Dealing

[BrownTown]

I've had about a week to soak it in, and I thought I'd be feeling a little better by now - but I'm not. One of my dearest friends (and a NYC Grafitti Legend) passed away last Saturday. I feel like I'm being melodramatic when I say this, but I feel like my heart has been demolished. I've dealt with loss of family & friends before, but this is different. I'm 100% crushed, and there's no relief in site. I don't know what I'm hoping for in posting this here, as I'm not looking for the "Keep your head up, he's in a better place" feedback I've already gotten from everyone else in my life. I guess it's just that this loss has already permiated every other aspect of my being, I figured mentioning it here might make me feel better.

[BrownTown]

I figured mentioning it here might make me feel better.

It didn't.

[Friday]

I said this to Reeshy before and I will say it again.
Don't 'keep your head up' or 'feel happy they are in a better place' unless you really are ready and willing to believe this!!

Death sucks. And sometimes it sucks all traces of happy right out of you.

Just try not to let it consume you. And if it does... reach out to someone...like you did here. Because as the leftovers, we have to move on and adjust to the world without that person in it.
Seems impossible. Sometimes it is. But other times there are opportunities for goodness.

I promise.

[Gvac]

First off, let me say I'm truly sorry for your loss and the way it's affecting you BrownTown.

Secondly, I apologize for taking so long to respond to this post. I don't know how it evaded my sight for so long, and for that I'm sincerely sorry.

I just wanted to say that you should take comfort in your own words -

One of my dearest friends (and a NYC Grafitti Legend) passed away last Saturday.

The fact that this man touched you so deeply that you chose to call him one of your dearest friends shows what an incredibly positive influence he must have been on you. The fact that he left behind a legacy in a particular field (in this case, graffiti) shows he left his mark on this world not just you.

Who can ask for more out of life?

[BrownTown]

Who can ask for more out of life?

I can guarantee that the legacy that <a href="http://www.myspace.com/joeysemz">Joey Semz</a> has left behind is making him proud as shit. Literally every single day I am seeing new tribute pieces & bombs to him all over the place. So many people are crushed by the loss of this kid. He's officially the fucking legend he already knew he was (as the tattoo across his chest declared). Unfortunately, this gives me little consolation. While it's great to know that so many people cared about him as an artist and a musician (did I mention he was an amazing singer/songwriter), all I give a shit about is the fact that I cared about him as my brother, and I can't see him anymore. Selfish? Sure, but this isn't about my shortcomings. This is about the fact that every day I think "OK, seriously now, when am I gonna see him again", and I'm not ever, ever again.
This fucking kills me (poor choice of words I suppose given the topic). I've got tears in my eyes as I write this, and it's been 3 weeks already. I should be in some sort of stage of acceptance at this point, but I'm not. Again, I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just venting in the hopes that this will help level out my crazy fucking head.

And sometimes it sucks all traces of happy right out of you.

I wish that was all it was doing. It's sucking all traces of function out of me. Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking of him. Not a minute goes by that I'm not ashamed of myself for not living a life that I'm 100% proud of like I know he did. I don't know what to do, or how to go about doing it.
This is absolutely consuming me.

[moochcassidy]

sorry for your loss mate..semz seemed like a really cool dude.

his music, his art, the friends he touched and loved.. it'll live on bro.

EDIT- the more i check out about this guy..the more im finding out he really was a unique guy. im really digging his songs and the kind of life and art sensibilities he had/lived.

a real New York 'Legend'

[Don Stugots]

I can guarantee that the legacy that <a href="http://www.myspace.com/joeysemz">Joey Semz</a> has left behind is making him proud as shit. Literally every single day I am seeing new tribute pieces & bombs to him all over the place. So many people are crushed by the loss of this kid. He's officially the fucking legend he already knew he was (as the tattoo across his chest declared). Unfortunately, this gives me little consolation. While it's great to know that so many people cared about him as an artist and a musician (did I mention he was an amazing singer/songwriter), all I give a shit about is the fact that I cared about him as my brother, and I can't see him anymore. Selfish? Sure, but this isn't about my shortcomings. This is about the fact that every day I think "OK, seriously now, when am I gonna see him again", and I'm not ever, ever again.
This fucking kills me (poor choice of words I suppose given the topic). I've got tears in my eyes as I write this, and it's been 3 weeks already. I should be in some sort of stage of acceptance at this point, but I'm not. Again, I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just venting in the hopes that this will help level out my crazy fucking head.



I wish that was all it was doing. It's sucking all traces of function out of me. Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking of him. Not a minute goes by that I'm not ashamed of myself for not living a life that I'm 100% proud of like I know he did. I don't know what to do, or how to go about doing it.
This is absolutely consuming me.


I have to thank Moochie for pointing this thread out to me. I didnt come to it sooner because for some reason i thought it was about drug dealing and i didnt want to get into my past, no joke.

I am very sorry for the pain you are feeling. Your words in BOLD really struck a nerve with me. WIthout turning the subject on to me, i will say that I know how you feel. I have felt the same lose in my life. You will see something somewhere and be like "oh i have to show that to-" and then you will catch yourself stop at his name realizing all over again that he is gone and a huge part of you and who you are is gone. It will not be easy but you will go one with life and realize that your world is a colder because of it. The best thing you can do is to get up everyday and speak of your Brother with the love and respect that you had for him. Tell stories of his life as the maverick that he was and the times that you shared, good and bad.

Sorry if i didnt help, stay strong.

[BrownTown]

Sorry if i didnt help

It's not like that at all, bro. It all helps.