No Longer Need Relationship Advice

[dereckfishboy]

<p>So she writes me a letter. Saying that she is her own person, and she doesn't feel that way when I'm around. She says that she forgets who she is with me until she's around other people. Some feeling inside is holding her back from wanting to be with me and sometimes it feels like it's never going to come back. That all we can do is wait and see that if we seperate maybe things will get better.</p><p> This kind of thing sounds familiar. I've heard it before. I've said it before. I remember what happens next. <br /> I know it's generally frowned down upon for guys to express emotion, but I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty torn up right now. I've kept myself pretty guarded since my divorce, and I finally found someone I let that guard down with. I've treated her better than anyone I'd ever been with before. My first relationship where I actually did everything right for a change. I spent every day trying to be a better person because that's what she deserved. I was a <em>good man</em>, maybe for the first time in my life. I offered her everything I had. And it just wasn't good enough. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I tried, now I give up.<br /> </p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[cougarjake13]

<strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote:<br /><p>So she writes me a letter. Saying that she is her own person, and she doesn't feel that way when I'm around. She says that she forgets who she is with me until she's around other people. Some feeling inside is holding her back from wanting to be with me and sometimes it feels like it's never going to come back. That all we can do is wait and see that if we seperate maybe things will get better.</p><p>This kind of thing sounds familiar. I've heard it before. I've said it before. I remember what happens next. <br />I know it's generally frowned down upon for guys to express emotion, but I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty torn up right now. I've kept myself pretty guarded since my divorce, and I finally found someone I let that guard down with. I've treated her better than anyone I'd ever been with before. My first relationship where I actually did everything right for a change. I spent every day trying to be a better person because that's what she deserved. I was a <em>good man</em>, maybe for the first time in my life. I offered her everything I had. And it just wasn't good enough. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I tried, now I give up. </p><p>giving up chicks for life ???</p><p>i know it feels bad now, but someone else will come along and make you forget all about this</p>

[Don Stugots]

chin up champ.&nbsp; it will get better, i promise.&nbsp; take the time to enjoy your kid and get some time to focus on yourself.&nbsp;

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>cougarjake13</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote:<br /><p>So she writes me a letter. Saying that she is her own person, and she doesn't feel that way when I'm around. She says that she forgets who she is with me until she's around other people. Some feeling inside is holding her back from wanting to be with me and sometimes it feels like it's never going to come back. That all we can do is wait and see that if we seperate maybe things will get better.</p><p>This kind of thing sounds familiar. I've heard it before. I've said it before. I remember what happens next. <br />I know it's generally frowned down upon for guys to express emotion, but I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty torn up right now. I've kept myself pretty guarded since my divorce, and I finally found someone I let that guard down with. I've treated her better than anyone I'd ever been with before. My first relationship where I actually did everything right for a change. I spent every day trying to be a better person because that's what she deserved. I was a <em>good man</em>, maybe for the first time in my life. I offered her everything I had. And it just wasn't good enough. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I tried, now I give up. </p><p>giving up chicks for life ???</p><p>i know it feels bad now, but someone else will come along and make you forget all about this</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Naw, of course not. Just this one in particular. Come dude, I'm not 14, give me a <em>little </em>credit.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by dereckfishboy on 12-28-06 @ 6:13 PM</span>

[reeshy]

Shit, Dereck.....you sound like I did a long time ago......I loved a woman and she fell out of love with me....I still loved her.....then I met someone else....we loved.....give it a chance!!!!

[reeshy]

Yea....Cougar can be a penis....but he means well....I think????

[Poochie]

I am sorry to hear about this..just keep your head up (for lack of better words)..you seem like a good man, and there will be a woman out there that will appreciate that. Take care buddy.

[Dougie Brootal]

<p>hey man cheer up. i used to feel that way about this chick</p><p><img src="http://myspace-070.vo.llnwd.net/01445/07/02/1445032070_l.jpg" border="0" width="170" height="226" /></p><p>she had hair when we were together....she dumped me and i felt like you do now. 6 months later... i was with this chick....</p><p><img src="http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g130/douggrasso/IMGP0351.jpg" border="0" width="600" height="800" /></p><p><img src="http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g130/douggrasso/IMGP0352.jpg" border="0" width="800" height="600" /></p><p>trust me dude...if anyone can assure.. i can! IT WILL GET BETTER!</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>douggrasso</strong> wrote:<br /><p>hey man cheer up. i used to feel that way about this chick</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>she had hair when we were together....she dumped me and i felt like you do now. 6 months later... i was with this chick....</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>trust me dude...if anyone can assure.. i can! IT WILL GET BETTER!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Goddamn, dude.... you're really good at this cheering-up thing!&nbsp;</p>

[spoon]

Reesh is a wise man Dfish!&nbsp; You did what you could and put yourself out there more than most.&nbsp; Sometimes people can try too hard though as strange as this sounds.&nbsp; There's no way not to feel hurt when you lose someone you love, it just means your normal.&nbsp; Most guys don't talk about it, but that doesn't mean they don't feel it.&nbsp; Just be sure to keep it civil and think of your daughter bc this relationship involves her too.&nbsp; You can't just lay into her like you may want to as it can kill your chances to gain custody with your daughter.&nbsp; Good luck D.

