The "Dumbest thing you heard someone say today" Thread

[PapaBear]

I've been thinking about making this thread for a while, and I heard one today that I just can't let go.

***To keep things civil, this is not things someone posted on the board. It's things you heard in "the real world".***


Co-worker #1: I'm going to start working for Hanover Chips.

Co-worker #2: Isn't Hanover kind of far away from here?

Co-worker #1: It's just Maryland. That's not very far.

Co-worker #2: Dude... Hanover is in Pennsylvania.

Co-worker #1: But isn't Pennsylvania in Maryland?

[Jinxed]

Wow, that is stupid...

New Employee: "How long do we get for lunch?"

Me: "A half hour. It's from 12 to 12:30"

New Employee: "Well if I leave at 11:30, can I take an hour?"

[Marc with a c]

great time killer and pretty funny website about the morons we live amongst

http://overheardinnewyork.com/

[sailor]

great time killer and pretty funny website about the morons we live amongst

http://overheardinnewyork.com/

yeah, gotta love that site

[mikeyboy]

Me ordering something over the phone several years back:

Operator: What's the address?

Me: 1234 Mockingbird Lane

Operator: City?

Me: Washington, DC

Operator: What state?

Me: No state. Just DC.

Operator: DC isn't a state.

Me: I know. Just put DC in the state field.

Operator: Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

very close to 1313 Mockingbird Lane

Is

http://naproom.mu.nu/pics/hermanmunster.jpg

Your Neighbor

[sailor]

Me ordering something over the phone several years back:

Operator: What's the address?

Me: 1234 Mockingbird Lane

Operator: City?

Me: Washington, DC

Operator: What state?

Me: No state. Just DC.

Operator: DC isn't a state.

Me: I know. Just put DC in the state field.

Operator: Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

nice, reminds me of trying to order some books for the bookstore i used to work at.

her: what state?

me: new york

her: what city?

me: new york, you might have heard of it.

her: wait, you said that was the state.

me: yes, it's both.

her: i don't see any new york city in new york state. are you sure?

me: pretty sure.

mind you, this was a major company that we ordered from ALL the time.

[RogerPodacter]

"if it weren't for my horse, i wouldnt have spent that year in college..."


Lewis Black

Guess my post doesnt exactly fit in with the thread topic. but its ha ha funny.

[PapaBear]

Same day as the PA/MD incident...

We received an employment application. I'm guessing, the proper job title would be, "Order Taker" or "Phone Personnel". Since the position is always filled by "girls", we tend to refer to them as "Phone Girls".


This is what she wrote in the "Position Desired" section of the application....

Call Girl

[weekapaugjz]

you are into me a lot more than i like you...

[Chainsaw]

you are into me a lot more than i like you...



Week: we'll get you through this buddy...

This week at work:

Me: "You haven't had a period in awhile"
Patient: "No, not in about 8 months."
Me: "Do you think you could be pregnant?"
Patient: "No"
Me: "Why?"
Patient: "My mom says that I'm still going through changes and that my period won't always be regular"
Me: "M'am, you're eight months pregnant"
Patient: "How do you know?"
Me: "I'm holding the results from your pregnancy test...."

I thought my brain was going to dissolve and run out of my ears and nose this chick was so stupid...

[cougarjake13]

Week: we'll get you through this buddy...

This week at work:

Me: "You haven't had a period in awhile"
Patient: "No, not in about 8 months."
Me: "Do you think you could be pregnant?"
Patient: "No"
Me: "Why?"
Patient: "My mom says that I'm still going through changes and that my period won't always be regular"
Me: "M'am, you're eight months pregnant"
Patient: "How do you know?"
Me: "I'm holding the results from your pregnancy test...."

I thought my brain was going to dissolve and run out of my ears and nose this chick was so stupid...

sad thing is she's procreating

[J.Clints]

nice, reminds me of trying to order some books for the bookstore i used to work at.

her: what state?

me: new york

her: what city?

me: new york, you might have heard of it.

her: wait, you said that was the state.

me: yes, it's both.

her: i don't see any new york city in new york state. are you sure?

me: pretty sure.

mind you, this was a major company that we ordered from ALL the time.

http://www.fullblownaids.com/forums/images/smilies/oztard.gif

[Jinxed]

sad thing is she's procreating

Yep, we all need a license to drive, but anyone can have a baby. And we all know the douche bags make 'em faster than the rest of us... Oh wait, I am a douche bag... I gotta get fuckin'!

