Didn't Get A Wedding Gift.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Preface: Everyone who attended my wedding was very generous for what they could afford; this post concerns no one at RonFez.net, my family or Liz's family.

A friend of mine who attended the wedding didn't give us a gift. Now, this person is very, very nice. A complete sweetheart. He's got a good upbringing; he always does the right thing. He's also attended a lot of weddings, so he knows the score.

While compiling the database for thank yous, we both noticed that he didn't give us a gift. Now, this guy made a point of seeking me out to say goodbye, and I can't remember if he gave me an envelope or Liz an envelope - and he watched as another person at his table handed me an envelope. Since I was a little tipsy, I can't remember if he told me that we were going to get something later or what.

I'm terrified that he gave us a gift card or cash and it's lost/stolen, but I'm also trying to figure out how to handle this situation.

I don't know if I should call him directly, if I should reach out to a friend of his who came to the wedding, or what to do.

It's a really awkward situation.

Anybody?

[johnniewalker]

What's wrong with just saying thanks for coming in a general way? I don't think it would hurt the person's feelings. He probably knows you have hundreds of these things to write out.

[Tenbatsuzen]

What's wrong with just saying thanks for coming in a general way? I don't think it would hurt the person's feelings. He probably knows you have hundreds of these things to write out.


You don't understand. I have no problem for saying "thanks for coming" - but if there's missing money or a gift, I need to know.

I was thinking of saying, "Hey, listen - I kind of have an idea of how much you make, and if you couldn't afford a gift, I'm totally cool with that, but I think I might have lost it."

[TheMojoPin]

Isn't it still cosnidered "good wedding etiquette" to give a gift within a month after the wedding? Seems like there's a good chance that this guest didn't bring anything that day and might be getting to it later.

[angrymissy]

Yes, you have to wait it out about a month before even thinking of saying anything. Also - he might of ordered something off of your registry and it hasn't arrived yet.

I know Jeff and I received 2 or 3 gifts in the 2 or 3 weeks after the wedding

[Tenbatsuzen]

Isn't it still cosnidered "good wedding etiquette" to give a gift within a month after the wedding? Seems like there's a good chance that this guest didn't bring anything that day and might be getting to it later.


You're right. A friend of his asked me if we were registered, but said friend gave me a check, so I was curious about that; I was expecting a gift card. Just felt weird.

[Furtherman]

Isn't it still cosnidered "good wedding etiquette" to give a gift within a month after the wedding? Seems like there's a good chance that this guest didn't bring anything that day and might be getting to it later.

I always heard it's OK within a year to give the gift.

If it's a check, he'll eventually ask you why it wasn't cashed.

I doubt he would have given you cash.

[JPMNICK]

I know i have forgotten the gift at home. luckily i realized it on the way and had enough time to turn back and get it, but maybe he just forgot to bring it.

I would not say anything yet.

My good friend got married 3 years ago, and he told me that 3 of his friends did not bring anything for a gift, and they were all 25+ at the time and working. his wife is still pissed at them.

[EliSnow]

Furtherman's right. The guy has a year to give a gift. However don't be suprised if you don't get one. My wife and I got married over three years ago, and we have several friends, including one of my groomsmen, who never gave us a gift.

Like cowards, we've never raised it to him.

With one of my wife's friends who didn't give us a gift, she's notorious for not giving wedding gifts. The only time we know she did was when she gave someone a talking frame. Oh, and she's the daughter of one of America's largest publishers of comic strips, books, etc.

[Jujubees2]

I always heard it's OK within a year to give the gift.

If it's a check, he'll eventually ask you why it wasn't cashed.

I doubt he would have given you cash.


I thought it was a year to send the Thank You notes. Maybe it's a year for both.

[EliSnow]

I thought it was a year to send the Thank You notes. Maybe it's a year for both.

Fairly certain, it's a year for gifts as well. BTW, I failed to meet that deadline once. I gave a very generous gift at the year and a half mark.

[JPMNICK]

Furtherman's right. The guy has a year to give a gift. However don't be suprised if you don't get one. My wife and I got married over three years ago, and we have several friends, including one of my groomsmen, who never gave us a gift.

