Help me help my friend..... [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

Gaia

01-09-2007, 09:47 PM

I have this girlfriend who has been seeing her guy for about 5 1/2 years now. Her and I speak about alot of our personal things together, she has been having some issues though lately.I love her but dont know how to help her from this point. Because my buddays are so good at this advice thing, I will throw this out there and see what everyone thought. we will use fake names to make it easier. I will also give a little backround so you guys know what the whole scene/story is. My friend "Beth" has been dating "John" for about five years. Prior to these two dating, John was dating a girl, we will call her "susie" for 6 years, and for the last two of those six years, John was engaged to Susie.  Susie and John broke up (supposedly John was heartbroken and devistated, and his heart was broken over this for quite some time ). Then Beth and John started dating 3 years after THAT breakup. So here's my girls conundrum:John has a tattoo on his lower back that reads : "from the heavens came Susie."  Beth has been telling John here and there that she would like John to get rid of the tattoo. There have been times that she has been VERY adimant and insistent, and other times she just tells him that it needs to go. I know that she hates it, it makes her feel uneasy, and also like he's holding on to the ex. When confronted with this issue, John usually says; "you are right, I will do something about it by the end of the month, or that he will go to the shop in a week and have something drawn up.  This is Beth's argument: he has not been with Susie in 9 years. He has had new tattoos done since he started dating Beth, and other re uttals to this argument have been:::: He just has not had the chance, or that he doesnt know what he wants in place of that, or that he has not had the cash to get a big piece done. Another argument is that Johns sister is a dermatologist, and he could probably get the removal free or next to free.  So what do you guys think  I tell her to carve it off during the night, and then pin it up on the cork board, but then again, I'm a horrible person/girlfriend and shouldnt be trusted with such things.

PapaBear

01-09-2007, 09:57 PM

Tattoo removal is a serious procedure (whichever method is used), and I doubt his dermatologist sister could help him much with it.They may need to consider couples therapy, to determine why he hasn't had the tattoo altered into something else.

riverofpiss

01-09-2007, 10:02 PM

Guys think about their exs as much or more than the current girl.  Maybe that's his way of remembering although a picture or two would be less drastic and easier to hide.

Kevin

01-09-2007, 10:05 PM

Yea the Tattoo of the other girl is a tricky situation, but like Papa said, Its kinda risky to remove it. Tell them to really do research on it, and then make a decision. But if it can be done safely, then yea, it should be removed.

Gaia

01-09-2007, 10:09 PM

riverofpiss wrote: Guys think about their exs as much or more than the current girl.  Maybe that's his way of remembering although a picture or two would be less drastic and easier to hide. That should make her feel good.

CofyCrakCocaine

01-09-2007, 10:18 PM

Hey,   Well, is this guy, 'John', all hung up about his ex still and talks about 'Susie' alot? Or is it just the tat that keeps bringing 'Susie' up for your friend? I know jack shit about tattoos, so I couldn't tell you if it was serious or not to remove it, but if 'John' is loving your friend just fine regardless of the tattoo and hasn't been faltering or treating her like dirt saying shit like 'you're no Susie, Susie woulda done this or that blah blah blah' it's not that big a deal. It's like how I have these cheesy polaroids of me and my ex crazy bitch girlfriend from six years ago in some cabinet. I look at them maybe once or twice a year, but I don't consider that clinging to the past. My current girlfriend wants me to toss them and I'm like 'Hey, I had a life before you, and this is how I remember the past and please respect that'. If she didn't understand that, it would piss me off and have me thinking 'Hey, what gives her the right?'. Do you know what I'm saying? I wonder how 'John' really feels about being pressured into removing this tattoo. Sorry if that wasn't helpful.

Fallon

01-09-2007, 10:25 PM

Why can't she just change her name to "Susie" and be done with it?But really, I say let it stay. It's a part of him and a great time of his life. He should get a "Beth" tat as well.