[DarkHippie]

nice, reminds me of trying to order some books for the bookstore i used to work at.

her: what state?

me: new york

her: what city?

me: new york, you might have heard of it.

her: wait, you said that was the state.

me: yes, it's both.

her: i don't see any new york city in new york state. are you sure?

me: pretty sure.

mind you, this was a major company that we ordered from ALL the time.

I call shenanighans, no one can be that stupid. Even the lowest fucntioning retarded guys that I teach know that new york is in new york.

[sailor]

I call shenanighans, no one can be that stupid. Even the lowest fucntioning retarded guys that I teach know that new york is in new york.

i swear on whatever you want that it's true. the convo went on for like 10 more minutes, then i had her try under manhattan and that did the trick. she had a very midwestern accent.

[undressa]

I remember a long time ago on howard stern, when tori spelling was asked what the capital of new york was and she said
new jersey!

[sailor]

I call shenanighans, no one can be that stupid. Even the lowest fucntioning retarded guys that I teach know that new york is in new york.

btw, aren't you going to reload your avatar?

[Fat_Sunny]

I remember a long time ago on howard stern, when tori spelling was asked what the capital of new york was and she said
new jersey!

That Reminds Fat Of A Headline In The Enquirer Or Star About 15 Years Ago: Sonny Says Cher So Dumb She Thought The Moon Was The Other Side Of The Sun".

Now That Is Dumb!

[lleeder]

Same day as the PA/MD incident...

We received an employment application. I'm guessing, the proper job title would be, "Order Taker" or "Phone Personnel". Since the position is always filled by "girls", we tend to refer to them as "Phone Girls".


This is what she wrote in the "Position Desired" section of the application....

Call Girl

Hired

[reillyluck]

went to liberty state park today

Friend: "Is that the real statue of liberty?"

Me: "youre an idiot."

[lleeder]

went to liberty state park today

Friend: "Is that the real statue of liberty?"

Me: "youre an idiot."

Was it?

[PapaBear]

Tonight, a coworker said his grandson was going to be going to one of those "Hallelujah Celebrations" that churches put on instead of Halloween. I told him those things were so stupid, because there was nothing "evil" about Halloween. He says, "You know how it started, don't you?".

I told him it didn't matter what Halloween ever meant in the past, because it's just a day where kids dress up and get candy.. nothing more. Then I challenged him to name a single Christian holiday that wasn't a take-over of a Pagan one. First thing he blurts out is Christmas.

I told him Jesus wasn't born on December 25th. He said I am the only person on the planet who doesn't think Jesus was born on December 25th.:wallbash: I'm thinking about printing up some stuff that could set him straight, but he probably wouldn't read it. Instead, I think I just might ask him to show me the passage in the Bible that says he was.

[midwestjeff]

You work with Earl?

[tele7]

My friends from Colorado call it the "Harvest Festival". :sad:

[PapaBear]

The same guy once told me he heard THIS STORY (http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/accidentsmishaps/a/barrel_bricks.htm) on the radio. He said that a Preacher was on the radio telling the story, and how the incident had happened to a friend of the Preacher. I told my dad (who is 77) about it, and he said he'd heard that myth since he was a little boy.

When I told the coworker this, he replied "It MUST be true. A Preacher told the story. HE WOULDN'T LIE!"

[Fezticle98]

I told him Jesus wasn't born on December 25th. He said I am the only person on the planet who doesn't think Jesus was born on December 25th.:wallbash: I'm thinking about printing up some stuff that could set him straight, but he probably wouldn't read it. Instead, I think I just might ask him to show me the passage in the Bible that says he was.

Any idiot knows that December 25th is Santa Claus' birthday.

[PapaBear]

So, this idiot kid at work likes John McCain. I refuse to discuss politics with him, because he's such an uninformed moron. Anyway... He changed my login name on the work computer to McCain. No biggie. I don't care. But here's the conversation we had tonight.

Idiot: Hey. Are you McCain?
Me: Are you Palin?
Idiot: Who's that?
Me: You mean to tell me, you're a John McCain supporter, and you don't know who Palin is?
Idiot: Oh. That girl?

[midwestjeff]

So, this idiot kid at work likes John McCain. I refuse to discuss politics with him, because he's such an uninformed moron. Anyway... He changed my login name on the work computer to McCain. No biggie. I don't care. But here's the conversation we had tonight.

Idiot: Hey. Are you McCain?
Me: Are you Palin?
Idiot: Who's that?
Me: You mean to tell me, you're a John McCain supporter, and you don't know who Palin is?
Idiot: Oh. That girl?

