My Girl Needs "space"

[waltermitty]

<p><font size="2">So my girl (the absolute love of my life) told me that she needed some space the other day. I did some stupid stuff, acted possesive and hypocritical and it finally pushed her away.&nbsp; She doesn't want to talk to me right now and I am going crazy.. I can't lose her.&nbsp; We've been together for a year and a half and I was planning on getting a ring with my forthcoming tax refund check.&nbsp; If she leaves me, I may be buying a gun with that money.&nbsp; She's not with someone else, I know, but she says she needs some space to think things over..</font></p><p>&nbsp; <font size="2">What do I do?&nbsp; How long do I give her before I fight like hell for her?</font></p><p><font size="2">&nbsp; Sould I get a boombox and a Peter Gabriel cassette?</font>&nbsp; </p>

[Bossanova]

<p>For starters, put the ring idea on the waaaaaaaaaaaay back burner, especially now.&nbsp; Give her another week or so.&nbsp; Maybe shoot her a text.&nbsp; Nothing in depth, jus a &quot;how are things&quot; type deal.&nbsp; Also kinda let her know that you are independent, and this is cool with you.&nbsp; DO NOT look desperate here, this is a touchy time</p><p>* cool with you, meaning you understand.&nbsp; Not that you needed this too.</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Bossanova on 2-28-07 @ 9:56 PM</span>

[SinA]

<strong>Bossanova</strong> wrote:<br /><p>For starters, put the ring idea on the waaaaaaaaaaaay back burner, especially now.&nbsp; Give her another week or so.&nbsp; Maybe shoot her a text.&nbsp; Nothing in depth, jus a &quot;how are things&quot; type deal.&nbsp; Also kinda let her know that you are independent, and this is cool with you.&nbsp; DO NOT look desperate here, this is a touchy time</p><p>* cool with you, meaning you understand.&nbsp; Not that you needed this too.</p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Bossanova on 2-28-07 @ 9:56 PM</span> <p>yeah.&nbsp; we've all ruined it before thinking that driving over to her house and banging on the door would show her how serious you are.&nbsp; that'll blow up in your face, embarrass her and yourself, and end things for good.</p><p>send a text in a few days, and don't say anything about &quot;space&quot;, and put the ball in her court.&nbsp; say something like &quot;hey, i was thinking about you today.&nbsp; call me if you want to talk&quot;&nbsp; and let her have a chance to respond.&nbsp; if she doesn't call in a day or two after that, THEN slash her tires.</p>

[jetdog]

Step back Bro.&nbsp; Do whatever it takes for you to get your mind off her (other than drinking) and enjoy all the little shit.&nbsp; <br />

[patsopinion]

<strong>Bossanova</strong> wrote:<br /><p>For starters, put the ring idea on the waaaaaaaaaaaay back burner, especially now. Give her another week or so. Maybe shoot her a text. Nothing in depth, jus a &quot;how are things&quot; type deal. Also kinda let her know that you are independent, and this is cool with you. DO NOT look desperate here, this is a touchy time</p><p>* cool with you, meaning you understand. Not that you needed this too.</p> <span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Bossanova on 2-28-07 @ 9:56 PM</span><p>&nbsp;the high road and leaving her alone can be bad though</p><p>ive done this strategy and it ended not the way i wanted it to.</p><p>every thing happens for a reason though.</p><p>if it does end then it was ment to end, the potential letting go scenario may be tough but its way easier with a crutch.&nbsp; if u dont work out now then maybe give it a try. that kinda thing works well&nbsp;</p>

[waltermitty]

<strong>jetdog</strong> wrote:<br />Step back Bro. Do whatever it takes for you to get your mind off her<span style="background-color: #ffff00"> (other than drinking)</span> and enjoy all the little shit. <br /> <p>&nbsp;<font size="2">Shit... too late on that count....<br /></font></p>

[Bossanova]

Drinking is ok, just turn your phone off right now

[jetdog]

<strong>Bossanova</strong> wrote:<br /><span style="background-color: #ffff00">Drinking is ok, just turn your phone off right now</span><span style="background-color: #ffff00"></span>NOW! run to that fucking wall and rip out the phone cord! not even joking!&nbsp;<p>&nbsp;</p>

[PapaBear]

While you're at it, stay AWAY from your E mail account!

[Bossanova]

Do yourself a favor and become a RF.net junkie.&nbsp; It not only keeps your mind off of things, it keeps you away from foolishness.

[OneEyeJack]

<strong>Youre screwed. If youstart calling her fishing for forgiveness, she,ll have the upper hand and will know it. If you wait for her reply she might decide to leave you. I would wait ,but keep an eye on her and accidently run into her and ask her what she thinks about the situation.</strong>

[K.C.]

