Difference in opinion.

[Gaia]

<p>I was wondering what my fellow buddays though. I dont know if this has to do with the male / female mind and how they both work differently, or if this is just an individual thing.</p><p>When two people are in a relationship, would you say that quality time, like making a date with that person to go dinner and then&nbsp;drinks, is the same quality time as the two of you say, painting a room or finishing a project together?</p><p>I dont think they are the same, and have found that this is something the man and I argue over, and I feel he isnt willing to give me any&nbsp;leeway (no spellcheck, fuck that)&nbsp;at all.</p><p>I have been saying that I wanted to go out for the past 3 weeks (break from school), and there have been all types of exuses that he wont or cant go, however, tonight he is going out with the boys. Now keep in mind he has worked ALL the holidays, Thanksgiving, xmas eve, xmas day, new years eve and day. &nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;ME::: &quot;Babe, we havent been out together on a &quot;date&quot; in like 3 months...&quot;</p><p>&nbsp;HIM:: &quot;What the hell are you talking about? We spent 4 hours together last night painting the living room! That's time together! &quot; </p><p>But he then also said to me a while back, &quot;what do you think married people do? (when I said I wanted to go out). They stay home on a friday night and watch tv. I think what he really meant was : &quot;I go out with the boys and you stay home on Ronfez.net and wait for me to come back in 6 hours when I said I&nbsp; would be back in 2. </p><p>What do you guys think? Is it the same and am I just high maintenance, or am I right?</p>

[jetdog]

Damn, you're right.<br />

[Furtherman]

<p>How many times do I have to tell you?&nbsp; I'm right, you're wrong.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Maybe on Earth 2.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Anyway - going out on a date and painting a room is not the same.&nbsp; Painting a room isn't fun - that is a chore.&nbsp; You don't take your lady out on a chore.</p>

[Death Metal Moe]

I guess you're going to have to tell him you want to go out and do stuff with him or you'll find someone to do that with.

[crb1]

<p>I agree with you.&nbsp; My gf and I have worked on a ton of projects around the house, and I don't think either of us consider it quality time.&nbsp; Quality time to me is more intimate than that.&nbsp;&nbsp;It has to be about the two of you focusing on each other. </p><p>I can't speak for you two, but when we're doing something together, like painting a room, we're just focusing on getting the job done.&nbsp; We still bs, and have fun (sometimes), but it's not what I would call quality time. </p><p>All time together does NOT = quality time.&nbsp;</p>

[narc]

<p>Married people still go out to dinner on Friday nights....And you've asked nicely so I don't know what else to do. He should be getting the &quot;hint&quot; by now. </p><p>But unlike Moe, I wouldn't threaten. Maybe it's just me, but I have&nbsp;a strict policy on that in relationships. I don't negotiate with terrorists, and I don't respond to threats from girls that I'm dating. But then again, I would've responded to &quot;hey maybe we should go out on a date&quot;</p>

[Gaia]

<p>Because he is so black and white (Im right you are wrong, its my way or no way), and nothing I have said works (Moe, Im wondering if what you said is my next move) Can someone give me a good analogy for this?</p><p>Those work with him sometimes, but Im all &quot;analogied out&quot;...if thats a word...............</p><p>Narc, I NEVER threaten, I dont feel theres room for that either, nor is there room for ultimatums, however, hes not getting the fucking hint. I dont know what else to do. </p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Gaia on 1-5-07 @ 4:22 PM</span>

[Snacks]

<p>wow does this sound like one of my ex's. I think that men feel once your in a realtionship you no longer need to go out all the time with your girlfriend and women always want to go out with their man. Its tough to find an even balance. </p><p>Maybe just say what you feel to him and hear his side of it. I know you said he was going out with his friends tonight but hasnt gone out with you in 3 months. Well he prob sees it like this: he hasnt had the time to hang out with his friends b/c of work and stuff and he does still see you often, maybe not out on the town but spends time with you just hanging around, and since he cant do that with his friends he wants to hang out with them</p>

[Furtherman]

Tell him that if he thinks stroking a paint bush for a couple hours is quality time, then the next time he wants quality time, he can stroke it himself.

