silly during sex [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

shittyhambrgers

01-28-2007, 08:00 PM

mine isn't all that great but whatever.. my ex absolutely hated the movie American Psycho.  so i burned a CD of music she wanted to fuck to, and in the middle, i put on "sussudio" just to be an asshole.  one night, we switched to doggystyle right as "sussudio" came on.. her closet doors were all mirrors, so i did the ol' Pat Bateman flexing while i was fucking her.  she wasn't pleased.   whats the silliest thing you or your partner has said/done during sex?

FUNKMAN

01-28-2007, 08:23 PM

one time i pulled a hammie

Team_Ramrod

01-28-2007, 08:26 PM

I threw out my back one time

Chigworthy

01-28-2007, 08:34 PM

He BROKE HIS DICK!!!!

burrben

01-28-2007, 08:35 PM

i kinda shit myself once. i tried to make it sexy but it really wasn't

Team_Ramrod

01-28-2007, 08:35 PM

He Broke His Dick????                    <img src="http://ca.wrs.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0Je5ainh71FWMYAiUP2FAx./SIG=12cgb1a6b/EXP=1170135335/**http%3A//www.ssuniverse.com/pictures/Armadillo/Fainted.jpg" border="0" width="191" height="278" />

This message was edited by The Midnight Ramrod on 1-29-07 @ 12:36 AM

FUNKMAN

01-28-2007, 08:36 PM

at 19 i was dating a 28 year old portugese woman named rosangela, she was very sweet! we were at the drive-in in newark and i'm giving her three fingers. any way she has a powerful thick wet orgasm so i pull my fingers out and hold them up to the light . you could see my fingers were coated in fluid so i licked my fingers and i turned to her and said "needs more salt".  she was actually a little upset with me because she was a little sore so she didn't laugh but i thought it was kind of funny...

johnniewalker

01-28-2007, 08:37 PM

Holy shit Funkman!  Are you serious? 

FUNKMAN

01-28-2007, 08:41 PM

johnniewalker wrote: Holy shit Funkman!  Are you serious?  yupshe's the woman who i met in a dance club. on our first date she lectured me for over an hour about how easy american girls are and the first time I lean over to kiss her she immediately grabs my schwantz...that makes me laugh too

A.J.

01-29-2007, 03:09 AM

shittyhambrgers wrote: whats the silliest thing your partner has said/done during sex? My hand can't talk.

Gaia

01-29-2007, 03:28 AM

What is this "sex" you speak of?

nevnut

01-29-2007, 03:47 AM

The wife and I once stared a pillow on fire with a candle and she accidentally burnt my dick while frantically trying to put it out.I don't know if that is silly or just plain stupid.

This message was edited by nevnut on 1-29-07 @ 7:47 AM

Jughead

01-29-2007, 05:54 AM

Im  married....

ShelleBink

01-29-2007, 05:59 AM

I don't know what made me think of this ... but I guess it kind of works.One time I was messing around with this dude.  I really liked him a lot, we always made each other laugh and stuff.  Well, we were at his house, and just started making out and he's like "Well, it'd be really romantic if we could have a fire."  So, he attempted to get a fire going but to no avail.  So we just continued making out and so on.  A week later, we're messing around again, and he tried to turn on a lamp, but it didn't work.  All I could think of to say is "If you can't turn that on, how do I know you can get me turned on?" Well, he did. *** I don't know if its silly, but I often make weird noises during sex.  And sometimes I say weird shit.  One of the last times I had sex I recall saying "Stop! Stop! I can't cum anymore!"  The guy thought it was rather funny and has brought it up numerous times since.

