I'm going to give it all up.

[TooCute]

...or maybe not. Who knows.

To be brief - after college, I spent a year working as a tech in an
immunology lab out in Stanford and decided all that lab work wasn't for me.
I happened to pick up a bad habit there, too (climbing).

Moved back to the east coast with the intention of applying to grad school.
ended up putting that off for a year while I worked in climbing gyms and
retail, but I did go, eventually. Mostly because I was bored with not being in
school (great reason).

4.5 years into a PhD, after having a years worth of research ruined by some
stupid people (that's the problem with field work off a semi-public pier in
Manhattan) I was so fed up with academia that I quit to do what I always
wanted to do - go to vet school.

I worked for a year as an environmental consultant, and while I had
intentions of taking classes (I needed a few prerequisite courses I missed as
an undergrad) while I did so, it didn't happen. The consulting gig wasn't
really working too well either (trying to startup a company of which you're
the sole employee, and the owner of which has just gotten married and had
a baby and is in the process of building a new house... well it was
frustrating, to say the least). I quit about a year and a half ago and moved
back to NYC and in with my mother. I worked as a recruiter at an
investment bank for 6 months to make a little money, and then
volunteered for 3 months at an animal hospital (where I am still employeed
oncall, i.e. I just sign up for shifts when I have free time). I then spent last
summer and this past fall taking classes at a local college and finished all the
final pre-reqs in December. I put off applying to vet school because I wanted
to really be sure that I would get in, and decided more vet experience would
help me greatly.

So, the idea is since December, I should have been working fulltime at a vet.
I could stay here in the city, continue to live with my mother (who I love
dearly, but let's face it, at 30 you should not be living with your mother) and
apply in the fall as planned, with a good chance of getting into Cornell as a
NYS resident. I could also try to get a job with a vet up in Boston, live at my
father's (who is much easier to live with than mom since he is essentially
never home) and have a good chance of getting into Tufts as a MA resident.

Of course, what I HAVE been doing is working about 20 hours a week for
barely more than minimum wage at Eastern Mountain Sports and spending
all my free time climbing with my boyfriend, who lives about 4.5 hours
north in the Adirondacks.

Would I be totally insane to move up there?
Would I be considering the move so strongly if there weren't a man
involved?

I could move in with him (he's asked me many times), and I could most
likely get a job as a management type at the local Eastern Mountain Sports
(ie despite it being merely retail, I would likely make enough to support
myself) . I CAN'T get a job at the local vet. They're not hiring, but she would
be more than happy to have me around volunteering, and indicated that
perhaps might be able to hire me in the summer when it is busier. I
wouldn't be putting off vet school. Heck, it would probably be beneficial in
that regard, since ideally after graduating, I would probably want to move
to, if not the Adirondacks, then a similarly rural sort of area, and work in a
mixed practice - and I'm certainly not getting alpaca experience in NYC or
Boston. But am I just rationalizing this, so as to have an excuse to go be
with my boyfriend?

And is this selfish of me? My parents have essentially supported me for the
past year and a half since I've been back in the city- my mom paid my
tuition, and even paid off the credit card debt I'd accrued as a graduate
student, figuring that I could pay her back without the interest the card
companies were charging me. My mother hates me climbing. Would she
ever entirely stop talking to me if I up and moved to the mountains so I
c

[kellermcgee21]

I don't think anybody is going to make up your mind either way.  You have to decide where you would be happier and that is really all that matters.  Maybe try something temporary where you live in the mountains for a month or so to see if you like living there.