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>spoon</strong> wrote:<br />Reesh is a wise man Dfish! You did what you could and put yourself out there more than most. Sometimes people can try too hard though as strange as this sounds. There's no way not to feel hurt when you lose someone you love, it just means your normal. Most guys don't talk about it, but that doesn't mean they don't feel it. Just be sure to keep it civil and think of your daughter bc this relationship involves her too. You can't just lay into her like you may want to as it can kill your chances to gain custody with your daughter. Good luck D.<p>&nbsp;<br />Oh, I've been divorced bro. I know full well how important it is for things to look good on paper. Believe me, I start building my case immediately. </p>

[Don Stugots]

look at me divorced twice, dated countless women, yet found the love of my life.

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>Don Stugots</strong> wrote:<br />look at me divorced twice, dated countless women, yet found the love of my life. <p>&nbsp;</p><p>Yeah, but were you dumb enough to know up one of the bad ones?&nbsp;</p>

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>Dereck:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>As a piece of legal advice (even though I'm not a lawyer) </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>HANG ON TO THAT LETTER.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>It may come in useful down the road.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[lleeder]

Did you get her a Christmas gift, if yes, then I feel double pissed about this?

[Tenbatsuzen]

<strong>Don Stugots</strong> wrote:<br />look at me divorced twice, dated countless women, yet found the love of my life. <p>&nbsp;</p><p>Whore.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>Tenbatsuzen</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Dereck:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>As a piece of legal advice (even though I'm not a lawyer) </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>HANG ON TO THAT LETTER.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>It may come in useful down the road.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Oo. Damn good idea. Thanks, tenbatz! I wonder if I can get her to admit her drug habit on paper now....&nbsp;</p>

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>RF.NET DISCLAIMER:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Matty Fridays is not a lawyer.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Matty Fridays is not a doctor.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Please see a real lawyer or real doctor.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Please don't sue.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><font face="comic sans ms,sand" size="1"><br /></font></p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[MadBiker]

<p>Hi Derek,</p><p>I'm kinda new&nbsp;to&nbsp;the board&nbsp;and do not post much, but I thought I could offer some help here as far as custody is concerned.&nbsp; &quot;Father's Rights&quot; is not a new concept but it is an issue that is gaining prominence in the courts and custody suits.&nbsp; It may be helpful for you to check out a few of these resources so you can fight your best fight for your daughter's sake.&nbsp; Who knows, maybe losing custody of her daughter will help the baby's mother see what sounds like her destructive, selfish behavior and make some positive changes in her life.</p><p>Check out <a href="http://www.themenscenter.com/">www.themenscenter.com</a>, <a href="http://www.dadsrights.org/">www.dadsrights.org</a> and <a href="http://www.fathersrightsinc.com/">www.fathersrightsinc.com</a> for free references, legal advice and things of which you should be aware while involved in a child custody suit.</p><p>Best of luck to you man. </p><p>The M.B.</p>

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>MadBiker</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Hi Derek,</p><p>I'm kinda new to the board and do not post much, but I thought I could offer some help here as far as custody is concerned. &quot;Father's Rights&quot; is not a new concept but it is an issue that is gaining prominence in the courts and custody suits. It may be helpful for you to check out a few of these resources so you can fight your best fight for your daughter's sake. Who knows, maybe losing custody of her daughter will help the baby's mother see what sounds like her destructive, selfish behavior and make some positive changes in her life.</p><p>Check out <a href="http://www.themenscenter.com/">www.themenscenter.com</a>, <a href="http://www.dadsrights.org/">www.dadsrights.org</a> and <a href="http://www.fathersrightsinc.com/">www.fathersrightsinc.com</a> for free references, legal advice and things of which you should be aware while involved in a child custody suit.</p><p>Best of luck to you man. </p><p>The M.B.</p><p> You rule, Madbiker! That's exactlly what I neeed was someplace to start!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>She really is a good mother, but I know child support would only go to buying pot and other shit she doesn't need. I see how she spends the support from the first kid's dad, and she's flat out told her sister (not thinking it'd get back to me) that CS from me would be free spending money. I'd like custody if nothing else, So I can not only make sure my daughter is being raised right. but so that I don't have to pay for her mother's recreation. </p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by dereckfishboy on 12-28-06 @ 8:02 PM</span>

