Jinxed
05-05-2007, 10:14 AM
I heard a song yesterday with the following line:
"Do she have kids?"
The magically enticing storyline that leads up to this spectacular sentence is one of a "man" explaining his new girl to another "man" who begins to ask question about said "woman". So interested was this man in his friends happiness that his questions become emotionally charged as he delves deeper into the intricacies of the new found love. And what else, I ask, could be more important to know of a man's new woman than, "Do she have kids"?
The name of this masterpiece? "Same Girl" (I blocked out the name of the artist, permanently, in my head.)
Yes, as it turns out the new woman is a ho and the same girl the other man is fucking... Just a ho that wonders from bar to bar looking for men to lie to, then sleep with. What else is there to do after finding this out than to write a really, really bad song about it?
Now of course there are endless lines throughout the song that I could have quoted, as I'm sure you can well imagine, but this particular one stood out from the rest. "Why", you ask... Because I am baffled at the shear laziness and/or stupidity it takes to replace a one syllable word, with a different, incorrect, one syllable word. Exactly what effort is saved by replacing "Does" with "Do"? After all, when you "speak" a word, you do not have to spell it. (That I am aware of.) So with exactly zero extra effort, one could say, "Does she have kids?" but instead, this musical talent actually "shortens" it to "Do she have kids?" further making himself sound like a complete retard.
Let's take an imaginary line of text... Actually, now that I am writing it, I guess it is no longer imaginary, but I digress... Let's say, "Doesn't she look finer than a frog's hair?" I suppose you could shorten that to, "Don’t she look finer than a frog's hair?" thus saving all the sweat of pushing out the extra syllable. But why stop there? Let's go further...
"She be finer than a frog's hair! Ain't she?"
Now of course the added, "Ain't she?" might cause throat blistering, so let's work on it a little further.
"Ain't she the shit like some toad ass?"
Good, but still very lengthy and bound to cause audible distortion as one shoves the endless, complicated words and syllables past the pallet. So much work to be done...
"Ain't the bitch tote'n fine like a hairy swamp thing?
Again, fun to say, but entirely too long. Let's try again...
"Check it! Bitch be fine like frog fuzz!"
Not bad, not bad at all... But I believe the final result from the likes of the pure genius that wrote "Same Girl" could be more like this...
"Bitch like frog hair, no?"
Yes, this is the line that needs to be used in place of that cumbersome original that had us choking with all that lip, tongue, and jaw movement.
Well, now that I've ranted about all the bad language out there, I thought it might be fun, if you so desire to take a stab at it, to take a well written line from one of your favorite songs or line of text from a favorite book and see just how short you can make it and still get the point across. Remember, the less proper the English, the better.... Or should I say, "Bad words be bitchin!"
And... GO!
"Do she have kids?"
The magically enticing storyline that leads up to this spectacular sentence is one of a "man" explaining his new girl to another "man" who begins to ask question about said "woman". So interested was this man in his friends happiness that his questions become emotionally charged as he delves deeper into the intricacies of the new found love. And what else, I ask, could be more important to know of a man's new woman than, "Do she have kids"?
The name of this masterpiece? "Same Girl" (I blocked out the name of the artist, permanently, in my head.)
Yes, as it turns out the new woman is a ho and the same girl the other man is fucking... Just a ho that wonders from bar to bar looking for men to lie to, then sleep with. What else is there to do after finding this out than to write a really, really bad song about it?
Now of course there are endless lines throughout the song that I could have quoted, as I'm sure you can well imagine, but this particular one stood out from the rest. "Why", you ask... Because I am baffled at the shear laziness and/or stupidity it takes to replace a one syllable word, with a different, incorrect, one syllable word. Exactly what effort is saved by replacing "Does" with "Do"? After all, when you "speak" a word, you do not have to spell it. (That I am aware of.) So with exactly zero extra effort, one could say, "Does she have kids?" but instead, this musical talent actually "shortens" it to "Do she have kids?" further making himself sound like a complete retard.
Let's take an imaginary line of text... Actually, now that I am writing it, I guess it is no longer imaginary, but I digress... Let's say, "Doesn't she look finer than a frog's hair?" I suppose you could shorten that to, "Don’t she look finer than a frog's hair?" thus saving all the sweat of pushing out the extra syllable. But why stop there? Let's go further...
"She be finer than a frog's hair! Ain't she?"
Now of course the added, "Ain't she?" might cause throat blistering, so let's work on it a little further.
"Ain't she the shit like some toad ass?"
Good, but still very lengthy and bound to cause audible distortion as one shoves the endless, complicated words and syllables past the pallet. So much work to be done...
"Ain't the bitch tote'n fine like a hairy swamp thing?
Again, fun to say, but entirely too long. Let's try again...
"Check it! Bitch be fine like frog fuzz!"
Not bad, not bad at all... But I believe the final result from the likes of the pure genius that wrote "Same Girl" could be more like this...
"Bitch like frog hair, no?"
Yes, this is the line that needs to be used in place of that cumbersome original that had us choking with all that lip, tongue, and jaw movement.
Well, now that I've ranted about all the bad language out there, I thought it might be fun, if you so desire to take a stab at it, to take a well written line from one of your favorite songs or line of text from a favorite book and see just how short you can make it and still get the point across. Remember, the less proper the English, the better.... Or should I say, "Bad words be bitchin!"
And... GO!