i hate myself

[keithy_19]

i hate myself. i cant stand looking into the fucking mirror. i just want to sleep and when i have to get up i just wish i would break my legs so i had a reason not to do anything. im going through this break up and its stupid butits really showed me hopw much i cant stand being me. i wish i was someone else. or nothing at all.i cant fucking take it. all i do is cry, feel completely empty, drink, cry, drink, cry, feel empty,drink, and it goes on and on. i can't fucking do this anymore. i can;'t deal with it.

[midwestjeff]

You're young dude. eventually you will be someone else. Take this opportunity to make the changes that you feel you need to make. just keep looking in the mirror and finally you will like what you see. i think?

[Crispy123]

i hate myself. i cant stand looking into the fucking mirror. i just want to sleep and when i have to get up i just wish i would break my legs so i had a reason not to do anything. im going through this break up and its stupid butits really showed me hopw much i cant stand being me. i wish i was someone else. or nothing at all.i cant fucking take it. all i do is cry, feel completely empty, drink, cry, drink, cry, feel empty,drink, and it goes on and on. i can't fucking do this anymore. i can;'t deal with it.

It gets better. Life goes on and more people come in and out of your life. If you didn't "deal with it" you would pass up on a lot. Go eat some ice-cream. :huh:

[MobCounty]

x2..

I distinctly remember being depressed and saying jokingly 'Some day you will forget all about this..'. The lesson is that I can remember saying that, but I cant remember wtf I was depressed about.

Unfortunately all you can pretty much do is wait it out..

[Friday]

Oh Keithy. I wish I had words of wisdom but I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel like this from time to time as well. Mainly in times of high, painful stress.
My mom died 8 months ago and I am flailing... FLAILING... trying to get her Estate together, sell a car, close an apartment, go through years worth of collectibles and memories. And I am doing it all by myself. Sometimes I look at how little I have accomplished and I just feel like the most useless piece of shit. And I cry. All the time. And I am a strong fucking person!

I know.. MUCH different than your situation. You're right.

But one thing ties us together. We are both alone in our quests. Sure we have friends who have been through similar things. But we need to find something within that is stronger ... and it's there... but the depression tends to throw a shadow over the best parts of us. Only we can see the good.... can push past the hurt and propel ourselves into the UNKNOWN future.
A world without this person who is no longer a part of our lives.

Being alone is fucking scary.

But it will get better. I promise you. Just look in that mirror and see the person who you know deserves more. Who deserves a fresh start and a chance to get to know the real YOU ... beyond someone elses expectations.

Hang in there, darlin. ;)

[weekapaugjz]

keithy, i have been in your spot plenty of times in my life. there are ups and downs and the downs can seem very overwhelming. just gotta stick 'em out. it takes time though, get out and meet some new people who are fun to hang out with. when i broke up with my first love about 3 years ago (seems very similar to what you have posted in other threads) i didn't think i could do anything, i stayed in bed a lot and didn't get out much. it sucks, but it will pass. stay strong budday.

[JPMNICK]

Keith when my best friend was your age, he was in your EXACT situation. he was miserable, depressed, same shit. we all have been there. the difference between me and him was he let it consume him. and days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. everything in his life was going down, which just added to his depression and frustration.

he did not snap himself out of it, and we are no longer friends. his drinking at nights turned to harder drugs, and he stopped going to college. I could not be around him anymore, he was a fucking mess and trying to drag everyone else down with him.

i hope you are smart enough not to go down this road. I thought he was, and I was wrong. The problem is no one ever thinks it could be them, until it is. just remember to take a step back sometimes, look at your life, and make sure it is not you. it is ok to be depressed and sad at times, but never let it consume you.

[MadMatt]

At least you have a breakup that is causing your woes. I feel like that every day. I wish [no I PRAY] I was dead most days - but you just get up and keep going anyway.

It sounds retarded now, but it will pass. Things will eventually get better. One day you will wake up and it won't hurt as much, then the next day will be a little better. Eventually you will get back to a good place. It just takes time.

Or you can be like me and keep struggling forward, hoping fror death but settling for another craptacular day on planet Earth. Your choice.