PapaBear

01-09-2007, 10:33 PM

I've been thinking about this a bit more. I had a girl make me get rid of all photos and negatives of a modeling session I did of a previous girlfriend (no... none of the photos were provocative). I've held my resentment about this, to this day. I know photos aren't quite tattoos, but the result could be the same. BTW... If they finally decide to "alter" the tattoo, instead of removing it...FROM THE HEATHENS CAME SUSIE

Gaia

01-09-2007, 10:34 PM

CofyCrakCocaine wrote: Hey,   Well, is this guy, 'John', all hung up about his ex still and talks about 'Susie' alot? Or is it just the tat that keeps bringing 'Susie' up for your friend? I know jack shit about tattoos, so I couldn't tell you if it was serious or not to remove it, but if 'John' is loving your friend just fine regardless of the tattoo and hasn't been faltering or treating her like dirt saying shit like 'you're no Susie, Susie woulda done this or that blah blah blah' it's not that big a deal. It's like how I have these cheesy polaroids of me and my ex crazy bitch girlfriend from six years ago in some cabinet. I look at them maybe once or twice a year, but I don't consider that clinging to the past. My current girlfriend wants me to toss them and I'm like 'Hey, I had a life before you, and this is how I remember the past and please respect that'. If she didn't understand that, it would piss me off and have me thinking 'Hey, what gives her the right?'. Do you know what I'm saying? I wonder how 'John' really feels about being pressured into removing this tattoo. Sorry if that wasn't helpful.From what I am told, he never brings susie up, and the tattoo is just a reminder, she has said its like a kick in the stomach when she sees it...

CofyCrakCocaine

01-09-2007, 10:49 PM

I'm sorry to hear it causes such a strong, unpleasant reaction for your friend whenever she sees 'John's' tat. Hmm...Well, I don't mean to sound insensitive, but maybe your friend ought to figure out exactly why she is hurt by seeing this tattoo that pretty much came about years before she even met 'John', and get over it. It's ultimately just an object now, if 'John' is truly over 'Susie' and she shouldn't obsess over it too much. Is it because she feels like he loves 'Susie' more than her because he still has her tat? If so, she ought to talk to 'John' a bit more directly about this thing, and make it clear that the tattoo really makes her feel like crap.On the other hand, if by some freak chance it turns out 'Beth' decides maybe she's overreacting about a tattoo that has no real influence over 'John's' love for 'Beth', then maybe she ought to let it go and hope he gets it removed someday. I know from my own personal experience that no one can tell me to get rid of something I had to commemorate the past unless I made the decision by myself. It's partly a pride thing, the other is this odd desire to have the strength to completely let go of everything by myself. I don't know if John operates that way, but if he does, he probably wouldn't like to be pushed too much. So if she needs to push him on it, tell her not to push too hard. If he keeps promising he'll do it and doesn't do it, that's no good either...so there should be some kind of definitive 'Are you gonna get rid of it or not?' discussion if 'Beth' decides this shit is too much to bear. 

This message was edited by CofyCrakCocaine on 1-10-07 @ 2:51 AM

Yerdaddy

01-10-2007, 01:39 AM

I can understand wanting to keep reminders of a large and important chunk of his life. I've got photos of my past serious relationships and I wouldn't throw them away if a new girlfriend asked me to. I'd tell her they existed ut I would keep them in a box out of sight. A tattoo is a different story. She shouldn't have to be reminded of his past relationship every time she sees him or sees him naked, and he should be respectful and get rid of it. Obviously he doesn't want to. Probably because he's still reminiscing about the old girlfriend, (that's easy to do because you don't still have to see her hairy wax strips on the tub or listen to her nag about him not wanting to be dragged around Bed Bath & Beyond like a 10 year old kid with his mom. He can only remember the good parts now. She's an idealized version of herself and that makes it harder to disconnect). Or, he's not completely committed to this relationship, for whatever reason, and the tattoo is a reminder to her and him of that fact.Or, and this always a possibility with you crazy-ass women, he's a fucking prick to begin with and doesn't give a shit about her feelings and that's what she loves about him; she's just pissed because she hasn't been able to change him yet. Then it's her fault. She should have started a five year relationship with the guy who's shoulder she's going to cry on when they break up and then blow off to go be with another prick. If that's the case he oughta have "Suzie gives sweet head" backwards on her forehead and then throw beer bottles at her while she's explaining to her friends "But you don't know how good he is to me when we're alone." You women drive me fucking nuts, you know that!?I'd tell her at this point she's gotta tell him she doesn't deserve to have to look at that fucking thing anymore and either it goes or she does. Then a week later she'd tell me they're getting married and he promises to get it removed before the wedding.

