What is your most offensive joke [Archive]

Team_Ramrod

01-27-2007, 10:32 PM

I, in no way, shape or form endorse the following jokes....Q: What's black and white and red all over, and can't turn around in a doorway?            A: A nun with a javelin through her head. Q. Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats In experiments now?  A. Mexicans breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And An Ape.  A. A Retarded Ape. Q: What's red and sits in a highchair? A: A baby eating razor-blades. Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner? A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades. Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner? A: Same baby 3 weeks later. Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds? A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave! Q: What's blue and knocks on glass? A: A baby in a fish tank. Q: What is charred black and screams? A: A baby getting his toy out of the fireplace! 

This message was edited by The Midnight Ramrod on 1-28-07 @ 2:33 AM

newport king

01-27-2007, 10:38 PM

What do apples and negroes have in common?they both look good hanging from a tree. black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy are walking through the desert, and they come across a lamp. They rub the lamp, and a genie comes out. He'll give 'em each a wish. Black guy goes first. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Africa. Genie does it. Mexican guy goes second. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Mexico. Genie does it. White guy's turn. "So all the niggers and spics are out of the country?" he asks. "Yeah," says the genie. The white guy says, "Well, I guess I'll have a Coke." Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands! How much does Jesus love you? *Spread arms and look mopey* This much. What's the best part about 6 year old girls? After you're done with them, you can turn them over and use them as 6 year-old boys!

Doogie

01-27-2007, 10:43 PM

Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?? It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

waltermitty

01-27-2007, 10:51 PM

Doogie76 wrote: Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?? It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.  damn....maybe too soon?

FUNKMAN

01-27-2007, 11:06 PM

what's the difference between a microwave and a gay guy?a microwave doesn't brown your meat

Team_Ramrod

01-27-2007, 11:06 PM

how do you make a six year old cry?    Use her teddy bear to wipe the blood off your dick after you finish fucking her.

burrben

01-27-2007, 11:07 PM

if i could go back in time i'd go punch the virgin mary in the stomach.i just realized that isn't a joke.what's the difference between a white baby and a black baby? the temperature of the oven

newport king

01-27-2007, 11:16 PM

Im going to try this out cause its late and i'm bored.... A talent agent is sitting in his office looking for the next big thing. In walks a family, mother, father, daughter and son and their yorkshire terrier. The man says, ok what do you do?On command, the father whips out his cock and starts mouth fucking his daughter till tears are in her eyes, meanwhile the son is fist fucking his mother. The agents telephone rings and they immediately switch off.Now the father goes balls deep in the mothers ass and the sister begins fucking the brother with the stapler that was on the agents desk. The phone rings yet again and the father yells out "Its jiffy time!"He whips out a jar of peanut butter spreads it on the asshole of his wife, son and daughter, the yorkshire terrier runs over and eats the peanut butter out of every family members shithole while the father fingerfucks the dogs balloon know. The dog gets so workd up the father brings the dog over to the agents desk and starts slamming his cock into the agents drawer.Phone rings yet again, the mother gets up, goes into her purse and pops out a slip and slide. The entire family bends over asses in the air and the whole lot of them spew diarrhea in a beautiful brown arc onto the slip and slide till their asses are empty and they're just a brown mist puffing out of their gaping assholes. then the father and son stand up while the mother shoves both their cocks in her mouth at the same time till they both cum in her mouth, she spits it on the slip and slide. The daughter then rund head first down the 20 ft slip and slide covering herself in the shit and cum and the whole family says "TADA"!!!The talent agent says,"holy shit thats some fucking act", which is a bit of an understatement. "What do you call it?"All together, the family says:the aristocrats!<img src="http://home.nc.rr.com/cchristiansen/amber%20tada%20slip%20n%20slide.jpg" border="0" width="600" height="400" />

FUNKMAN

01-27-2007, 11:18 PM

what's the difference between a harley and a hoover?the location of the dirtbag may not sound too offensive but try saying it in front of a couple Hells Angels

legroommusic

01-27-2007, 11:49 PM

how do you stop a black person from commiting a crime? You shoot him with 50 bullets.if it was 7 years ago it would've been 41. just change the number of bullets and the joke never gets old.

