Protocol for asking someone out [Archive]

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K.C.

01-06-2007, 08:14 PM

There's this chick I like...we talked about going out when we got back to school this semester. Well, I'm back and I left her a message just basically letting her know I was back and saying that if she wanted to do something let me know. The was four days ago. No response. I'm pretty sure she got the message and I'm also pretty sure she's not seeing anyone. So that would probably seem simple enough...she's not interested. The thing that's throwing me off, though, is not getting any response. From what I know, this chick is kind of shy, by her own admission,  which may be why I've gotten no response...in other words, she may need to be 'led by the hand' into this. So here's the conundrum. How many times do I attempt to set this up before I just start to look like an ass. My thought is that she's not interested and that the one time was enough  and I should go back to the drawing board. Yet, the fact that I got no response makes me think something could have gone wrong along the lines of communication and maybe I should try this one more time. I do like the chick, but it is going to be pretty embarassing if I call her up and ask if she got my message and she says 'Yes' implying that she got it and just didn't care. So how should I play this?     

This message was edited by K.C. on 1-7-07 @ 12:15 AM

Badinia

01-06-2007, 08:45 PM

If you want to try again, I'd suggest calling with an actual date planned, rather than being open ended-she may not have felt like she had to respond to that right away.  So try going trad and saying, I was thinking of going to see this movie, or this band, or checking out this club, this weekend or next weekend or summat- and if she'd rather do something else, the oportunity is there to say so. After this try, it might be stalking.Best of luck to you in this and all other pursuits.

Team_Ramrod

01-06-2007, 09:06 PM

Here's what you do:You either call her or go to her place and ask her if she is interested in joining you on ___________night to go ___________ and_______________and_________________.Have a specific plan in mind. Don't leave anything to question, don't leave any openings. Be thorough in your plans and make sure she knows you have thought this out and have a plan in place.Chicks like it when you have a plan and take the initiative to actually think out your evening. Really, if she's shy then call her back. Don't leave messages cause she won't return it, call once a day until you get her. Propose your plan and await her response. If she's into you she'll say yes, if she says no you can yell at her "you'll fuckin pay you bitch! I could have been the best thing that ever happened to you!!!!!! You'll pay"! Best of luck

mdr55

01-07-2007, 06:00 AM

Ask her out face to face. Besides going to where she's living at, "bump" into her where you'll know she'll be.

Bulldogcakes

01-07-2007, 06:47 AM

mdr55 wrote: Ask her out face to face. Besides going to where she's living at, "bump" into her where you'll know she'll be. Ding ding ding. The fact you got NO response leaves it in question whether or not she got the message at all. In that case, I wouldn't be overly specific about asking her to do X at X time at X place. I would simply ask her "Hey, did you get my message?" If she says yes, then then you know the rest. If she says no, then you can ask her about doing something, and being specific is a good idea. It helps if you know something about her that she's interested in to be specific about.

CofyCrakCocaine

01-07-2007, 10:49 AM

Had a similar situation when I was in college. The bottom line is, chicks like to send guys a 'message' by not even acknowledging their own message. Either too much time has passed since you two made this proposal, she found someone else, or whatever. In my case, this girl was my friend one semester and at the end of it said we need to do this and that and hang out blah blah, so when I came back I called and got a hold of the girl and she said 'oh, I'm on long distance, I'll call you back' and then never did. Message received. I like what Ramrod and Bulldog are saying. Being assertive and having a plan is the way to go with women. But the trick is to find out whether that woman is honestly interested in you. I think a face to face encounter is far more revealing than talking on the phone as to whether she wants to hang with ya or not. Be straight up with her when you do see her, ask her about the message, say what you want to say, and see what happens. At worst, she'll just say 'no' and you'll feel like a tool for a day. It's better than wallowing in this indecision. Good luck bro. 

This message was edited by CofyCrakCocaine on 1-7-07 @ 2:52 PM

K.C.

