Tell Me I'm Crazy...(A Rant...)

[Chainsaw]

Okay so...

The girlfriend dumped me for the 2nd time last week. The older I've gotten, the less these things have bothered me. Mostly b/c I'm at that age where sometimes, a relationship is the last fucking thing you want to deal with.

I'm 28, a recent dental school graduate, just bought a house, starting a practice, will be moving to a new town...etc. I work 80+ hours/week at a hospital currently and with all the aforementioned things, I did my absolute best to make certain that she still felt important in my life.

I will acknowledge that she was good to me for the most part, but she had an awful temper...I've never felt worse about myself than when I was with her (during the bad moments). The straw that broke the camels back was when she was pissed that I said I don't want to get married anytime soon and that's when I got the flush. (I know I'm not completely without fault...)

I've actually already been on a couple of dates within the week of being dumped...and it's nice to see the opportunities that are out there...

Here's where I think I've lost my friggin' mind....I still find myself hoping that she calls. She was my longest relationship (18 months)...so I know it's natural to miss that...but overall, I know we weren't going to work out. And like I said, when she got pissed at me, she got REALLY PiSSED at me...

Why when presented with sweet freedom do I find myself looking back at the prison walls thinking, "That wasn't so bad?" Anyone else like this?

[patsopinion]

Okay so...

The girlfriend dumped me for the 2nd time last week. The older I've gotten, the less these things have bothered me. Mostly b/c I'm at that age where sometimes, a relationship is the last fucking thing you want to deal with.

I'm 28, a recent dental school graduate, just bought a house, starting a practice, will be moving to a new town...etc. I work 80+ hours/week at a hospital currently and with all the aforementioned things, I did my absolute best to make certain that she still felt important in my life.

I will acknowledge that she was good to me for the most part, but she had an awful temper...I've never felt worse about myself than when I was with her (during the bad moments). The straw that broke the camels back was when she was pissed that I said I don't want to get married anytime soon and that's when I got the flush. (I know I'm not completely without fault...)

I've actually already been on a couple of dates within the week of being dumped...and it's nice to see the opportunities that are out there...

Here's where I think I've lost my friggin' mind....I still find myself hoping that she calls. She was my longest relationship (18 months)...so I know it's natural to miss that...but overall, I know we weren't going to work out. And like I said, when she got pissed at me, she got REALLY PiSSED at me...

Why when presented with sweet freedom do I find myself looking back at the prison walls thinking, "That wasn't so bad?" Anyone else like this?

i havent gone on a date... since saturday
but before that it was like months
your doing good buddy

[Fat_Sunny]

Why when presented with sweet freedom do I find myself looking back at the prison walls thinking, "That wasn't so bad?" Anyone else like this?

You Are Being Selfish. She Wants To Get Married, As All Women Her Age Want To Do. If You Do Not Want To Get Married, Then She Feels That Every Week She Spends With You Is Another Week She Will Not Find A Guy Who Actually Wants To Marry Her.

It's Over And For HER Sake Leave It That Way, So She Can Go And Find A Guy Willing To Commit!!

[Chainsaw]

You Are Being Selfish. She Wants To Get Married, As All Women Her Age Want To Do. If You Do Not Want To Get Married, Then She Feels That Every Week She Spends With You Is Another Week She Will Not Find A Guy Who Actually Wants To Marry Her.

It's Over And For HER Sake Leave It That Way, So She Can Go And Find A Guy Willing To Commit!!

A voice of reason....(Fez-a-torial voice) "THAAAAANK YOU!". I think I had more on my plate than she does, and she didn't ever put it as simply as you did. I did not want to get married in her time frame, and as a result, the firestorm ensued.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out that this isn't some manifestation of my Obsessive-compulsive Disorder or what when there was so many reasons to not keep the relationship going, and yet I found myself thinking, "I'd give it another shot if she wanted to." (Yech...I'm awful)

thanks for the replies

[SarahImpact]

Did you say that you didn't want to get married anytime soon because you were mad or did you really mean it? If you really meant it than your just going through normal withdrawals. You really need to step back and take a look at the relationship you had. If it was what you are looking for and you can see yourself with her forever, then maybe you should call and try and talk to her. But if for any reason you are not sure if you really could see yourself with her then let nature take it's course. Everything happens for a reason and maybe you needed to break up so that you could meet the girl of your dreams. Or maybe she was the girl, and the two of you need to really sit down and have a long talk about where you both want to be in the future and see if it can work.