[Gaia]

<strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><p>wow does this sound like one of my ex's. I think that men feel once your in a realtionship you no longer need to go out all the time with your girlfriend and women always want to go out with their man. Its tough to find an even balance. </p><p>Maybe just say what you feel to him and hear his side of it. I know you said he was going out with his friends tonight but hasnt gone out with you in 3 months. Well he prob sees it like this: he hasnt had the time to hang out with his friends b/c of work and stuff and he does still see you often, maybe not out on the town but spends time with you just hanging around, and since he cant do that with his friends he wants to hang out with them</p><p>Ok, I can see your point, and have though that, but what about the next three months, it will be the same, and I am left home on the nights I dont have school, and the nights I do I cant go out. </p><p>Maybe his friends will give him a reach around, or maybe pack his lunch for him. Or maybe even give him a rubdown when he worked out too hard at the gym. Im sorry but I am really pissed about this.</p><p>EDIT: How about this? I got home from school last night at like 11:00, and I was hungry and tired, he had just woken up (works nights). He has no kitchen right now, so food is usually brought in or we go out quick, so we went to the diner to grab a quick bite then came back home and watched tv. To him, thats going out, Whats wrong with me? Am I retarted for thinking this is not &quot;going out&quot;...?</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Gaia on 1-5-07 @ 4:29 PM</span>

[EliSnow]

<p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="3">I hate to forfeit a man card, but I agree with you.&nbsp; Painting a room or sitting watching a movie is not the same as going out on&nbsp;a date or doing something together.&nbsp; My wife and I are itching to find a babysitter for saturday so that we can go on a date night, because we're both itching to being out.&nbsp; And this is despite the fact that every night from 8 pm on, we're hanging out together at home.</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">I think the difference between a date and doing something at home together, is that on a date (other than watching a movie) the focus of each person's attention is on the other person.&nbsp; You converse, share thing, etc.&nbsp; When you and your bf were painting the room, his focus wasn't on you, and he (most likely) wasn't worried or making sure that you were having fun, etc.</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">I'm not sure that makes complete sense, but there's a difference.</font></p><p><font face="Arial" size="3">BTW, I had the same argument with my wife when we were dating (with me on the side your bf is taking), and I realized that I was full of shit.</font></p>

[narc]

<strong>Gaia</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Because he is so black and white (Im right you are wrong, its my way or no way), and nothing I have said works (Moe, Im wondering if what you said is my next move) Can someone give me a good analogy for this?</p><p>Those work with him sometimes, but Im all &quot;analogied out&quot;...if thats a word...............</p><p>Narc, I NEVER threaten, I dont feel theres room for that either, nor is there room for ultimatums, however, hes not getting the fucking hint. I dont know what else to do. </p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Gaia on 1-5-07 @ 4:22 PM</span> <p>Yeah, I know, this is a tricky one....</p><p>Valentine's Day is fast approaching. It's only about a month away. Maybe you could say &quot;Sweetie, this is the way I feel about you, and I really want to do something special for Valentine's day&quot; and then tell him exactly what you want to do in explicit detail - if there's any scenario&nbsp;that should make him respond well, this one should. And then if it works, maybe you could build off that for more casual dates. </p>

[PhishHead]

<strong>Gaia</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I was wondering what my fellow buddays though. I dont know if this has to do with the male / female mind and how they both work differently, or if this is just an individual thing.</p><p>When two people are in a relationship, would you say that quality time, like making a date with that person to go dinner and then drinks, is the same quality time as the two of you say, painting a room or finishing a project together?</p><p>I dont think they are the same, and have found that this is something the man and I argue over, and I feel he isnt willing to give me any leeway (no spellcheck, fuck that) at all.</p><p>I have been saying that I wanted to go out for the past 3 weeks (break from school), and there have been all types of exuses that he wont or cant go, however, tonight he is going out with the boys. Now keep in mind he has worked ALL the holidays, Thanksgiving, xmas eve, xmas day, new years eve and day. </p><p> ME::: &quot;Babe, we havent been out together on a &quot;date&quot; in like 3 months...&quot;</p><p> HIM:: &quot;What the hell are you talking about? We spent 4 hours together last night painting the living room! That's time together! &quot; </p><p>But he then also said to me a while back, &quot;what do you think married people do? (when I said I wanted to go out). They stay home on a friday night and watch tv. I think what he really meant was : &quot;I go out with the boys and you stay home on Ronfez.net and wait for me to come back in 6 hours when I said I would be back in 2. </p><p>What do you guys think? Is it the same and am I just high maintenance, or am I right?</p><p>&nbsp;I disagree with your boyfriend completely about married people.</p><p>My parents for as long as I can remember go out every friday or saturday or both nights.&nbsp; Even if its just to dinner and a movie or just dinner they always find time to spend with one another doing little date things, even if they just rent a movie, very cute i might add. &nbsp;</p><p>and painting a room together is not a date or spending quality time together, its like work two different things really. Now if it was like cooking dinner together or something of that nature that could be fun and cute i would say its quality time but not when its painting. &nbsp;</p>

[Snacks]

