Need some outside advice

[jpser]

So I'm pretty much just a lurker around here, I think I only have one post before this, but I need some outside advice about my girlfriend situation. I've been dating this girl who I'm really into for a little over 4 months now. When we first started dating she couldn't get enough of being around me, she was over 5-6 nights a week, now I'm lucky if I get to see her 1 or 2 times a week. She barely touches me now, I'm not talking about sex, which by the way we haven't had in over a month, but pretty much no touching of any sort, the only contact I really have with her is when I get a kiss goodbye when she goes home, and most of the time that is just a peck on the lips. Recently she has been hanging out with her friends a lot, who are all guys, getting drunk and what not, when I ask if I can go to a party with her friends and her so I can at least formally meet these guys, she says she wants to just spend time with them with me not around. However, when I bring any of this up to her as a concern, she tells me how much she loves me and only wants to be with me. She also about every three weeks , or even more like two recently, almost stops talking to me completely, saying things like it is all on her side and I am not doing anything wrong. Any advice from my dumb friends is always to just get rid of the girl, and not be tied down to anyone, so I can't really get any decent advice concerning relationships. Any advice you guys could give would be new and appreciated. A few other things, I am 25, she is 19. We work together.

[mdr55]

You could always be friends.


You only see her once or twice a week outside of work or during work?


Enjoy the ride while it last.


Doesn't look like it's going to last. You're relationship is running out of gas.


Read the signs. Then make a left.

[jetdog]

End it now. I'm not being a smartass. i have no idea who you are, but I went through almost the same thing, I heard the "I just want to hang out with my friends" bit....and believe me it is a bit. Take off now, cut your losses. No joke, it fucking hurt when I went throught it, and she tried to get back with me for months, but she didn't know what she wanted and she didn't have the maturity to not put me through her identity crisis.
End it, it's an open wound and it needs to heal.

[Justice4all]

yea that's pretty much my assesment also.
She is just trying to push you away. Odds are she found herself a new guy and wants to just go with him.
Women at that age (and guys too) are usually cowards when it comes to confronting their significant others and say "I just want to be single again" or however you do the breakup.

When a woman does not even want to shwo you affection and spends less and less time with you, it means she is trying to not see you anymore.


Sorry bro...good luck

[sailor]

Women at that age (and guys too) are usually cowards when it comes to confronting their significant others


good point. i went out with a 19 year old when i was older and it was fun while it lasted, then she just stopped responding to calls and email. it was like i didn't care if we were broken up, i just wanted to know one way or the other.

[furie]

well, as I see it you have two options.
If you're looking to save what little you have with her, try to set up a special or big date. take her someplace nice or romantic.
if she says no, dump her and move on.
option two is dump her now

[jpser]

Thanks for all the advice buddies, here's the newest update on the whole situation. Last night she said she couldn't spend any time with me because she was too tired from the night before, when she went to another party with her friends, and she had to take her brother bowling and was going to bed after that. Well, she didn't get home til 2:30 and when I asked her about it she said she was babysitting. Then I see all her friends saying how great of a night they had on her myspace this morning, so I call her up and confront her on it, and she decides we need a "break". I told her if she wants a break she might as well just break up with me, because honestly I don't see the point of pretending to still be together, when you are technically broken up. She insists it's only a break and hung up, so looks like it's over anyway. I don't mind her wanting to break up, it'll actually be kind of a relief as opposed to the way she's been acting, but I wish she would just be honest with me and herself. Sorry I rambled on so much, but it's pretty much over now. Thanks again.

[jetdog]

Yeah it's over. that's a really piss-poor, imature way to handle it on her part. it makes me ill that she is so capable of lying like that, but this story is all to familiar to me, so far it is exactly the same thing that happened with a girlfreind years ago. If it keeps playing out the same way, you can expect to hear from her in a few weeks or so wanting you back. My advice, move on, find another fling as quick as possible.

[jpser]

Yeah, I have a feeling she's gonna go fool around a few times, come back to me and say it was just a break and act like everything will be fine again. But, I'm done, just wish I would have done something about this sooner. As for a fling, we'll see, I work a lot, which is gonna be awkward with her there but I will be civil, but maybe in a week or two I'll start goin out again to find some kind of chick to at least spend a little time with. Thanks again, glad to see I wasn't being crazy thinking this situation wasn't normal.

[sailor]

young gals stink. nowg go have some fun on the other threads...