jeffdwright2001

01-29-2007, 06:04 AM

nevnut wrote: The wife and I once stared a pillow on fire with a candle and she accidentally burnt my dick while frantically trying to put it out.I don't know if that is silly or just plain stupid.This message was edited by nevnut on 1-29-07 @ 7:47 AM So which one are you married to?<img src="http://www.sfrevu.com/ISSUES/2002/0203/TV%20-%20Firestarter/firestarter.gif" border="0" width="287" height="189" />or<img src="http://www.postersnthings.com/posters/firestarter.jpg" border="0" width="306" height="450" />

blakjeezis

01-29-2007, 06:10 AM

A few years back, before I even really got involved with the message board and Ron and Fez, I was having sex with my then girlfriend. Now, I'd slowly been trying to introduce the idea of anal sex into the relationship, and slowly but surely she'd been coming around to the idea. We were at the point where I'd be dogging her, and she would enjoy a finger in the ol' shit pipe. Cool, right? Yeah, so on this one particular occasion everything's going well and we're at the point where I usually start with the rectal massage, and something on the nightstand catches my eye. Sitting there was a novelty pacifier that she had just brought home from a shower for her sister's first kid. It was made out of that hard, transparent, colored plastic; kinda looked like a ring pop, but a ball not that crazy bigass jewel shape. So I snatch the thing up, lube it up, and 'pop', drop it into her asshole. In retrospect, I suppose I should have realised that this was her sister's first child and this pacifier thing was probably something that she considered to be a keepsake, and would have preferred not to have it inserted into her colon. Unfortunately for everyone involved, 19 or so year old blakjeezy was not so Promethean about things, and, to be totally honest, it really was the perfect fit for the job. So yeah, she went apeshit on me. Screaming, crying, slapping, the whole bit: "What the fuck is wrong with you!" "She's going to be my Goddaughter!" It was a scene.

TheVHD

01-29-2007, 07:09 AM

Well... a couple years ago I was seeing this chick and we were more "fuck Buddies" then boyfriend girlfriend.  So we went out got hammered drunk... and went back to her house.  So we start up on the couch with the light on... so she starts to go down on me... and she's on her knees on the floor with her ass towards me and I'm laying on the couch.  So being the good guy I am I wanted to share the wealth and give her some oral so I figured a little 69 action was on the menu.  So I grab her around her hip and bring up her leg and try to get it on my shoulder so that I can eat some pie... remember the light is on so as I'm getting into position and spread her legs and ass I notice that there is some TP that is kind of rolled up and hanging from the asshole... being drunk I kind of freaked... as a reaction I put both my hands on the inside of her thighs and pushed her away... much like if a spider or something startles you and just push whatever it's on away from you... I ended up pushing her down towards my feet... so I pushed her so hard that she went off the end of the couch and there was a end table and she braced herself to stop and everything that was on it got knocked to the floor including the light... so it's dark now since the light hit the floor... and she falls off the couch... and in the dark is screaming "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??!!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM???!!!"  Everything happend so fast that I was more shocked than laughing... I told her that I couldn't breath for a second and freaked... turned on another light... and as she picked up the stuff on the floor... I went into the bathroom... and as I played out the events that happened in my head... that's when I started trying to hold in my laugh.  So after that I apologized and took her in the bedroom and shagged her rotten... MISIONARY STYLE!!!  Finished up... and then split.  I never told that girl the real story of what really freaked me out... it will be our little secret.

Chigworthy

01-29-2007, 10:03 AM

That is an awful story.

CofyCrakCocaine

01-29-2007, 11:09 AM

I was with this crazy girl who was my chick for about a year and a half. We were at her house, babysitting her younger brother (he was in single digits). It's California, it's hot, no air conditioning, and that's perfect sex season! Her brother sits down to watch a bunch of X-men cartoon tapes, so we go back to her bedroom, close the door. I honestly didn't intend to do anything more than snuggle. That's why we didn't barricade the door. Oh well. Hot sunny weather, hot girlfriend in a skirt. So much for good intentions. I started playing with her skirt, next thing you know our underwear has been pulled aside and my member is heading straight for that holiest of holes. I hesitate, because it's our first time, she moans and grabs hold and starts driving me in- and the door slams open, and her kid brother says 'HEY GUYS WHAT YOU DOING?!?!' all happy and shit. I have about 1 second to shove her skirt down before he runs straight for me and jumps into my lap, with my dick out. In complete and total reflex, I deflect him off of me because I didn't want a little boy sitting on my cock...and he whams into the side of the wall. And before I can clothe Mr.Chonson, he sees it and screams. So now I've got blue balls, failed to prevent traumatizing a young boy, and without thinking slammed the kid into the wall. And now he's crying. Yeah. Does this count as 'silly'?