[narc]

<p>Wow. You asked a lot of big questions there. I think that if I had any of the answers myself I would feel more capable of answering your questions. </p><p>I do think that if you want kids, you should make sure you're at a stage in your life where you can commit fully to them and not feel like you were &quot;missing out&quot; on something. If it turns out a couple years down the line that you wish you had gone to Vet School, you might resent having decided to do something else. Then again, you might not. Everyone knows you're smart and talented enough to do vet school, but I've always felt like it was wrong to make people feel as if they're somehow not as good for choosing to do something other than trying to seek out the very height of their ambition. </p><p>And I definitely agree with you about it being easier if you were &quot;dumber.&quot; I frequently feel that way about my own situation. If you're smart you have more things you're good at and more opportunities - it's just so easy to get lost in your own potential. I've seen it happen to a lot of people. </p><p>Quick question for you though - how did you become an I-banking recruiter? Does it help to be a sexy lady?</p>

[jetdog]

<p>Woof...I'm a man of few words and a short attention span, but I hope this helps:</p><p>I've thought these thoughts, fullfilment in the long run vs. (what some might see as) immediate self-indulgence.&nbsp; I chose the long-run thing.&nbsp; Sometimes I can't explain why, but I think I made the right choice.&nbsp; I just would not be happy in something other than science.&nbsp; Its what I do.</p><p>What kind of vet work do you do? Large animal?&nbsp; I dont' know if they have a vet school, but if they do it seems SUNY New Paltz would be a perfect fit for you.&nbsp; Being an avid climber your probably already familiar with that area.</p><p>It just seems like there should be a way to do both?</p><p>Man I suck at this.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p>

[johnniewalker]

<p>When my grandma talked to me about her retiring, (she's 65 and i'm 23 right now so we've talked quite a bit), she kind of lamented a little bit about not doing more in her life.&nbsp; She's the city clerk in a small town in Iowa, got married when she was young and has been tied to the community since she was little.&nbsp;&nbsp; It made me think about a lot of what you are talking about.&nbsp; She's a genius and could have done anything, but she chose to raise my dad and his two brothers.&nbsp; To me i'm so envious of the community and friends she has and to me the more i think about what makes me happy, it is as simple as that.&nbsp; </p><p>I think its a societal thing that drags on you to get these degrees, or something more prestigious when you often end up in the same monotony anyways in terms of a job.&nbsp; My grandma to me, is the smartest and the person i look up to the most.&nbsp; Maybe you have this unsettling feeling that a lot of people have at some time in your life and you feel like you are giving up, but this might be a something that makes you really happy.&nbsp; You never know too, my dad is doing his 3rd masters at 46 so it's never too late to do some post grad work.</p>

[RoseBlood]

<p>Obviously I can't tell you what you should do but I can say you have my sympathies. You seem like an extremely bright person full of potential and sometimes that complicates our lives. When you say 'dumber' don't fret about sounding like a bad person cause you're not coming off that way in the least, just goes along with the whole 'ignorance is bliss' mantra. </p><p>I also wouldn't say you're being to 'self-indulgent'. The fact that this is proving to be a difficult decision for you contradicts your hypothesis. You're thinking of your family and your boyfriend as well as yourself which I applaud in our very 'self-satisfying' society. </p><p>Sorry I can't offer you any 'real' advice. You seem to have thought this through and mulled this over a great deal. I understand the just wanting to 'get it out there' idea. I'm going to have to re-read your post and maybe then I can offer some more insight. At any rate keep us posted on any updates.</p>

[Mike Teacher]

<p>Have you given it all up to just go out and have fun? </p><p>=</p><p>Yep. Do what gives your life purpose and meaning, or else it's all dead on the table.</p><p>Just below the surface of what we might call our ordinary lives lie riches, they are there for all of us to find. They wait for us, patiently; sometimes calling, sometimes hiding, but always, always there.</p><p>Put another way to me by a former guitar teacher [and not to be morbid, it's not the purpose, the purpose is to kick one's ass]...</p><p>Q: What would you do if you had one year to live?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Doctor Z]

I would avoid doing anything that involves moving to Massachusetts.

