An open letter to Mother Nature. How to improve the human body?

[marky2bucks]

Dear Mother Nature,

Millions of years of evolution has brought us to this. Two arms, two legs, etc. Not bad. In many ways, we are a marvel of science. Thank you mother nature, but I have a few critiques.

1. Wisdom teeth. Why? Evolution has caused us to develop teeth that must be removed once we hit a certain age. I just don't see how this necessary. How about we just nix these altogether.

2. Can I get some Earlids? I can blink my eyes with my eyelids. I'm a fan, they are very useful. Can't the same concept be applied to my ears? I'd love to be able to avoid loud noises, swimmers ear, and wet willies without using my hands to cover my ears. I mean the technology is there. How about it?

3. The appendix. Don't get me started.

Yours,
M2B

Any other suggestions?

[Marc with a c]

lazer beam eyes

[DolaMight]

Lose the ears. They're disgusting.

[Gvac]

Excellent idea with the earlids, marky. I'll second that motion.

I'd also hoped we would have developed the ability to communicate with our minds, like all advanced species can in the movies.

[DolaMight]

Lose hair, it's useless. Now a wide panoramic eyeball in the back of your head for full range of vision. No eyelid, creepier.

Also a shorter third leg coming out of your tail bone. While walking it will not touch the ground but when you crouch it forms a tripod giving you the ability to have a comfortable seat at all times for concerts, sporting events, and shitting in the woods.

[Fat_Sunny]

Sleep...What's With That???

Our Bodies And Brains Should Be Re-Designed To Be Constantly Re-Charging, Rendering Sleep Unnecessary!!!

[Furtherman]

1. Wisdom teeth. Why? Evolution has caused us to develop teeth that must be removed once we hit a certain age. I just don't see how this necessary. How about we just nix these altogether.

They don't have to be removed. In fact, mine are in and are fine, as they are for many people.

2. Can I get some Earlids? I can blink my eyes with my eyelids. I'm a fan, they are very useful. Can't the same concept be applied to my ears? I'd love to be able to avoid loud noises, swimmers ear, and wet willies without using my hands to cover my ears. I mean the technology is there. How about it?

It's not so much the loud noises, but the quiet ones that you really need to hear in order to survive. Like the rustling of the grass as a saber-tooth tiger approaches you. Or the creak of a floorboard as an intruder climbs the stairs to kill you. I'd rather have mine wide open for those moments. You see a fire engine coming? Use those fingers to plug 'em up!

3. The appendix.

Yea, I guess that could go.

[A.J.]

No more shitting.

[marky2bucks]

I like the tripod leg idea. I just don't know what pants would look like.

I'm pretty sure we can lose toenails. I can't remember the last time I benefitted from toenails. As a matter of fact, toes in general can go. The only thing they are good for is holding on flip flops.

Retractable claws would kick ass. Again, we have the technology. Why not.

[CaptClown]

Let's add the Wolverine healing factor. Being injured or sick sucks.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

To quote my best friend in college, "Can you imagine how many albums we could buy if we didn't have to eat?"

[MadMatt]

No more shitting.

I am actually a fan of this one - I hate going to the bathroom.

And I think F_S mentioned no more sleep. I wish I didn't have to sleep or that I only needed 1 or 2 hours.

I have also always wanted a prehensile tail. I think it would be far more useful than the propossed "third leg."

EDIT: I also think gills would be good. I would rather be an amphibian. That means we could explore a lot more of the planet - and maybe we would keep the oceans a little cleaner.

[drjoek]

I like the tripod leg idea. I just don't know what pants would look like.

.

I'm already rocking that tripod leg situation
HOOOOO

[marky2bucks]

I am actually a fan of this one - I hate going to the bathroom.

I have also always wanted a prehensile tail. I think it would be far more useful than the propossed "third leg."



What kind of tail? Monkey tail, scorpion tail, dragon tail, or other?

[MadMatt]

What kind of tail? Monkey tail, scorpion tail, dragon tail, or other?

Prehensile means "adapted for seizing, grasping, or taking hold of something" - therefore it would be much like a monkey tail.

If you are familiar with comicbooks, I envision something like Nightcrawler's tail (but it doesn't have to be pointy). Bad pic below, but it demonstrates the point.

http://www.fakemccoy.com/conpics/nightcrawler.jpg

[cougarjake13]

Lose hair, it's useless. Now a wide panoramic eyeball in the back of your head for full range of vision. No eyelid, creepier.