01-07-2007, 11:40 AM

I think you've all given some solid advice, buddays, at least to where I have an idea. I think I may try the 'accidental bump into her' angle that way I'm at least guaranteed to get an answer, yes or no, since it's in person. A lot of you people may have nailed this exactly too...the fact that it was pretty much and open-ended, non-commital type of invite I put out there may have been the reason she didn't respond. She may have not been sure of how to read it, whether I was putting it on her to set up an exact date or not.

Fat_Sunny

01-07-2007, 11:58 AM

Young Grasshopper, As You Get Older You Will Come To Realize That Women Are Unfathomable And Cannot Ever Be Understood By Men.  They Operate Under The Laws Of A Parallel Universe, Where The Shortest Distance Between 2 Points Is Not A Straight Line.Your First Priority Must Be To Protect Your Dignity, Which Means No 2nd Phone Call, Under Any Circumstances.That Being Said, The Chance Encounter Which Has Been Proposed Is An Excellent Solution.If You Do End Up With The Date, And Maybe Even With A 'Relationship', You Will Save Yourself Alot Of Future Pain If You Realize From The Get-Go That You Are An English-Speaker Trying To Read A Book Written In Chinese.

Bulldogcakes

01-07-2007, 12:57 PM

CofyCrakCocaine wrote: At worst, she'll just say 'no' and you'll feel like a tool for a day. It's better than wallowing in this indecision. I've never felt like a tool for asking a woman out, no matter what the answer was. It WILL, however, bug the shit out of me if I wanted to ask someone out, and for whatever reason I didn't. THAT bugs me MUCH more than getting shot down. Its also amazing how many times a woman will turn you down, and then 'pick you up' at a later date. So if she says no, forget about her and move on. But dont be suprised if she knocks on your door at a later date.

Zorro

01-07-2007, 01:09 PM

Go for it at least two times. But on the second try and get her "live" either on the phone or in person. My experience is the phone message just doesn't have the same effect as doing it live...no acknowledgment can be I'm not interested or not sure or I hate guys that just leave me a message and don't ask me face to face... I doubt she "didn't get" the message

CofyCrakCocaine

01-07-2007, 01:19 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote:I've never felt like a tool for asking a woman out, no matter what the answer was. It WILL, however, bug the shit out of me if I wanted to ask someone out, and for whatever reason I didn't. THAT bugs me MUCH more than getting shot down. Its also amazing how many times a woman will turn you down, and then 'pick you up' at a later date. So if she says no, forget about her and move on. But dont be suprised if she knocks on your door at a later date.  Absolutely true. The ones you don't ask out are the ones that haunt you down the road. At least you get closure from the ones that you ask out directly, and that's worth a lot when you're looking back on things. Keep that in mind with this girl (and any you like for that matter - so long as they're single anyway). And do it in person rather than on the phone or in an email. She can't ignore you in person. And if she tries to, you know she's a bitch and move on.And yeah, women can rebound and want to be with you after saying no to you. Hasn't happened to me, but seen it happen to some friends of mine.

sr71blackbird

01-07-2007, 03:26 PM

Never say "Do you want to go out with me?" because "go out" means "commitment" in a girls mind, and they panic and say "no".  The best thing I found is to say instead "What are you doing Friday night?" and if they say "nothing", then say "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie.." etc. 

epo

01-07-2007, 05:07 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote: CofyCrakCocaine wrote: At worst, she'll just say 'no' and you'll feel like a tool for a day. It's better than wallowing in this indecision. I've never felt like a tool for asking a woman out, no matter what the answer was. It WILL, however, bug the shit out of me if I wanted to ask someone out, and for whatever reason I didn't. THAT bugs me MUCH more than getting shot down. Its also amazing how many times a woman will turn you down, and then 'pick you up' at a later date. So if she says no, forget about her and move on. But dont be suprised if she knocks on your door at a later date.   Kudos to you BDC.  That is the only thing I know about chicks.  It will drive me insane if I don't ask a chick out.   It's maddening actually.