I had sort of an opposite situation tonight at a book store. These fucking douches in front of me started a convo with the clerks about how dumb Palin was and how she is connected to some preacher that fucked babies or something. I'm not a political minded person so I could care less but these "in-the-know" people were fucking retarded. I am not proving they were retarded but believe me, the convo was so juvenile. "She's dumb". "Yep."

No.

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS!!!

On a side note, just because it is the closest bookstore to home does not mean it is worth the trip. It was in a mall, I should have known.


Yes, I'm posting from Tennessee. :surrender:

[PapaBear]

On the bright side, I gave everyone a good laugh when, as we were watching the stupid guy and another idiot bumble over their duties tonight, I started doing the Yakety Sax song (Benny Hill Theme).

[GreatAmericanZero]

i went to college in Albany, but during summer/winter vacations i'd work in this independently run video store in Freeport, Long Island

After I graduated my family was moving out of the house i grew up with, so i held the video store job til we all moved. When i was a college graduate, the owner of this video store said to me "so what are you planning on doing with your life"

i said, "i don't know, i figure i'll get out there...test the waters"

and he goes, "really? so you did a lot of environmental studies?"

and i just stared at him dumbfounded'





i thought i was literally getting out there to "test the water"..like for pollution and stuff

what a retard

[midwestjeff]

i went to college in Albany, but during summer/winter vacations i'd work in this independently run video store in Freeport, Long Island
After I graduated my family was moving out of the house i grew up with, so i held the video store job til we all moved. When i was a college graduate, the owner of this video store said to me "so what are you planning on doing with your life"
i said, "i don't know, i figure i'll get out there...test the waters"
and he goes, "really? so you did a lot of environmental studies?"
and i just stared at him dumbfounded'
i thought i was literally getting out there to "test the water"..like for pollution and stuff
what a retard

Ha. I almost spit out a mouthful of beer.
This reminded me of when I told my friend's dad that I wanted to be a vet.
I was 11 and staying the night at their house, enjoying a nice KFC dinner with their family.
Classy, right?
He fucking goes, "Oh that's great. What branch of the military do you want to join?"

Jesus dude, stop projecting, I wanted to alter dogs. I was so uncomfortable.

[weekapaugjz]

"im drinking southern comfort"

[midwestjeff]

I SAID, "Go fuck yo'self".

And to think, I was gonna bump the late night thread. :nono:

[weekapaugjz]

I SAID, "Go fuck yo'self".

oh, ill do that later. gotta keep myself occupied at work.

And to think, I was gonna bump the late night thread. :nono:

ill leave that to papabear, he's good for that.

[midwestjeff]

All I am saying is that if it was good enough for Janis then it is good enough for me.

So try just a little bit harder to understand before you get down on me.

[weekapaugjz]

All I am saying is that if it was good enough for Janis then it is good enough for me.

So try just a little bit harder to understand before you get down on me.

now i understand. you both have vaginas.

[midwestjeff]

now i understand. you both have vaginas.

If you're trying to get in my pants, you're going about it all wrong.

I'm drinking Coors Light now, so fuck off.

It's the wide mouth can, I can relate to that.

[weekapaugjz]

I'm drinking Coors Light now, so fuck off.


you're not making your case any stronger.

[midwestjeff]

As I look up at the sky
My mind starts trippin, a tear drops my eye
My body temperature falls
I'm shakin and they breakin tryin to save the Dogg
Pumpin on my chest and I'm screamin
I stop breathin, damn I see deamons
Dear God, I wonder can ya save me
I can't die Boo-Boo's bout to have my baby
I think it's too late for prayin, hold up
A voice spoke to me and it slowly started sayin
"Bring your lifestyle to me I'll make it better"
How long will I live?
"Eternal life and forever"
And will I be, the G that I was?
"I'll make your life better than you can imagine or even dreamed of
So relax your soul, let me take control
Close your eyes my son"
My eyes are closed

Murder... murder was the case that they gave me
Murder... murder was the case that they gave me

[mikeyboy]

Maybe we could provide a separate forum that could be a private room for you two.

[weekapaugjz]

Maybe we could provide a separate forum that could be a private room for you two.

yeah, but there would probably just be jiz all over the place.

[midwestjeff]

Maybe we could provide a separate forum that could be a private room for you two.

Way to bash the only thread being posted in because your members/membership are/is weak.

And he's right, give us a forum and we will cum all over it.

[Mullenax]

Friend looks at a BBQ sign in a parking lot.
"What does Barbeque stand for?"

Some people don't know that WV has been a separate state from VA since the civil war. I've had arguments with customer service people who want to know where exactly in Western Virginia I want something shipped, and then tell me that the zip code doesn't work because they're entering VA as the state abbreviation, or that they can't find that city in VA.