]

on Daisy Mays menu

R: ...Rustic Creamy Corn??...why would you call food rustic?....
F: ...oh!....give me the antique beans!......

[Landblast]

R: ..just finger each others asses.....
E: ...i'm... not.... going... to finger Fezs ass......
F: ...MY ASS ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO FINGER??!!....

[silas]

IIRC;

Discussion about Earl having to learn to negotiate for raises and be prepared to walk;

Earl non-sequitor= i'm going clean the palette(sp?)

Fez= you're going to have a sorbet?

[silas]

IIRC;

Discussion about Earl having to learn to negotiate for raises and be prepared to walk;

Earl non-sequitor= i'm going clean the palette(sp?)

Fez= you're going to have a sorbet?

[underdog]

Ron : What about penis in ass? Earl, why are you giggling?

Fez : He felt his asshole tingle.

Fezzy is on fire today.

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Dave's Mom saying her son's poem got an 'A'.

Fez: They forgot to add a 'double s' after that.

[silas]

(very IIRC)

Ron "berating" Fez about the EP duties he has messed up today:

"You let the intern leave early, the preshow plan is mixed up and there are no beverages"

Fez ( laying down on the background miked couch ): "I am feeling bad about the beverages."


(that got a rare surprised Ron laugh)

[EliSnow]

We forgot to add Fezzie's line from yesterday:

Blowhard: Well, my mother was a soprano.
Fez (sotto voice): Janice.

[Redhand]

"I'm stuck here under a black man"

Made me laugh

[IamFogHat]

"I'm stuck here under a black man"



Best. First. Post. Ever.

[sailor]

opie (commenting on his mohawk): holy shit!
fez (in coy voice): oh...you noticed...

[silas]

Ron (to Fez in coffin)= " If you need to, you can just go ahead and take a leak"

Fez = "That's the first reassuring thing i've heard today"

[underdog]

ESD : I always hated it when my dad would have stubble on his chin.
Fez : Because it hurt your balls.

[furie]

<on Earl not shaving and having stubble>

"Pitz touched his razor."

The timing was perfect on this one. made me laugh outloud.

[silas]

After comment that MikeyD wasn't expected to showup w/rest of Crankcase band:

Fez= " So only Case, no crank?"

[BoondockSaint]

From last week when Dave said his parents' house didn't have air conditioning because it had transom windows above the doors:

Ron: What's a transom?
Fez: It's a homeless guy Ronnie, a bum.

[ImpactedColon]

Fez talking about a midget Pink Floyd tribute band

"Shrink Floyd"

[underdog]

Dr Steve : I tried calling Earl, but his phone is off.
Fez : He must be charging it.

[PapaBear]

Fez talking about a midget Pink Floyd tribute band

"Shrink Floyd"
I was surprised that one didn't get a reaction.

[underdog]

I was surprised that one didn't get a reaction.

Does Ron always wear his headphones when he on air? Because Fez says a LOT of things that seem like no one in the studio hear, but I laugh my ass off.

[ChimneyFish]

From 02/04



Ron: "Lemme tell ya, Steven Tyler would smoke a cock to get applause.
Seriously. He doesn't care."

Fez: "You'd have to cheer."

[A.J.]

"You said 'Renee'....so walk away."

[NortonRules]

Everything out of Fez's mouth on Wednesday 2/20 (paul-o bachelor party day) was line of the day. that bastard killed.

[drjoek]

to Lenay
get yourself a GED and a vacuum cleaner

[sailor]

earl: do people even steal tv's anymore?

fez: have a hurricane and let's see.

[Dingbat_Charlie]

to Earl, on black people building America:

"if you built so many houses why didn't you move into some of the nicer ones?"

[DOHO@HOME]

On Earl being nut feed:
Fezzie=earl's dad had a nursing jock strap

[underdog]

Fez : The twins are here; Randy and his brother.

[sailor]

lilly announces she uses baby powder to absorb hair grease and fez responds with "oh, please, teach us all the gypsy tricks!"

[Landblast]

on PaulO selling his piece of shit house

R: ..heres what you should do with your house Paul, light a match to it, throw it behind you...
F: ..I don't think a fire would take that house..

[Landblast]

"Maxi-Nads"

[Landblast]

...Ben Franklin..CLIENT NUMBER 1!...the original...