patsopinion

01-28-2007, 12:00 AM

hahhhahhhha   ive hear em all before but its like fucking a 12 yr oldit never gets to old

cozzie

01-28-2007, 12:53 AM

There once was seven men with knowledge so fine, they created a pussy to their design,1ST was a butcher, smart with wit, using a knife he gave it a slit,2Nd was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole,3Rd was a tailor, tall and thin, using red velvet , he lined it within,4Th was a hunter,short and stout, with a piece of foxfur , he lined it without,5Th was a fisherman, nasty as hell, he threw in a fish and gave it  a smell,6th was a preacher, whose name was McGhee, he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee, Last was a soldier, a dirty little runt, he sucked, fucked it, and called it a CUNT!

Doctor Z

01-28-2007, 01:08 AM

NIGGER.

ManZombie

01-28-2007, 01:17 AM

what is the difference between a tuxedo and a rape victim?

Team_Ramrod

01-28-2007, 01:22 AM

Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood.... <h4>What kind of ant is good at maths?</h4><h4>An accountant ! What do cows do for entertainment? They rent moovies ! What does a fish say when it runs into a wall? DAMN! How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off What do you call a fish with no eye ? FSH ! What do you call a deer with no eyes ? I have no I-Deer What is invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts. Why are there no asprins in the jungle? Because the Parots-ate-em-all Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested? He was charged with battery. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan. Why do gerillas have big nostralls? Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!! What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? Lipstick </h4>

torker

01-28-2007, 04:56 AM

Q:  What does a battered woman do after coming home from a shelter?A:  The fucking dishes if she knows what's good for her.

sr71blackbird

01-28-2007, 05:35 AM

How come there are only two pall bearers at a black funeral?A garbage can only has two handles  <img src="http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2003/trashcan.jpg" border="0" width="62" height="74" />  How come blacks don't sleep? The last one that had a dream got shot

sr71blackbird

01-28-2007, 05:37 AM

Whats 5 miles long and goes 2 miles an hour?A Puerto Rican funeral procession with only one set of jumper cables

sr71blackbird

01-28-2007, 05:39 AM

double post

This message was edited by sr71blackbird on 1-28-07 @ 9:40 AM

FUNKMAN

01-28-2007, 05:58 AM

your moms like a brick. she only gets laid by mexicans

BLZBUBBA

01-28-2007, 06:01 AM

I apologize for the old material. Mother Teresa got to heaven.  St. Peter says welcome and says she's going to get the biggest "halo" they have.  She gets it and proceeds in.  While inside she sees Princess Diana with a bigger "halo".  She goes back to St. Peter and asks what the deal is.  "Diana has a bigger halo".  St. Peter replies..."That's not a halo...That's a steering wheel."

Bob Impact

01-28-2007, 06:41 AM

What do you call a black rocket scientist? A Nigger.  What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Sheeplovr

01-28-2007, 06:47 AM

when are the offensive jokes going to start?

cougarjake13

01-28-2007, 06:51 AM

sr71blackbird wrote: How come blacks don't sleep? The last one that had a dream got shot i heard a slightly different versionwhy do blacks have nightmares ???b/c the last one to have a dream got shot

feralBoy

01-28-2007, 06:56 AM

The Midnight Ramrod wrote: how do you make a six year old cry?Use her teddy bear to wipe the blood off your dick after you finish fucking her.Isn't the joke:How do you make a six year old cry twice?Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear... While not the most offensive, this one seems to get all the women hot and heavy.Why did the woman cross the road?That's not the point, what was she doing out of the kitchen.

Whitey

01-28-2007, 07:02 AM

What was missing from the million man march ?     About five miles of chain and an auctioneer.

flavopop

01-28-2007, 07:28 AM

These two buy you an Express ticket to hell!What's the only bad thing about eating bald pussy?HAVING TO PUT THE DIAPER BACK ON..Whats 18 inches long, is purple and can make a Woman scream all night long?CRIB DEATHOUCH!  JUST REPEATING THEM, DIDNT WRITE EM.

sr71blackbird

01-28-2007, 07:51 AM

The worst:  

This message was edited by sr71blackbird on 1-28-07 @ 9:12 PM

Drunky McBetidont

01-28-2007, 08:03 AM

what do 10,000 battered women have in common? they just don't listen. (fist in hand as you say punch line) Q. what is the difference between an epileptic corn famer and a whore with diarriha?A. one shucks between fits. Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said the one gay. To which East Side Dave replied, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first??" A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did. The next morning's newspaper carried the news item: "JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."

