Black Earl's Lie of the Day

[MikeB]

My favorite of the day was when he said Free FM was paying for XM's signs at the event.

[NortonRules]

Earl must be mentally ill. 

[FezPaul]

<strong><font face="courier new,courier" size="2">&quot;I can definately do that.&quot;</font></strong>

[NortonRules]

And by 'that' he means fuck up.&nbsp;

[Don Stugots]

all of the tickets have gone out.

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>Everything's under control.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Don Stugots]

<p>&quot;i do not hate the listeners&quot;</p><p>&quot;i answer all emails&quot;&nbsp;</p>

[Don Stugots]

&quot;i am twice as good a Staples&quot;

[lleeder]

<font size="3">&quot;I'm Black&quot;</font>

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>&quot;Sorry, we're fresh out.&quot;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Kevin]

I produce the Ron and Fez Show.

[JazzyJames]

&quot;I'm not screwing the pooch!&quot;

[docgoblin]

&quot;I don't know what they're talking about! I reply to every e-mail from management!&quot;

[MikeB]

"You can teach a monkey to drive a car."

[suggums]

&quot;That is a blatant/flagrant/outrageous/complete lie!&quot;

[reeshy]

&quot;Yes, Ronnie, there were dinosaurs on the Ark!!!!&quot;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mista_B]

Black Earls lie of the day...I can see this one going on for years. It cracks me up to hear Earl caught in a lie. It happens every day! LOVE YA R&amp;F.

[epo]

Bitch as you will....but Earl produced a helluva show tonight.

[MikeB]

"Spike Lee knew who I was"

[Landblast]

on HTG at Medevil Times

...she was taking a picture, and I thought she said get out of the picture..

*ROARING LAUGHTER ENSUES*

[Landblast]

on black women

R: ...if they have such high standards, how come their dating black men?

E: .......hey....

[Landblast]

on Ron saying Earl didn't get it

E: ...hah,....I got the.........joke.

[Landblast]

on gold and diamonds

.....I've never seen one.

[Landblast]

...it was not that, it was very something else.

[Landblast]

R: ...are we gonna help Jivin and CT on this pod thing?....

E: uhhh no.

R: but you just said we would,....

E: ahhh yes.

*ROARING LAUGHTER FROM ENTIRE STUDIO*

[Landblast]

on black people being descendants of royalty

R: ...you act like you all came from royalty!,...where are the castles?!..where are the moats??!

E: ...yes.......but there are hidden treasures...

[Landblast]

on the Traveling Wilburys CD in the prize closet

....theres a demand for it...

[Landblast]

"a mild sleep episode"

[Landblast]

Earl saying what the doctor told him about the "mild episode"

E: ...it happens once, when you get older....

*HEARTY LAUGHTER ENSUES*

[Landblast]

R: ....Earl, have you jacked??!!....

E: no, I choose not to.....

*BIG LAUGHTER*

[Billy Staples]

&quot;i am twice as good a Staples&quot;


What? what? what?

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:B8cwHnrb6Nqm2M:http://www.southparkstudios.com/img/content/characters/46a.gif


where are the soldiers with their white carafes in their listening posts for things of this nature?

OK....mobilize the OBOF Attack Force Delta and the multi colored support units.

http://www.gravestmor.com/strips/savvas_01.jpg



Totally unprovoked (Holy shit, does this mean I am Iraq?)



I could use some intel on the background...Stugots you seem to be on point here.


Oh my God I have become what I hate....pretending with all the army shit and mobilizing the army for an attack. I've been gone too long,, the brain turns to mush, the hands reject all feeling, sounds are unintelligible,, speech is notpossible...the change is, the change is happening, there is no force or will strong enough to prevent this. Oh God, I never thought this day would come,ohh the horror, the pain......its too late, its all hazy, mother is that you? daddy, you've come back to save me? memories fly by me now like wind through a jet engine as I plummet faster downward. All previous traits are unrecognizable it has happened...I have become.....mortal so to speak...i have become, the transformation is complete...it is done, i am just....Ohno, take it away, hate pain, its too late, wait, i hear bells, a ringing sound, have i been saved, is it 'the call', oh plunked from the absolute misery before me, no longer am I ....wait no, it cant be stop stop, I heard bells damn it, I know i heard bells. Its my brain , my own body is laughing at me, playing games ,taunting and teasing me in my final seconds. Isn't the future of oblivion enough, you merciless beast, an eternity of nooooooo. It's too late. I must start a poll or look and care about my post count and care what my mod quote is.....it is here, I am just....a .........listener (slow fade to black, but just before)...."it is over"

[Billy Staples]

Bitch as you will....but Earl produced a helluva show tonight.