[Landblast]

on Pitzy

"Goggles Paisano"

[Phild]

"Maxi-Nads"

Fucking line of the day Maxi-Nads

Fez was on Fire today! :devil2:

[underdog]

Fez : I didn't come to this pot party to bleed out.

Hypno-Fez is on fire.

[underdog]

Randy : Big Ass 307, buddays
Fez : Hey, its the funny twin!

[A.J.]

"Getting blown."

[brocklang]

ESD said he estimated Casey had been with 12 guys before him. Ron said that was one for each month. To which Fez replied, "Imagine if Reggie Jackson really was Mr. October." Funniest line I've heard in a long time. I laughed out loud.

[Redhand]

"Does anyone else taste finger"

[Marc with a c]

"i didn't notice"

after ron was talking about seeing a titty.

[Landblast]

on asking Beanie what to call Julianna's private area

...what would Eleanor Roosevelt call it,........home, sweet, home

[Landblast]

on Pitzy

...the kid without a dad is always making up stories...

[Devo37]

Ron: why'd you move to Kentucky?

caller: because of my job.

Fez: Jockey...

[docgoblin]

This was from yesterday:

Caller: "We have the Chicken Fest in my town..."
Fez:"...It's for all the cowards..."

It was so quick and funny! Ron played off it as well. It was one of the best moments of the week.

[Landblast]

...no, I got the cat to divert myself from the fears, anxiety, and stress..

HTG: ...it didn't work..

...no, it just added scratches to my fears, anxiety, and stress..

[porkchop32]

Fezzie, great line in response to Craze saying he was in the middle between choosing between south jersey and LI:
"That's to balance the island." Perfect! Great Timing.

[underdog]

(talking about Juliana)

Dave : She has such a small pussy.
Fez : Aw, she really does look just like her dad.

[A.J.]

I got the Johnny Weissmuller reference Fezzie!

[Recyclerz]

"Girls can't think past Super Tuesday."

Oh, that's gotta sting, HRC. :smile:

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Dave: When I broke my Mom's thumb during a Thanksgiving football game..

Fez: Well, she did owe you money.

[silas]

Dave claims that during a childhood sleepover, his buddy's sister turned him on by saying "that was a really long piss"as he left bathroom, and that she was definitely flirting cuz she said it with "a twinkle in her eye"

Fez: ~ 'maybe becouse you got some on her'

[A.J.]

Ron (as Dave is getting branded): "Look at the smoke coming off his ass."
Fez: "I think we have a new Pope."

[RhinoinMN]

Ron - Dave suffers from some kind of small dick disease


Fez - Small Cocks.

[docgoblin]

Ron (as Dave is getting branded): "Look at the smoke coming off his ass."
Fez: "I think we have a new Pope."

That line was so quick and hilarious. It's too bad Ron missed it when it came out. Sometimes Fez's lines are so subtle Everyone in the studio seems to miss 'em. Franklyn always catches them however and he laughs hysterically.

[albo60s]

That line was so quick and hilarious. It's too bad Ron missed it when it came out. Sometimes Fez's lines are so subtle Everyone in the studio seems to miss 'em. Franklyn always catches them however and he laughs hysterically.

I agree that some of Fez's gems get lost in the shuffle. Amazes me that they don't always elicit gales of laughter. Lately he has had some nuclear bombs of comedy! I can see why his name is also in the show title.

[Reynolds]

Opie got me some porn

I'm gonna spend the whole weekend jackin' man

Yeah, that's some hot puss!

[codenhead]

That line was so quick and hilarious. It's too bad Ron missed it when it came out. Sometimes Fez's lines are so subtle Everyone in the studio seems to miss 'em. Franklyn always catches them however and he laughs hysterically. Sometimes I think Ronnie takes his "not laughing at Fez" bit too far

[AnnoyedGrunt]

(Dave talking about how he still likes to quote Austin Powers)

Fez: And you're still wearing those ugly fake teeth.

[A.J.]

Ron (as Dave is getting branded): "Look at the smoke coming off his ass."
Fez: "I think we have a new Pope."

That line was so quick and hilarious. It's too bad Ron missed it when it came out. Sometimes Fez's lines are so subtle Everyone in the studio seems to miss 'em. Franklyn always catches them however and he laughs hysterically.

That's because Dave was screaming in pain.

See? Always talking over Fez! LOLZ!1!!1!1!1

[calmtempest]

(from yesterday's show)

Fez: I'm sure you drunks were spilling misinformation all over the place.