StupidGirlllll

01-10-2007, 01:57 AM

Am I the only 1 who thinks that a guy should not get a tatoo on his lower back? Isn't that a girly place for a tat? When he sits down in his low rise jeans does his tat pop out? it just seems a little gay to me. A guy with his girls name on his lower back shouldn't it of been the other way around? So when he was hitting her from behind he could see his name? Now my question is who is hitting him from behind to see her name?

sr71blackbird

01-10-2007, 02:02 AM

I always saw the tattooing of names on people on your body as being a foolish thing to do, for just this type of situation.  I would suspect the tattoo hurts to have put on or taken off, so he is probably avoiding it for pain. It being on his lower back (kind of a gay area btw) is a hard part of your own body to see without mirrors, so it is probably not on his mind.  Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. Maybe ask your friend to take pictures of the tattoo and leave copys around or on the fridge as a reminder for him to do something about it with the "susie" part crossed out, like "FROM THE HEAVENS CAME <strike>SUSIE</strike>"I would recommend your friend not to suggest replacing the ex's name with her own.

sr71blackbird

01-10-2007, 02:03 AM

StupidGirlllll wrote: Am I the only 1 who thinks that a guy should not get a tatoo on his lower back? Isn't that a girly place for a tat? When he sits down in his low rise jeans does his tat pop out? it just seems a little gay to me. A guy with his girls name on his lower back shouldn't it of been the other way around? So when he was hitting her from behind he could see his name? Now my question is who is hitting him from behind to see her name? You beat me too it by 2 minutes!  :o)

Don Stugots

01-10-2007, 03:25 AM

i will send you a PM in regards to this matter.  thats all i will say here. 

angelinad128

01-10-2007, 04:35 AM

Since they have been together for that long, she obviously knows that she is the one he loves right?She is being insecure which is VERY understandable. She hsould just know in her heart that SHE is the one with him and tell herself that he did that when he was going through a stupid phase and she is the winner...which of course she already knew that.

Zorro

01-10-2007, 05:14 AM

This guy is still in love with Susie.

cupcakelove

01-10-2007, 05:24 AM

Is it the tattoo that's really bothering your friend, or the reminder that she's not the only person he's ever loved that's bothering her?  I don't know if getting rid of the tattoo would really solve the problems they're having.  That part of his life happened, and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

Yerdaddy

01-10-2007, 05:43 AM

angrymissy

01-10-2007, 06:58 AM

Yeah, that would not make me happy.  He could easily get it covered with something else, or removed.  Tattoo removal is not that big a deal anymore, they do it with a laser.I agree with you Gaia, she should carve that shit off in the middle of the night!

Justice4all

01-10-2007, 07:01 AM

sr71blackbird wrote: StupidGirlllll wrote: Am I the only 1 who thinks that a guy should not get a tatoo on his lower back? Isn't that a girly place for a tat? When he sits down in his low rise jeans does his tat pop out? it just seems a little gay to me. A guy with his girls name on his lower back shouldn't it of been the other way around? So when he was hitting her from behind he could see his name? Now my question is who is hitting him from behind to see her name? You beat me too it by 2 minutes!  :o)And that makes three of us.I still have my wedding ring from when I was married. I got divorced back in 2001 but I keep it for several reasons.1) It reminds me of the mistakes I made in that relationship and to never make those same mistakes again2) it shows me how I have changed since then and how I continue to do so.it does NOT mean I am hung up on my ex in any way. (hell just ask my roomate) Your friend should consider getting the tattoo altered, not taken off. it is a LESS risky procedure and also less expensive also. But tell your lady friend not to worry, she should not lay awake at night worrying about her boyfriends ex.BUT....if I was the guy my ex's name would have come off me asap. I honestly do not know what he was waiting around for.