<strong>Gaia</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><p>wow does this sound like one of my ex's. I think that men feel once your in a realtionship you no longer need to go out all the time with your girlfriend and women always want to go out with their man. Its tough to find an even balance. </p><p>Maybe just say what you feel to him and hear his side of it. I know you said he was going out with his friends tonight but hasnt gone out with you in 3 months. Well he prob sees it like this: he hasnt had the time to hang out with his friends b/c of work and stuff and he does still see you often, maybe not out on the town but spends time with you just hanging around, and since he cant do that with his friends he wants to hang out with them</p><p>Ok, I can see your point, and have though that, but what about the next three months, it will be the same, and I am left home on the nights I dont have school, and the nights I do I cant go out. </p><p>Maybe his friends will give him a reach around, or maybe pack his lunch for him. Or maybe even give him a rubdown when he worked out too hard at the gym. Im sorry but I am really pissed about this.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>coming out of a relationship with this being a similar issue is hard to explain or ever have balance. If this really pisses you off, the only thing you can do is behonest with him. If you dont completly be honest with him and tell him, then it will eat at you more and more and then it will make you have ill feelings toward him without him really knowing why or what he did wrong. You need to tell him why you feel this way and if he then continues to do this after you talk to him about it then you have choices to make. </p>

[Gaia]

<strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>Gaia</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><p>wow does this sound like one of my ex's. I think that men feel once your in a realtionship you no longer need to go out all the time with your girlfriend and women always want to go out with their man. Its tough to find an even balance. </p><p>Maybe just say what you feel to him and hear his side of it. I know you said he was going out with his friends tonight but hasnt gone out with you in 3 months. Well he prob sees it like this: he hasnt had the time to hang out with his friends b/c of work and stuff and he does still see you often, maybe not out on the town but spends time with you just hanging around, and since he cant do that with his friends he wants to hang out with them</p><p>Ok, I can see your point, and have though that, but what about the next three months, it will be the same, and I am left home on the nights I dont have school, and the nights I do I cant go out. </p><p>Maybe his friends will give him a reach around, or maybe pack his lunch for him. Or maybe even give him a rubdown when he worked out too hard at the gym. Im sorry but I am really pissed about this.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>coming out of a relationship with this being a similar issue is hard to explain or ever have balance. If this really pisses you off, the only thing you can do is behonest with him. If you dont completly be honest with him and tell him, then it will eat at you more and more and then it will make you have ill feelings toward him without him really knowing why or what he did wrong. You need to tell him why you feel this way and if he then continues to do this after you talk to him about it then you have choices to make. </p><p>This is how it went last month when I had the same issue:::::</p><p>He went out with the boys, I had the same feelings and arguement with him. He still maintained his view and went out anyways. I was left home to feel as if he didnt care. He said &quot;I will be back in a hour or&nbsp;two.&quot; This was 9pm, 2am rolled around and he wasnt back, so I went out for a beer. You see I assumed he really would&nbsp;be back in 2 to 3 hours, so when he left, I got all dolled up and pretty, and hoped we would go out for a couple of drinks on&nbsp;OUR OWN, but he was gone forever, and I cant call him while he's out, you see the first time&nbsp;he went out with the boys when he got into this squad, I called him a couple of times while he was out (to make sure he was ok, and see if he needed me to pick him up, because I knew there would be drinking) , and I got total hell for it, so I will no longer call him when he is out.</p><p>&nbsp;&nbsp;when I got back he was passed the fuck&nbsp;out because he was polluted. The next morning he was&nbsp;appaulled that I went out and said he didnt know where I was when he got home &nbsp;(but he didnt&nbsp;call my cell). He even said I went out out of spite, I guess maybe I did, but what am I to do? Sit at home with my thumb up my ass????? Fuck that. &nbsp;&nbsp;his response last month was like I said before, &quot;we spent time together last night painting. OR: We had dinner at the diner two nights ago.&quot;</p><p>&nbsp;I have spoken to him about this. Im sick of it. No matter what I say or do, His view is the right view. </p>

[Death Metal Moe]

<strong>Gaia</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Because he is so black and white (Im right you are wrong, its my way or no way), and nothing I have said works (Moe, Im wondering if what you said is my next move) Can someone give me a good analogy for this?</p><p>Just want to let you know I was half kidding.&nbsp; I agree with NARC, I wouldn't respond well to a threat from my lady either.&nbsp; </p><p>But there's the other side of this.&nbsp; How many times can you tell him you're serious about this before he understands?&nbsp; I guess have a more serious talk with him about it, I don't know how serious the talk you had with him last time was.</p><p>It sounded to me like you talked about it in passing.&nbsp; Make sure he knows how serious you are, and if he doesn't take that into consideration then you have to decide how you're going to play it.</p>

[Snacks]