:)

[Epschtein]

pitzi "he just appeared, and then my mom fell in love with him, so it wasnt like he was a neighborhood guy or whatever, he was kind of a drifter..."

fez "most people just give them soup"

:lol:

[silas]

During a sing-along segment with an blind guitarist....someone makes a comment about how things are in "blind-town";

Fez = The traffic must be really bad there

[Dingbat_Charlie]

"you can recognize Dave's handwriting when David is misspelled"

[silas]

brooklyn blowhard refers to shopping at "big and tall" men's store;

Fez= you mean "biggoted and tall"?

[Serpico1103]

brooklyn blowhard refers to shopping at "big and tall" men's store;

Fez= you mean "biggoted and tall"?

Face Ron!!!!!
That was one of the funniest lines I have heard in a long time.

[silas]

Fez commenting on having trouble getting all the puke out of his beard;

Fez = " twas the Lady MacB*th of facial hair "


Can't wait to hear the "too-trainwreck-for-radio" Fez drinking show tomorrow....

[Dingbat_Charlie]

how'd you like to get fucked up the ass? (drunk Fez)

[threepoundtrigger]

fez: wooooooooah.

I am going to start drinking at work.

[Dingbat_Charlie]

I've become accomplished to the sugary flavulors.

[Landblast]

on Dave saying Casey even put up the cross in there apartment
F: ...yeah, and her people awhile back put up a cross too...

[Landblast]

R: ...have you ever held that baby when you were drunk?
Dave: ...well Mr B, I don't want to get into that,.....
F: ...have you ever held that baby when you were sober?

[Landblast]

on Dave telling off a caller named Dave for him saying he's a bad father for not spending money on his baby instead of pizza

Dave: ...well Dave, don't you know all the answers,..you just have all the answers...
F: well, at least this one.

[Landblast]

"the Queertown Murders"

[Serpico1103]

Galaxative

Nazerth Mafia

[A.J.]

Bree: "Fez isn't gay."

Fez: "You ARE under."

[Furtherman]

Bree: "Fez isn't gay."

Fez: "You ARE under."

Everyone is the office asked what I guffawed at. Holy shit that was great.

[ChrisBrown]

Everyone is the office asked what I guffawed at. Holy shit that was great.

That was hilarious!

[Landblast]

"Hoodie High"

[Landblast]

"Chief Excrement Officer"

[Landblast]

..I pledge allegiance to Tom Landry...

[A.J.]

Dave: "I could live with pebble shits."

Fez: "That'd be new for you."

[Dingbat_Charlie]

Lily mentions that Jivin dumped her via email

Fez (in AOL voice): You've got heartache

[silas]

Ant (of lilly, in an affectionate joke)= she's an insufferable c###

Fez= naw, she isn't insufferable

[A.J.]

Crazed: "36C is the perfect size."

Fez: "You're almost there."

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Not so much funny, but I was listening to the 2002 Christmas show and they were talking to Crazy Claire (I think) who had just spent a few days in the nut hut.

Fez: If I ever had to go to one of those places you would have no trouble making me take those meds.

[The Cammer]

"No I would not jack off that puppy"

[Landblast]

R: ....it's the ecomony stupid, that's what I always say.....

F: ...BUT YOU ONLY SAY IT TO ME!....

[Landblast]

"entremanure"

[Landblast]

on Dave playing Lucille Ball and A.J. playing Ricky Ricardo

"I Love Loose Bowels"

[Devo37]

on Trinidad & Tobago:

"Why can't they just call themselves Trinibago?"

[Landblast]

Hosp: ...alot of my demons will be exorcised by punching Dave in the face...

F: ....it'll be the first excercise you'll get.....

[sailor]

father nokolai: we're all familiar with boy scouts.

fez: sure!

[Obadiah 1329]

Every time I hear a "worst of" show, I keep thinking the old Fez was too shrill. I like the new Fez. I just wish evil old Ron would get off his case. He creeps me out sometimes.

[IamFogHat]

Every time I hear a "worst of" show, I keep thinking the old Fez was too shrill. I like the new Fez. I just wish evil old Ron would get off his case. He creeps me out sometimes.

That's a good first post. You'll do well here.





Sorry noob, it's my job.








I don't like insane first posts.....






I LOVE them!

[biozombie]

I did not eat hamster babies !

...i licked one.

[Korda]

I did not eat hamster babies !

...i licked one.