feralBoy

01-10-2007, 07:13 AM

I think that's a slap in the face to beth.  Hey we all have trouble letting go of ex's, but he has been dating this girl long enough, that he has to bite the bullet and get it removed or covered up.  How would he feel if she had a tatoo on her back that said, "Jack does me so good" and he'd have to stare at that once in a while.  I think it's ok to hold on to parts of past relationships, and even care about your ex's, but when you do so in a way that is hurting your current significant other, you have to rectify that shit.

angrymissy

01-10-2007, 07:20 AM

Tattoo removal is not painful or dangerous anymore, its done with several laser treatments now.The pain and having to go back every few weeks is on par with a woman going in for waxing once a month.

Yerdaddy

01-10-2007, 07:25 AM

Justice4all wrote: sr71blackbird wrote: StupidGirlllll wrote: Am I the only 1 who thinks that a guy should not get a tatoo on his lower back? Isn't that a girly place for a tat? When he sits down in his low rise jeans does his tat pop out? it just seems a little gay to me. A guy with his girls name on his lower back shouldn't it of been the other way around? So when he was hitting her from behind he could see his name? Now my question is who is hitting him from behind to see her name? You beat me too it by 2 minutes!  :o)And that makes three of us.I still have my wedding ring from when I was married. I got divorced back in 2001 but I keep it for several reasons.1) It reminds me of the mistakes I made in that relationship and to never make those same mistakes again2) it shows me how I have changed since then and how I continue to do so.it does NOT mean I am hung up on my ex in any way. (hell just ask my roomate) Your friend should consider getting the tattoo altered, not taken off. it is a LESS risky procedure and also less expensive also. But tell your lady friend not to worry, she should not lay awake at night worrying about her boyfriends ex.BUT....if I was the guy my ex's name would have come off me asap. I honestly do not know what he was waiting around for. I still say he's waiting around for a boy named Sue.

Jujubees2

01-10-2007, 07:27 AM

First up, I agree that having a person's name tattooed on your body is not the brightest thing to do (unless it's your kid).  That said, however, I think she might be overreacting a bit.  As others have said, I still have photos of my previous girlfriends and I've been married for 13 years. And I still think about my former girlfriends. Granted, the photos are put away in a box and my wife doesn't have to see them every day.How about your friend suggest that John put a band aid (or something similar) over Susie's name until he gets it removed?

DJEvelEd

01-10-2007, 08:00 AM

I would never got a tattoo of a girl's name on my body first of all.Second of all, I would let him know that only girls get "tramp stamps" in girly places. He has issues with gayness, stupidity, and relationships.Does he have a butterfly tattoo on his ankle too?

Snacks

01-10-2007, 10:14 AM

Justice4all wrote: sr71blackbird wrote: StupidGirlllll wrote: Am I the only 1 who thinks that a guy should not get a tatoo on his lower back? Isn't that a girly place for a tat? When he sits down in his low rise jeans does his tat pop out? it just seems a little gay to me. A guy with his girls name on his lower back shouldn't it of been the other way around? So when he was hitting her from behind he could see his name? Now my question is who is hitting him from behind to see her name? You beat me too it by 2 minutes!  :o)And that makes three of us.I still have my wedding ring from when I was married. I got divorced back in 2001 but I keep it for several reasons.1) It reminds me of the mistakes I made in that relationship and to never make those same mistakes again2) it shows me how I have changed since then and how I continue to do so.it does NOT mean I am hung up on my ex in any way. (hell just ask my roomate) Your friend should consider getting the tattoo altered, not taken off. it is a LESS risky procedure and also less expensive also. But tell your lady friend not to worry, she should not lay awake at night worrying about her boyfriends ex.BUT....if I was the guy my ex's name would have come off me asap. I honestly do not know what he was waiting around for. I was just going to type the same thing but read to see how many of you agreed it was a little gay for aguy. Its like a guy piercing his belly button. Thats gay.Maybe susie really isnt susie maybe susie is a guy and hes gay and this is his brokeback mountain.Either way you say he has had tattoos added since they have been together, he obviously doesnt want to remove it or cover it up for whatever reasons. He probly still wants susie (or is ex gay lover) Adding this whole mess up he seems to not want to get married either. 6 years with the ex then 3 year gao then another 5 1/2 years with new girl. Thats almost 15 years, how old is this guy 40? Maybe the fact he hasnt removed the tattoo or married her yet she should see that she might not be the one.I have no problem with people dating 5 years before getting married, but once your in your late 20's or early 30's and you have dated someone that long then I just dont understand it. Shit my ex gave me an ulimatum (sp) at around our 2 year anv and we broke up, for that and many other reasons. She needs to figure out what is holding him back from everyhing.