Unfortunately this is one of those things that no one can answer but you. Of course I'm sure you knew all of this already, but sometimes when you're in the middle of a situation it helps to hear what you know from someone else.

[MrPink]

Women do not seem to quite understand the reasons we do not want to get married. You should have told her that you're young and still have alot to get done before you can actually settle down in one place.

[Chainsaw]

Did you say that you didn't want to get married anytime soon because you were mad or did you really mean it? If you really meant it than your just going through normal withdrawals. You really need to step back and take a look at the relationship you had. If it was what you are looking for and you can see yourself with her forever, then maybe you should call and try and talk to her. But if for any reason you are not sure if you really could see yourself with her then let nature take it's course. Everything happens for a reason and maybe you needed to break up so that you could meet the girl of your dreams. Or maybe she was the girl, and the two of you need to really sit down and have a long talk about where you both want to be in the future and see if it can work.

Unfortunately this is one of those things that no one can answer but you. Of course I'm sure you knew all of this already, but sometimes when you're in the middle of a situation it helps to hear what you know from someone else.

I wanted to get married when I was ready, meaning not going through all the crap that I am doing now. (On-call nights, changing towns, changing jobs, new house, etc). Simply put...I didn't want her or our marriage to come 2nd to anything. however, i'm at a selfish point in my life where I'm trying to do all these things so I can make her (or whomever) happy. i wanted to get all these things out of the way so I could focus on enjoying a relationship or marriage

I think you allude to a point which I need to consider...sometimes you get so deep into a situation that you need to take an objective step back and look at it from a distance. I think that way I'll be able to make a better decision..

thanks for the input...

[Chainsaw]

Women do not seem to quite understand the reasons we do not want to get married. You should have told her that you're young and still have alot to get done before you can actually settle down in one place.

And I was trying to get all these things done so I could be ready for marriage...it sucks when your heart is in the right place and you still end up getting crapped on...

[Justice4all]

Well I know a little bit about what you have going on in your life. I have two cousins I am close to. Both are medical grads, one of them did it from Dental school. His soon-to-be fiance` (we hope) also just graduated from dental school. He did what you wanted to do, finish with his internship and start with my dads practice (he is a dentist also...nice profession you chose!). My other cousin, the orthopedic surgeon, got married as he was just finished medical school, so it was tougher on him and his wife. But they got thru it.

You are not selfish when you want to establish some form of stability to give to yourself AND to her. I do totally see where you are coming from.

You wanted to have few distractions from the crap you have to do NOW so that when you are finished with your internship you can give the relationship and HER all the attention you felt she deserved.

Now, if you explained this to her and she STILL left then I would say that she is being selfish and wants everything NOW NOW NOW and was being a brat, if so her loss.

If you did not do this and she walked away thinking you did not care at all and just kept pushing her aside for reasons unknown then you have alot on you as far as blame goes.

Yes there are two sides to every argument and I am sure you are not perfect (as I and everyone else on this board is not perfect) but sometimes when people want what they want, they get impatient.

I get the feeling though she wanted it sooner then later and did not want to wait to make sure you were established in your profession. That is how is sounds to me.

You sound like a good guy and you certainly have a bright future. I say move on, find someone who will have less of a temper and will appreciate the fact you want to do for her as well as yourself.

Good luck buddy!

[Chainsaw]

Well I know a little bit about what you have going on in your life. I have two cousins I am close to. Both are medical grads, one of them did it from Dental school. His soon-to-be fiance` (we hope) also just graduated from dental school. He did what you wanted to do, finish with his internship and start with my dads practice (he is a dentist also...nice profession you chose!). My other cousin, the orthopedic surgeon, got married as he was just finished medical school, so it was tougher on him and his wife. But they got thru it.

You are not selfish when you want to establish some form of stability to give to yourself AND to her. I do totally see where you are coming from.