Like cowards, we've never raised it to him.

With one of my wife's friends who didn't give us a gift, she's notorious for not giving wedding gifts. The only time we know she did was when she gave someone a talking frame. Oh, and she's the daughter of one of America's largest publishers of comic strips, books, etc.

It is not mandatory to give a gift. You invited them to come and you prepaid for them to eat. I know it is the right thing to do, but you do not HAVE to do it. just like there is no set amount to give. I think it is a scumbag move, but I do not think people should ever ask someone for a gift, because at that point it is not a gift anymore and now you are basically paying a cover charge to go to an event.

[EliSnow]

It is not mandatory to give a gift. You invited them to come and you prepaid for them to eat. I know it is the right thing to do, but you do not HAVE to do it. just like there is no set amount to give. I think it is a scumbag move, but I do not think people should ever ask someone for a gift, because at that point it is not a gift anymore and now you are basically paying a cover charge to go to an event.

When I meant like cowards, I meant that we didn't raise it with them to see if they gave a check or something, and it was lost. The reason we didn't raise it was because if they didn't give something, we'd have an uncomfortable situation, and we'd feel like we were demanding a gift.

[Tenbatsuzen]

I thought it was a year to send the Thank You notes. Maybe it's a year for both.

Year for gift, two months after receipt of gift or return from the honeymoon (whichever is later) for Thankyous.

[Furtherman]

Good point EliSnow.

If you got a gift from everyone else, so what if one person didn't give you a gift? Be happy with what you got!

[Death Metal Moe]

Maybe he's the person who gave you the "Times are tough, life is hard, here's you fucking wedding card" one.

[Tenbatsuzen]

And I need to re-iterate something.

I am NOT upset he didn't give me a gift if that's the case. I know how much money he makes and I know he just bought a house.

But we didn't get a card, no money, no nothing. My main concern is that he did give us a gift and it's lost.

[Earlshog]

You don't understand. I have no problem for saying "thanks for coming" - but if there's missing money or a gift, I need to know.

I was thinking of saying, "Hey, listen - I kind of have an idea of how much you make, and if you couldn't afford a gift, I'm totally cool with that, but I think I might have lost it."

I wouldn't say anything... thats me... its a couple hundred bucks life goes on... It sounds like you are going to address this so let me say I would definitely leave out the "I kind of have an idea of how much you make" part.

[EliSnow]

Good point EliSnow.

If you got a gift from everyone else, so what if one person didn't give you a gift? Be happy with what you got!

That sums it up. If the guy is a friend who has given of himself, etc. throughout the friendship, are you going to end it because he didn't give a gift?

If he did give something and it was misplaced, I think he's more likely to come to you when he doesn't get a thank you note to make sure you got the gift. Well, at least it's possible.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Good point EliSnow.

If you got a gift from everyone else, so what if one person didn't give you a gift? Be happy with what you got!


Again, I am NOT unhappy that I didn't get a gift. I'm not greedy at ALL. What I'm wondering about is if the gift is lost or not.

[EliSnow]

Again, I am NOT unhappy that I didn't get a gift. I'm not greedy at ALL. What I'm wondering about is if the gift is lost or not.

Liar!!!!!

Just kidding. In no instance should you ever tell a friend, I know how much you make.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Jesus fucking Christ, I knew this thread was going to go wrong in a hurry.

When did I EVER say I was going to end the friendship? I NEVER said that.

Let me re-iterate the problem.

I don't CARE if he gave us a gift or not. I am PERFECTLY happy with the gifts we got. What I'm concerned about is that an envelope could be MISSING that may contain cash or a gift card and if that's the case, I need to let the hotel know that it's missing, or if he gave us a check, it's an awkward situation that a check is floating around.

That's my problem.

I am not mad at him. I don't care about him giving me a gift or not. I just want to know if there is a gift, what happened to it.

[BoondockSaint]

In his thank you note write something like, "And thank you for the wonderful blender." Then maybe he will call you and say, "Dude, I gave you a check not a blender." And the mystery will be solved.

