Does everything eventually balance out?

[ShelleBink]

I've always had issues balancing the different aspects of my life - work, friendships, relationships, school, family, personal well-being, finances, etc. I figured once I'd get the school stuff done, I'd have more time to devote to the other things that I'd neglect in favor of doing well in school ((slightly selfish, but, it paid off nicely)). It became a way to assert some sort of control in the different aspects of my life, and it has a tendency to not work out. I'm not expecting an easy or perfect life, but its just very disheartening when you work so hard and hope for the best, and its either not good enough or doesn't work out quite as you hope.

So, I'm asking the older/wiser members of the board, is there ever a time in which all the things in your life can be content or satisfying? Or is my life just going to consist of constantly striving for something better and never being satisfied with things being okay or the bare minimum?

**Please keep the bashing and such to a minimum, thanks

[Furtherman]

Nope.





*starts crying*

[ShelleBink]

Well, thanks for clearin' that up for me.

[Death Metal Moe]

The worst thing you could do is believe that some invisible force will balance out your universe for you. You need to make it happen or it won't.

[Tall_James]

So, I'm asking the older/wiser members of the board, is there ever a time in which all the things in your life can be content or satisfying?

I fit the bill so I'll take a shot at this. Shelle, at a certain point in life (my life in particular) a kind of clarity sets in when you realize what things are truly important as opposed to those that just make a lot of noise and do nothing other than complicate your life. In my case, my marriage and family became the paramount concerns in my life and I couldn't be happier with that.

I take happiness out of moments. Snapshots, if you will, of wonderful things that happen throughout the day, week, year, lifetime. Can life be an existance of constant happiness and contentment, no. However, if you can take joy out of the people, things and situations that make you happy - embrace them and enjoy them. You'll ultimately be a happier and more contented person.

[Fat_Sunny]

No Matter How Well You Organize Your Life, Things Continually Are Thrown In Your Path That You Did Not Plan On.

You Finally Get A Great Job Where You Make Bundles Of Money And Your Money Woes Are Over, But The Stress Is Horrendous And You Get Ulcers.

You Are Very Lonely And You Finally Meet A Wonderful Person And You Have A Few Good Years And Then They Cheat And Your Life Is Thrown Into Turmoil.

Finally, Everything Is As Smooth As Can Be For A Couple Of Years, But You Get Cancer And Have To Undergo Chemo And Life Is Torture.

This Is Not Meant To Be Cynical...Just Realistic. You Are On A Voyage Across The Ocean, And Some Days The Weather Is Calm And You Love Sailing, And Some Days It Is So Stormy You Just Pray For Mercy. But No Matter What, You Cannot Ever Predict What The Next Day Will Bring.

The One Thing F_S Can Say About Getting Older, Though, Is That Although There Continues To Be A New Trial Every Day, You Learn To Treat These As Challenges, Rather Than Problems, And Even As Opportunities To Become A Better Person. The Trials Do Not Change As You Get Older, But Your Reaction To Them Does, And It Makes Life Alot Easier.

[ChrisTheCop]

Just when I think Ive got it all together, a post like this points out that my life is in shambles.

I think the difference as I get older is, I like my life in shambles more and more.

I wish I had more for you Shelle, but I also like what Fat and James said above.

[MadMatt]

I fit the bill so I'll take a shot at this. Shelle, at a certain point in life (my life in particular) a kind of clarity sets in when you realize what things are truly important as opposed to those that just make a lot of noise and do nothing other than complicate your life. In my case, my marriage and family became the paramount concerns in my life and I couldn't be happier with that.

I take happiness out of moments. Snapshots, if you will, of wonderful things that happen throughout the day, week, year, lifetime. Can life be an existance of constant happiness and contentment, no. However, if you can take joy out of the people, things and situations that make you happy - embrace them and enjoy them. You'll ultimately be a happier and more contented person.

Very well said TJ, but I have a slightly different spin. I don't think it is clarity as much as it is the realization that certain things are out of your control. Life will never be perfect, so you have to take your joy and contentment when and how it comes.

You will find a certain kind of balance, but not exactly what you are shooting for at the moment. It's more of a natural balance between what you can and can't control.

[sailor]

i'd have to say i'm more of an optimist that the ironically named f_s. yes, there are ups and downs, but i think things can be more up, if you put the effort into it. no i don't think there's some "invisible hand" (except in free markets of course) to steer you well. bad things happen to good people, but you pick yourself up and make things better thru hard work or whatever applies to the specific affliction that is upon you. i'm rambling and not eloquent, but life's good. have fun. enjoy.

[scottinnj]

It will balance out and you will have satisfaction regarding your life.

[cougarjake13]

shelle i was like you

disregarded everything else in the pursuit of a degree and then a career

now all i care about is limiting the time i work and spend more time doing things i like to do

[Thebazile78]

I've hit some spots in my own life where, on the outside, things are great, but on the inside I just want to get out.