Sorry, Earl was off...some end of Black History month vigil for the reenactment of great moments in Black History


1- the cheering and applauding of the OJ verdict


2- the dance and look at me I'm bad ass for stomping on a semi unconscious white truck driver Reginald Denny during the LA Riots. You know OJ ain't gonna find the real killer since he took down all mirrors in hi apartment, so why doesn't he try too find this Fake Timberland wearing asshole who cant even dance after sucker kicking an innocent guy.

3-anytime you see a guy committing a crime and its caught on tape and no one has the balls to come forward


the show will return to its normalcy tomorrow evening
(this was wrote a while ago and uh just forgot to post it)


The GPS himself, cant get lost with a Glorified Phone Screener


Yeah I'm tired at taking shots,when I gave my all for the fucking show and hear shit. Think about it,listen to best of's and who opened up and let it all swing in the breeze. Al was clueless about radio and funny, till I sat next to him and tried to explain and show it to him. You need a letter written call Al, want someone to go crying the the PD when he was the butt of a joke, call Al, want someone whose loyalty arm almost didn't didn't reach the INA dump button....go ahead....call Al. You want guys who stuck it out till the end and than had a hamburger and a goodbye hug....you know who they are.

PS: Don't count Earl, as he wasn't even working with us in the building and me and Rory would see him coming in at the end of each show hoping for free grub...the best part of my time there was kicking Earl out of the office so we could talk about the show. Oh I was only a GPS...how could I kick someone out? could it be, possibly...an error....dare to dream.
fuck you and you and you...just fill in the names you want. time for pain medication and one liners www.thedowjokesreport.com ( fit anything for a plug....dont let a brilliant funny mind go to waste...)

[drjoek]

three biggest lies
David Allan Coe

Well the motorcycle club had a party,
And all the young virgins were there.
And I found a blonde with little bitty titties
And a pretty yellow ribbon in her hair.
Then I told her the three biggest lies in the world,
The ones my Daddy first told me,
And that was the beginning of my sexual life
And the end of my fantasy.

I said, "This'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in.
I promise that I'll never try to cum in your mouth."

Met her in a local honky-tonk,
Told her it was love at first sight.
She was just a-lookin' for a shoulder to cry on
And a place where she could spend the night.
Me, I was a little nervous - I'd never been that far before,
So I told her the three biggest lies in the world
As we danced across the floor.

I said, "This'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in.
I promise that I'll never try to cum in your mouth."

Busted in a Birmingham robbery,
He didnt have no money for bail.
The judge bound him over to the local grand jury
And the Sheriff threw his young ass in jail.
They put him in the cell with a pervert,
That later tried to climb in his bed.
Stuck one of them homemade knives to his throat,
And these are the words that he said,

Good Buddy- "This'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in.
I promise that I'll never try to cum in your mouth."

[Landblast]

on Ron asking Earl his thoughts on people ganging up on him

E: ...in the heat of the show, I let it go....



:tongue:

[Landblast]

...I'm very happy with all of my neurosis,........

[Landblast]

on music in background should of been louder

R: ...how come it was not loud?? How come it was not loud in here??....

E: ..I thought it was loud,...I thought it was loud in here....

*?*

[Landblast]

what Earl was supposed to say: ....and he told me......

E: ...AND HE TOLT ME!!,.......

R: did you just say tolt me??

E: ...told me, told me,..tolt me,....


:tongue:

[Landblast]

....I'M NOT THINKING STRAIGHT!!...I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT WHEN I'M PISSED!!!.....I NEVER COULD...........Think straight....when...I'm pissed.

[Landblast]

on what Pitzy and Lilly does to Earl

R: ...they always lie????...

E: yes.

F: ....both of them???

E: yes.

[Landblast]

on Ronnie asking Earl if he's misunderstood

E: .....ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!....THAT'S IT!!!....THAT'S YOU!!!!!



*??*



:laugh:

[Landblast]

R: ...so Earl....have you ever tried to read before??

E: ...yes.... I have tried to read......I can read...

[Landblast]

R: ...so Earl,...are you still in love with Lilly??

E: ...no.....I feel nothing....I'm done.

[Landblast]

R: ...if you could go back in time and you saw yourself there...would you jerk yourself off??

E: ...no.....i wouldn't give a hand job to myself......

[JPMNICK]

i love your dedication to this thread, even though no one else posts in it. way to keep it up

[Landblast]

i love your dedication to this thread, even though no one else posts in it. way to keep it up

thank you, it's a labor of love.