[lleeder]

Thanks for all the advice buddies, here's the newest update on the whole situation. Last night she said she couldn't spend any time with me because she was too tired from the night before, when she went to another party with her friends, and she had to take her brother bowling and was going to bed after that. Well, she didn't get home til 2:30 and when I asked her about it she said she was babysitting. Then I see all her friends saying how great of a night they had on her myspace this morning, so I call her up and confront her on it, and she decides we need a "break". I told her if she wants a break she might as well just break up with me, because honestly I don't see the point of pretending to still be together, when you are technically broken up. She insists it's only a break and hung up, so looks like it's over anyway. I don't mind her wanting to break up, it'll actually be kind of a relief as opposed to the way she's been acting, but I wish she would just be honest with me and herself. Sorry I rambled on so much, but it's pretty much over now. Thanks again.

Awww thats nothing I want to hear from my chick if I wasn't with her.

[Chainsaw]

what you were witnessing were all the classic signs of the girl pulling out of the relationship...getting some emotional distance so then it's easier to break up. Best thing to do is to know the signs, and beat them to the punch.

Plus, it's also my opinion that the majority of girls really don't "settle down" or figure out the relationship side of themselves until their mid-twenties AT THE EARLIEST. a 19-year-old is great for a lot of reasons, but it is a pretty futile exercise to ask them to operate on a 25 y.o. maturity level as far as relationships go.

I remember a girl I was dating when I was that age cheating on me with another guy b/c she needed to "test her love for me"...between the tears and big boobs, I almost bought it...

[reeshy]

Just take a walk and look for someone else!!!!

[jpser]

Hey folks sorry to bump this, just wanted to say how right a lot of you were, esp jetdog. First off she told me she cheated on me with her "best friend", who i was to trust with lookin out for her, so we were definitely done then, a few days later she admits to cheating 2 other times with 2 different guys. Again, we were done at this point already so I think she just told me to piss me off. Then she started rambling on about getting back together, but she has to be able to have her fun, called her a whore, didn't talk for a week or so and now just as jetdog said she's coming back talking about how much she loves me. Not getting back with her, but I have to be civil to her at work still. The only new chick is an even older ex who is crazy as hell, who hates this last chick and won't leave me alone, which is almost just as bad. So think I'll be alone for a bit til I can find one that isn't bat-shit crazy, or a whore. Sorry again to ramble on just wanted to say how right you guys were.

[epo]

Hey folks sorry to bump this, just wanted to say how right a lot of you were, esp jetdog. First off she told me she cheated on me with her "best friend", who i was to trust with lookin out for her, so we were definitely done then, a few days later she admits to cheating 2 other times with 2 different guys. Again, we were done at this point already so I think she just told me to piss me off. Then she started rambling on about getting back together, but she has to be able to have her fun, called her a whore, didn't talk for a week or so and now just as jetdog said she's coming back talking about how much she loves me. Not getting back with her, but I have to be civil to her at work still. The only new chick is an even older ex who is crazy as hell, who hates this last chick and won't leave me alone, which is almost just as bad. So think I'll be alone for a bit til I can find one that isn't bat-shit crazy, or a whore. Sorry again to ramble on just wanted to say how right you guys were.

You see like you'll be fine. Plus there is nothing wrong with being alone for awhile. I've gone thru a few phases like that & they make me assess myself and what the fuck I'm doing with my life.

Good luck man.

[Sweet_Ness]

Yeah, I have a feeling she's gonna go fool around a few times, come back to me and say it was just a break and act like everything will be fine again. But, I'm done, just wish I would have done something about this sooner. As for a fling, we'll see, I work a lot, which is gonna be awkward with her there but I will be civil, but maybe in a week or two I'll start goin out again to find some kind of chick to at least spend a little time with. Thanks again, glad to see I wasn't being crazy thinking this situation wasn't normal.


Here's the problem...she behaved so badly that she wants you to dump her so YOU look like the bad guy. Woman are such cunts (believe me I know I'm one) Don't call her back and move on....she's driftwood

[sailor]

Hey folks sorry to bump this, just wanted to say how right a lot of you were, esp jetdog. First off she told me she cheated on me with her "best friend", who i was to trust with lookin out for her, so we were definitely done then, a few days later she admits to cheating 2 other times with 2 different guys. Again, we were done at this point already so I think she just told me to piss me off. Then she started rambling on about getting back together, but she has to be able to have her fun, called her a whore, didn't talk for a week or so and now just as jetdog said she's coming back talking about how much she loves me. Not getting back with her, but I have to be civil to her at work still. The only new chick is an even older ex who is crazy as hell, who hates this last chick and won't leave me alone, which is almost just as bad. So think I'll be alone for a bit til I can find one that isn't bat-shit crazy, or a whore. Sorry again to ramble on just wanted to say how right you guys were.

now go have some fun in the other threads and make friends with some of the other kids.