Furtherman

01-29-2007, 11:11 AM

CofyCrakCocaine wrote: So now I've got blue balls, failed to prevent traumatizing a young boy, and without thinking slammed the kid into the wall. And now he's crying. Yeah. Does this count as 'silly'?I'd count it as hilarious!!!!

boeman

01-29-2007, 11:12 AM

CofyCrakCocaine wrote: I was with this crazy girl who was my chick for about a year and a half. We were at her house, babysitting her younger brother (he was in single digits). It's California, it's hot, no air conditioning, and that's perfect sex season! Her brother sits down to watch a bunch of X-men cartoon tapes, so we go back to her bedroom, close the door. I honestly didn't intend to do anything more than snuggle. That's why we didn't barricade the door.Oh well. Hot sunny weather, hot girlfriend in a skirt. So much for good intentions. I started playing with her skirt, next thing you know our underwear has been pulled aside and my member is heading straight for that holiest of holes. I hesitate, because it's our first time, she moans and grabs hold and starts driving me in- and the door slams open, and her kid brother says 'HEY GUYS WHAT YOU DOING?!?!' all happy and shit. I have about 1 second to shove her skirt down before he runs straight for me and jumps into my lap, with my dick out. In complete and total reflex, I deflect him off of me because I didn't want a little boy sitting on my cock...and he whams into the side of the wall. And before I can clothe Mr.Chonson, he sees it and screams. So now I've got blue balls, failed to prevent traumatizing a young boy, and without thinking slammed the kid into the wall. And now he's crying. Yeah. Does this count as 'silly'?my step son has stormed in while we were in the act... once.  now we have a lock on our door.

ralphbxny

01-29-2007, 11:18 AM

I once Farted during a BJ....She was a trooper she laughed and kept doing it. I thought I was going to loose my boner and she said I did for about a min but she was a good girl...but that relationship ending like Gail and PAul O...crazy!

boobieman

01-29-2007, 11:20 AM

Worst thing I ever said during sex was that I love her...and I said the same thing after I got off.....That might be the dumbest thing ever said by any man....God I am an ass. Thank god she was a whore and took the money and left...WHEW!!!!  SEE YA!!! 

This message was edited by boobieman on 1-29-07 @ 3:21 PM

CofyCrakCocaine

01-29-2007, 11:37 AM

Furtherman wrote: CofyCrakCocaine wrote: So now I've got blue balls, failed to prevent traumatizing a young boy, and without thinking slammed the kid into the wall. And now he's crying. Yeah. Does this count as 'silly'?I'd count it as hilarious!!!! Yeah, it was in hindsight. She convinced him we were playing a joke on him, and that got the sniffling and crying down. I had to put on a straight face and say, 'Yes, did we trick him Huh-ney? Ed Norton!? Humina Humina'. We both felt like awful people and swore off doing anything with each other. She changed her mind a few hours later. Fun times. 

This message was edited by CofyCrakCocaine on 1-29-07 @ 3:49 PM

Team_Ramrod

01-29-2007, 11:48 AM

In 2000 I had been working up North with my cousin. We'd go to work from 7am-7pm then we'd go to the bar and get drunk.One night all the boys from work were out drinking and there were a bunch of girls there from the local college who were just finished finals. I was mingling and one guy I worked with decided to fabricate a story about me being a virgin. There were a few interested in this story and I ran with it. By the end of the night I had the 2nd best of the litter wanting to devirginize me. I decided I'd go for it and went back to her dorm room with her. We worked each other over for a bit and I started to hump her. The condom she gave me was way too small, I was working away and all of a sudden I could feel the inside of her vag! I thought 1 of 2 things happened...1) the condoms nowadays must work on a friction basis and once getting going they really simulate the feeling of a real vag or 2) the thing broke/ fell off.I chose to be careful and pulled out thinking it could be option 2. Sure enough, Lil rammer was naked. I decided a little recon was in order so I started kissing her thighs and worked to her vag. While I was mowing down I went fishing. She was so impressed that I would stop in the middle of sex to pleasure her... About 45 seconds later I found the target, I immediately called for a retreat of all forces and extracted the subject. I moved up and kissed her while I was putting it back on and once I had it securely in place I finished my mission.She had a huge bush and was wetter than any girl should leagally be so I had to go back to the place I was staying and have a shower. I didn't realize it at the time but the shower was eerily similar to the one Ace ventura took.That was the first and last time I let a random chick put on a condom...Funniest part for me is that she walked away from it thinking she took my virginity.

