I always wonder...

[Gaia]

If things would be "different" between the boyfriend and I, if I didnt sleep with him the night we met. Please dont think that my behavior that night was "typical" . It was TOTALLY out of character for me and it was the one and only time I did it. I was drunk, very lonely for a long time before that, and I was SO into him. Also, I dont think it's a moment I regret either, it was some of the best sex EVER, and it was totally hot.
I just cant help but wonder if our realtionship would be different now, what if I had waited? Would we have ever had an "infatuation stage" ? Would we feel differently about each other?
I know I cannot go back and change what has been done, but I was wondering what people may think about this.

[Don Stugots]

I wonder what life would be like for me if things had gone differently also. Odds are, no, they would be the same.

[Chip196]

Butterfly Effect stuff creeps me out when I think about it ... but I also find myself thinking about it so often. I love my life and wouldn't change anything really ... but I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn't left college early, or if I had picked a different Major would I have finished on time. My parents moved when I was 19 which left me with the choice of living on my own or heading up in to the Adirondaks with them ... I chose to move out on my own even though I probably wasn't ready for it ... what would have happened if I made any of those decisions differently? Creepy, but fun, but creepy to think about.

[Jujubees2]

Gaia, you just have to convert to Calvinism and everything will be okay. Calvinists believe that everything is predestined. That's the only way I was able to maintain my sanity while being a Red Sox fan since 1970.

On a side note, my wife and I waited a few months before doing the nasty and a few years later I asked her when was the first time that she wanted to sleep with me and she said the first night which really surprised me (and pissed me off that I spent all that time and money to get in her pants when I could have had her so much earlier).

[JPMNICK]

Gaia what is his personality? Does he get obsessed with new things? Like does he start projects and jump head first into it, and then his interest wane? If so, then you might have gone through the infatuation stage.

[Tall_James]

Calvinists believe that everything is predestined. That's the only way I was able to maintain my sanity while being a Red Sox fan since 1970.


You pray to Calvin Schiraldi?

[Jujubees2]

You pray to Calvin Schiraldi?

No, but I do think Bill Lee is out of this world!

http://www.rowecenter.org/schedule/photos/BillLee.jpg

[Snacks]

If things would be "different" between the boyfriend and I, if I didnt sleep with him the night we met. Please dont think that my behavior that night was "typical" . It was TOTALLY out of character for me and it was the one and only time I did it. I was drunk, very lonely for a long time before that, and I was SO into him. Also, I dont think it's a moment I regret either, it was some of the best sex EVER, and it was totally hot.
I just cant help but wonder if our realtionship would be different now, what if I had waited? Would we have ever had an "infatuation stage" ? Would we feel differently about each other?
I know I cannot go back and change what has been done, but I was wondering what people may think about this.

Havent you been with him for 4/5 years? If so thats a good thing. I dont know what you think would be different. Now if he met you, slept with you the first night and then that was it, that would have been different. But the fact that he has been with you for so long means sleeping with him on the 1st night didnt bother him or make you look any different to him.
Like someone else said. things might be the same anyway.
Hope that helps.

[Bulldogcakes]

Gaia, I'm with Stugots on this one. People are who they are. And whatever your problems you two have with each other has to do with who the two of you are as people, and not based on any one night. Especially after being together for years.

BTW-If you had a more romantic long drawn out "courtship" with him (which BTW is a very old fashioned notion) you could be dealing with other problems, like unreachable romantic expectations and the disappointment that inevitably follows. So either way, there can be problems. There really is no one "right" way to do these things. And the nights of REALLY great sex are pretty rare for most people. Most people can count them on one hand, and some never have any.

[TheGameHHH]

gaia, i dig you.......not in the weird way, but youre decent on this board

you seem to have a lot of doubts in your life.....maybe you should think about them

[keithy_19]

Things happen. If you're in a healthy relationship than you're good and shouldn't be thinking about the past. If you're in a sucky relationship you still shouldn't think about the past. It's done. Can't do anything about it.

[johnniewalker]

I think its like you said, you would have had an infatuation stage. The more relationships i've been through, the less healthy i think it is. It can be a serious problem when you make that transition and you have a long time of infatuation. I was with a girl for 6 months and a lot of her problems and our problems i think kept the infatuation period going. After it got resolved it didn't feel the same and we broke up soon after. I don't think i've ever sustained a relationship after messing around with a girl on the first date, i think that's commendable!

[keithy_19]

Is your relationship based on sex? Just curious. I tend to feel that if a relationship is started with sex being one of the first things done it can hurt the relationship in hte long run. I guess the same goes if you hold on too long iwthout it.

[PapaBear]

Almost every relationship I've had started with sex, and I haven't stayed in one for much more than three years. I never would have said this in the past, but in retrospect it may not be the best thing for a relationship.

[ChrisTheCop]

What if instead of talking to the cute blonde, I talked to the stunning brunette in the red dress who was trying to say hi to me?

[Poochie]

I think of that often myself. I slept with my current guy the first night. I wish it wouldn't have happend like that, we were drunk and I turn into a whore. I think I have slept with every boyfriend I have had within the first week, max. Funny thing I was just thinking about this at work tonight. I wonder if I was a total prude and wouldn't give it up to a guy for, we shall say 6 months minimum, how many of those guys would have waited? Did they only like me cuz I gave it up easy? Maybe I missed out on a really good guy because of my whoriness. Who knows. Point is, thinking about it may just drive ya nuts.