You wanted to have few distractions from the crap you have to do NOW so that when you are finished with your internship you can give the relationship and HER all the attention you felt she deserved.

Now, if you explained this to her and she STILL left then I would say that she is being selfish and wants everything NOW NOW NOW and was being a brat, if so her loss.

If you did not do this and she walked away thinking you did not care at all and just kept pushing her aside for reasons unknown then you have alot on you as far as blame goes.

Yes there are two sides to every argument and I am sure you are not perfect (as I and everyone else on this board is not perfect) but sometimes when people want what they want, they get impatient.

I get the feeling though she wanted it sooner then later and did not want to wait to make sure you were established in your profession. That is how is sounds to me.

You sound like a good guy and you certainly have a bright future. I say move on, find someone who will have less of a temper and will appreciate the fact you want to do for her as well as yourself.

Good luck buddy!

Thanks for the reply....everything you said has a LOT of truth to it.

My intentions were in the right place, I wasn't choosing work over her b/c I wanted to. She wanted things NOW, and I tried to explain that I thought it would be better LATER...

I should see this as an opportunity to get my feet underneath me so I'll be more set for the next girl.

This board rules! Thanks again

[nate1000]

One more thought:

If this chick would lose her mind and melt down on you as badly as you make it sound, could you imagine her raising your children? Kids have a way of testing your patience and it sounds like this broad might not handle that too well. How would you feel about this shrieking harpie tearing into your kids? Personally, I'd run like hell. And not look back.

[Chainsaw]

One more thought:

If this chick would lose her mind and melt down on you as badly as you make it sound, could you imagine her raising your children? Kids have a way of testing your patience and it sounds like this broad might not handle that too well. How would you feel about this shrieking harpie tearing into your kids? Personally, I'd run like hell. And not look back.

That's where I think I'm losing my mind...I'm so glad to be away from that, but I find myself missing her, or the "good times"...

This board has been a help...helps reel me back towards reality...

[guttersnipe]

...so I know it's natural to miss that...but overall, I know we weren't going to work out.

I think you've got your answer right there in your own words. Sounds like to me you weren't ready to marry this girl because -- despite the feelings you have for her -- you don't really think she's "the one." And maybe all that stuff about jobs and moving etc. is excuses you're making, probably subconsciously. I would bet that's the way she sees it, too, which is why it upset her so much.

And if she's not the one, move on and let her get over you.

[AgnosticJihad]

Okay so...

The girlfriend dumped me for the 2nd time last week. The older I've gotten, the less these things have bothered me. Mostly b/c I'm at that age where sometimes, a relationship is the last fucking thing you want to deal with.

I'm 28, a recent dental school graduate, just bought a house, starting a practice, will be moving to a new town...etc. I work 80+ hours/week at a hospital currently and with all the aforementioned things, I did my absolute best to make certain that she still felt important in my life.

I will acknowledge that she was good to me for the most part, but she had an awful temper...I've never felt worse about myself than when I was with her (during the bad moments). The straw that broke the camels back was when she was pissed that I said I don't want to get married anytime soon and that's when I got the flush. (I know I'm not completely without fault...)

I've actually already been on a couple of dates within the week of being dumped...and it's nice to see the opportunities that are out there...

Here's where I think I've lost my friggin' mind....I still find myself hoping that she calls. She was my longest relationship (18 months)...so I know it's natural to miss that...but overall, I know we weren't going to work out. And like I said, when she got pissed at me, she got REALLY PiSSED at me...

Why when presented with sweet freedom do I find myself looking back at the prison walls thinking, "That wasn't so bad?" Anyone else like this?

I dated a woman who sounds an awful lot like the girl you're describing for three years. Only difference was I hated her and I left her. Even though I'm the one who left, for months afterward I wished she would pick up the phone and call. This was mostly because she had a really tight snatch and I missed fucking it, but anyway, no you're not the only one who has experienced this feeling.

[Chainsaw]

[Fez voice] "THHAAANNNK YOU!" [/Fez voice]

[ShelleBink]

I'm probably the last person to ask about relationships, but I've noticed from my experience I find myself wanting to know more often than not were the relationship is going to go. I think by you being honest with her was probably for the best rather than you ending up deeper in a situation you'd rather not be in.