MellySmelly

01-10-2007, 10:23 AM

The tattoo that I have on my boob says "Jeff" and I broke up with him about 10 years ago.  I have never gotten it covered up because I have just been too lazy to go get it done.  It doesn't mean that I still have any feelings for the bastard.  I also had a tattoo on my leg removed last year and it left a huge scar in it's place.  It looks like I burned my leg on a motorcycle tail pipe.  I would say if it bothers your friend that much that he should try to get it covered up.  It is cheaper, less painful, and doesn't leave a huge scar.

dereckfishboy

01-10-2007, 10:29 AM

I went through a similar thing with a girl I was dating, and it pissed me off. Personally, I think it's disrespectful to the woman he's chosen a long term relationship with.

dereckfishboy

01-10-2007, 10:32 AM

MellySmelly wrote: The tattoo that I have on my boob says "Jeff" and I broke up with him about 10 years ago. I have never gotten it covered up because I have just been too lazy to go get it done. It doesn't mean that I still have any feelings for the bastard. I also had a tattoo on my leg removed last year and it left a huge scar in it's place. It looks like I burned my leg on a motorcycle tail pipe. I would say if it bothers your friend that much that he should try to get it covered up. It is cheaper, less painful, and doesn't leave a huge scar. And easy fix for that is to nickname every guy you date "Jeff"

Gaia

01-10-2007, 10:38 AM

Thanks everyone...I will pass all this along. Even the fact that he's teh gay.

ChrisTheCop

01-10-2007, 10:49 AM

Sorry I'm late. Phew, just in time to save the day.I agree with Fallon. Let the tat stay, and get an even nicer one for his new gal.  and folks, theres a lesson to be learned here....okay???

Justice4all

01-10-2007, 11:05 AM

MellySmelly wrote: The tattoo that I have on my boob says "Jeff" and I broke up with him about 10 years ago.  I have never gotten it covered up because I have just been too lazy to go get it done.  It doesn't mean that I still have any feelings for the bastard.  I also had a tattoo on my leg removed last year and it left a huge scar in it's place.  It looks like I burned my leg on a motorcycle tail pipe.  I would say if it bothers your friend that much that he should try to get it covered up.  It is cheaper, less painful, and doesn't leave a huge scar. absolutely correct, lasers still leave a scar. And tattoo removal is very expensive.Sounds to me like this guy has a no brainer coming up

CofyCrakCocaine

01-10-2007, 11:37 AM

feralBoy wrote: I think that's a slap in the face to beth. Hey we all have trouble letting go of ex's, but he has been dating this girl long enough, that he has to bite the bullet and get it removed or covered up. How would he feel if she had a tatoo on her back that said, "Jack does me so good" and he'd have to stare at that once in a while. I think it's ok to hold on to parts of past relationships, and even care about your ex's, but when you do so in a way that is hurting your current significant other, you have to rectify that shit.Y'know, you have a point there sir. Tell him to laze that fucking thing off his back!

Zorro

01-10-2007, 12:00 PM

angrymissy wrote: Tattoo removal is not painful or dangerous anymore, its done with several laser treatments now.The pain and having to go back every few weeks is on par with a woman going in for waxing once a month.It's also a lot less painful than waking up to your girlfriend removing it with a steak knife

This message was edited by Zorro on 1-10-07 @ 4:42 PM

nate1000

01-10-2007, 12:22 PM

He should present the altered/ removed tattoo to her as an engagement or wedding present. Until that happens, however, she should STFU about it.