Zorro

01-28-2007, 08:08 AM

Why the 50lbs of shit on the Altar at an Italian wedding....................keeps the flies off the bride

weekapaugjz

01-28-2007, 08:26 AM

whats the difference between a pizza and a dead baby?    - i don't have a pizza hanging in my closet.whats black and blue and hates sex?    - the seven year old boy in my closetwhats the difference between a black person and a bucket of shit?    - a bucket.

Jujubees2

01-28-2007, 08:32 AM

What's the difference between a hockey goalie and a Polish woman?A hockey goalie changes his pads after three periods.

weekapaugjz

01-28-2007, 08:36 AM

how did the polish guy break his arm raking leaves?    - fell out of the treehow do you sink a polish submarine?    - knock on the doorthese arent very offensive but who doesn't like making fun of polish people?

BLZBUBBA

01-28-2007, 08:56 AM

Regional...Proof the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?  Anywhere else and it would have been called a TEETHbrush.#1 TV show in Arkansas.  Touched by an UNCLE.How do the circumcise West Virginians?  Kick their sisters in the mouth.

undressa

01-28-2007, 10:59 AM

shock and aaaaawwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeis all I am feeling right now

BoondockSaint

01-28-2007, 12:28 PM

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheepy under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says,"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache" Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheepy." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheepy."

This message was edited by BoondockSaint on 1-28-07 @ 4:28 PM

FlashVirus

01-28-2007, 01:51 PM

cougarjake13 wrote: sr71blackbird wrote: How come blacks don't sleep? The last one that had a dream got shot i heard a slightly different versionwhy do blacks have nightmares ???b/c the last one to have a dream got shot The verson I heard:Howcome black people have Nightmares?Beacuse I shot the last one that had a dream.

IamFogHat

01-28-2007, 01:54 PM

What do you get when you skin a baby alive and roll it around in a vat of salt?An erection.

nassue

01-28-2007, 02:04 PM

why did so many blacks die in veitnam?    - everytime the squad leader said "get down" they'd jump up and boogywhat do you get when you cross a mexican and an octopus?     - i don't know but it sure can pick a hell of a lot of lettucewhat's the best thing about fucking an four year old?     - how big your dick looks in it's hand what's the worst?     - getting blood on your clown suit

shittyhambrgers

01-28-2007, 02:09 PM

difference between a pizza pie and a jew?  -- the pizza doesnt scream when you shove it in the oven.difference between a pizza pie and a black guy? -- the pizza can feed a family of four.

DJEvelEd

01-28-2007, 10:32 PM

What do you get when you stick a knife up a baby's vagina?       A raging hard-on

DJEvelEd

01-28-2007, 10:32 PM

What do you get when you stick a knife up a baby's vagina?       A raging hard-on

CYYYFYYY

01-29-2007, 09:03 PM

<div>Why do you put Chocolate syrup in milk? Because it makes it taste better</div>

Reephdweller

01-30-2007, 03:41 AM

Skellington

01-30-2007, 05:02 AM

newport king wrote:they both look good hanging from a tree.  black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy are walking through the desert, and they come across a lamp. They rub the lamp, and a genie comes out. He'll give 'em each a wish. Black guy goes first. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Africa. Genie does it. Mexican guy goes second. He wants his people healthy and happy, back in Mexico. Genie does it. White guy's turn. "So all the niggers and spics are out of the country?" he asks. "Yeah," says the genie. The white guy says, "Well, I guess I'll have a Coke."Watched Boondock Saints lately????

Skellington

01-30-2007, 05:04 AM

What do you call 3 Mexicans, one Asian, and 4 black men standing in line? A Sprinkler: Spic, Spic Spic, CHINC! nigganigganigganigga

Earlshog

01-30-2007, 05:18 AM

Why do black people smell? So blind people can hate them too....

bobrobot

01-30-2007, 05:27 AM

Sheepy walks into a Spelling Bee...

