horribly uncomfortable in public

[MHasegawa]

this past weekend I headed to starland ballroom for a show since me and my friend had nothing better to do, my doctor told me i needed to meet new people and socialize. 10 minutes into the show I really started to feel panicky and i had to leave before I made a fool of myself and freak out, I walked outta the venue after paying 20 bucks just to get in and stayed in the car for about 3 hours.

The whole time I couldnt have been more pissed off at myself for breaking down, I thought I was better than this and I really believed I was improving but this social fear just wont go away and I have no idea how to overcome this. I really dont wanna become a hermit and never leave my house because its just going to make me even more lonely and depressed.

What Im getting at is- is there anyone on here who has gone through anything similar to what Im going through, and if so how did you break through and open up to others?

[OneEyeJack]

perhaps most people are introvert, you alittle or alot more than others. you retreat to your car to avoid that panic feeling. Ive done that also to calm down .maybe you could take a few shots of alcohol (not alot) just enough to less inhibited. go to the board parties and say who you are. they probably will know your problem and couldnt care less. do you know how many misfits show up at these events? you,ll feel right at home.

[Furtherman]

Sounds like you don't like your self image. Get to the gym, see a nutritionist and get in shape. Once you like what you see in the mirror, it will reflect onto others. When you have confidence, you'll have an easier time meeting people, as well as people will want to meet you.

[thelyonhart]

I had severe social and generalized panic disorder, alot like you are describing, and i sitll struggle with it, but, not to toot the horn of the pharm industry, a combination of paxil and therapy worked for me. The paxil calms the physical reactions associated with anxiety enough for the work you do in therapy to really take hold and be tested without panic attacks. If you have tried a med in the past and it iddnt work for you, dont let it put you off meds, just try something different, everyone has different chemistries, like, my sister has similar issues and serzone worked for her, but for me, serzone didnt work but paxil did.

But basically, drugs arent the long term answer, i'm not on paxil anymore, but i used it to shut my anxiety up long enough for me to learn and experiement with social situations, and reprogram my brain, then when i came off the paxil, i found i didnt have the same reactions any more.

Either way, don't worry, everything is gonna be okay, and you'll figure it out

[Justice4all]

this past weekend I headed to starland ballroom for a show since me and my friend had nothing better to do, my doctor told me i needed to meet new people and socialize. 10 minutes into the show I really started to feel panicky and i had to leave before I made a fool of myself and freak out, I walked outta the venue after paying 20 bucks just to get in and stayed in the car for about 3 hours.

The whole time I couldnt have been more pissed off at myself for breaking down, I thought I was better than this and I really believed I was improving but this social fear just wont go away and I have no idea how to overcome this. I really dont wanna become a hermit and never leave my house because its just going to make me even more lonely and depressed.

What Im getting at is- is there anyone on here who has gone through anything similar to what Im going through, and if so how did you break through and open up to others?

Manny it sounds like what you are going thru is VERY serious. If you are not talking to a therapist I would suggest you start doing that now. You started by opening up to us right here and now you have to keep that going.

I know what it feels like to me smothered in a crowd. I was like that too at one point. I did not want to go anywhere or do anything.
It take alot of time and effort but you will get past it. If you need to talk to someone you know how to get in touch with me.

Good luck buddy!

[ChimneyFish]

I'm not going to give you advice, as the way I deal with it is not a very good way to take care of it, but I just wanted to let you know, along with me, you're definitely not alone in this. It's one of the things that has kept me form making a show event, not to mention hang out with my own friends.

[K.C.]

I used to feel that way when I first started going out, but I got over it to the point where I almost feel too comfortable in public.

A few successful times of just having a good time and interacting with people is the only way to really cure it and build up your confidence about it. The best way to do that is by setting up a few 'controlled' situations where you're less likely to panic.

My suggestion is to work yourself into it all by just hanging out with groups of your friends, or if not friends, at least people you know, and maybe have them bring along friends you don't know, so there's a some people there you can try and get to know, and you can kind of get a handle for interacting with strangers a few at a time that way. That can be a lot less nerve-racking that just throwing yourself into a scene with a ton of strangers, but at the same time, it's good for kind of helping your confidence.

And then gradually, you start to feel more comfortable about those situations and before you know it, you just start interacting fairly well with everyone.

Although, I wouldn't discount the fact that there are people that just aren't wired to deal with those type of situations...I suppose that's always a possibility.

But the best solution, I find is getting a few positive experiences under my belt...I've seen a few of my friends who seemed very awkward in public social situations kind of help themselves that way.

So put yourself in situations where you're going to feel comfortable, and gradually work your way up.

As for alcohol, it kind of works and it kind of doesn't...you definitely feel more comfortable if you've been drinking a lot, but you never really learn how to interact when you're going out hammered all the time, so when you finally go out sober, you just feel as awkward as you used to. It's great fun for just hanging in bars, but people at some point have to learn how to interact soberly, too.

[Furtherman]

I used to feel that way when I first started going out, but I got over it to the point where I almost feel too comfortable in public.

You got arrested for streaking too?

[sr71blackbird]

Manny, if your having problems with social situations, why did you go to a concert? I think they want you to start small and move up to larger crowds as you master this. Dont give up, just try less crowded situations. Go to stores, and chit chat with the help like a clothing store or whatever. Then move onto malls, and try talking to cell phone guys or whatever, and move up gradually from there. Practice when you can. If you are in a waiting room, start talking to someone else waiting. Look for common ground. In waiting rooms, basically people are there for the same reason, and they are easier to approach and it is a captive audience. Just dont try hitting on anyone at this point.. Ease into it. Good luck!

[K.C.]

You got arrested for streaking too?

you know...you know :)

I also may or may not have publicly urinated on the International Studies building down on my campus which I think technically could have gotten me locked up for a hate crime.

Just like East Side Dave pissing on the Israeli embassy, I was a victim of circumstance...when you have to go, you have to go.

[ppanda]

I am going to be honest. I have serious social anxiety but I dont realize it until the last moment.
An example and appropriate for this forumn is the first time I went to a R&F event. I consider myself friendly with a bunch of people on this board- however never met them. AngelAmy convinced me to go to Fez's B-day at Bar 9. So I went solo to the bar- not actually knowing anyone except for their board names.
While waiting at the bar and as the minutes went by it seemed like hours. I caught myslef drinking pretty fast to calm my nerves. But I was happy I stuck around. I met a lot of people and I would feel increasingly comfortable the more times I meet people.
My advice is to be strong and live through it. I think subconciously I feel people are highly judgemental of me- which probably on a outside perspective they are not.

I learned a hard lesson in my past where I would show up to parties and be very introverted and huddle in a corner by myself...everyone thought I was a dick and had an attitude.

I can also suggest in a social situation- just jump in- dont be a spectator. You may feel nervous at first but that is normal because you are expecting people to accept you and they will if you make an effort.
Think about it like getting in a pool..you dip your toe in and it seems cold..but if you just jump in the water seems warm in seconds and you are comfy.

[mdr55]

Small steps man. Your doctor told you to go out and meet new people, I'm not exactly sure how big the place you went to is but I don't think you doctor meant to go out in a big crowd like that. I believe that the technical term for what you did is called "flooding". To overcome a specific fear or ailment one bombards themselves with what they are afraid of or fear. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It seems for you it increased your anxiety. Start in small steps and work your way up. I'm not sure what you have (social anxiety, fear of crowds?). Maybe it's your perception. Do you go to work? the movies? grocery shopping? board events? Self help meetings? a small party among friends? casinoes? There's a social setting basically everywhere. Start out small and work your way up. Buld up your positive self image little by little.