The Blowhard
11-12-2001, 11:04 PM
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do, or
did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as
to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication
of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the
male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed,
dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed
on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams,
automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations
are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and
forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when
accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
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COMING SOON: "FABIO AND GARY MEET WINK MARTINDALE"!
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do, or
did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as
to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances
without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication
of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the
male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed,
dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed
on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams,
automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations
are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and
forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when
accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
<embed src="http://hometown.aol.com/slfcallednowhere/heckler.swf" width=300 height=100>
COMING SOON: "FABIO AND GARY MEET WINK MARTINDALE"!