[patsopinion]

<p>im the poster child of dropping out of school (im on my third), and shucking responsiblilties, i once had an office job that paid 80 k a year that i walked away from.</p><p>i plan on moving to nyc after i get enough school done to justify it and screw around there for a while. I have actually started planning bad decisions.&nbsp;</p><p>but that said, retail, and hippie retail at that?</p><p>school isnt that bad is it?</p><p>I mean retail?&nbsp;</p>

[Doctor Z]

<strong>patsopinion</strong> wrote:<br /><p>im the poster child of dropping out of school (im on my third), and shucking responsiblilties, <span style="background-color: #ffff00">i once had an office job that paid 80 k a year that i walked away from.</span></p><p>i plan on moving to nyc after i get enough school done to justify it and screw around there for a while. I have actually started planning bad decisions. </p><p>but that said, retail, and hippie retail at that?</p><p>school isnt that bad is it?</p><p>I mean retail? </p><p>&nbsp;Shit, is the position still available?</p>

[Yerdaddy]

That's a long post.

[RoseBlood]

<strong>Yerdaddy</strong> wrote:<br />That's a long post. <p>Well if it isn't Mr. Brevity himself!&nbsp; <img src="/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" width="20" height="20" /></p>

[legroommusic]

hey aya, you seem to have all the smarts and ability. You seem to have mental toughness and the ability to focus. The only thing though is that you seem to lack passion. Maybe what you ought to do is start up your own business. Take the time to find something that your passionate about and apply all the things that you know. You seem like you like challenges, this might be it. Good luck.

[sr71blackbird]

This message was edited by Reefdweller on Feb. 13, 2007 @ 5:58 AM<p>&nbsp;</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by sr71blackbird on 2-13-07 @ 5:57 AM</span>

[Gvac]

<p>There comes a point in everyone's life when they decide to start living for themselves, not the expectations of others.&nbsp; You might feel like you're disappointing your mother and grandmother, but it's your life to live and it's way too sort to be miserable.&nbsp; </p><p>You owe it to yourself to chase your dreams.&nbsp; Give it a shot.&nbsp; If it's an absolute nightmare after one year, what have you really lost? &nbsp;</p>

[Yerdaddy]

<a href="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/viewmessages.cfm/TOPIC/43171/FORUM/71/page/Yerdaddy_of_Arabia.htm" target="_blank">Here's my advice.</a>

[A.J.]

<p>Jeez, what <em>is it</em> with you climbers????&nbsp; <img src="/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" width="20" height="20" /></p><p>My friend/former co-worker got the climbing bug too a couple of years ago&nbsp;and gave up a pretty sweet career path here in order&nbsp;to move to Colorado.&nbsp; She works some accounting job now and she and her boyfriend just bought a house in Boulder.</p><p>Like I told her, if you can make ends meet, and if you are happy with the job you are in to&nbsp;do so...then more power to you.</p>

[CaptClown]

<p>Go to school now while you have a support system in place.</p>

[Chigworthy]

<strong>TooCute</strong> wrote:<br />Staying in the city is slowly driving me insane. <p>Give moving a shot, then.&nbsp; Whether or not you move in with your boyfriend, why not try moving for a while?&nbsp; It doesn't have to be so final.&nbsp; If you don't like it, then you move back after&nbsp;a while.&nbsp; But it sounds like there are a lot of positives that come with moving.&nbsp; Volunteering at a vet clinic is a decent way to get you're foot in the door in a profession that can be difficult to obtain.&nbsp; I bet there's better climbing out there, too. </p>

[Furtherman]

I think it comes down to two things.&nbsp; Your want to work with animals and your want to eventually have kids.&nbsp; Are you with someone now that you think will be right to have kids with?&nbsp; If you are not sure, then think about being a vet?&nbsp; How does that make you feel?&nbsp; It's a tough emotional place to be but from what I can see you are an intelligent girl and now matter what you decide, you'll turn out just fine.

[lleeder]

<font size="3">I say go climbing and give up everything else. You love to climb, you want to climb, so climb. You might never have this opportunity again. You'll have kids, get into work and never have the freedom to choose this path again. I say have fun. There's years upon years to do the rest.</font>

[Tall_James]

<p>There's some great new restaurants here in Cambridge in addition to some classic favorites.</p><p>I hear they've opened a new Bennigan's in the Adirondacks.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[ralphbxny]

Make your self happy not others...I am the poster child for it not working for you.