<p>Since you have done all you could to make him see your point and understand what he needs to change then there is only one more thing you can do. End it. That sounds harsh but if this is making you thaqt unhappy then you need to do whats right for you, the same way he is doing what makes him happy without caring about your feelings. Do you live with him? How long you been together? What do you mean this squad (cop)? </p><p>I will tell you this if he is a cop be careful, I have many cop friends and trust me they all cheat and always use work as an excuse to get away with it. Whenever they have another girl or whatever they just say they had to work overtime, they have side work, they got called in, something happned etc. </p><p>I remember years ago 60 minutes did a study on cheating men (of course men, like women dont cheat as much if not more then men now a days) and Cops were #1 for the reasons above.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Snacks on 1-5-07 @ 4:57 PM</span>

[reillyluck]

My <strong>EX </strong>was the EXACT same way!&nbsp; He would consider sitting on the couch &quot;quality time&quot;.&nbsp; All i can say is tell him how you feel. thats all you could do.&nbsp; If you hold it in, you'll end up hating him.&nbsp;

[Gvac]

<p>I'm sorry, but any guy that would rather drink with his buddies than spend time with his lady (especially when that lady is Gaia) is a bit immature in my opinion.&nbsp; How old is he, 17?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[reillyluck]

<strong>Gvac</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I'm sorry, but any guy that would rather drink with his buddies than spend time with his lady (especially when that lady is Gaia) is a bit immature in my opinion.&nbsp; How old is he, 17?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>spoken like a true Gentleman!&nbsp; </p>

[Snacks]

<strong>Gvac</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I'm sorry, but any guy that would rather drink with his buddies than spend time with his lady (especially when that lady is Gaia) is a bit immature in my opinion.&nbsp; How old is he, 17?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I dont know. Did you ever hear the saying for every beautiful women there is always one guy that is bored with her or something like that.</p><p>Us men never appreciate what we have. You can be dating the most beautiful girl ever, but after awhile shes not as beautfiul, you look at other women., Men are just animals we always want a variety and always dont appreciate the good we have until its gone.</p><p>We always want what we dont have, then once we have it we dont do all we can to keep it</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Snacks on 1-5-07 @ 5:03 PM</span>

[ChrisTheCop]

<p>Painting a room or some other project can indeed be &quot;quality time&quot; but it by no means substitutes for going out on a date. Being in a relationship occasionally means you sometimes have to put your wants and needs aside for the good of the couple, but if youre the only one doing it, youre being used/taken for granted. </p><p>Theres also nothing wrong with hanging with the guys, unless when it came down to it, he'd rather be with them than a woman who loves him. </p><p>A strong ultimatum does indeed sound like the way to go. Something to either get through his thick head, or signal that its time for you to move on.&nbsp;</p><p>In order to enjoy quality time, you need a quality person. &nbsp;</p>

[Snacks]

<strong>ChrisTheCop</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Painting a room or some other project can indeed be &quot;quality time&quot; but it by no means substitutes for going out on a date. Being in a relationship occasionally means you sometimes have to put your wants and needs aside for the good of the couple, but if youre the only one doing it, youre being used/taken for granted. </p><p>Theres also nothing wrong with hanging with the guys, unless when it came down to it, he'd rather be with them than a woman who loves him. </p><p>A strong ultimatum does indeed sound like the way to go. Something to either get through his thick head, or signal that its time for you to move on.&nbsp;</p><p><font style="background-color: #ffff00">In order to enjoy quality time, you need a quality person.</font> &nbsp;</p><p>that was one of the best things I have ever read one here. I will use that line in the future thanks</p>

[reillyluck]

<strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>Gvac</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I'm sorry, but any guy that would rather drink with his buddies than spend time with his lady (especially when that lady is Gaia) is a bit immature in my opinion.&nbsp; How old is he, 17?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I dont know. Did you ever hear the saying for every beautiful women there is always one guy that is bored with her or something like that.</p><p>Us men never appreciate what we have. You can be dating the most beautiful girl ever, but after awhile shes not as beautfiul, you look at other women., Men are just animals we always want a variety and always dont appreciate the good we have until its gone.</p><p>We always want what we dont have, then once we have it we dont do all we can to keep it</p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Snacks on 1-5-07 @ 5:03 PM</span> <p>but this is not just any lady, this is Gaia.&nbsp; She's great!&nbsp; any guy would be stupid to treat her this way and Im a chick saying this!&nbsp; </p>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

<p>It seems you need to get his attention somehow in a positive way. He seems to be ignoring ya, or has issues of his own that he's not telling you about. Not to sound too harsh but he may have gotten a little sick of being around you because he did paint the house and do a bunch of chores with you (it sounds like this is primarily what he does) and wants 'alone time' with no strings attached with his guy friends. I'm the same way with my girl sometimes, where I just want to do stuff without her along.</p><p>Having said that, it's a bit ridiculous he's not taken you out over the course of a few months. That's going a bit far, even for me.&nbsp;</p>