<p>I'd give her space for the next few days then give her a call. If she brings up needing space again, I'd very politely ask her to ballpark how much she thinks she needs. If she tries to dodge the question, press her on it a little, but don't show any signs of frustration or anger about it. Just tell her you deserve to know. </p><p>If she does give you an estimate, wait it out...if she asks for more time after that, then you may have a decision to make.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>From what I've seen, that when chicks ask for time, they start out meaning it (well, most), so it's not a problem to give it to them...but if drags on for&nbsp;much longer than they said they needed, they may be weighing their options and seeing what if anything else is out there.</p><p>For now, it&nbsp;doesn't sound like a problem, but I'd&nbsp;be a little cautious about it if&nbsp;this goes on for long enough. &nbsp;</p>

[OneEyeJack]

<strong>this probably has been coming on for a time now (been there)something has to change in your relationship.It will probably be different now , I hope better.</strong>

[fezjr]

<strong>waltermitty</strong> wrote:<br /><p><font size="2">So my girl (the absolute love of my life) told me that she needed some space the other day. I did some stupid stuff, acted possesive and hypocritical and it finally pushed her away.&nbsp; She doesn't want to talk to me right now and I am going crazy.. I can't lose her.&nbsp; We've been together for a year and a half and I was planning on getting a ring with my forthcoming tax refund check.&nbsp; If she leaves me, I may be buying a gun with that money.&nbsp; She's not with someone else, I know, but she says she needs some space to think things over..</font></p><p>&nbsp; <font size="2">What do I do?&nbsp; How long do I give her before I fight like hell for her?</font></p><p><font size="2">&nbsp; Sould I get a boombox and a Peter Gabriel cassette?</font>&nbsp; </p><p>When a girl says she needs space she already has someone else.</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by fezjr on 3-1-07 @ 12:26 AM</span>

[BLZBUBBA]

Take the tax refund and find a prostitute...as a subsitute...till she comes crawling back.&nbsp; And if she doesn't come back...move on.

[waltermitty]

<strong>BLZBUBBA</strong> wrote:<br />Take the tax refund and find a prostitute...as a subsitute...till she comes crawling back. And if she doesn't come back...move on.<p>&nbsp;<font size="2">I'm not sure i wanna take the jim norton approach to this situation...<br /></font></p>

[patsopinion]

<strong>fezjr</strong> wrote:<br /><strong>waltermitty</strong> wrote:<br /><p><font size="2">So my girl (the absolute love of my life) told me that she needed some space the other day. I did some stupid stuff, acted possesive and hypocritical and it finally pushed her away. She doesn't want to talk to me right now and I am going crazy.. I can't lose her. We've been together for a year and a half and I was planning on getting a ring with my forthcoming tax refund check. If she leaves me, I may be buying a gun with that money. <span style="background-color: #ffff00">She's not with someone else, I know,</span> but she says she needs some space to think things over..</font></p><p> <font size="2">What do I do? How long do I give her before I fight like hell for her?</font></p><p><font size="2"> Sould I get a boombox and a Peter Gabriel cassette?</font> </p><p>When a girl says she needs space she already has someone else.</p> <span class="post_edited">This message was edited by fezjr on 3-1-07 @ 12:26 AM</span><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Leticia]

<p>Ok... so first off(and I'm the 100th person to say this) Give her space! For real. I mean as long as needed. The small text idea is good but nothing personal... just a hey, let me know when you're ready to talk. Right after she said she needed some space you said you got possesive? </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Well show her you're not crazy... and can be an understanding person. If you call her or show up too soon(before the week is thorugh) then she'll think otherwise whether or not it's true. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>By the way, needing space does not mean she's with someone else with all women. I've used it a couple of times and never considered anyone else each time. I genuinly needed time off to think about things in the relationship. It did help both times.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>But it usually leads to a break up. So think about what is wrong in the relationship and write some things down if you need to. It'll show her you're ready to work on making the relationship work. If it's worth it and it seems like it is to you, make the effort to know exactly what is wrong and what feelings get in the way of your comminucation as a couple.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>So there,lol.&nbsp;</p>

[Gaia]

<p>God, I hate and love&nbsp;relationships. So much fucking work. </p><p>Forget about thie ring is right. Shoot her that quick text, to let her know you still are thinking about her without being stalkerish, and then see where it goes from there. If she doesnt respond within two days start thinking about the relationship dissolving all together. Woman are fickle creatures. we dont understand men (well we do, but wish we didnt) and men dont understand us. I wish I could go through the rest of my life not wanting to be with anyone. &nbsp;</p>

[Lumber]

Shoot her a text, just DON'T CALL HER &amp; DO NOT DRINK.