RoseBlood

01-29-2007, 12:04 PM

Correct me if I'm mistake but I thought you were with your wife, although not married yet in 2000?

lleeder

01-29-2007, 12:39 PM

RoseBlood wrote: Correct me if I'm mistake but I thought you were with your wife, although not married yet in 2000? This is where one of those "Excuses" from my new epic thread can come in handy.

CofyCrakCocaine

01-29-2007, 12:54 PM

2000's a long time ago. That was when I had my phallic fopaw with my girlfriend's little brother. Ages ago, I tell ya!

PapaBear

01-29-2007, 12:59 PM

It's not exactly silly, but a girl re-fractured 3 of my ribs when I was going down on her, once.

CofyCrakCocaine

01-29-2007, 01:01 PM

Ow!! Bear-trap on her snatch?

narc

01-29-2007, 01:14 PM

I love blakjeezis's story so much. One time I wasn't even having sex, just making out. In the process, she got tangled up in some wires and my PS2, which was high on a shelf, went clattering to the floor. I've never hit a woman, nor would I, but I'm sure I must have had murder in my eyes because for the first second and a half she was laughing and then after I looked at her she switched to "I'll pay for a new one....I'll pay for a new one." So I had to stop everything and make sure the PS2 was still functional (it still is.).Another time, I was just sick of it and wanted to stop for whatever reason. So I tried to fake. Her response was: "Did you just try to fake?"

narc

01-29-2007, 01:15 PM

ShelleBink wrote: *** I don't know if its silly, but I often make weird noises during sex. And sometimes I say weird shit. One of the last times I had sex I recall saying "Stop! Stop! I can't cum anymore!" The guy thought it was rather funny and has brought it up numerous times since. When you get a girl to say this, that's how you know you've done your job as a man.

Doctor Z

01-29-2007, 01:22 PM

shittyhambrgers wrote: mine isn't all that great but whatever.. my ex absolutely hated the movie American Psycho. so i burned a CD of music she wanted to fuck to, and in the middle, i put on "sussudio" just to be an asshole. one night, we switched to doggystyle right as "sussudio" came on.. her closet doors were all mirrors, so i did the ol' Pat Bateman flexing while i was fucking her. she wasn't pleased. whats the silliest thing you or your partner has said/done during sex?  I think I love you... In a completely straight way!

MellySmelly

01-29-2007, 01:44 PM

blakjeezis wrote: A few years back, before I even really got involved with the message board and Ron and Fez, I was having sex with my then girlfriend. Now, I'd slowly been trying to introduce the idea of anal sex into the relationship, and slowly but surely she'd been coming around to the idea. We were at the point where I'd be dogging her, and she would enjoy a finger in the ol' shit pipe. Cool, right? Yeah, so on this one particular occasion everything's going well and we're at the point where I usually start with the rectal massage, and something on the nightstand catches my eye. Sitting there was a novelty pacifier that she had just brought home from a shower for her sister's first kid. It was made out of that hard, transparent, colored plastic; kinda looked like a ring pop, but a ball not that crazy bigass jewel shape. So I snatch the thing up, lube it up, and 'pop', drop it into her asshole. In retrospect, I suppose I should have realised that this was her sister's first child and this pacifier thing was probably something that she considered to be a keepsake, and would have preferred not to have it inserted into her colon. Unfortunately for everyone involved, 19 or so year old blakjeezy was not so Promethean about things, and, to be totally honest, it really was the perfect fit for the job. So yeah, she went apeshit on me. Screaming, crying, slapping, the whole bit: "What the fuck is wrong with you!" "She's going to be my Goddaughter!" It was a scene.  It's not like you stuck it up her butt and then in her mouth.  Some people are just too sensitive.<img src="/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/rolleyes.gif" border="0" width="20" height="20" />