MasterSoySauce

01-30-2007, 05:44 AM

whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock?you cant fuck a rockwhats the difference between sand and period blood?you cant gargle with sand.

Wallower

01-30-2007, 07:28 AM

Why did the moron throw his clock out the window?To see time fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SinA

01-30-2007, 07:42 AM

If it wasn't for Hitler no one would care about Anne Frank. Why is a sorority girl like a tampon?  They're both stuck up cunts.

patrick187

01-30-2007, 08:13 AM

Do you know what I like most about 5 year old girls? You flip 'em over and they're 5 yearl old boys

andywhat?

01-30-2007, 05:51 PM

Q: what does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?A: somebody's going to lose their trailer.

JokesaboutPants

01-30-2007, 05:54 PM

...Here it goes and it's racial..... What's pink and swings from my front porch...My nigger and I'll paint it any color I want.... Ouch I know.....

jake5098

01-30-2007, 06:24 PM

why are there so many trees in harlem? public transportation why do poilce dogs lick the asses? get the taste of nigger out of there mouth. why do jews have big noses? air is free how do you get 24 jews in a vw? in the ash tray

jake5098

01-30-2007, 06:28 PM

what do you do when you see a nigger crawling across your front lawn bleeding to death?stop laughing and RE-LOAD

overyoo

01-30-2007, 06:35 PM

East side Daveis sitting in a bar, looks over and sees a very old guy who looks just like Hitler. Dave grabs his jack and coke and sits down next th the old guy. "Anyone ever tell you you look just like Hitler, only much older? "I am Hitler" the man replies. Dave carries on talking to Hitler, " Im 118 years old" hitler tells dave.Hitler talks about how nazi's learned the secret to exending the life span, and other shit. Dave intrupts and asks what he has been up to latley? "Well" Hitler replies  "last year i personally killed 50 Jews, And 3 Cats" dave looks confused "why the hell did you kill 3 cats" Hitler stands up and screams " SEE, I TOLD YOU NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE JEWS"

Death Metal Moe

01-30-2007, 06:36 PM

Q. How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. I wouldn't have to worry of Hitler did it right. Q. What's the difference between a baby and a hamburger?A. I don't fuck a hamburger before I eat it.

Team_Ramrod

01-30-2007, 06:41 PM

A lady won the lottery last week worth 55 million dollars. She goes to the Bank and tells the teller she would like to open a savings account with her winnings. The teller says it's not a good idea and they should look into mutual funds and other investment opportunities. The lady becomes irate and asks for the senior teller. The senior teller comes over and the lady explains her situation. Again, the teller tells the lady about the investment possibilities.The lady is now full out enraged. She demands the bank manager. 15 minutes later the manager shows up and the lady starts to yell and berate the manager for his banks horrible service. The manager, getting short temper tries one last time to get the story out of the lady. She calls him a few names and starts the story. "I won the lottery last week, 55 million dollars to myself and I would like to open an account. I don't want mutual funds, I don't want GIC's and you fucking peole are too incompitent to get that straight"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The manager looks at the lady and says "What, these bitches giving you a hard time?"::ba dum ba::

suggums

01-30-2007, 06:41 PM

lemme think of better ones

This message was edited by suggums on 1-30-07 @ 10:42 PM

douchebagsean

01-30-2007, 06:49 PM

why are there so many trees planted in harlem? public transportation

ralphbxny

01-31-2007, 05:56 AM

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?Nothin ya told the bitch twice already!!

landarch

01-31-2007, 06:25 AM

A man is driving his truck full of cargo down the road in a rural area.  He sees two little black boys walking a bike, so stops to be of assistance."Hey boy, what's the problem" "My chain broke on my bike, and we sure could use a ride" says one."OK, but this is Mississippi.  Yall can't ride up here.  You boys got to ride in the back with the cargo and hury up, I got to get these bowling balls to town.""No problem, thanks mister" say the boys and they both get in the back with their bike.A few miles later, a cop pulls the truck over for running a stop sign.  After writing the ticket, he asks to inspect the load.  On opening the back of the truck, he screams, draws his gun at the driver, and calls for backup:"I need all units to highway 30, I got a truck full of nigger eggs here, and two of em done hatched and one's already stolen a bicycle!!"