[lleeder]

<font size="3">I disagree go to her place and get in her kitchen. Make this relationship pimple come to a head. By the end of the day you should be enganged or single. You should know what this girl wants to do by now.</font>

[J.Clints]

<strong>Bossanova</strong> wrote:<br /><p>For starters, put the ring idea on the waaaaaaaaaaaay back burner, especially now.&nbsp; Give her another week or so.&nbsp; Maybe shoot her a text.&nbsp; Nothing in depth, jus a &quot;how are things&quot; type deal.&nbsp; Also kinda let her know that you are independent, and this is cool with you.&nbsp; DO NOT look desperate here, this is a touchy time</p><p>* cool with you, meaning you understand.&nbsp; Not that you needed this too.</p><span class="post_edited">This message was edited by Bossanova on 2-28-07 @ 9:56 PM</span> <p>I was going to say something along these line.</p><p>&nbsp;So I said it </p><p>It will get better</p>

[J.Clints]

<p>Sorry computer f up</p><span class="post_edited"></span>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by jclintsma on 3-1-07 @ 4:58 PM</span>

[Furtherman]

I hate hearing these situations.&nbsp; I feel for you, I really do, but the fact is if she needs space, she probably already has someone else in mind.&nbsp; What is most important here is that you DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.&nbsp; If you did your best, then take comfort in that and in time another woman WILL APPRECIATE IT.&nbsp; It'll be hard to shake off the &quot;how dare she do that to me&quot; feeling, but try and&nbsp;stay positive and confident.&nbsp; Chicks dig that too, but take some time&nbsp;for yourself and try to&nbsp;have&nbsp;fun.&nbsp; &nbsp;

[ralphbxny]

<strong>Furtherman</strong> wrote:<br />I hate hearing these situations.&nbsp; I feel for you, I really do, but the fact is if she needs space, she probably already has someone else in mind.&nbsp; What is most important here is that you DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.&nbsp; If you did your best, then take comfort in that and in time another woman WILL APPRECIATE IT.&nbsp; It'll be hard to shake off the &quot;how dare she do that to me&quot; feeling, but try and&nbsp;stay positive and confident.&nbsp; Chicks dig that too, but take some time&nbsp;for yourself and try to&nbsp;have&nbsp;fun.&nbsp; &nbsp; <p>I agree with Further...He is a bartender he knows this stuff!!</p>

[Bossanova]

Remember though, all girls do not have a guy waiting on the side.&nbsp; I went through this crap.&nbsp; She thought I was be possesive by asking her to text me when she got home from work(which was usually at midnight)&nbsp; Some girls just don't like or think they are answering to people.

[Ritalin]

<p>Yeah, I hate to say it, but I have to agree with the fellas above, and I truly feel bad for you. My recommendation is to just not call her anymore. Just let her go and more on. It's going to hurt like a bitch either way, but in the end, it will be easier if you take control of the situation yourself. </p>&lt;&gt;Man, I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. <br />

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>Dude, after a year and a half if she needs &quot;space&quot; it's pretty much over. She knows what you're about, you know what she's about. If she's walking away at this point I doubt anything you say or do will change it. The way that you are dying to run over there says alot about this relationship, none of it good. Tells me she's had reservations all along, and I'll bet you've been the one chasing her the whole time. Also, the fact that you're SO into her tells me she was probably never as sold on you as you were on her and I bet you've spent the last year and a half trying to PROVE something either to her or yourself. People can sense these things. Put yourself in her shoes. If someone thinks you're perfect, and you know for a fact that you're not, your next thought is &quot;What is wrong with this person? Why cant they see the obvious?Why is this person so DESPERATE?&quot; </p><p>Long story short, you're trying too hard. You think she will solve some problem for you. You need her way too much. You're young, and this shit happens to most people at your age. Learn from your mistakes and move on. If she calls you back, consider it a bonus. </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by Bulldogcakes on 3-1-07 @ 8:45 PM</span>

[TonyD_43]

<p><font face="times new roman,times" size="4">Dude, </font></p><p><font face="times new roman,times" size="4">Take it from an older guy who has been there in the past. When she says she needs space, she probably means she needs to be away from you. The space thing is just a nice way of saying it. If she is just going through a bad time, she will call you. But if you try to prove to her that she cares about you, your going to push her away for ever. It doesnt sound good bro, but you will get by. Just remember the lyrics from an old song. &quot; I'll be alright without you, they'll be someone else&quot;. Just keep saying that to yourself and get busy doing something to keep your mind off her. Work, hobby, exercise etc....&nbsp; Whatever you do, dont get all possesive and try to win her back. The only way that you are getting her back is if <u>she</u> finds&nbsp;out that she misses you. Good luck. </font>&nbsp;</p>

[Leticia]

Please keep us posted! We're all concerned and hoping our advice helped. :)

[waltermitty]

Well here's the update...
My Girl left me. I made a series or bad decisions and i treated her wrong. And she was too smart to put up with that shit. Also, she just turned 21 and I am 25. I have had my wild days... she is just starting to have hers. And i apparently kept her from that. We have had a turbulent 4 weeks. She is doing her thing now and I feel sooooooo alone it's unbelievable. Her and I will be friends one day, and whatever happens happens, life is long and unpredictable. But for now, we both are healing. she is of course taking it much better than me. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I got dumped. I was in a bad place for a little while, but I've turned the corner now...
I had 57 posts on R&F when she left me, now i have 160....This board was my distraction and my therapy when i felt like shit....so thanks everyone!

[Chigworthy]

http://image.listen.com/img/356x237/4/4/6/8/638644_356x237.jpg