I nearly pissed myself laughing at that one...

[PapaBear]

Now I know what it's like to be the paparazzi coming after me.

[sailor]

loved all of "santa's got a secret" but particularly the line about mrs claus not knowing it's not only the north wind that blows.

[underdog]

-after Dave "cheers" with his bottle"

Fez : Quit banging the damn bottles together.
Ron : Why does that bother you?
Fez : Because they're going to break; he's stupid.

[hammersavage]

Took forever to find this. Lately, this should be updated multiple times a day.


On the list of # of Casey's partners:

"I want the number for the play 3 tonight"

[Pestz4Evah]

<object width="320" height="265"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jm6rBmJe58w&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jm6rBmJe58w&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="320" height="265"></embed></object>

[hammersavage]

Goddamn catty Fez is the hit king.

[Dell]

<object width="320" height="265"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jm6rBmJe58w&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jm6rBmJe58w&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="320" height="265"></embed></object>

Do you know of a full-length recording of the pre-oscar show online anywhere?

[Pestz4Evah]

Do you know of a full-length recording of the pre-oscar show online anywhere?

shhhhh. (http://rapidshare.com/files/203321930/2009-02-22_R_F_Pre-Oscar_Show_cf96k.mp3.html)

[Philip]

Fez had a great one the other day. They were talking about whether necrophylia, was sex or jerking off.

Ron's argument that a dead body is not a person, was asking "can they vote", and something else along those lines like can they run for president, and fez's line:

Okay so having sex with a dead person is like having sex with foreigner?

[Dell]

shhhhh. (http://rapidshare.com/files/203321930/2009-02-22_R_F_Pre-Oscar_Show_cf96k.mp3.html)

Thanks! :clap:

[sailor]

paul-o announcing he's found a lovely new lady, fez yells out "dead woman walkin'!"

[~Katja~]

grlNIN posted it yesterday, I thought is was hilarious... between all the tears it was pretty unexpected

"I always assumed it was a running start across the bedroom".

LOTD

I cackled really loudly.

[A.J.]

Crazed: "I'm thinking of joining a bowling league."

Fez: "Well you're going to prove Barack Obama wrong."

[A.J.]

Caller: "This is Marvin From Montana."

Ron: "Thanks for announcing yourself Marvin."

Fez: "They just got phones out there."

[~Katja~]

Patti calling in offering Fez a free starbucks coffee for his B-day...


Fez: " her nickname is old beans"

:lol:

[Devo37]

Dave (talking about his high school drug use): "Coke was the hardest thing i ever did"

Fez: "I thought math was." :clap:

[Landblast]

on Billy Mitchell sending Dave motivational quotes along with his hot sauce

Dave: ...they said things like "Never Surrender"...
F: ...what about 'I've Got Neck"...

[Landblast]

on Fez paying a couple thousand to get fucked by Dave

R: ..there you go Fez, for a couple grand you can break your cherry...
F: ...for East Side Dave, I may need cash back...

[~Katja~]

Earl after taking a shot of Jamison
"this tastes like shoe polish"

Fez
"Oh so you are working again?"

:lol:

[Devo37]

(talking about David Carradine's death)

Ron: I'm reading that from AOL News.

Fez: AOL, the First Name in News...because it begins with 'A'.

[somebody66]

it's got to do with a certain number of dicks that can fit in fezies ass, it's hilarious and educational all in one shot!

[Dichotomy]

Ron: "[Lilly] celebrated 9/11."

Fez: "That's wrong, because the rest of us were really upset that day!"

[The Shrike]

Ron: "[Lilly] celebrated 9/11."

Fez: "That's wrong, because the rest of us were really upset that day!"

This was anyone's line of the day yesterday, maybe of the month, for me. It made me spray Coke Zero all over myself like a goddamned fool. Fez's delivery was priceless, and it came out LIGHTNING quick. Awesome.

[Landblast]

...doing the two things I do best!!....endangering my health and eating cookies!!.....

[A.J.]

Caller: The topless chick in that movie was Betsy Russell.

Fez: She made our flag.

[Devo37]

talking about David Gray:

"He's like a boy Tracy Chapman"

[GregoryJoseph]

On Earl receiving the $2,000 from him -

"This is the money you wouldn't be borrowing if you didn't quit."

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s109/GregRotten/EarlGeicoMoney.jpg

[BlackSpider]

On Earl receiving the $2,000 from him -

"This is the money you wouldn't be borrowing if you didn't quit."