[weekapaugjz]

I think of that often myself. I slept with my current guy the first night. I wish it wouldn't have happend like that, we were drunk and I turn into a whore. I think I have slept with every boyfriend I have had within the first week, max. Funny thing I was just thinking about this at work tonight. I wonder if I was a total prude and wouldn't give it up to a guy for, we shall say 6 months minimum, how many of those guys would have waited? Did they only like me cuz I gave it up easy? Maybe I missed out on a really good guy because of my whoriness. Who knows. Point is, thinking about it may just drive ya nuts.

the best relationship i ever had was with a girl who i waited 3 months to sleep with. it ended up lasting close to two years. it was great cause we actually built a relationship before anything else. i still think about her all the time and we broke up over 2 years ago. i think if we still lived in the same town, we'd be together, but the long distance thing just wasn't working out.

[Poochie]

the best relationship i ever had was with a girl who i waited 3 months to sleep with. it ended up lasting close to two years. it was great cause we actually built a relationship before anything else. i still think about her all the time and we broke up over 2 years ago. i think if we still lived in the same town, we'd be together, but the long distance thing just wasn't working out.

i am now pretty aware that my incredibly low self esteem caused me to sleep with them so quickly...out of fear of them losing interest, etc, etc..
the good thing with this guy is that we actually sat down and talked about all this, he too was a whore..so I think we got a good start so far.

[Drunky McBetidont]

http://imshopping.rediff.com/books/imagechek/books/pixs/2X/044020562X.jpg
http://images.contentreserve.com/ImageType-100/0739-1/%7B0CB21B23-2602-4616-B9F1-1C128AB7F31F%7DImg100.jpg

[weekapaugjz]

i am now pretty aware that my incredibly low self esteem caused me to sleep with them so quickly...out of fear of them losing interest, etc, etc..
the good thing with this guy is that we actually sat down and talked about all this, he too was a whore..so I think we got a good start so far.

it don't make you a bad person, ive had my share one nighters. not too proud. its good you sat down and talked about it though and got everything out in the open.

[patsopinion]

The Oracle: Candy?
Neo: Do you already know if I'm going to take it?
The Oracle: Wouldn't be much of an Oracle if I didn't.

[sailor]

Gaia, I'm with Stugots on this one. People are who they are. And whatever your problems you two have with each other has to do with who the two of you are as people, and not based on any one night. Especially after being together for years.

BTW-If you had a more romantic long drawn out "courtship" with him (which BTW is a very old fashioned notion) you could be dealing with other problems, like unreachable romantic expectations and the disappointment that inevitably follows. So either way, there can be problems. There really is no one "right" way to do these things. And the nights of REALLY great sex are pretty rare for most people. Most people can count them on one hand, and some never have any.

you say old-fashioned like it's a dirty word.

[Bulldogcakes]

you say old-fashioned like it's a dirty word.

Please, you should see my CD collection. Half of it is from the 40's-60's. I just mean that she sounds like she'd like to go back to the way things done in the 50's, and that it wasn't necessarily better back then.

I'd also add that in my experience the longer I've waited, the more I became convinced that she just wasn't interested in me that way. Then if the relationship did progress, I always had doubts about it in the back of my mind. So it can really backfire.

[ralphbxny]

Sister dont worry !! What happens to start a relationship we dont know. It just so happens that yours started this way. Go with it question it later!!

[Furtherman]

I think we all know the lesson here.

Give it up early and often.

[ralphbxny]

I think we all know the lesson here.

Give it up early and often.

Brilliant!!

[angelinad128]

If things would be "different" between the boyfriend and I, if I didnt sleep with him the night we met. Please dont think that my behavior that night was "typical" . It was TOTALLY out of character for me and it was the one and only time I did it. I was drunk, very lonely for a long time before that, and I was SO into him. Also, I dont think it's a moment I regret either, it was some of the best sex EVER, and it was totally hot.
I just cant help but wonder if our realtionship would be different now, what if I had waited? Would we have ever had an "infatuation stage" ? Would we feel differently about each other?
I know I cannot go back and change what has been done, but I was wondering what people may think about this.

OMG!!!! This is so Deju Vu for ME!!!!

[angelinad128]

OMG!!!! This is so Deju Vu for ME!!!!

Weird, I tried to edit but wasn't given the option.

I just wanted to edit that it is deja vu for me except for the being lonely before that happened, I was actually still seeing someone when that happened to me.

[Reephdweller]

I tend to agree with Stugots on this. In the sense that very often I will think about this or that and wonder if I had one thing differently or another what would have happened. Sometimes things just amazingly fall into place on their own and I've left wondering how could it be. Then I'll think about well what if I had done it this way what would have happened. The one thing I know and is very hard for me to shake to this day though, is the discipline to let it go and accept how it went down. I like to think back on things so that if I'm in the same situation in the future perhaps I'll handle them different or better than the last, though the key is to ultimately move on. It's not worth going nuts over.