[JPMNICK]

Jesus fucking Christ, I knew this thread was going to go wrong in a hurry.

When did I EVER say I was going to end the friendship? I NEVER said that.

Let me re-iterate the problem.

I don't CARE if he gave us a gift or not. I am PERFECTLY happy with the gifts we got. What I'm concerned about is that an envelope could be MISSING that may contain cash or a gift card and if that's the case, I need to let the hotel know that it's missing, or if he gave us a check, it's an awkward situation that a check is floating around.

That's my problem.

I am not mad at him. I don't care about him giving me a gift or not. I just want to know if there is a gift, what happened to it.

I know exactly what you are saying, but I think that you just have to chalk it up to a mistake. if you did misplace it, then it is your fault. if it is a check he will ask you why you did not cash it I am sure. if not, well then that sucks. I guess the best you can do is try and call the hotel and see if they have it. if they say no, then your next option is to wait for as long as possible to send him a thank you in hopes that he gives you something.

[JPMNICK]

In his thank you note write something like, "And thank you for the wonderful blender." Then maybe he will call you and say, "Dude, I gave you a check not a blender." And the mystery will be solved.

HAHA that is an awesome idea.

[EliSnow]

Jesus fucking Christ, I knew this thread was going to go wrong in a hurry.

When did I EVER say I was going to end the friendship? I NEVER said that.

Let me re-iterate the problem.

I don't CARE if he gave us a gift or not. I am PERFECTLY happy with the gifts we got. What I'm concerned about is that an envelope could be MISSING that may contain cash or a gift card and if that's the case, I need to let the hotel know that it's missing, or if he gave us a check, it's an awkward situation that a check is floating around.

That's my problem.

I am not mad at him. I don't care about him giving me a gift or not. I just want to know if there is a gift, what happened to it.


Sorry, My fault because I didn't properly read it, and I didn't think you were being greedy, etc. If you really think he would have given something and are worred about a check getting cashed by the wrong person, talk to him. Tell him you're not being the gift police, and not demanding a gift, but you just want to make certain that you didn't lose it. Also say if he hasn't given a gift, it's not a problem.

[Tall_James]

I'm always generous to a fault at weddings but when I was single and broke I would always take advantage of the "year's grace" rule.

One time, in the early 90's, I was a "B-list" guest invited last minute to a 2nd cousin's wedding and never gave her a gift. (Forget the reason why but I know I was struggling financially back then). Several years later I heard from a douchebag mutual friend that she knew I didn't get them a gift because the cousin had brought it up to her. That girl who told me was a coked-out cunt but the fact that she brought that up has made me feel guilty since then, even giving me the douche-chills now as I type this.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Preface: Everyone who attended my wedding was very generous for what they could afford; this post concerns no one at RonFez.net, my family or Liz's family.

A friend of mine who attended the wedding didn't give us a gift. Now, this person is very, very nice. A complete sweetheart. He's got a good upbringing; he always does the right thing. He's also attended a lot of weddings, so he knows the score.

While compiling the database for thank yous, we both noticed that he didn't give us a gift. Now, this guy made a point of seeking me out to say goodbye, and I can't remember if he gave me an envelope or Liz an envelope - and he watched as another person at his table handed me an envelope. Since I was a little tipsy, I can't remember if he told me that we were going to get something later or what.

I'm terrified that he gave us a gift card or cash and it's lost/stolen, but I'm also trying to figure out how to handle this situation.

I don't know if I should call him directly, if I should reach out to a friend of his who came to the wedding, or what to do.

It's a really awkward situation.

Anybody?


I had One of my Wife Friends, give Us an Envelope with nothing in it. 5 Weeks Later Nicole (my wife) called this friend and politely said, we had nothing in the envelope, please cancel the Check if you made one out. She fumbled her words and finally said she was sure She had Sent Cash. Then had the Nerve to say someone might have Stole it.

This Woman is in the Middle of a Divorce to a Gr8 man. He gave her the $$ for the gift , even though she broght another Date. He Said he gave her $$ for a gift.

We think she Pocketed it, I told Nicole to Dead Her as a Friend.