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s109/GregRotten/EarlGeicoMoney.jpg




I didn't hear today's show yet.
Is Fez making Earl get a job as a condition for giving him the money...?

[kratos]

This has got to be from over a month ago (hope I remember it right) but it stuck with me:

Ron: ...every clit...

Fez: Has a silver lining.

[ToiletCrusher]

.

[EliSnow]

Slam dunk: in response to a caller (an army major) who was justifying the airline captains misleading reasons why be had to veer from his charted path and request military door guards:
Ronnie B, "yeah, the military never sees anything like a lie". The man is quick.

I'll move this to Ron's line of the day.

[A.J.]

Slam dunk: in response to a caller (an army major) who was justifying the airline captains misleading reasons why be had to veer from his charted path and request military door guards:
Ronnie B, "yeah, the military never sees anything like a lie". The man is quick.

Maybe you should have noted this in RON'S Line of the Day thread.

[Rockvillejoe]

I thought I did. This iPhone is great. But if you are half blind like I am it sucks. Switch it if u can. My bad

[TjM]

Fez: You never hear horses called a mut
Ron: Yeah but you could be a nag
Fez: Well I don't mean to be I'm just making a point about horses

[underdog]

Fez: You never hear horses called a mut
Ron: Yeah but you could be a nag
Fez: Well I don't mean to be I'm just making a point about horses

That line killed me. It was so quick.

[Pedro471]

Fez: You never hear horses called a mut
Ron: Yeah but you could be a nag
Fez: Well I don't mean to be I'm just making a point about horses

I thought that line got missed! Very funny, and so subtle....

[underdog]

I don't even think anyone on the show heard this, but I laughed :

Dave : I'll pay a guy right now to be a father to my kids.
Fez : I tried.

[Devo37]

I don't even think anyone on the show heard this, but I laughed :

Dave : I'll pay a guy right now to be a father to my kids.
Fez : I tried.

yeah, that cracked me up! :lol:

[hammersavage]

Dave: 'I don't know why Ike and Tina needed so much smack talk'

Fez: 'Literally'

[fezident]

DAVE: "Adam Lambert released his album on the same day as Barbra Streisand? She's been in the business for 35 fuckin' years. Adam Lambert can't compete with people....."
FEZ: "...who need people?"

[Devo37]

(talking about hate-crime laws)

Ron: You can't punish someone for thinking something. Like, if I was thinking, "you know what would be a great way to kill Dave?"

HTG: You can't get punished for wanting to kill Dave.

ESD: What? What would be a great way to kill Dave?

Fez: Sunlight.


:laugh::clap:

[KingModem]

Nov 6 2009 -

Ron: Earl, what would be your idea of heaven?

Earl: Just...a baseball game going on, you know, something that gives you joy!

Fez: (In a baseball announcer's voice) Here we are in the top of the 10 thousandth!

Made me laugh hard.

[A.J.]

Crazed: "I didn't get The Doors."

Fez: "Exit".

and

Crazed: "I'll see 2012 tonight."

Fez: "On the scale."

[Dogfather]

-Fez "8 steps to 12, the story of David McDonald"

[n0thng2bdone]

on the BP/Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill:
"...and it's just going...it's just happening like someone spilt something...in...in uh, um, like oil got spilt in a garage and someone's gonna come along and mop it up eventually." 5/21/10

[A.J.]

Ron: "There will be no Bon Jovi on the jukebox in our bar."

Hicks: "The Bon Jovi never ends."

Fez: "That's why they say Never Say Goodbye."

[TripleSkeet]

Fez - "................................................." continue for 17 straight minutes.

[Devo37]

from the hypnosis show, Fezzie's mob name for himself:

"Fezzie Spaghetti-O's"

only a man with his diet would choose a processed 'italian' food :lol:

[spainlinx0]

Hypnosis show lines I can think of at the moment:

Jesus will bring dairy back to your life.

Can someone bring me back the yen please?

There's a black man as president. That's the devil's work!

[A.J.]

"I never had the sex."

[chaza]

OK, I'm don't know what's going on.

I'm confused.

Gay marriage etc.

[DOHO@HOME]

Yeh I'm back here with the phone screeners, yeh just trying to make sure this part of the show goes right.:wallbash:

[Chigworthy]

"I'm against negativity."

[Andy1807]

"$25 a deer"

I laughed for five minutes.