[Gaia]

<strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Since you have done all you could to make him see your point and understand what he needs to change then there is only one more thing you can do. End it. That sounds harsh but if this is making you thaqt unhappy then you need to do whats right for you, the same way he is doing what makes him happy without caring about your feelings. Do you live with him? How long you been together? What do you mean this squad (cop)? </p><p>I will tell you this if he is a cop be careful, I have many cop friends and trust me they all cheat and always use work as an excuse to get away with it. Whenever they have another girl or whatever they just say they had to work overtime, they have side work, they got called in, something happned etc. </p><p>I remember years ago 60 minutes did a study on cheating men (of course men, like women dont cheat as much if not more then men now a days) and Cops were #1 for the reasons above.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Snacks on 1-5-07 @ 4:57 PM</span> <p>we dont livet together but I spend a large majority of time with him, together 4 1/2 years, and yes he's a flatfoot. You dont need to tell me that shit, I already know the statistics, I come from a LONG line of cops....Dad, uncles, grandfather.....I know. That makes it worse. </p><p>I wonder sometimes if he's not 17, hes 32......</p><p>Moe, the talk we had was serious.....everytime I talk to him I always let him know if I am serious or if its just a little issue I wanted to bring up. He always knows the severity of my feelings when we talk. </p>

[ChrisTheCop]

Hey! I missed that cop thing the 1st time. lol. How dare you sir! Are you saying that stock brokers dont cheat? Butchers? Astronauts???

[Gaia]

Just a correction, I spend a large majority of the time at his place, but I would say at least 50% of the time he isnt here, he's at work, so its not like we are together all the time when Im here.

[Snacks]

<strong>Gaia</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>Snacks</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Since you have done all you could to make him see your point and understand what he needs to change then there is only one more thing you can do. End it. That sounds harsh but if this is making you thaqt unhappy then you need to do whats right for you, the same way he is doing what makes him happy without caring about your feelings. Do you live with him? How long you been together? What do you mean this squad (cop)? </p><p>I will tell you this if he is a cop be careful, I have many cop friends and trust me they all cheat and always use work as an excuse to get away with it. Whenever they have another girl or whatever they just say they had to work overtime, they have side work, they got called in, something happned etc. </p><p>I remember years ago 60 minutes did a study on cheating men (of course men, like women dont cheat as much if not more then men now a days) and Cops were #1 for the reasons above.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Snacks on 1-5-07 @ 4:57 PM</span> <p>we dont livet together but I spend a large majority of time with him, together 4 1/2 years, and yes he's a flatfoot. You dont need to tell me that shit, I already know the statistics, I come from a LONG line of cops....Dad, uncles, grandfather.....I know. That makes it worse. </p><p>I wonder sometimes if he's not 17, hes 32......</p><p>Moe, the talk we had was serious.....everytime I talk to him I always let him know if I am serious or if its just a little issue I wanted to bring up. He always knows the severity of my feelings when we talk. </p><p>you just hit it for me. Hes comfortable, being with you for 4 1/2 years knowing he has done this shit before and still has you he wont change. I know you hope it, but guys are who they are. We usually dont change, we a freaks of habit. Maqybe if you stop spending so much time at his place just hanging around, maybe he will in turn call you up and ask you to do things with him. Either do that or see if this is what you really want.</p><p>By the way my father was a cop (forced to retire long story) and my grandfather and uncle were cops. 2 of my best friends are cops and I will say this straight as can be. I HATE COPS. is that wrong??? lol</p>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

<p>I think any suggestions for Gaia ending her relationship are a weensy bit premature. This is a marriage (right?) and that's a serious goddamn thing that you don't just end on a whim. There needs to be a certain level of whatever that makes it unbearable. It's pretty clear to me she enjoys him fine when he's taking her out, and they function together alright as a couple at home (except for this series of arguments about going out, which IS a serious matter if he keeps ignoring her). And yeah, everyone can cheat on you. Statistics aren't all they're cracked up to be in this regard </p>

[Snacks]

<strong>ChrisTheCop</strong> wrote:<br />Hey! I missed that cop thing the 1st time. lol. How dare you sir! Are you saying that stock brokers dont cheat? Butchers? Astronauts??? <p>every job type cheats, studies show thaqt cops are the biggest cheaters. sorry!!!</p>

[PanterA]

<p>No, you have to take your chick out every now and again. It doesnt have to be romantic, just a way to show her that you enjoy spending quality time together.</p><p>or maybe I'm just a woman</p>

[Snacks]