[Gvac]

thank you, it's a labor of love.

Bless you, Landblast. I'm glad there are others that can see through that maniac's nice-guy facade.

[Landblast]

R: ...Earl, would you stick up for a white guy if he was caught for dog fighting??

E: ........uummm................I would stick up for him.....

[Landblast]

R: ..Earl, whats the date we move into the new studio??

E: ...I will still waiting for one....

[Landblast]

on Fez smelling Earl to see if he took a shower

R: ...get down there Fezzie,...get to the undercarriage.....

E: ...do not sniff my sack.

[Landblast]

...I...am...not..gay...........and I'm not gay..

[Landblast]

R: ..is your problem is that you want cock?....

E: ..no,.....i don't want........that.

[Landblast]

on inadvertently rubbing the shoulders of women.

E: ....I have ZERO!... recollection of that!.......

[Landblast]

on Ron asking about running batches during no sleep.

R: ....OK, Pitzy, how many batches?
Pitzy: ahh...two.

R: Earl, how many batches?...

E: NONE!!

[denko]

R: "earl, you're very familiar with joes pub right? do you have any connections there to get sheepy in?"

E: "yea, i have a very good connection there, i can make that call and see if i can get him in there"

[yeti]

Fuck earl
:furious:

[Landblast]

on Jesus

...he's not a white guy,..he was molado...

[Landblast]

on Lilly

...she's got the heart of an iceberg,...

[IamFogHat]

R: "earl, you're very familiar with joes pub right? do you have any connections there to get sheepy in?"

E: "yea, i have a very good connection there, i can make that call and see if i can get him in there"

:lol:

[Big_D]

Fez should fire Earl he's too much of a genuine lazy BUM!!!

[Snoogans]

:lol:

sheepy still isnt 21?

[IamFogHat]

On the coffin and why he's afraid of it.
"It's a box! With four walls!"

[mgz]

wasnt it just yesterday when earl said something along the lines of

ide take the coffin over the mental institution any day or something like that

[sailor]

earl said everything being equal he'd rather live in a black neighborhood than a white one.

earl also said "i don't lie everyday."

[sailor]

lilly said earl would walk up behind her when she's sitting and pretend to drop his dick on her shoulder. in two sentences earl went from, no, i've never done that to yeah, i've done that to guys and girls to lots of people.

maybe gvac was right about earl all along.

[WampusCrandle]

earl just makes me want to punch my balls . . . basically, he makes me mad

[MadMatt]

earl just makes me want to punch my balls . . . basically, he makes me mad

How weird... Earl makes me want to punch your balls too! :tongue:

Earl was killing me yesterday, and there were too many lies and half-truths that I can't keep them straight in my head. But Sailor already mentioned the best one, where Earl went from saying 'I have never done that' to 'I do that to everybody - it doesn't mean anything!' (not exact quotes).

That one really made me want to punch Wampus in the balls...

[TrevorDodds]

off subject, but my favorite earl bit was when ron was talking about his collectible shop and taking orders for ridiculous things. some dude called in and asked for the 3 minute tape of earl working. i am still laughing at that.

[PapaBear]

"It won't be a date, because I'm not asexual".

You always hear about people who want things "both ways", but Earl constantly wants it "neither way"!

[boken-a]

How come there is no Dave's lie of the day. The M F'er is constantly lying to hijack air time when he thinks he's not getting enough attention. He most definitely lies as much as, or even more than, Earl.

Case in point: Being jealous of E-Rock. Sonofabitch got 40 minutes of air time out of that one and not one single shred of truth to it. Poor Fezzy can't get a word in edgewise.

Radio poison. :wallbash:

[RAAMONE]

How come there is no Dave's lie of the day. The M F'er is constantly lying to hijack air time when he thinks he's not getting enough attention. He most definitely lies as much as, or even more than, Earl.

Case in point: Being jealous of E-Rock. Sonofabitch got 40 minutes of air time out of that one and not one single shred of truth to it. Poor Fezzy can't get a word in edgewise.

Radio poison. :wallbash:

i like dave on the air alot...i'm kinda dissapointed when hes not in

i think thats just his thing...he takes the obviously stupid and wrong opinion on a subject to create controversy and to get people to call in and keep the show going

it works even if he is lying

[Shanneebear]

i love this thread....Earls lies are the best!

[Bay Ridge Tim]

Calling J-Dubs:

It was an either-or thing.

[Donnie Iris]

After a series of inaudible ramblings and high pitched "Well yeeeaahs", and presumably an "and I understand that"...

