So's I was gonna keep this to myself...

[CofyCrakCocaine]

But it's 3:50am, can't sleep, have a million thoughts racing in my head, and most of them are ugly. To sum up: I feel like total shit right now.

Why? I miss a friend I had a bad fight with, and I know I was the ultimate asshole in the conflict. But I can't let go of my anger, and the pride is a motherfucker to overcome. I am also convinced that if I apologized, she would lord over me and not accept, or use it to further prove the point that I am wrong and so on. The Imus thing kinda reinforced this bias of mine. I also don't expect to ever be forgiven by her. Worst of all, I sometimes wonder if I will ever forgive myself for it.

I was drunk one night (and an asshole, drunk or not) when I received a very nasty email from her because she was angry I didn't like one of her friends, I responded in an angry belligerent drunk response (basically being unrepentant and nasty about not liking her friend), things escalated, and by the time I sobered up I was already pot-committed and felt I could not step down. Our fight became a three day long fight (we are both very hot blooded passionate people) that ended with the cutting off of communications on both sides after we both shot each other up with very hurtful words. I feel I was justified in fighting back with her, and being angry with her for being upset over something so trivial as me and some friend of her's not getting along. But I should have been so much better than I was with her.

I've basically refused to apologize to her though I really want to. Again, it's that slight sting in the back of my head, pride, fucking with me. And perhaps I'm more than a little afraid that I am beyond forgiveness and don't want to face that reality.

I know in time I will apologize to her. I figured I would let alot of time pass before I said another word to her, but every couple weeks or so, I'll think on her again and how I treated her...and ultimately the thing that bothers me most is two-fold: I'm much lonelier without her friendship, and I have a real serious grudge against myself for fucking this beautiful thing up by being a prick. She wasn't exactly the nicest person to me at the time of our fight, but that's no excuse for me fighting with her that way, and proves I have a lot more growing u[ to do at this stage, which depresses me. I guess I thought I was better than this.

I don't know. Sorry if people don't like me anymore. I feel like shit anyway.

[PapaBear]

Apologize to her. It's what you want to do. If she tries to use it against you, that's when you should step back for a while. Don't keep apologizing. Do it sincerely, but only do it once. Do it in a way that she knows you still feel bad about it, and you wish you could truly take it back, but you've done all you can do to make it better.

[Bob Impact]

I agree with Papa Bear. Most importantly, don't let it keep you up, that should be reserved for worry about job interviews. :annoyed:

[Don Stugots]

once again the wisdom of The Snowman is right on.

[PapaBear]

I agree with Papa Bear. Most importantly, don't let it keep you up, that should be reserved for worry about job interviews. :annoyed:

once again the wisdom of The Snowman is right on.
Mr. Impact gave the best advice. Get some sleep. And he did. All hail the Impact.

[patsopinion]

send her a floater apology
sorry that happened and I'm an asshole
Let me take you and (the person that the original argument was about) out to dinner

This way you focus back on what the original argument was about, sidestepping the shit caused in the wake of the original argument.


and when the other chick(im assuming because my 3 second memory has failed) leaves the table to go the bathroom, make a really funny acquard/smiling/biting your tounge look.

Thats what I usually do in this kind of scenario. But i have no friends so you may want to disregard parts of this.

[Bulldogcakes]

There's a reason why you want to apologize to her, and a reason why you still feel like you were right. Do both, say you're sorry and then explain to her your point of view. If she's like most women, start with the apology. She most likely will not get out of battle-mode until you do. You should also throw in the drugs and alcohol to explain why it escalated.

BTW-If she doesn't at some point of the conversation return the apology (especially after you explain why you're mad at her) then drop her like a rock.

[crabbyjohn]

She sent the 1st email....fuck the cunt..and thats what she is...if you say anything to her..say "I hope you die of tit cancer"

[Jennitalia]

definitely apologize. you have nothing to lose. say your piece, dont press or push anything. just be sincere. and then leave it up to her what she wants to do with it.

[cupcakelove]

Like most everyone else has said, just apologize. You know its the right thing to do, and its obviously having a negative affect on your life. If your friend chooses not to accept it and move on, then at least you are trying to do the right thing. I've been in similar situations before, and it always ends quickly after someone just apologizes. You both usually end up feeling silly for letting it go so far.

[Justice4all]

Apologize to her. It's what you want to do. If she tries to use it against you, that's when you should step back for a while. Don't keep apologizing. Do it sincerely, but only do it once. Do it in a way that she knows you still feel bad about it, and you wish you could truly take it back, but you've done all you can do to make it better.

Well said. And dead spot on.
Do what you can to show you felt bad.
But as far as her friend is concerned, you have that right not to like her. She needs to respect your right not to like her friend. If the friend comes up in conversation just mildly change the subject or joke with her 'So how about them Yankess?' or something silly like that. Make her know you do not want to hurt her feelings by putting down her friend in front of her.
But you do have that right.