[MellySmelly]

<p>I went 8 long years without anyone, I had completely given up on any hope of ever finding anyone to love.&nbsp; Then, I found love in a most unexpected way and I couldn't be happier.&nbsp; </p><p>There is someone out there for you, it just isn't this chick you've been dealing with.</p>

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>MellySmelly</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I had completely given up on any hope of ever finding anyone to love</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;I'm very glad you finally found someone to love, melly. I did too :) </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e68/jenosyde/cc.jpg&nbsp;</p>

[angelinad128]

<p>You will be depressed for a while and that's a good thing!&nbsp; You will realize if you don't already, that this is for the best. I'm sure you know how much weight in misery you just lost.</p><p>You know you can PM me anytime to talk.</p>

[phixion]

dereck you have a kid? then nothing else should matter. i miss my niece more than anything, id give up pussy for the rest of my life if it gave me my niece back. love your kid(s) fuck everything else

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>angelinad128</strong> wrote:<br />You know you can PM me anytime to talk.<p>&nbsp;</p><p>Deal.&nbsp;</p>

[MadBiker]

<strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote: <p>She really is a good mother, but I know child support would only go to buying pot and other shit she doesn't need. I see how she spends the support from the first kid's dad, and she's flat out told her sister (not thinking it'd get back to me) that CS from me would be free spending money. I'd like custody if nothing else, So I can not only make sure my daughter is being raised right. but so that I don't have to pay for her mother's recreation. </p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by dereckfishboy on 12-28-06 @ 8:02 PM</span> <p><font size="2">sounds like you still have a fight ahead of you. See if there is some compulsory drug testing you can have done&nbsp;when the time comes. She may be smart enough to lay off the drugs for awhile, thinking a test may come up, but who knows? If she comes up positive, the argument that you are the best parent to have sole custody becomes stronger. It worked for a friend of mine. The baby's father was cokehead and wanted half-and-half custody, but for some reason a drug test was ordered for both parents. He came up positive and only has visitation now. Perhaps rules are different in Florida, though. I'm from Jersey. We have too many laws here for me to know what any of the laws are.</font></p><p><font size="2">Good luck.</font></p>

[MellySmelly]

<strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>MellySmelly</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I had completely given up on any hope of ever finding anyone to love</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;I'm very glad you finally found someone to love, melly. I did too <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/images/smile.gif" border="0" width="15" height="15" /> </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e68/jenosyde/cc.jpg" border="0" width="495" height="366" />&nbsp;</p><p>awwww that is so sweet</p>

[narc]

<p>Damn that just plain sucks. It's too bad you couldn't work it out for your daughter. </p><p>I just hope you can see yourself with more than one type of woman, that's my problem. </p>

[Iamnotatool]

buy yourself a nice hooker for the holidays.&nbsp; 1 meaningless fuck and you'll be aok

[Jujubees2]

<font size="2">Hang in there Budday.&nbsp; You sound like a good guy who was in a bad situation.&nbsp; Take care of your baby and everything will work out in the end. Either that or go for the&nbsp;hooker idea from</font>&nbsp;<font size="2">Iamnotatool.</font>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

<p>Well, I guess that's that. Do your best to do what's right, never forget what seperates men from cowards, and stick to your guns. You'll make it outta this one I shoud think. Sorry it didn't work out, but it seems she at the very very least needs some time. Don't be surprised if she tries to come back later on, don't be surprised if she doesn't show up ever again. Sounds like someone unworthy of you and your CS money.</p><p>In closing, good luck. Fuck the bro in that.&nbsp; You need REAL good luck.</p><p>p.s. Thanks, it took me 3 seconds and no imagination to come up with the name.&nbsp;</p>

[cougarjake13]

<strong>reeshy</strong> wrote:<br />Yea....Cougar can be a penis....but he means well....I think???? <p>didnt know him well enough to know how old he was</p>

[sailor]

<font size="2">it sound trite (and repetitive) but i have nothing else to offer...hang in there, it WILL get better, no matter how bleak it looks now.&nbsp; best of luck with the womens in your future. </font>

[dereckfishboy]

Does dope use matter in custody? Cuz she smokes every day and I'm clean, so would that be something the courts would take into consideration if we were tested? Cuz at this point, she has more of an income and primary custody of her first child, so I feel like it's going to be an uphill battle. Requesting a drug test almost feels like fighting dirty, but I don't know if I can win this without throwing a little sand in her eyes. She's spent her whole life as a saleswomen, and she's got a silver tongue like I've never seen before.

[angelinad128]

Ask for a drug test! Do you really think she wouldn't do it to?

