Self-Destructive Behavior [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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narc

03-09-2007, 06:15 PM

I'm not talking in the sense of drugs or alcohol or committing felonies really. I remember Opie once mentioning that he got referred to a therapist in the WAAF days who told him that he felt some sort of compulsion to destroy everything they had achieved. I'm starting to feel the same way about myself. More like I'm subconsciously sabotaging some aspects of my life because other aspects aren't where I want them to be, and I'm somehow stubbornly and neurotically insisting that my life be the way I want them to be on my specific terms: that is, either everything is good or nothing is. Does that make any sense?Any of you board therapists want to take a shot at this?

Bob Impact

03-09-2007, 06:43 PM

I can't really tell you how to fix it, but I can say that I was told the same thing at one time in my life.  I would say that the turnaround came in two stages, one when I read Atlas Shrugged and the second when I met Sarah, but that's not entirely true.  I certainly got much better after I met her (the second of these two events) but even to this day i'll overindulge, or make choices that are very bad for me long term.  I think to a certain extent this is a normal phenomenon in some people, it's just a drive within you that causes you to do these things.  I think a lot of people have a distorted viewpoint of this, the way I see myself now I don't have many problems but in the eyes of some of my friends i'm a maniac.  The best advice I think anyone could give is that if you feel like you should talk about it, go see a professional, they don't bite (unless you pay them double their normal rate.)

Gvac

03-09-2007, 07:41 PM

I don't know too much about it, but fear of success seems to be a very real thing.  I've heard psychologists say it has to do with a fear of alienation and loneliness, because some people think they'll leave everything and everyone they know behind if they achieve some level of success.  I'm sure there's resources online to research it, and if it sounds like what you're experiencing, it probably wouldn't hurt to talk to someone. Good luck.

Bob Impact

03-09-2007, 07:53 PM

Gvac wrote: I don't know too much about it, but fear of success seems to be a very real thing. I've heard psychologists say it has to do with a fear of alienation and loneliness, because some people think they'll leave everything and everyone they know behind if they achieve some level of success. I'm sure there's resources online to research it, and if it sounds like what you're experiencing, it probably wouldn't hurt to talk to someone. Good luck.  I don't know if it's alway a fear of success, I know in my case I want to succeed but I don't really care if the things I do cause that to be more difficult.  Not sure if this is what Narc is going through, but it's a different feeling, not really fear, more like apathy.

narc

03-09-2007, 11:50 PM

It's like this. From a young age, I was lucky enough to have a really good idea of what I wanted out of life. I had educational/professional goals to which I slavishly adhered and I was lucky enough to achieve them all. As for the other stuff, I didn't really think about it too hard but I always just sort of assumed it would take care of itself. It didn't. And once it didn't, I started to actually care less about the other stuff because I knew the whole shebang wasn't going to be where I wanted it to be.

patsopinion

03-10-2007, 12:27 AM

you blame certain things for lack of otherjust a basic idealism but you blame your relationships and see them as being tie downs and not (dream) enabeling.i think its important to note that you didnt give enough info thoughcontext of distructed needed

mdr55

03-10-2007, 03:24 AM

You see this mountain infront of you and plan how to climb it. Once you reach the top, alot of thoughts go through your head (maybe it's the air) ranging from "I did it", "The view is good but not as good as I thought it would be", "The View is incredible" and you look down and notice you left your camera behind, You've reached the top with all your hard work and think "Now what. Where do I go from here?", You're mad at yourself cuz you did all this work to climb the top of the mountain and realize maybe I coulda done something else instead.

DonInNC

03-10-2007, 03:41 AM

How much control do you have over those things that aren't going as well as you'd like?

Bob Impact

03-10-2007, 04:12 AM

narc wrote: It's like this. From a young age, I was lucky enough to have a really good idea of what I wanted out of life. I had educational/professional goals to which I slavishly adhered and I was lucky enough to achieve them all. As for the other stuff, I didn't really think about it too hard but I always just sort of assumed it would take care of itself. It didn't. And once it didn't, I started to actually care less about the other stuff because I knew the whole shebang wasn't going to be where I wanted it to be. "Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong." - Ayn RandNothing will ever take care of itself, action is presupposed before any reaction can take place. That's TWO Ayn Rand quotes i've used this morning, I gotta slow down. <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/blink.gif" border="0" />

nolarat5

03-13-2007, 09:13 PM

Destroying things are fun an instinct but uninstinctive .take a step back before you act on compulsive actions. It will keep you out the can and save money or just buy something new break it for nothing.                  Good luck

ralphbxny

03-13-2007, 09:27 PM

I tend to have the same thing especially with Female relationships. I befriend women easy. Women seem to love me....but once they get into a relationship with me they realize im a sick prick who does shit to push buttons. With my latest relationship I have made concious decisions. I always stop and think instead of react. It is going on 10 months now and I think all is ok. I know I have not been the dick I have been in prior relationships.All I can say is keep workin on yourself and asking these questions. Its how you work this crap out or at least it helps.

This message was edited by ralphbxny on 3-14-07 @ 1:28 AM

Leticia

03-14-2007, 05:02 AM

I defenitely do the exact same thing. My first semester in college i failed every single subject, even though i had gone through so much trouble to get my GED in order to be able to be there.Then that summer I took a class, never missed a day, and got an a.Then I did very well my next semester and got nothing lower that a b, but mostly As except for one class that I was always late to and got an incomplete in... passing this class would have brought my gpa that year to a 3.5..but the class made it a 2.99 This year I'm fucking up all over the place... I'm so afraid of success that as soon as I start doing well in something my brain has to find some way to fuck it up.

Reephdweller

03-14-2007, 05:59 AM

I have or I at least hope I HAD that problem up to recently - though I was luckily able to pick up on my destructive behavior before it cost me big. I may have lost a close friend as a result of it, though I'm working to rebuild that friendship. It's still a little icy between us.Though this is something that one of my family members had as a problem, and it caused them nothing but grief over the years. I never wanted that for myself, though I found things I was doing over the past year were leading to problems, problems that carried over to my job and other areas that were a result of things I just started doing one day and wasn't even conscious that I was doing. Until one day when I hurt someone that I care very much for. I started seeing all the things I was doing that led me up to the point and I realized my behavior and actions, the things I said were all putting me on a bad path and were rubbing people the wrong way. No one would tell me this, until another friend mentioned it to me, she said "why would you say that?" and then we got to talking and I came to realize a lot of things I was doing wrong. I'm not a bad person at heart, but the way I was conveying myself definitely made me come off that way. I've pretty much self analysed myself to death now and I decided to start over as a person and work my way back up to being a respectable man. I can see a lot of peoples attitudes towards me have changed over time. I also have no doubt that if I didn't change myself when I did I would have probably lost my job ultimately and maybe even more.That may not be the same situation as yours, though the key is that your concious of the problem and now have to work to rid yourself of the problems you've created and be more aware of what you do and how you do things. I still have my missteps, though I see them now as I make them. I'm taking things day by day and I can see I'm slowly getting there. You will too. Good luck.