[Gvac]

STRANGE

by Steve Forbert

Strange, how you and I don't speak
Strange, how we're so strong and weak,
I don't wanna talk to you,
Sure you feel the same way, too,
And so we've made our minds up
And ev'rything can stay that way.

Strange, how time just slips away,
Strange, it's almost New Year's Day,
And so another year's gone by
And not a word from you or I
And riding down the toll road,
I begin to wish you'd say,

"Look, if your day's gone bad
And you just feel sad and alone tonight,
You know you might try callin',
The walls might fall if you'd phone tonight",
I don't wanna talk to you,
Then again I guess I do,
But I can't let my pride down
And you, of course, must have your way.
Strange--

Strange, how strange best friends can be,
Strange, when best friends disagree,
I suppose we'll meet again,
Somewhere by surprise and then
Maybe risk a hand shake,
Maybe that would be okay,

But if your day's gone bad
And you just feel sad and alone tonight,
You know you might try callin',
The walls might fall if you'd phone tonight,
I don't wanna talk to you,
Then again, well, yes, I do,
But I can't let my pride down
And you, of course, must have your way.
Strange,
Strange,
Strange. (http://media.putfile.com/Strange-58)

[patsopinion]

howd this go?

[lleeder]

I know this goes against what everyone else said but I would just let this friendship die. If you have issues with her now and in the past how she's treated you is it really worth the effort to apologize. It could all just come back up again a week from now. Clean break and your done.

[Yerdaddy]

Sounds like you two just need to get it on.

[ralphbxny]

Just say sorry!!!

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Sounds like you two just need to get it on.

Thought's been on the old Crackmaster's mind for a little over a year. Probably closer to the truth than you think.

Since Pat asked, I'll give a minor update. Still being proud. Keeping the stiff upper lip, feeling like a ghoul the whole time, but fuck it. Pride's everything, somehow. (Yeah, I know...bullshit. But this whole fight has been bullshit anyway...fight shit with shit)

First time I've really read up on the responses to this thread since I posted a couple months ago.

Gvac, love the lyrics. Very true to the soul/heart of this crap. Your cool-o-meter went up a few degrees for me.

To give you an idea how confused I am on the whole matter: I agree with every post in this thread. (Except Crabby Fuck-face.)

[sailor]

that's pride fucking with you. fuck pride. pride only hurts, it never helps.

[Reephdweller]

I can tell you that the very best thing you can do if you want to have any shot at getting your friend back is to apologize, and apologize again, you definitely need to say fuck it with regards to pride, throw all of that out and show her that your sincerely are regretful for the whole thing going down the way it did.

The next thing you need to do after you do is wait, and give it time. Give her a chance to calm down and get over it. I had a huge blow up with a dear friend this year, the one thing I learned was to let time heal the wound. I ended up checking in with her here and there and it almost took three months for her to come around but she finally did. When she did she apologized to me up front and told me that my honesty in being truly sorry and in some ways persistent helped her to come around. I'm very happy we rebuilt our friendship, there is still a ways to go at times with her, but on some levels we're almost better than we used to be. Perhaps because we're sensitive to it and don't want to have it happen again. I don't know, but the main thing for you to be is patient after you apologize and give her time. If the friendship is that important it doesn't matter who is wrong or right.

[Reephdweller]

that's pride fucking with you. fuck pride. pride only hurts, it never helps.

http://thestockmasters.com/images/Pulp_Fiction_Marsellus_Wallace_Band-Aid.gif

[CofyCrakCocaine]

That's right Mr.Wallace. And that's what I did.

Apologized. I am giving her space and will not bother her any further unless she wishes to bother me.

I feel a little better.

[milliehatchett]

That's right Mr.Wallace. And that's what I did.

Apologized. I am giving her space and will not bother her any further unless she wishes to bother me.

I feel a little better.

CCC, I totally forgive you...all is well - you don't need to give me space anymore. I've thought it over and I think we should move in together...ya know, to help solidify the next level of our friendship. :tongue:

[Friday]

Right now I am having a chuckle.... and only Pixie knows why.

Wheeeeeeeeee

:clap:

[angelinad128]

You have to apologize since it's on your mind alot. Like others have said mean it when you say it - phone at least not email - and only once.

[Bulldogcakes]

You have to apologize since it's on your mind alot. Like others have said mean it when you say it - phone at least not email - and only once.

Angie! I was just about to start a "Where have you been" thread!
Nice to see you around again!

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Right now I am having a chuckle.... and only Pixie knows why.

Wheeeeeeeeee

:clap:

:annoyed::blink::huh:

[Doogie]

In the words of Mr. Spock: "Only Nixon could go to China..." You have made your peace and now you must allow for time to repair the damage and alleviate the prescence of rage and stubborness. Let it be for a while, and I know it is hard to do, but move on until you are both ready to speak amicably again. If you move too fast, you are right back where you started...ride it out for now.