[mdr55]

<p>Follow your heart</p><p>Whatever makes you happy</p><p>You only live once</p><p>What have you got to lose</p><p>Go for it</p><p>Nothing ventured, nothing gained</p><p>Why the fuck not?</p><p>Just do it.</p><p>Good luck.&nbsp;</p>

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>What you find intellectually stimulating will change over time, and it will likely come from areas outside of your profession no matter how much you love it.&nbsp; </p><p>Climbing may be something you love doing, but an injury or two here and there and thats done. </p><p>In that big long post, you casually threw in something that I think was the most important thing you said </p><p><font face="verdana" size="1" color="black">I want kids</font>&nbsp;</p><p>That will change everything. If you really want that, you know what to do. &nbsp;</p>

[samnyc]

<p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">I gave everything up when I was about 20 and had nothing to lose.&nbsp; I spent 5 months backpacking South America when I could have been finishing up undergrad.&nbsp; I already had a good paying job lined up and set to begin when I returned so I didn't think twice.&nbsp; When I returned I worked the job and hated it for over a year.&nbsp; I finally walked away, got a masters, and a found a career and job I love.&nbsp; Of course I would love to just hang out all day if I could but instead I work and enjoy my downtime usually when I'm on the road.</font></p><p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">For me the bottom line is I made some rash decisions in my early twenties when I had some flexibility and backup options.&nbsp; There is no walking away now.&nbsp; I've invested years to get where I am and my student loan statements remind me of it every month.</font></p><p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">This sounds like a moment when you are faced&nbsp; with imperfect options and have to make some difficult decisions.&nbsp; Priority #1 should be to support yourself and be sure you can support yourself going forward.&nbsp; See if you can get the recruiting job back and finish your phd research during evenings and weekends.&nbsp; Sure, these are the last things you want to do but you have&nbsp;to bear down, get out of your mother's house as soon as possible, pay your own bills, and finish the academic work you started.&nbsp; </font></p><p><font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">This is a decision that will probably affect the rest of your life.&nbsp; Don't consider your boyfriend when you make it.&nbsp; The relationship could end at any moment.&nbsp; Ask him to move to New York, get a job here, and help you make rent in your own place.&nbsp;&nbsp; You could still go upstate every weekend.</font></p>

[Justice4all]

<strong>RoseBlood</strong> wrote:<br /><p>. You seem like an extremely bright person full of potential </p><p>Wow RoseBlood...you ARE new! (kidding)</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>T.C. Having <strong>some</strong> interaction with you from the years I have been on this board I agree with Rose and the others who know how smart you are. </p><p>But if you are asking for advice this is what I can give you:</p><p>It seems that it is very easy to give it all up to be with your BF and go climbing and live the life that SEEMS more appealing to you. But if you put in the time now to finish school and become a vet, or get a job working for a vet and not make &quot;Just getting by&quot; money then you would be able to, down the line, go climbing whenever you wanted.</p><p>I am guilty of putting fun FIRST and then applying myself to my job second. I work a good job now at 36 where i am just starting to get ahead and make some money. If I applied myself I would have been making 3 times what I make now. If I put in the work earlier then right now I would be away on vacation instead of working hard.</p><p>You seem to be alot closer to the finish line then the starting line when it comes to your education. If you stop now it will be very difficult to re-motivate yourself and finish what you started all those years ago.</p><p>My father is in the medical field and if he did put off finishing his schooling then he would not be able to do what he wants NOW. Put the time and effort in now and you will have all the time to do whatever you want later.</p><p>I know it is difficult with your BF 4 1/2 hours from you and you being more the outdoors type. But in the long run it would be a discredit to yourself to quit when you put in this much time.</p><p>It may seem like an easy decision, and it is not, but it is YOURS to make.</p><p>You are very young and have a really bright future in front of you. I wish you all the best of luck.</p>

[Justice4all]