Usually, those "let me out" moments happened when I was going through breakups. Which, once I got out of the initial funk, I was able to use as kind of a "rebirth" point in my life, even if it was something as simple (or silly) as changing my hair color or style.

Several times in my life, I've simply decided that I am happy and that's how I lived my life at that point.

At other times in my life, right now being one of them (just ask Matty), I've been unbelievably stressed and unhappy with one or another aspect of my life.

Currently, my job is shit and I am taking this as a sign that I've learned as much as I can from this experience and it's time to move on.

Change scares the living shit out of me and it's a lot easier to make excuses and cuss out my friends and family (who are martyr-patient with my attitude, BTW) because I feel so out of control.

Having some little something that I have control over does help me feel better about the situation, and then I find myself taking other steps to get out of my funk.

You can make your own "balance" . . . just look at Chris and James and Fat; they've got different solutions, but they've all made their lives work for them.

Shelle, you are a very strong person and I believe in you. You'll be A-OK, whatever you decide.:thumbup:

[Gvac]

I think there's been some excellent points made already, and I agree with most of them.

The one thing I don't agree with is the notion of "working" on problems, though. To me that implies something tedious, unpleasant, and stressful. Soon that "work" will become as much a source of displeasure as the original problem, if not more so. Solutions are usually fairly simple; our acknowledgment of (and willingness to apply) the solution is what tends to be difficult.

I liked Fat_Sunny's analogy of life as crossing an ocean. I've always likened it to a long river ride on a raft. Sometimes it's smooth as glass, other times it's a roaring rapid. Sometimes you'll be soaking up the sun and spray, and there will be times when you get overturned. The correct way to navigate it isn't to pull yourself up on shore and refuse to ride anymore, nor is it to work your ass off trying to get back to the starting point, paddling against the current. You can't simply "go with the flow" either, or you'll wind up slammed into the rocks at some point. You've got to learn the subtle skill of guiding yourself while using the current as an ally.

[Ritalin]

I contend that it works out 55% for, 45% against.

So, not only does it all balance out, but I think you win at the end!

Get out there and start spending your winnings!

[SHANEFROMGA]

in my experience it never fully balances out, when it seems like you got it all under control something just pops up and fucks up the works, then you get to try and put it all back together again. it's what keeps it interesting if you can me.

[Ritalin]

in my experience it never fully balances out, when it seems like you got it all under control something just pops up and fucks up the works, then you get to try and put it all back together again. it's what keeps it interesting if you can me.

Bummer. Why bother?

[sknight]

Nothing balances. Everything in the world is an odd number.

[prothunderball]

yeah things aren't ever going to balance out, but why would you want them to? What fun would that be? Life is about experiences and odds are if everything is going along swimmingly for someone they aren't experiencing much.

[Mike from Bklyn]

Once things balance out it all gets boring. As I'm writing this my life has never been more exciting or scary at the same time.

[JerryTaker]

Not for the unattractive among us. For those like me who cannot present a pleasing image to those around us, we're constantly fighting for this and that, and it never lets up, nobody will ever take us at face value, (well, I guess the problem is they do, our face being the problem) and we will be cast away as soon as there is the slightest excuse to. I've dealt with that my whole life. Fortunately, Shellie, you cannot count yourself among the dregs like me, and you are a normal human being, so you will be fine, and things will balance out in the end, or long before it, anyway.

[ShelleBink]

I guess I got the answers I needed, it is a bit disheartening. I've come accustomed to having things blow out of control as soon as I find a moment of comfort and contentment, and I guess that'll be par for the course from now until the end.

:unsure:

[oh_kee_pa]

i think in the end life always balances out... but, you have to take the good w/ the bad... and understand that theres way more shit in the world that you can control, and take time out to do everything

but, of course i base all my life lesons on episodes of seinfeld

[Fat_Sunny]

I guess I got the answers I needed, it is a bit disheartening. I've come accustomed to having things blow out of control as soon as I find a moment of comfort and contentment, and I guess that'll be par for the course from now until the end.

:unsure:

It Is Par For The Course, But Don't Be Discouraged. You Need The Bad Stuff To Appreciate The Good Stuff. Otherwise It Is Just A Drab And Boring Sameness.

There Was An Old Story About A Guy Who Wore His Shoes A Size Too Small. Someone Asked Him "It Has To Be So Painful To Wear Those Tight SHoes. Why Do You Do It?"

"Because It Feels So Good When I Take Them Off At The End Of The Day!"

Without The Pain, You Do Not Appreciate The Pleasure.

As Trite As It Sounds, Dealing With The Challenges And Setbacks Are What Make You Into A Better Person.

[Bulldogcakes]

Shelle, you have to figure out what is most important to you and make choices. Sometimes hard choices. You cant do everything, or at least you can't do everything well. If you have too much on your plate everything will get done half assed and you'll never get where you want with any of it. And if you don't do what it takes, someone else will.