Team_Ramrod

01-29-2007, 06:07 PM

RoseBlood wrote: Correct me if I'm mistake but I thought you were with your wife, although not married yet in 2000? Very good, I like that you noticed.My wife and I started dating in May of 2000. We dated until October at which time we broke up for 10 months. We got back together in August of 2001 and we had Twins in March of 2002, Got Married in November of 2002 and had another daughter in February of 2004 and have been rolling along ever since...some good, some bad. The usual.The shananigans took place in January of 2001. I'd never consider fooling around on her.I'm impressed, really. Nice work!I made an error in my original post, it should have read 2001 not 2000. Sorry.

This message was edited by The Midnight Ramrod on 1-29-07 @ 10:09 PM

shittyhambrgers

01-29-2007, 06:19 PM

Doctor_Z wrote: shittyhambrgers wrote: mine isn't all that great but whatever.. my ex absolutely hated the movie American Psycho. so i burned a CD of music she wanted to fuck to, and in the middle, i put on "sussudio" just to be an asshole. one night, we switched to doggystyle right as "sussudio" came on.. her closet doors were all mirrors, so i did the ol' Pat Bateman flexing while i was fucking her. she wasn't pleased. whats the silliest thing you or your partner has said/done during sex? I think I love you... In a completely straight way!haha thanks.  she let me keep going... so maybe she really did like me after all.  hmm.

TheGameHHH

01-29-2007, 07:50 PM

MellySmelly wrote: blakjeezis wrote: A few years back, before I even really got involved with the message board and Ron and Fez, I was having sex with my then girlfriend. Now, I'd slowly been trying to introduce the idea of anal sex into the relationship, and slowly but surely she'd been coming around to the idea. We were at the point where I'd be dogging her, and she would enjoy a finger in the ol' shit pipe. Cool, right? Yeah, so on this one particular occasion everything's going well and we're at the point where I usually start with the rectal massage, and something on the nightstand catches my eye. Sitting there was a novelty pacifier that she had just brought home from a shower for her sister's first kid. It was made out of that hard, transparent, colored plastic; kinda looked like a ring pop, but a ball not that crazy bigass jewel shape. So I snatch the thing up, lube it up, and 'pop', drop it into her asshole. In retrospect, I suppose I should have realised that this was her sister's first child and this pacifier thing was probably something that she considered to be a keepsake, and would have preferred not to have it inserted into her colon. Unfortunately for everyone involved, 19 or so year old blakjeezy was not so Promethean about things, and, to be totally honest, it really was the perfect fit for the job. So yeah, she went apeshit on me. Screaming, crying, slapping, the whole bit: "What the fuck is wrong with you!" "She's going to be my Goddaughter!" It was a scene.  It's not like you stuck it up her butt and then in her mouth. Some people are just too sensitive.<img src="/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/rolleyes.gif" border="0" width="20" height="20" />   you never go ass to mouth!

angelinad128

01-30-2007, 04:45 AM

ShelleBink wrote:  "Stop! Stop! I can't cum anymore!"  Not silly at all!  I've said the same thing.

Dougie Brootal

01-31-2007, 08:12 AM

shittyhambrgers wrote: mine isn't all that great but whatever.. my ex absolutely hated the movie American Psycho.  so i burned a CD of music she wanted to fuck to, and in the middle, i put on "sussudio" just to be an asshole.  one night, we switched to doggystyle right as "sussudio" came on.. her closet doors were all mirrors, so i did the ol' Pat Bateman flexing while i was fucking her.  she wasn't pleased.    whats the silliest thing you or your partner has said/done during sex? hahaha ya mean like this?<img src="http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g130/douggrasso/psycho.gif" border="0" width="160" height="120" />