<strong>CofyCrakCocaine</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I think any suggestions for Gaia ending her relationship are a weensy bit premature. This is a marriage (right?) and that's a serious goddamn thing that you don't just end on a whim. There needs to be a certain level of whatever that makes it unbearable. It's pretty clear to me she enjoys him fine when he's taking her out, and they function together alright as a couple at home (except for this series of arguments about going out, which IS a serious matter if he keeps ignoring her). And yeah, everyone can cheat on you. Statistics aren't all they're cracked up to be in this regard </p><p>from how I read it they are not married nor living together. Thats why I asked her that before O suggested this.</p>

[narc]

<strong>reillyluck</strong> wrote:<br />My <strong>EX </strong>was the EXACT same way!&nbsp; He would consider sitting on the couch &quot;quality time&quot;.&nbsp; All i can say is tell him how you feel. thats all you could do.&nbsp; If you hold it in, you'll end up hating him.&nbsp; <p>No, I'm not going to go THAT far. Couch time is quality time. If you're with someone you love, why should place matter? Whether you're at a hotel in paris, on the couch, a jail cell in Bolivia....as long as you can talk and whatever, what's the diff? You might be more high maintenance Reilly. </p><p>That being said, if your chick says she wants to go out, you take her out, make her feel special. </p>

[ChrisTheCop]

<p>studies?</p><p>&quot;It's Science.&quot;</p><p><img src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:QQM04B011lu9jM:http://images.countingdown.com/images/countdowns/movies/3105393/3105393_main.jpg" border="0" />&nbsp;</p>

[ChrisTheCop]

How many married people do you know who dont live together?

[Kevin]

<strong>Furtherman</strong> wrote:<br /><p><strong>How many times do I have to tell you?&nbsp; I'm right, you're wrong.</strong></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Maybe on Earth 2.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Anyway - going out on a date and painting a room is not the same.&nbsp; Painting a room isn't fun - that is a chore.&nbsp; You don't take your lady out on a chore.</p><p>Spoon? Did you get into Furthermans account?</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Kevin on 1-5-07 @ 5:23 PM</span>

[Gaia]

<strong>CofyCrakCocaine</strong> wrote:<br /><p>I think any suggestions for Gaia ending her relationship are a weensy bit premature. This is a marriage (right?) and that's a serious goddamn thing that you don't just end on a whim. There needs to be a certain level of whatever that makes it unbearable. It's pretty clear to me she enjoys him fine when he's taking her out, and they function together alright as a couple at home (except for this series of arguments about going out, which IS a serious matter if he keeps ignoring her). And yeah, everyone can cheat on you. Statistics aren't all they're cracked up to be in this regard </p><p>we are not married nor are we engaged. </p>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

<p>You need to take care of your woman if you want to keep the relationship good. You also need to balance the time you spend with your woman with the time you spend just relaxing with friends and by yourself to keep a relationship from growing tedious and nerve-wracking. Spending real quality time involves getting out of the house and doing stuff with her. Movies, nice meals, even taking a damn walk is better than nothing. But again, I know for a fact I need to go to the bar every couple nights and slam down a few with my pals, and I'm sure that applies to just about every guy. I think I'm about to ovulate if I keep writing this basic shit.</p>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Ok, I am retarded then. I must've misinterpreted the 'this is what married people do' line.

[PanterA]

why would anyone suggest someone they barely know to end a relationship. I think she would know when a relationship is unfixable. She is simply looking for&nbsp;our thoughts on the problem at hand.

[narc]

Seriously - give him one more chance - Valentine's day, and if he doesn't respond to that, move out to Wisconsin and cheer Dereck up.

[EliSnow]

<strong>narc</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>reillyluck</strong> wrote:<br />My <strong>EX </strong>was the EXACT same way!&nbsp; He would consider sitting on the couch &quot;quality time&quot;.&nbsp; All i can say is tell him how you feel. thats all you could do.&nbsp; If you hold it in, you'll end up hating him.&nbsp; <p>No, I'm not going to go THAT far. Couch time is quality time. If you're with someone you love, why should place matter? Whether you're at a hotel in paris, on the couch, a jail cell in Bolivia....as long as you can talk and whatever, what's the diff? You might be more high maintenance Reilly. </p><p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="3">It depends upon what you are doing on the couch.&nbsp; If all you are doing is watching tv together or she's watching the guy play videogames, then that ain't quality time.&nbsp; Same reason I don't really consider going to a movie to be quality time.&nbsp; </font></p><p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="3">Couch time is quality time if you are specifically interacting with each other, i.e., you're talking,&nbsp;making out,&nbsp;screwing, etc, whilst on the couch.&nbsp; </font></p>

[reillyluck]

