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American Idol Song competition - my entry [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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Sleeves
04-09-2007, 07:45 AM
American Idol is sponsoring a songwriting contest (http://songwriter.americanidol.com/) this season. The Idol people will somehow pick the top 20 songs and then turn it over to an audience vote.

I've never really written a "pop" song, so I thought it might fun to try. Obviously, I should have written about wind beneath wings...or a song about overcoming adversity...struggling etc. and then standing up in the glory...

But...this is as close as I got...not really what they're looking for...ha ha...I'm just hoping they pick some songs that are a little gloomy. :)

Also - I sing more "normally". Not like my throat's full of dirt...I sound a little like Michael Stipe or Ed Vedder...because we need more of that kind of singing goddamnit...

Here's the song: The Poor Man's Lullaby (http://www.atomsmotion.com/uploads/poormanslullaby.mp3)

I should also thank Wallower for the "poor man" idea. That crept or leapt into this song obviously. So thanks Wallower!!

Here are the lyrics...

The Poor Man’s Lullaby

I walk the railway station at the end of the day
I watch the moon from the train but we can’t pull away
It follows close behind, like it slipped its lunar line

Don’t lock the cabin when I’m sleeping I get lost in my dreams
I hear the ticket man, the passengers, the engineer
Sing a poor man’s lullaby, out of tune and out of time

Did anybody lose me? Did anybody take me home? Did anybody lose me?
Cause here I am wondering…

I take my luggage from the porter and then make for the street
I hear the echo of the automatic sound of my feet
Trailing close behind, like I’m trampling over time

From the sun to the moon and from the earth to me
A distant tension like a silence how it makes me weep and
Sing a poor man’s lullaby, out of tune and out of time

Did anybody lose me? Did anybody take me home? Did anybody lose me?
Cause here I am wondering…

reillyluck
04-09-2007, 09:03 AM
I listened to the song about three times before i posted this. I think its great and your voice sounds amazing! Good luck to you Sleeves!!!! We are behind you 100%!!!!

cupcakelove
04-09-2007, 09:35 AM
I love your songs Sleeves, good luck!

Dan 'Hampton
04-09-2007, 10:15 AM
Great song man. Glad to hear the Granite State representing. Any way we can vote for ya? or am i going to have to keep my votes going exclusively for Mogli?

ChrisTheCop
04-09-2007, 10:51 AM
I, like Reilly, listened thrice. I can imagine this song being sung by a Kelly Clarkson or Avril Lavine, or Dido. Theyd probably fuck with the tempo and make it more of a dance version, but it's definitely possible that theyd pick this.

I'm not sure however, if Ive heard anything I didnt like from Sleeves..so maybe I'm not a great judge.

Good luck in the contest bruthah!!

Sleeves
04-09-2007, 11:13 AM
Great song man. Glad to hear the Granite State representing. Any way we can vote for ya? or am i going to have to keep my votes going exclusively for Mogli?

Nahh...they pick the top 20...and then open the voting up...but I really didn't "hit" the kind of flying-without-wings vibe they're looking for.

And thanks for listening everybody!

reillyluck
04-09-2007, 11:21 AM
SLeeves, you do realize that ive been singing this song all day now!!!!!

patsopinion
04-09-2007, 01:49 PM
loved the lyrics and the song


small thing-
with the piano players out there getting more play i dont think you need the extra chime/beat
just a though

Wallower
04-09-2007, 02:08 PM
Great work Sleeves. Very catchy! It sounds like you've got Michael Stipe backing you up in the chorus.

cougarjake13
04-09-2007, 04:54 PM
great job

hope you make it

Captain Rooster
04-09-2007, 04:57 PM
impressive. nice

Hottub
04-09-2007, 05:06 PM
Nicely done Sleeves. I think we've got a shot. Best of luck, brother.

Don Stugots
04-09-2007, 05:15 PM
Sleeves, good luck with this. please let us know how we can help in any way.

Hottub
04-09-2007, 05:30 PM
Sleeves, good luck with this. please let us know how we can help in any way.

Maybe it can also be played on
The Don Stugots Experience.
Sunday from 5 to 7 on thereisnoradio.com.
Just an idea.

Don Stugots
04-09-2007, 05:32 PM
Maybe it can also be played on
The Don Stugots Experience.
Sunday from 5 to 7 on thereisnoradio.com.
Just an idea.

played? it will be pushed.

(i was ahead of you but was going just POP into it, you ruined it now)

Hottub
04-09-2007, 05:36 PM
Nah. It's not rooned.
The combined powers of Sleeves and The Don will be unstoppable!

Don Stugots
04-09-2007, 05:38 PM
Nah. It's not rooned.
The combined powers of Sleeves and The Don will be unstoppable!

i'm joking. i will be pushing this on the show for sleeves. he doesnt need to ask.

johnniewalker
04-09-2007, 11:29 PM
I think you've done what is essential in a pop song, you should be able to pick it up in one listen and be immediately pleasing. Bravo sleeves!

Sleeves
04-11-2007, 06:41 AM
hey thanks again buddays...

...I kiss the ring Don Stugots! That's very cool. Sorry it's a little sissy. I wish i was a rocker, but...

Pat: What did you mean about the beat? Like the song should just be a piano song and no drums?

anyway...Simon Cowell hasn't called yet...so...