<strong>Mike Teacher</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Have you given it all up to just go out and have fun? </p><p>=</p><p>Yep. Do what gives your life purpose and meaning, or else it's all dead on the table.</p><p>Just below the surface of what we might call our ordinary lives lie riches, they are there for all of us to find. They wait for us, patiently; sometimes calling, sometimes hiding, but always, always there.</p><p>Put another way to me by a former guitar teacher [and not to be morbid, it's not the purpose, the purpose is to kick one's ass]...</p><p>Q: What would you do if you had one year to live?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Mike I would have to disagree because if everyone lived as if it were their last year on earth I think there would be more chaos then order in society.</p><p>It is an interesting way to look at things but when you are 30 you would have to look alot further down the road then just one year.</p><p>It is either have fun now and work REALLY hard later, or work hard now and have alot more fun later.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>The choice is yours.</p>

[Mike Teacher]

<strong>Justice4all</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>Mike Teacher</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Have you given it all up to just go out and have fun? </p><p>=</p><p>Yep. Do what gives your life purpose and meaning, or else it's all dead on the table.</p><p>Just below the surface of what we might call our ordinary lives lie riches, they are there for all of us to find. They wait for us, patiently; sometimes calling, sometimes hiding, but always, always there.</p><p>Put another way to me by a former guitar teacher [and not to be morbid, it's not the purpose, the purpose is to kick one's ass]...</p><p>Q: What would you do if you had one year to live?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Mike I would have to disagree because if everyone lived as if it were their last year on earth I think there would be more chaos then order in society.</p><p>It is an interesting way to look at things but when you are 30 you would have to look alot further down the road then just one year.</p><p>It is either have fun now and work REALLY hard later, or work hard now and have alot more fun later.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>The choice is yours.</p><p>I agree w/ your disagreement; it's not a very good analogy</p>

[mdr55]

<p>You've worked too hard to throw it all away </p><p>It's always greener on the other side of the fence</p><p>You're almost finished, don't give it up now</p><p>You're still young, you'll have time to have fun later</p><p>You can do it</p><p>The last hurdle is the hardest to overcome, you're almost on top of the mountain&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[RoseBlood]

<p>Should she stay or should she go? The responses seem to be split. We've probably all succeeded in just confusing her more!</p>

[Justice4all]

<strong>RoseBlood</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Should she stay or should she go? The responses seem to be split. We've probably all succeeded in just confusing her more!</p><p>Yes, but both have given good arguments. it makes me SO proud *sniff*</p><p>I think mrd55 is the most easily influenced though. He seems to change his answer every other post. <img src="/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/lol.gif" border="0" width="20" height="20" /></p>

[berserk]

<p>Why can't you have your cake and eat it too? I may be oversimplifying things but isn't it possible to move up there w/ your boyfriend and climb in your free time? It's going to be very hard balancing work with the volunteering, etc., but if your passion is climbing and then eventually becoming a veterinarian, why not do both? You're smart enough to fulfill the schooling part. If you could find a school there that offers a veterinary program, then go there. If not, try doing that volunteering thing for a while and see if you can get any valuable experience from that (of course, all this will not all happen at once). There's a balance to everything in life. </p><p>As for your family, maybe your mom/grandmother will not totally freak out if they know you are not just going up there just to climb and have fun? Let them know you are working towards your goal. If you find that that lifestyle is not working out, then move back to nyc. At least you attempted to pursue what you love. No one can fault you for that.&nbsp;</p>I'm one of those people that think that if you focus on doing what you're passionate about, you will eventually become successful at it. Good luck.