<strong>narc</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>reillyluck</strong> wrote:<br />My <strong>EX </strong>was the EXACT same way!&nbsp; He would consider sitting on the couch &quot;quality time&quot;.&nbsp; All i can say is tell him how you feel. thats all you could do.&nbsp; If you hold it in, you'll end up hating him.&nbsp; <p>No, I'm not going to go THAT far. Couch time is quality time. If you're with someone you love, why should place matter? Whether you're at a hotel in paris, on the couch, a jail cell in Bolivia....as long as you can talk and whatever, what's the diff? You might be more high maintenance Reilly. </p><p>That being said, if your chick says she wants to go out, you take her out, make her feel special. </p><p>see...you took what i said out of context.&nbsp; Couch time could be considered quality time, but not every night!!!!!&nbsp; I am no where near &quot;high Maintenance&quot;&nbsp; budday!&nbsp;&nbsp;I merely pointed out one example.&nbsp; </p><p>The jail cell in Bolivia does&nbsp;sound romantic though!&nbsp; &nbsp;</p>

[Badinia]

<p>Taking a lady out and sharing good times is how you build intimacy, i.e. make her feel like&nbsp;makin'&nbsp;sweet, sweet love.&nbsp; </p><p>I think the real problem is that your beau has not found a lady who gets all het up with a paint roller in one hand and a can of flat gloss acrylic in the other.&nbsp; That way, he'd be getting action, and the house would always look *great!*</p><p>I don't know why this is an argument.&nbsp; You want to have fun.&nbsp; He doesn't know what fun is.&nbsp; </p>

[CofyCrakCocaine]

<strong>narc</strong> wrote:<br />Seriously - give him one more chance - Valentine's day, and if he doesn't respond to that, move out to Wisconsin and cheer Dereck up. <p>&nbsp;A-men. <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/tongue.gif" border="0" /></p>

[phixion]

The jail cell in Bolivia does&nbsp;sound romantic though &nbsp;why do girls love yayo so much?

[reillyluck]

<strong>PanterA</strong> wrote:<br />why would anyone suggest someone they barely know to end a relationship. I think she would know when a relationship is unfixable. She is simply looking for&nbsp;our thoughts on the problem at hand. <p>exactomundo! </p>

[Drunky McBetidont]

<p><font size="2"></font></p><p><font size="2"></font></p><p><strong>ChrisTheCop</strong> wrote:<br />How many married people do you know who dont live together? </p><p><font size="2"><img src="/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/bye.gif" border="0" width="26" height="18" />i work an hour an a half from home so i live near work monday through friday afternoon.&nbsp; i get a good deal of time off so i spend all that with the wife and kids too, but basically we live apart.&nbsp; i could never spend this much time listening to rnf and reading these posts if i lived at home full time.&nbsp; plus it would drastically cut into my alcohol habit.</font></p><p><font size="2">i wanted to ask gaia who wanted to paint the livingroom.&nbsp; if it was your idea and he spent free time doing it with you, i think his heart was in the right place, if it was his idea get him a book on romance for dummies (check amazon.com)</font></p>

[narc]

<p>Yeah I could never do the video game thing - unless they've already gone to bed w/o me. </p><p>And what you said is fair enough Reilly. </p>

[ChrisTheCop]

So it's settled. Youll break up with him immediately!

[Lumber]

<strong>Death Metal Moe</strong> wrote:<br />I guess you're going to have to tell him you want to go out and do stuff with him or you'll find someone to do that with. <p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; YUP!</p>

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>Painting a room doesn't qualify as quality time. Painting the ceiling, however. . . .</p><p>Seriously, Gaia there's NOTHING wrong with you wanting to go out occasionally. I can sympathise with your boyfriend if his job is real stressful, or he's exhausted when he gets home. But once a week is not much to ask for. </p><p>It could be a communication problem that happens with men and women all the time. You start talking about how this makes you feel, he thinks he's being blamed for everything wrong in your life, and the conversation goes nowhere and nothing gets solved.&nbsp;</p><p>Guys like a solution, an answer of some sort. Try this. NOT when you're mad, but one of those times when you're just sitting on the couch tell him you understand how he feels about this, but that this is IMPORTANT to you. And compromise by saying that when you both have 2 nights off a week (doesn't need to be set nights if his schedule changes weekly) that one night is his, and one night is yours. If you both only have one night off on certain weeks then alternate weeks. One week his, one week yours. If he wants to stay home on his night, fine. This way he's getting what he wants, just not all the time. If he doesn't go for that, sorry but he's an asshole.&nbsp; </p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Bulldogcakes]

<strong>ChrisTheCop</strong> wrote:<br />So it's settled. Youll break up with him immediately!&nbsp;Guys, grab a number. Line forms to the right!&nbsp;<p>&nbsp;</p>

[reeshy]