R: Do you wear your sleep mask every night?

E: Yeah, every night.

[Chigworthy]

Earl: I have free will.

[delgriffith]

earl has promised to do mountian bike riding as part of extreme earl week....fool.

[Bay Ridge Tim]

"I had a couple of nibbles, but no..."

[IMSlacker]

Oh, Earl. She has the emails!!

[PapaBear]

Earl needs to stop talking politics. Yesterday, he was talking about people Obama was considering for VP. He got the Virginia Governor one totally wrong. I think he said "Virginia Governor Mark Webber". I may be a little off with the last name he used.

Anyway... Mark WARNER is the previous Governor. He's not in the running for VP, because he's running for the Senate. The two VA politicians that Obama is actually considering are CURRENT Governor Tim Kaine and Senetor

[Bay Ridge Tim]

Earl when asked if he read a Vanity Fair article:

"I read a couple of paragraphs."

[Landblast]

...drop some shrooms...

[Landblast]

...mankind and dinosaurs have coexisted, they've been shown to have coexisted.....

[Landblast]

....if I heard offensive things over and over again here, I would leave the show....

[Landblast]

...what is the point of this!!?? THERE IS NO POINT!! of it,...it is the point!.....

:laugh:

[Landblast]

R: ...if Nazis held your parents, would you blow a guy?? would you?? a quick blow job....

E: ...*phew*....yes, I would,..but knowing me, I would probably take awhile...

*roaring laughter from all*

[chili]

R: ...if Nazis held your parents, would you blow a guy?? would you?? a quick blow job....

E: ...*phew*....yes, I would,..but knowing me, I would probably take awhile...

*roaring laughter from all*

lie of the day, not of the minute there, pal.

[Landblast]

lie of the day, not of the minute there, pal.

narc.

[Landblast]

...the one man I've seen naked the most is me!....

[Landblast]

on his ex-girlfriends baby mis-carriage

R: ...and did you want that baby Earl?...
E: ...I totally wanted that baby,..it was a boy!....

[Landblast]

caller, to Earl: what do you want to say to the baby when you get to heaven?...

E: ...um,..eh...I'm sorry..

[Landblast]

R: ...and you know, if that baby lived, already it would be making more money than you...
E: ...it would of been a really good kid...

[sailor]

i don't know that these are lies. i think you're a bit off-topic there, bucko.

[Serpico1103]

Can someone check. When Earl "confessed", he said that when his girlfriend got sick he ignored her and then she lost the baby.
When it came up again he said he only started to ignore her after she lost the baby.
Earl just frustrates Ron until Ron gives up and moves on to the next topic. But, I wish he would really keep after him.
Earl claims he proposed to her? Claims they were looking at houses?
She was 6 weeks pregnant. How soon did she find out that she was pregnant that they started all these plans?
I don't think most women know they are pregnant much sooner than four weeks. So, in two weeks Earl had proposed and started looking for a new apartment with her?
Come on Earl.
FIRE EARL.

[biozombie]

In his defense, it's kind of hard to call him out on things like this when he starts every sentence with "I said...but..but no, I meant...I, I"

[patrick187]

Ron: Did you propose to her Earl?


Earl:...................................Yes, yes I did.

[yojimbo7248]

I still don't get the level of hatred many on ronfez.net have for Earl. The only explanation that makes sense to me is he has become a lightning rod for a lot of anger that is really aimed at blacks and US race issues like reparations, white privilege, institutional racism in the US, and affirmative action.
He is a bright guy who knows a lot about music. Sure, he does a barely adequate job as a radio producer and you could make a reasonable argument for firing him. He also has a pathetic personal life, hypocritical religious views, and does seem to lie a lot but do these faults really justify the level of hatred so many listeners have for the guy? It seems as though saying "I HATE EARL" is just a safe way to say "I HATE BLACKS"

[Serpico1103]

I still don't get the level of hatred many on ronfez.net have for Earl. The only explanation that makes sense to me is he has become a lightning rod for a lot of anger that is really aimed at blacks and US race issues like reparations, white privilege, institutional racism in the US, and affirmative action.
He is a bright guy who knows a lot about music. Sure, he does a barely adequate job as a radio producer and you could make a reasonable argument for firing him. He also has a pathetic personal life, hypocritical religious views, and does seem to lie a lot but do these faults really justify the level of hatred so many listeners have for the guy? It seems as though saying "I HATE EARL" is just a safe way to say "I HATE BLACKS"

No really, I HATE EARL.
Well, ok I hate blacks that ruin my favorite radio show.