[mdr55]

<p>Actually I'm para-phrasing what others have stated. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>With that said:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>You got to do what you got to do</p><p>Don't listen to anyone else, you must walk in your own moccassins&nbsp;</p><p>People can give you advice, but you must be the one to choose your own path</p><p>Deep down you already have decided what you want to do, you just want affirmation that you are making the right decision </p><p>Your at a fork in the road of your life, no one said making the choice to go one way or the other was going to be easy</p><p>It's a clash of cultures where East meets West. Individuality of Self or Individuality of the Family.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Good luck in whatever you decide.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Justice4all]

<strong>mdr55</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Actually I'm para-phrasing what others have stated. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>With that said:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>You got to do what you got to do</p><p>Don't listen to anyone else, you must walk in your own moccassins&nbsp;</p><p>People can give you advice, but you must be the one to choose your own path</p><p>Deep down you already have decided what you want to do, you just want affirmation that you are making the right decision </p><p>Your at a fork in the road of your life, no one said making the choice to go one way or the other was going to be easy</p><p>It's a clash of cultures where East meets West. Individuality of Self or Individuality of the Family.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Good luck in whatever you decide.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Nahhh come on Mdr. We know it is really the old Jedi mind trick ;)</p>

[TooCute]

Hm. I have decided to try really hard to find a job in Boston. I have a
fallback in Lake Placid if I need it, but pretty much I'm coming to the end of
the line with that.

Can I rant for a moment on something completely unrelated? I always
laugh at people who worry over stuff like this - and no, I'm not worried so
much as perplexed - but here's the deal. Most of my boyfriend's friends (and
to be realistic, I'm becoming pretty good friends with them too, since I knew
them all before we started dating, and have spent lots more time with them
in the past year we've been dating) are still really good friends with his ex,
who lives down the road from him. It used to be that when climbing, they'd
all stay at his(their) place, but now that she's moved out to her own place
down the street, they split their time pretty equally. My bf and his ex lived
together for like 5 years and broke up a year ago this past november, for
what it's worth. It was basically because they were fighting all the time and
he told her they needed to stop fighting or she needed to move out - so she
left. The fights were generally over stupid shit, apparently - I don't really
know. I get the impression that she was really insecure and gave him a hard
time about hanging out with other women, which is kind of sad because she
is, from what I know, an amazing climber, pretty, and seems like loads of
fun from the limited interaction I've had with her. I assume she must be
since all of her friends seem to love her.

Sometimes I feel bad, like over New Years when he was having a party, and
she decided to have a party earlier - everyone went to her place, said they'd
be back, but mostly showed up around 2AM and hung for about half an hour
before leaving. My boyfriend was pretty bummed that his friends all sort of
bailed on his party.

Anyway, I'm getting the vague impresison over the past year that when I'm
around, my boyfriend will not do things with his ex and their mutual friends
- eg, we certainly could have gone to her New Years party, but didn't. We
frequently in theory could be going out to dinner and things like that with
them, but don't. Meanwhile, when I'm not there, they do occasionally hang
out - like a few weeks ago when he and two of their mutual friends and his
ex all went cross country skiing one evening. I know that they talk fairly
frequently. So pretty much, I get the feeling that the problem is me. I guess
I make it awkward.

The few times we've run into her climbing, at a restaurant, things like that,
she has pretty much ignored me and spoken to him - but she seemed
friendly enough. It's not like I was saying much of anything, to be fair.

Last Wednesday, I was up at his place and it was snowing and the cord on
his snowblower broke, so I went down to the store where his ex works to
get some cord to replace it. I walked in and she was the only one there, so I
said "Hey!! What's up?" and then said absolutely nothing because she gave
me this really funny look - she just said "Hi." and went back to what she
was doing. Someone else came out and helped me, and when I left, I went
out of my way to wave to her and tell her to have a good day. She just
looked at me and said nothing. I told my boyfriend this and he said that she
was just standoffish, and kind of weird, and then said that she was great but
she had some issues...

I mean, is it issues with people in general? I feel like it's just me. I don't
want her to not like me or resent me or whatever it is that she feels
towards me. It sucks. She seems so cool generally speaking, and there are
so few female ice climbers, that I would love to be friends with her. But
more importantly, I'm starting to feel like somehow I'm splitting up a big
group of friends who always used to do everything together. A couple of
weeks ago we went to see a band at a bar, and she was supposed to be
there, but never came (though everyone who was staying at her place that
night showed up). Was it because of

[mdr55]

Just don't let her pack your climbing gear.<br />