Love is a battlefield

[Chainsaw]

I couldn't think of a good thread title, so I figured I love Pat Benatar...so there you go...

DISCLAIMER: This situation involves my friend...and not me...

Anyhoo...I wanted to hear from people in here (women mostly) about this question...

Could you be happily married and having an affair with another man?

I use the word 'affair' in the context that the relationship goes beyond just sex...there are romantic dinners, getaway vacations, presents purchased etc....it has more depth than "cheating"

As a man, I can easily see the male perspective of having someone with whom you have sex, but the emotional context is not present. Essentially, you call them up, meet them somewhere, make a love explosion, and then don't talk again until the next time.

Do women have "affairs" instead of "cheating"?

I'll be back with more questions, but these seem to be the most pressing at the moment...

[MellySmelly]

I have a girlfriend in England who has been married for about 26 years. For about the last six years, she travels to the US for a couple of weeks, and sleeps with a guy that lives in Baltimore (not Bobo). He has been married for 20 years or so as well. They have an online affair for the most part of the year and then live it up for a couple of weeks. Neither one of them would ever dream of leaving their spouses. I always thought it was weird.

[RoseBlood]

Could you be happily married and having an affair with another man?
...Essentially, you call them up, meet them somewhere, make a love explosion, and then don't talk again until the next time.
don't you mean: "make a lust explosion"?

I have a girlfriend in England who has been married for about 26 years. For about the last six years, she travels to the US for a couple of weeks, and sleeps with a guy that lives in Baltimore (not Bobo). He has been married for 20 years or so as well. They have an online affair for the most part of the year and then live it up for a couple of weeks. Neither one of them would ever dream of leaving their spouses. I always thought it was weird.
I think it's wrong. Not the having sex with someone other than your spouse part but the lying and deceiving. Why not just become a swinger or something and have one of those open relationships. I know it's not that simple and easy.
Is she at least being safe? That's the part that really bugs me about cheating/affairs and what have you. You're putting someone you supposedly love at risk of STD's.

[milliehatchett]

I agree with Roseblood - if you're going to be deceptive and lie to the person who you're supposed to be closest with - why not just be single? But, no, I don't think a woman is "happily" married and doing that...

Before I was married - I was easily able to separate the emotional from the physical aspect of sex. I was perfectly happy with my fuck buddies...we hung out sometimes between fucking - nothing "romantic" though.

[MellySmelly]

I don't like it either. She usually tries to use me as her excuse for visiting the US. Our friendship has really suffrered because of her affair with this guy. I don't think that they are safe IMHO. They proclaim to love each other, but the way I see it, if they love each other that much, they should leave their spouses and hook up.

[RoseBlood]

I don't like it either. She usually tries to use me as her excuse for visiting the US. Our friendship has really suffrered because of her affair with this guy. I don't think that they are safe IMHO. They proclaim to love each other, but the way I see it, if they love each other that much, they should leave their spouses and hook up.
I'm sorry to hear you've sort of been put in the middle of things and it makes sense your friendship would suffer having been made privy to this affair.
It's easy for me to sit in judgment and say she should just leave her husband etc etc..
Do they have children? Do you think she's just staying in this marriage cause it's convenient for her? Either way people are being screwed.

[MellySmelly]

Both of them have young adult children and I think that because they live in different countries, neither one would be happy leaving their respective county and children. The relationship really hurts her and I hate it. She cries all of the time because she misses him. They spend hours a day on the instant messenger. She revolves her entire life around his schedule. I always try to get out of "being her excuse", but in the end, I always give in because she begs me. It's even more difficult because I know her husband very well and I like him. I also think that this guy that she meets up with is the biggest pussy in the world and I don't like him at all.

[Chainsaw]

thanks for the replies...

I was just having a hard time understanding how a married person could get emotionally involved in an extra-marrital affair.

There have been email and phone calls with exclamations that 'I miss you' and 'wish i was with you' while the husband was in the next room...

If I were that guy I would die on the inside. I think I'd rather have someone I love just fuck someone than to fuck someone and develop feelings for them. Both suck ass, but one is considerably worse than the other

[A.J.]

I have a girlfriend in England who has been married for about 26 years. For about the last six years, she travels to the US for a couple of weeks, and sleeps with a guy that lives in Baltimore (not Bobo). He has been married for 20 years or so as well. They have an online affair for the most part of the year and then live it up for a couple of weeks. Neither one of them would ever dream of leaving their spouses. I always thought it was weird.

http://www.stud.u-szeged.hu/Horvath.Andrea.9/dvd_cover01.jpg

[Justice4all]

thanks for the replies...

I was just having a hard time understanding how a married person could get emotionally involved in an extra-marrital affair.

There have been email and phone calls with exclamations that 'I miss you' and 'wish i was with you' while the husband was in the next room...

If I were that guy I would die on the inside. I think I'd rather have someone I love just fuck someone than to fuck someone and develop feelings for them. Both suck ass, but one is considerably worse than the other


Absolutely. You are talking about the difference of sex and love.

It is one thing when you are not getting sex at home, it makes it easy to understand why someone would wander to somewhere/someone else.

But when emotions are involved...it gets to be in a whole nother realm.
The only reasoning I can think of is, time.
Over a certain amount of time is that person you are in love with for the right reason or wrong ones.

But you and millie and RB pretty much make a solid point....if there are no kids involved and you both want to be with each other, just do it. Yes divorce is ugly, but the end result is something you want.

But WITH kids involved...well that takes it into a sticky situation I don't even want to touch.