[MisterSmith]

I still don't get the level of hatred many on ronfez.net have for Earl. The only explanation that makes sense to me is he has become a lightning rod for a lot of anger that is really aimed at blacks and US race issues like reparations, white privilege, institutional racism in the US, and affirmative action.
He is a bright guy who knows a lot about music. Sure, he does a barely adequate job as a radio producer and you could make a reasonable argument for firing him. He also has a pathetic personal life, hypocritical religious views, and does seem to lie a lot but do these faults really justify the level of hatred so many listeners have for the guy? It seems as though saying "I HATE EARL" is just a safe way to say "I HATE BLACKS"

:lol: Nah, I think most people are just defensive when it comes to the show. They hate that Earl is an obvious weak link that is screwing up the show they love and he will not do the right thing and disappear like previous producers.

IMO - Earl would be good on a music channel. He knows something about music and is proficient at running the board(when he knows what to expect). He just can't keep up with the pace of a live talk show. Earl has had years to adapt but hasn't.

[Fezticle98]

I still don't get the level of hatred many on ronfez.net have for Earl. The only explanation that makes sense to me is he has become a lightning rod for a lot of anger that is really aimed at blacks and US race issues like reparations, white privilege, institutional racism in the US, and affirmative action.
He is a bright guy who knows a lot about music. Sure, he does a barely adequate job as a radio producer and you could make a reasonable argument for firing him. He also has a pathetic personal life, hypocritical religious views, and does seem to lie a lot but do these faults really justify the level of hatred so many listeners have for the guy? It seems as though saying "I HATE EARL" is just a safe way to say "I HATE BLACKS"

I disagree. First of all, you talk about ronfez.net hating Earl and "so many listeners" hating Earl. Let's sort out the hayseeds that don't even try to disguise their hatred of Earl because he is black. I don't think there are a lot of those folks on this board, but I could be wrong.

I think that we on ronfez.net tend to follow the lead of the hosts. When Dave is down in Ron & Fez's eyes, he often gets shit on here. When he is up, he gets praised. Earl just happens to be down more because he brings very little to the show in terms of entertainment. He is always getting shit on by Ron & Fez (usually deservedly so) and that translates over here.

Look at Fez...when Ron is loving him and Fez is feeling good, no one is quicker to exclaim Fez is back! than ronfez.net. When Fez is down, he takes some hard shots on here, too.

With Earl, he doesn't take more because he's black...he takes it because he's the easiest, laziest target, and he occupies that producer role on the show.

[yojimbo7248]

:lol: Nah, I think most people are just defensive when it comes to the show. They hate that Earl is an obvious weak link that is screwing up the show they love and he will not do the right thing and disappear like previous producers.

IMO - Earl would be good on a music channel. He knows something about music and is proficient at running the board(when he knows what to expect). He just can't keep up with the pace of a live talk show. Earl has had years to adapt but hasn't.

Thanks for the response. That makes sense to me. He does mess up a lot and I can completely understand getting even more frustrated when he doesn't own up to his fuck-ups.

[yojimbo7248]

I disagree. First of all, you talk about ronfez.net hating Earl and "so many listeners" hating Earl. Let's sort out the hayseeds that don't even try to disguise their hatred of Earl because he is black. I don't think there are a lot of those folks on this board, but I could be wrong.

I think that we on ronfez.net tend to follow the lead of the hosts. When Dave is down in Ron & Fez's eyes, he often gets shit on here. When he is up, he gets praised. Earl just happens to be down more because he brings very little to the show in terms of entertainment. He is always getting shit on by Ron & Fez (usually deservedly so) and that translates over here.

Look at Fez...when Ron is loving him and Fez is feeling good, no one is quicker to exclaim Fez is back! than ronfez.net. When Fez is down, he takes some hard shots on here, too.

With Earl, he doesn't take more because he's black...he takes it because he's the easiest, laziest target, and he occupies that producer role on the show.

good points.

[Landblast]

i don't know that these are lies. i think you're a bit off-topic there, bucko.

lies, lines, who cares??

[jamfucker]

Earl must be mentally ill.&nbsp;

http://collegeotr.s3.amazonaws.com/images/blogs/a7be0e0d7a71022de2596e63e2d08037.jpg

I think this is the mysterious woman Earl "allegedly" impregnated.

[alabamatrucker]

On one show i remember ronnie making a comment about earl liking fried chicken and basically earl said he hates fried chicken. But for some reason thats all he eats at the hardrock and other places they go. What a fried-chicken lover liar.