I play the route of calling him about a cancelled check, see what he does, he may have the Enevlope in his suit pocket, or in Car, He was Drunk

:king:

[King Hippos Bandaid]

I'm always generous to a fault at weddings but when I was single and broke I would always take advantage of the "year's grace" rule.

One time, in the early 90's, I was a "B-list" guest invited last minute to a 2nd cousin's wedding and never gave her a gift. (Forget the reason why but I know I was struggling financially back then). Several years later I heard from a douchebag mutual friend that she knew I didn't get them a gift because the cousin had brought it up to her. That girl who told me was a coked-out cunt but the fact that she brought that up has made me feel guilty since then, even giving me the douche-chills now as I type this.


I made it a Fact to not invite anyone Not Rich who was B List as far as me or my wife not Knowing them on a Direct business.

This Story only confiirms my suspicions


:king:

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Year for gift, two months after receipt of gift or return from the honeymoon (whichever is later) for Thankyous.


agreed

:king:

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Again, I am NOT unhappy that I didn't get a gift. I'm not greedy at ALL. What I'm wondering about is if the gift is lost or not.


II hear ya, but it hurts a little, this person should know how much u spent on this Time and $$$, and you wanted him to be a part of this. He should have left a Note in a Card.
If he forgot , he would have found out by now.

I wanted to the Send the Chick who didnt give us a Gift a Fuck You Card, Instead of a Wedding Photo Cover a Pic of me and wife Sticking the Finger at you

I know form sources she pocketed the $$ to screw Us and he Ex Husband

:king:

[furie]

this happened at my cousin's wedding. when my family went, we all had separate envelopes since we're all adults now (1 for me and my family, 1 from each of my sisters, and one from my parents.) So a total of four envelopes should have made it to the wishing well. But one three made it. mine was missing. So they thought i skipped out on a gift for them.

but in the end it was discovered that my envelope made it in with my parents. odd, but i guess it makes sense, i gave my envelope to my mother to put in the well. I was drinking and didn't feel like getting up. So they found it a week later.

Still, it made me feel bad. firs the thought that the money was gone, second that they thought i hadn't given anything.

[ChimneyFish]

I didn't read past the third post, but this a touchy situation.
I know the idea with the whole 1 month thing is still in effect today. At least at the weddings I've been to.
You would know better than anybody if this guy will be offended by you asking him.

[sailor]

Furtherman's right. The guy has a year to give a gift. However don't be suprised if you don't get one. My wife and I got married over three years ago, and we have several friends, including one of my groomsmen, who never gave us a gift.

Like cowards, we've never raised it to him.

With one of my wife's friends who didn't give us a gift, she's notorious for not giving wedding gifts. The only time we know she did was when she gave someone a talking frame. Oh, and she's the daughter of one of America's largest publishers of comic strips, books, etc.

without taking the time to go thru the rest of these posts, this one's perfect. first, you have up to a year to give a gift. 2nd, giving a gift if optional. 3rd it is incredibly poor form to bring up the fact that they didn't give you the optional gift. (i don't agree with 2 and 3, but it is the generally accepted standard.) when we got married, one of my wife's good friends, one of my good friends and one of my family members didn't give a gift. my wife's friend got married a year or so later. know what she got from us? bupkus.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

without taking the time to go thru the rest of these posts, this one's perfect. first, you have up to a year to give a gift. 2nd, giving a gift if optional. 3rd it is incredibly poor form to bring up the fact that they didn't give you the optional gift. (i don't agree with 2 and 3, but it is the generally accepted standard.) when we got married, one of my wife's good friends, one of my good friends and one of my family members didn't give a gift. my wife's friend got married a year or so later. know what she got from us? bupkus.

True Tit for Tat

But we gave this girl a Nice Gift

She gives us Squat

:king:

[ChimneyFish]

without taking the time to go thru the rest of these posts, this one's perfect. first, you have up to a year to give a gift. 2nd, giving a gift if optional. 3rd it is incredibly poor form to bring up the fact that they didn't give you the optional gift. (i don't agree with 2 and 3, but it is the generally accepted standard.) when we got married, one of my wife's good friends, one of my good friends and one of my family members didn't give a gift. my wife's friend got married a year or so later. know what she got from us? bupkus.