Reading your post reminded me of the Whitney Houston song "Didn't We Almost Have it All". There was a time when Whitney did seem to have it all, and look how that turned out.




Life is little more than a loan shark: It exacts a very high rate of interest for the few pleasures it concedes. ~Luigi Pirandello

[SHANEFROMGA]

Bummer. Why bother?

hell why not?

[Crispy123]

So, I'm asking the older/wiser members of the board, is there ever a time in which all the things in your life can be content or satisfying? Or is my life just going to consist of constantly striving for something better and never being satisfied with things being okay or the bare minimum?

**Please keep the bashing and such to a minimum, thanks

I cannot claim the title of oldest or for sure wisest but I would think you are asking the wrong questions. My answer to you would be yes and no. There are times of contentment and of satisfaction but there are also times of pain and heartbreak. We will always want until we are not capable of wanting anymore...

The bare minimum for your life is whatever you accept it to be.

Have a nice day.:bye:

[Ritalin]

F_S, I'm suprised by your response.

It Is Par For The Course, But Don't Be Discouraged. You Need The Bad Stuff To Appreciate The Good Stuff. Otherwise It Is Just A Drab And Boring Sameness.

F_S, I completely disagree. What if I love my life in New York, then I go on vacation to Hawaii, then I come back home. Did anything bad happen? No. Is my life drab and boring sameness? No. The way you put it, you almost have to go out looking for something bad to happen in order to appreciate anything. I don't think that's true at all.

There Was An Old Story About A Guy Who Wore His Shoes A Size Too Small. Someone Asked Him "It Has To Be So Painful To Wear Those Tight SHoes. Why Do You Do It?"

"Because It Feels So Good When I Take Them Off At The End Of The Day!"

How...sad. So the moral of this story is that I have to feel uncomfortable all day in order to feel normal for a couple of seconds before I go to bed? It's a little absurd.

Without The Pain, You Do Not Appreciate The Pleasure.

I just got back from spending the day at the beach with my wife. It was great. Did I have to pay some kind of penance for it? Did I sit and remember some time when slaving away at an incredibly hard job in order to full appreciate my experience? No. I loved being at the beach with my wife because I love my wife and I love the beach. Whatever I did on Thursday has nothing to do with it, unless you're saying that your job that you need to make the money to go to the beach is the pain. If that's the pain, it's self inflicted.

As Trite As It Sounds, Dealing With The Challenges And Setbacks Are What Make You Into A Better Person.

I'm going to have to disagree with you here as well. Dealing with the death of my Grandfather didn't make me a better person. It was the GOOD times that I spent with him when we were together that made me a better person. His passing was a difficult part of life that we all experience as we go along. It didn't make me a better person.

[Gwen]

Shelle, while there has been a lot of good advice and really eloquent answers to your question in this thread I thought I'd share my own findings. Andrew and I went through a period of working our asses off thanklessly, being shunned to the outside of our former social circle and being so far in debt we thought we'd never be able to do anything in our lives. We had great families, but that was the only thing we seemed to have going for us.

Then one morning we woke up in our bed, with our awesome puppy in our very own home and we realized we were getting married, Andrew had ended up with a great new job, I'd realized mine wasn't as bad as I make it, we'd met a ton of new, great friends (and gotten in touch with some old ones we'd lost touch with) and that somehow we'd ended up miles ahead of everyone else that was stressing us out earlier. Are things always perfect? No. But it's like a certain now departed rocker said (and forgive me for quoting the dead) "Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right".

So I guess my advice is just to tough it out through the harder times and the times where things seem out of balance and just try to linger a little longer in the times when everything works out for you. You've got the potential to go where you want to go and do what you want to do for a career. You finished school, that is the hard part for most people. The rest should be a cakewalk in comparison. Good luck, chicklet.

[Ritalin]

Shelle, while there has been a lot of good advice and really eloquent answers to your question in this thread I thought I'd share my own findings. Andrew and I went through a period of working our asses off thanklessly, being shunned to the outside of our former social circle and being so far in debt we thought we'd never be able to do anything in our lives. We had great families, but that was the only thing we seemed to have going for us.

Then one morning we woke up in our bed, with our awesome puppy in our very own home and we realized we were getting married, Andrew had ended up with a great new job, I'd realized mine wasn't as bad as I make it, we'd met a ton of new, great friends (and gotten in touch with some old ones we'd lost touch with) and that somehow we'd ended up miles ahead of everyone else that was stressing us out earlier. Are things always perfect? No. But it's like a certain now departed rocker said (and forgive me for quoting the dead) "Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right".

So I guess my advice is just to tough it out through the harder times and the times where things seem out of balance and just try to linger a little longer in the times when everything works out for you. You've got the potential to go where you want to go and do what you want to do for a career. You finished school, that is the hard part for most people. The rest should be a cakewalk in comparison. Good luck, chicklet.

Awesome.

[ShelleBink]

I guess I'll keep treadin', hopefully what I've been doing lately to make things happen will have some sort of return..