<p>Gaia,</p><p>You and I have talked together before....you know where I'm coming from...so what I am going to say is just from personal experience...</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>When my wife was alive...our happinest moments were just spending time together....I wasn't home alot with her cause of my job....when I was with her.....going shopping, fixing the back door, taking the kids to the dentist...whatever.....we were happy with the time we had....</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Once in a blue moon.....we actually got dressed up and went out to a nice restaurant and a broadway show....the funny thing was.....we both couldn't wait to get home to let the babysitter go home and we could jump in the sack while the kids slept....</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>You got to grab whatever time you guys have together and make the most of it.....</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>If you love him and he loves you.....whatever time you guys make for each other....is priceless....just my stupid opinion!!!!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Love you&nbsp;</p>

[MadBiker]

<strong>Furtherman</strong> wrote:<br /><p>How many times do I have to tell you?&nbsp; I'm right, you're wrong.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Maybe on Earth 2.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Anyway - going out on a date and painting a room is not the same.&nbsp; Painting a room isn't fun - that is a chore.&nbsp; You don't take your lady out on a chore.</p><p>I don't know. I spent New Year's Day painting the bathroom while my man caught up on some much needed sleep (he is a Union Fitter working OT through the holidays). He woke up at one point and helped me finish the job - afterwards, we had a nice shower session washing the paint off of each other, which led to other wonderful, fun, exciting things</p>

[MadBiker]

<p>Sorry, Gaia, I think my last post might have come off as a bit harsh. </p><p>I dated a guy through three years of college and beyond. We lived together for a while, and he entered the State Police Academy about a year or so after college ended. I thought that my support of his choice of career and my willingness to iron his pants and shirts, pick up his dry cleaning, help him study (while conducting my own graduate research) and drive him to and from the academy every week would be enough to prove my devotion. Soon after he graduated and got his badge, everything went downhill. It was as though the badge and the uniform turned him into a different person, someone who would say &quot;hey, going out with the guys for a few beers after the shift&quot; and turned that into staying out all night at a strip club or a casino and coming home at 8 am the next day and expecting me to be OK with it. The strip club part was actually not something I minded, it was the complete lack of respect for the fact that I was at home, waiting and worrying about him all night, and having to go to work the next day exhausted and a wreck emotionally over his antics.</p><p>I eventually found his second cell phone one evening while doing his laundry. He left it clipped to his belt one night when he came home all shitty and threw his pants in the laundry pile.&nbsp; He tried to play it off like it was just for work, but I handled the household finances and already knew he was submitting his primary cell phone bills as work expenses. It came to a head when his girlfriends ( yes, multiple women) started to call the house, ignorant that I existed, and left messages for him to meet him out.</p><p>&nbsp;He stopped taking me out a few months after the academy. He stopped the dinners, the weekends away, the QT we used to have. The cheating was only the icing on the cake; he decided a long time before I left him that he could have me as his safety net while he spent the majority of his off-hours pursuing strippers.</p><p>&nbsp;don't let this happen to you, please. If you cannot save the relationship, then BOOK as fast as you can. I woke up one day, decided that was the day I would leave, called out of work, asked my best friends to call out of work, and moved my entire life back home to my parents place in a single day. I got an apartment on my own three weeks later and was so much better off.</p><p>I hope that whatever the outcome, you end up happy and whole. Life is not worth letting a man with a badge and an attitude push you around because you are his &quot;sure thing&quot; that will always be at home waiting for him.</p>

[lintpit]

<p><font size="2">I am going to play devils advocate for a moment. He obviously is a decent guy or he wouldn't have you begging for attention,and he has worked not only at his job, but on making a nice home for/with you. He needs some 'guy' time to just unwind.Not entirely unlike your alone time posting here. Loosen the leash a bit and be thankful you have such a stand-up guy. </font></p><p><font size="2">Having said that, tomorrow drag his ass,kicking and screaming to a movie YOU choose. He will appreciate it {even if he pretends not to}.Don't give him the option of vegging on the couch in his bvd's. good luck</font></p>

[Gaia]

<p>You guys are all so wonderful. Thank you a million times over!!! All this advise has helped, and Madbiker, I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you. It sucks to hear another female has been taken advantage of and lied to!</p><p>&nbsp;I am just naturally a very skeptical person, and I always keep an eye on &quot;things&quot;....I havent seen anything pointing towards cheating or infidelity, but believe me, if theres a hint I will see it, and find out.</p><p>If that is ever the case It would destroy me, I dont do good in breakups.</p><p>Just an update, last night he told me that if I wanted to come along I could, I didnt want to infringe on his buddy time, I felt bad. He kind of insisted I go, I guess to make me feel better. I dont know.&nbsp;There is one female in the squad who's fiancee came later in the evening, so at that point I didnt feel so bad. </p>