Dick????
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c217/luxa1/di.jpg

[Scarlet Spider]

With one of my wife's friends who didn't give us a gift, she's notorious for not giving wedding gifts. The only time we know she did was when she gave someone a talking frame. Oh, and she's the daughter of one of America's largest publishers of comic strips, books, etc.

I think I know her, Cathy Marvel ,right?

[Tenbatsuzen]

without taking the time to go thru the rest of these posts, this one's perfect. first, you have up to a year to give a gift. 2nd, giving a gift if optional. 3rd it is incredibly poor form to bring up the fact that they didn't give you the optional gift. (i don't agree with 2 and 3, but it is the generally accepted standard.) when we got married, one of my wife's good friends, one of my good friends and one of my family members didn't give a gift. my wife's friend got married a year or so later. know what she got from us? bupkus.


And if you went through the rest of the posts, you would have seen that I didn't care if he gave a gift or not, but if he did, I want to know where it went.

[sailor]

True Tit for Tat

But we gave this girl a Nice Gift

She gives us Squat

:king:

that stinks then. the friend of mine even mentioned looking at the registry and said he'd picked something out. then we never got anything. i assume they just forgot, but you can't bring it up. etiquette sucks.

[sailor]

And if you went through the rest of the posts, you would have seen that I didn't care if he gave a gift or not, but if he did, I want to know where it went.

i was commenting on the others who said you should call him on it. and if you bring it up to him asking if he gave a gift, even if you don't care, that would shame him into giving you one. i don't think you have an option to ask. if you want to, you still have to wait a year. i don't make the rules, just telling ya what they are.

[sr71blackbird]

I think the bigger issue will be how you handle the "thank you" aspect..
I am certain if an envelope was found laying on the floor of a wedding celebration by where you guys where standing, that two things could happen: Youd get contacted that an envelope was found, or you'd hear nothing and it was likely found and pocketed. If a few more days goes by and you hear nothing, assume it is pocketed. Did you call the hall to see if it was found? Also, you meantioned that the guy hung around a bit at the gift table? Was that odd in 20/20 hindsight?

[Fat_Sunny]

Wow, This I Tough. The Worst Case Would Be That He Actually Did Get You A Gift, And That It Was Lost Or Stolen. And Then To Boot, He Doesn't Get Thanked.

Devious F_S Would Call A Very Trustworthy Mutual Friend And Ask The Friend To CONFIDENTIALLY Call The Guy Under The Guise Of Discussing What A Good Time They Had At The Wedding Blah Blah Blah, But During The Conversation Have Him/Her Subtley Say Something Like "I Gave Them A Blender. What Did You Get Them".

That Would Be Fat's Step 1. Whether A Step 2 Is Needed Depends On What He Then Says.

[Gvac]

In my opinion a simple Thank You note saying "We appreciate you being there to celebrate our special day with us" is fine. No need to mention a gift.

Perhaps he'll say something, perhaps not.

[Don Stugots]

i had a friend that didnt come to my first two weddings but came to the third sans gift. I spoke to him when we came home from the honeymoon since 5 other couples didnt give us a gift but had called or emailed to say that they forgot (since they were drunk) or left it home or were just short that week and they made good on their word to give us something. He said "yeah, i didnt think i needed to give a gift, i thought my parents would since they came also." I'm sorry little boy does mommy still need to burp you? you are an adult, act like one.

If he said "hey, i just didnt have it" i wouldnt have cared.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

i had a friend that didnt come to my first two weddings but came to the third sans gift. I spoke to him when we came home from the honeymoon since 5 other couples didnt give us a gift but had called or emailed to say that they forgot (since they were drunk) or left it home or were just short that week and they made good on their word to give us something. He said "yeah, i didnt think i needed to give a gift, i thought my parents would since they came also." I'm sorry little boy does mommy still need to burp you? you are an adult, act like one.

If he said "hey, i just didnt have it" i wouldnt have cared.


Agreed We Are all Adults

:king:

[cougarjake13]

Jesus fucking Christ, I knew this thread was going to go wrong in a hurry.