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>angelinad128</strong> wrote:<br />Ask for a drug test! Do you really think she wouldn't do it to?<p>&nbsp;</p><p>I would assume my willingness to and her unwillingness would speak volumes, perhaps just as much as if we both took them, don't you think? She smokes every day, there'd certainly be enough THC in her system to prove she's a habitual user.&nbsp;</p>

[lleeder]

I think the only thing that matters in a custody hearing is gender. Your a guy shes the mother. Your pretty much out of luck. Sorry but thats most likely gonna be the case.

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>lleeder</strong> wrote:<br />I think the only thing that matters in a custody hearing is gender. Your a guy shes the mother. Your pretty much out of luck. Sorry but thats most likely gonna be the case.<p>&nbsp;</p><p>That's pretty much how I feel but I'm trying to be optimistic&nbsp;</p>

[ShelleBink]

<strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>angelinad128</strong> wrote:<br />You know you can PM me anytime to talk.<p>&nbsp;</p><p>Deal. </p><p>&nbsp;Ditto goes for me, we're here for you bud</p>

[FezPaul]

<strong>sailor</strong> wrote:<br /><font size="2">it sound trite (and repetitive) but i have nothing else to offer...hang in there, it WILL get better, no matter how bleak it looks now.&nbsp; best of luck with the womens in your future. </font><p><strong><font face="courier new,courier" size="2">What he said.</font></strong></p>

[dereckfishboy]

We're locked into a lease until May, and she wants us to agree not to fuck other people until we no longer live together. Think I can trust her to keep her end of the bargain?

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>Huh? Aren't you convinced she's already playing around? And what right does she have to still be telling you what to do?&nbsp; </p><p>I would take that to mean &quot;use her apartment, not this one&quot;.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

[angelinad128]

<strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>lleeder</strong> wrote:<br />I think the only thing that matters in a custody hearing is gender. Your a guy shes the mother. Your pretty much out of luck. Sorry but thats most likely gonna be the case. <p>&nbsp;</p><p>That's pretty much how I feel but I'm trying to be optimistic&nbsp;</p><p>Not true anymore!!!!!&nbsp; I know 2 dads who have custody. Both in NY, actually both on Long Island where you would automatically think mom gets the kids and house, so don't think that way.</p><p>As for no sex with others till May? Not sure about that. Since you guys are pretty much roommates now anyway and don't have sex with each other, are you guys really going to sit down weekly let's say and actually tlak about who you guys are seeing?</p><p>I'm the first person who would say cheating is fucking wrong, but in this case, your not. In you situation, it's not even cheating. In NY not sure if its the same in other states, but no sex is a grounds for divorce.</p>

[dereckfishboy]

<strong>angelinad128</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>dereckfishboy</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>lleeder</strong> wrote:<br />I think the only thing that matters in a custody hearing is gender. Your a guy shes the mother. Your pretty much out of luck. Sorry but thats most likely gonna be the case. <p>&nbsp;</p><p>That's pretty much how I feel but I'm trying to be optimistic </p><p>Not true anymore!!!!! I know 2 dads who have custody. Both in NY, actually both on Long Island where you would automatically think mom gets the kids and house, so don't think that way.</p><p>As for no sex with others till May? Not sure about that. Since you guys are pretty much roommates now anyway and don't have sex with each other, are you guys really going to sit down weekly let's say and actually tlak about who you guys are seeing?</p><p>I'm the first person who would say cheating is fucking wrong, but in this case, your not. In you situation, it's not even cheating. In NY not sure if its the same in other states, but no sex is a grounds for divorce.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Well, first off, in the last year i count count on one hand the number of times we've had sex, so I think we've established we can go without. </p><p><br />And I hope you're right about the custody thing, cuz she'll fight me for it to the death. She's already got full custody of her first kid and makes more money than me, so unless she stops feeding the kid I don't have much of a case </p>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

<p>Sorry to bump this thread I know it's a sore subject...</p><p>Well, I guess this depends on just how much you want to raise the kid and how willing/capable you feel/know you are to do so. That means rolling with the bad, of which there is alot, along with the good, and staying with your head and your daughter's above water. Hmm...</p><p>Well, can she use anything against you? Do you have some bad deals that she can bust you on? If so, maybe you should reconsider revealing she does drugs. If not, then that may be your best bet. You might be able to make the case that she's bi-polar and the only reason she's been good with her kid is because the pot has kept the bi-polar in check before it became dangerous for the child. The notion that she's safe as a mom so long as she's running on illegal substances might convince the court you're the better parent. This is all assuming she's literally bi-polar as you suggested...and only if you want to go in this direction. It all depends on how far you're willing to go to raise your daughter in the end...just make sure it's the right thing I guess. I know this isn't much help, but it's the best I've got to give ya in terms of advice right now.&nbsp;</p>