Also a shorter third leg coming out of your tail bone. While walking it will not touch the ground but when you crouch it forms a tripod giving you the ability to have a comfortable seat at all times for concerts, sporting events, and shitting in the woods.

wouldnt you run the risk of shitting on the third leg ????

[Bulldogcakes]

This one's easy. Either give us guys bigger dicks or make the pussies smaller. I don't care which, just do one or the other. I think we can all get behind (ahem) that one.

And what the fuck is this whole 9 month pregnancy thing, and then having a baby who's completely useless and needy for . . .oh, say 18 years if your lucky. Cant we just lay an egg and be done with it? Like civilized, advanced creatures do? Ever see those fucking baby reptiles? They hatch and right out of the egg they're running, digging and finding their own food. Where the fuck did we go wrong?

Here's another. Why the fuck do I need clothes? Different ones for each season! If we had a decent amount of hair like most creatures do we could walk and be comfortable around all year long, and never feel naked. WE could shed it in the summer, and have it grow back for the winter. Now THATS a system.

[MellySmelly]

Bigger tits and smaller asses.

[Bulldogcakes]

Also a shorter third leg coming out of your tail bone. While walking it will not touch the ground but when you crouch it forms a tripod giving you the ability to have a comfortable seat at all times for concerts, sporting events, and shitting in the woods.

Now thats a good solid idea right there. Maybe we could take my idea for a dick the size of a baseball bat, and then we could just think about someone we like, tuck it under and be all set.

[FUNKMAN]

Bigger tits and smaller asses.

i heard a rumor

the smaller the breast, the hotter the box...


i would go with a USB cable that plugs in the human ear and transfers knowledge from one brain to the other...

[DarkHippie]

I'd like elongated, prehensile nipples

[BoondockSaint]

Two penises.

[lleeder]

Lose the eyebrows. Most women and even men nowadays wax or pluck down the size of their eyebrows. Whats the point? Lets just completely get rid of them. We have eyelashes and eyelids to keep out stuff. Eyebrows are so last millenium.

[MadMatt]

I'd like elongated, prehensile nipples

Dude, that is just creepy...

[DolaMight]

wouldnt you run the risk of shitting on the third leg ????

Nope. It's 4 inches up from the arsehole, would have a knee so you could bend it further upwards, it's just shorter and facing backwards. Plus it'll make it easier for shitting in public toilets, just lay that foot down on the basin and hover over the can effortlessly.

[DolaMight]

Prehensile means "adapted for seizing, grasping, or taking hold of something" - therefore it would be much like a monkey tail.

If you are familiar with comicbooks, I envision something like Nightcrawler's tail (but it doesn't have to be pointy). Bad pic below, but it demonstrates the point.

http://www.fakemccoy.com/conpics/nightcrawler.jpg

I like that idea but add it in addition to the the tripod. I'd like to add the prehensile tail to the back right between the shoulderblades. That way you don't have to hang upside down. I would use it to smoke with.

[DolaMight]

also one I'm surprised no one has suggested yet.


3rd tit:

http://www.themakeupgallery.info/central/weird/breasts/recallln3.jpg

I totally dig that.

Not sure about the Mars style, I was kinda thinking two in the front and one in the back, something to hang on to while makin out.

Girls will have to sleep on thier sides from now on but it's a tradeoff I'm willing to make.

[Bulldogcakes]

also one I'm surprised no one has suggested yet.


3rd tit:

http://www.themakeupgallery.info/central/weird/breasts/recallln3.jpg

I totally dig that.

Not sure about the Mars style, I was kinda thinking two in the front and one in the back, something to hang on to while makin out.

Girls will have to sleep on thier sides from now on but it's a tradeoff I'm willing to make.

Hey, why stop there? How about they have about 8 tits, four on each side running up and down their belly like cows do.

Imagine what that would mean for plastic surgeons. Quadruple their business overnight.

[FUNKMAN]

the triple nipple

BRAVO!

[SatCam]

ability to pee with a boner

[A.J.]

If we had a decent amount of hair like most creatures do we could walk and be comfortable around all year long, and never feel naked.

You should see some of my Italian relatives.