When did I EVER say I was going to end the friendship? I NEVER said that.

Let me re-iterate the problem.

I don't CARE if he gave us a gift or not. I am PERFECTLY happy with the gifts we got. What I'm concerned about is that an envelope could be MISSING that may contain cash or a gift card and if that's the case, I need to let the hotel know that it's missing, or if he gave us a check, it's an awkward situation that a check is floating around.

That's my problem.

I am not mad at him. I don't care about him giving me a gift or not. I just want to know if there is a gift, what happened to it.

only problem is if you do somehow in a roundabout way say something about the losing the gift or lack thereof

he'll feel like a shit if you bring it up and he didnt give you anything

[cougarjake13]

i had a friend that didnt come to my first two weddings but came to the third sans gift. I spoke to him when we came home from the honeymoon since 5 other couples didnt give us a gift but had called or emailed to say that they forgot (since they were drunk) or left it home or were just short that week and they made good on their word to give us something. He said "yeah, i didnt think i needed to give a gift, i thought my parents would since they came also." I'm sorry little boy does mommy still need to burp you? you are an adult, act like one.

If he said "hey, i just didnt have it" i wouldnt have cared.


as i was reading it i thought i knew the ending

it didnt end the way i thought



the ending in my head before i finished reading was that he gave you gifts for the first 2 weddings and that he wasnt going to give anymore gifts cause who knows if it'll last

[Tenbatsuzen]

Postscript: Without saying anything to him, my mother informed me that a gift arrived from him while we were gone.

So all is well!

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Postscript: Without saying anything to him, my mother informed me that a gift arrived from him while we were gone.

So all is well!

So I guess the Hit is off, Ill call Knuckles and tell him, noone has to Die

:king:

[suggums]

Devious F_S Would Call A Very Trustworthy Mutual Friend And Ask The Friend To CONFIDENTIALLY Call The Guy Under The Guise Of Discussing What A Good Time They Had At The Wedding Blah Blah Blah, But During The Conversation Have Him/Her Subtley Say Something Like "I Gave Them A Blender. What Did You Get Them".



are you a woman? who comes up with this?

[Thebazile78]

Fairly certain, it's a year for gifts as well. BTW, I failed to meet that deadline once. I gave a very generous gift at the year and a half mark.

Nah, it's a year to send a gift but the thank you notes need to go out ASAP.

For gifts received before the wedding, thank you notes should be out the door within 2 weeks.
For gifts received at or after the wedding, your thank you notes should be out the door within one month of your return from the honeymoon.

And, I don't know if Matty updated this, but the guy whose gift we thought we'd lost sent us a really nifty gift from our registry.

We now have to get our thank you notes printed up so we can write them.

And then we should get the new "perpetual" stamp before the postage rate calculators at the USPS fuck us over again with a rate change.

[sailor]

Nah, it's a year to send a gift but the thank you notes need to go out ASAP.

For gifts received before the wedding, thank you notes should be out the door within 2 weeks.
For gifts received at or after the wedding, your thank you notes should be out the door within one month of your return from the honeymoon.

And, I don't know if Matty updated this, but the guy whose gift we thought we'd lost sent us a really nifty gift from our registry.

We now have to get our thank you notes printed up so we can write them.

And then we should get the new "perpetual" stamp before the postage rate calculators at the USPS fuck us over again with a rate change.

don't bother (http://www.slate.com/id/2166475/).

[FUNKMAN]

at my wedding in 86 we got a blank/empty envelope. it turned out being a friend 'moreso of my elder brothers' but we all played ball and hung out together sometimes. this friend(Duane) i knew had a drug problem.

it didn't bother me in the least and he even brought a date. reason it didn't bother me was when I was around 11 my friends and i were playing baseball and this 17 year oldish guy came over and took our bat and wouldn't give it back. Duane was standing across the street watching what was going on.

This guy had at least 40 pounds on Duane and was a tough looking kid. Duane didn't care and they battled in the middle of that baseball field, punches, rolling around in the dirt, and it wound up being a tie and the guy who tried taking the bat left without it...

some things you never forget