Good luck with the practice and such... I'm sure that will keep you busy ((not that you're not already)) and help you move on.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

You're Crazy

:king:

[sailor]

your feelings and hers were both totally normal.

and fs did you really need to use this as a chance to attack the poor lad?

[Death Metal Moe]

Tell her to suck a fat one, get her shit and get the fuck out. Life's too short to mess with that shit.

[Fat_Sunny]

your feelings and hers were both totally normal.

and fs did you really need to use this as a chance to attack the poor lad?


Huh? He Laid Out A Scenario And Fat Answered It Just As He Would Have If It Was A Dear Abby Letter: With His Best Assessment Of Reality.

The "Poor Lad" Answered F_S By Saying: "A voice of reason....(Fez-a-torial voice) "THAAAAANK YOU!". I think I had more on my plate than she does, and she didn't ever put it as simply as you did. I did not want to get married in her time frame, and as a result, the firestorm ensued.

Does That Sound Like He Got His Feelings Hurt? Do You Really Believe A 28-Year Old Man Would Be So Fragile?

Looks Like YOU Are The One Who Went On The Attack!

[sailor]

Huh? He Laid Out A Scenario And Fat Answered It Just As He Would Have If It Was A Dear Abby Letter: With His Best Assessment Of Reality.

The "Poor Lad" Answered F_S By Saying: "A voice of reason....(Fez-a-torial voice) "THAAAAANK YOU!". I think I had more on my plate than she does, and she didn't ever put it as simply as you did. I did not want to get married in her time frame, and as a result, the firestorm ensued.

Does That Sound Like He Got His Feelings Hurt? Do You Really Believe A 28-Year Old Man Would Be So Fragile?

Looks Like YOU Are The One Who Went On The Attack!

i stand by my assessment.

[ChimneyFish]

I don't think you're the only one to ever "look back at the prison walls". Trust me on that one.:smoke:

Personally, I think 28 is way to young to get married, unless you're both absolutely sure.

It sounds like your life is just starting. Don't rush it.

[Chainsaw]

This board and you guys rule....seriously.


The big thing I was worried about is that when you start to think about someone, you think it's "a sign" that their the one to be with. Like some cheesy movie...the realization would hit me and I'd be chasing her train that was leaving the station....

What makes this easier is that I was honest about everything. I think she'd be more pissed if I married her "just to make her happy".

I know there's a good amount of people out there who would have told me that I was crazy if I had actually gotten back together with her...

[MadMatt]

This board and you guys rule....seriously.


The big thing I was worried about is that when you start to think about someone, you think it's "a sign" that their the one to be with. Like some cheesy movie...the realization would hit me and I'd be chasing her train that was leaving the station....

What makes this easier is that I was honest about everything. I think she'd be more pissed if I married her "just to make her happy".

I know there's a good amount of people out there who would have told me that I was crazy if I had actually gotten back together with her...

Dude, your feelings are natural. I am divorced and even went so far as to get an annullment so I can marry somebody else, yet I still think about my Ex sometimes and wonder what else I could have done.

Don't get me wrong - I am happier than I have ever been and don't regret the divorce one iota, but its only natural to think about somebody that was such a large part of your life. I don't want to get back with her, yet there are still feelings of "what if we could have worked things out?"

You aren't crazy - you are just trying to be honest with yourself and your feelings.

[RogerPodacter]

I went thru something similar a few years ago, except i was with my chick for 6 years. we were 25 and she didnt have a ring on her finger and there wasnt any talk about it really. so she left. its was mutual, but her idea to split. she said it was time to "shit or get off the pot".

we were close for many years, and to women it all means little when the idea that they might not get married comes up. its THAT important to them. so dont worry too much. and yes, i still get those feelings like you are having about my ex'es. its normal. you're actually doing better than most. i was a mess for a while...

[FezPaul]

:tongue: i stand by my assessment.

You're starting to sound like Bronxmarc.

[sailor]

:tongue:

You're starting to sound like Bronxmarc.

fuck that cunt!