Bulldogcakes

01-10-2007, 03:20 PM

I'd tell "Beth" to change her name to Susie. EDIT-FUCK! Someone beat me to it!     

This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 1-10-07 @ 7:33 PM

Bulldogcakes

01-10-2007, 03:31 PM

angrymissy wrote: Tattoo removal is not painful or dangerous anymore, its done with several laser treatments now.The pain and having to go back every few weeks is on par with a woman going in for waxing once a month.When exactly has he asked her to go for a waxing?  Tell her to grow up. She's acting irrational.

Gaia

01-10-2007, 06:39 PM

So most of you wouldnt have a problem if the woman you loved had A tattoo that said something about thier ex? something cheesy like: I live and die for rob.....?Wow....I guess I find that odd.

MellySmelly

01-10-2007, 06:46 PM

Gaia wrote: So most of you wouldnt have a problem if the woman you loved had A tattoo that said something about thier ex? something cheesy like: I live and die for rob.....?Wow....I guess I find that odd. Paul-o has a huge TWATTO tattoo on his belly, along with all of his other crazy ones and it doesn't bother me a bit.

TheVHD

01-10-2007, 07:02 PM

I just saw this thread but this is what I know... I never had a tattoo of a girls name but I was married for 7 years then got separated... I am still separated to this day.  I got married in 1994 (I was 21 years old) and I got separated in March 2001... I met my current girlfriend in May of 2001.  She knew I was separated when we met and now to this day asks me when I am getting a divorce.  Me and my girlfriend have lived together for the last year.  I have not spoken to my "wife" in a year and a half... but I love my wife and I hope... every day that we get back together.  I think this may be the same case... as long as I don't get the divorce mentally I still have a "connection" with my wife... Same thing with the tattoo.  If this dood really loved this girl he would take care of her request.  But he wants to keep the "connection" with his X through his tatt.  Not to be harsh but it's up to the chick at this piont to draw the line... for her sake... if he doesn't meet her half way... she's got to let him go... regardless of the time they have together.  It's for her own good. 

Snacks

01-10-2007, 07:37 PM

Gaia wrote: So most of you wouldnt have a problem if the woman you loved had A tattoo that said something about thier ex? something cheesy like: I live and die for rob.....?Wow....I guess I find that odd. I would, I dont know anyone that would get a tat of a girlfriend/boyfriend etc. I just never understood that. Even if they were to cover it up I would still think about it evertime I would see the new tattoo that is covering the old one.

Bulldogcakes

01-11-2007, 04:11 PM

Gaia wrote: So most of you wouldnt have a problem if the woman you loved had A tattoo that said something about thier ex? something cheesy like: I live and die for rob.....?Wow....I guess I find that odd. So . . . this "friend" of yours . . . . she wouldn't happen to be named Lisa, would she?

Yerdaddy

01-12-2007, 04:46 AM

MellySmelly wrote: Gaia wrote: So most of you wouldnt have a problem if the woman you loved had A tattoo that said something about thier ex? something cheesy like: I live and die for rob.....?Wow....I guess I find that odd. Paul-o has a huge TWATTO tattoo on his belly, along with all of his other crazy ones and it doesn't bother me a bit.Wait! You're really dating THE Paul-O? What the hell???

Gaia

01-16-2007, 10:07 PM

Bulldogcakes wrote: Gaia wrote: So most of you wouldnt have a problem if the woman you loved had A tattoo that said something about thier ex? something cheesy like: I live and die for rob.....?Wow....I guess I find that odd. So . . . this "friend" of yours . . . . she wouldn't happen to be named Lisa, would she?  Nope.

ralphbxny

01-17-2007, 09:01 AM

John needs to cover susie with something...like his fav team or some other B.S.

Don Stugots

01-17-2007, 11:23 AM

lleeder

01-17-2007, 12:45 PM

He shouldnt get it removed just do this instead:From the Heavens Came SuzieAND THEN SHE WAS SWALLOWEDINTO THE BOWELSOF HELL(P.s. shes a whore)That way he can get something new and your friend can be satisfied.