EDIT: And as a counter to JPMNICK, you can be miserable and still "fake it." Most people won't know you aren't doing well. The longer you fake it, the better you get at it, the less people notice. Just sayin'.

[FUNKMAN]

hope things get better for you Keithy! try not to take things so hard, they could always be worse...

[keithy_19]

It's not just about the break up. I've been feeling shitty for awhile. And that relationship seemed to be the one thing that was holding me up. Now that it's gone I just keep falling. I have no clue what to do with my life. I hate my job. I hate going to college and feeling lost when I get there. I hate not feeling worth anything. I wish I was better looking. I wish I was smarter. I wish I didn't have to take medicine for a disease that seems so shitty to me. I don't even feel good about myself because I can handle MS. I see people who are handling cancer and I feel like such a pussy.

[mdr55]

You're going through alot right now but the one thing I can tell you is that drinking is not going to help you. Sure it makes you forget your problems for awhile and you feel good but it's a temporary solution. Alcohol is depresant and it is contributing to the negative feelings you're feeeling about yourself.

Also don't compare yourself to other people. Just be yourself man and focus on the stuff that you can change. You seem to not give yourself credit for the stuff you you do do.

You were in a relationship, you have a job (although you don't like it), you're in college........how many people can say all that? I'm sure none of that stuff came to you, you had to go out there and work towards it. So you see, you have the power to change things.

And what's wrong with crying? It just shows you have feelings and are human.

[MadBiker]

It's not just about the break up. I've been feeling shitty for awhile. And that relationship seemed to be the one thing that was holding me up. Now that it's gone I just keep falling. I have no clue what to do with my life. I hate my job. I hate going to college and feeling lost when I get there. I hate not feeling worth anything. I wish I was better looking. I wish I was smarter. I wish I didn't have to take medicine for a disease that seems so shitty to me. I don't even feel good about myself because I can handle MS. I see people who are handling cancer and I feel like such a pussy.

Keithy, do see a therapist or a counsellor? I know your school has them. It sounds like you may need to reach out to someone for professional talk therapy. You have a lot on your plate right now and your one crutch is now gone.

Your admission that you hate yourself and feel like you are in a spiral is cause for some concern. These feelings come and go at times in our lives but when they last for extended periods of time, you need to treat it like any other thing that affects your health and well-being, and seek a professional who is trained to help you return to a state of health.

If you do not choose to seek help from a counsellor, then start by looking at areas where you can eliminate stress from your daily life, little by little. Start with school.

School can be incredibly overwhelming. Do not let it slide or fall by the wayside. Trust me on this one, I was there once and it took me 10 long years of harder work than I could imagine to finish my degree and manage a career at the same time. Speak to your academic adviser and professors about some of the difficulty you have with your courses and see if they cannot help adjust your Fall schedule to be more manageable.

Commuting to school is not easy either, so make a schedule of no more than 12 credits spread out over 3 or 4 days. If possible, schedule classes so they are not back to back and that you know you can get to on time - if you are not an early riser, do not schedule an 8:10 chem lab first thing! It is better to cut back your course load and difficulty rather than turn your back on school altogether. Have you declared a major yet, and do you plan to transfer to Kean or Montclair or RU? You may need to adjust your schedule and timeline accordingly. Take the pressure off of yourself to accomplish the long term goal of graduation or transfer; just take each class day by day. Any university to which you transfer will accept you Spring or Fall, and you do not have to have a declared major to transfer.

If your job is a problem, then get out. Now. I do not know if you live at home or not, but if you have the support of your parents, then I would quit the job you hate and try doing something less stressful (I've been there, too). I am not sure what kind of work you are doing, but you may need to try doing the same work in a new environment, or changing jobs altogether. Going through the same hateful motions at work day in and day out just for the sake of a paycheck is toxic to mind and body. Find a way to make a change.

I used to work in academic administration and student services. I can at least offer concrete advice on what to do for school, so if you have any questions in that regard, feel free to ask.

[drjoek]

Just wanted to add that if its any indication the responses you get here are indicative of peoples feeling. So try to get through the tough times and look forward to better days. I know it sounds like pat advice but most advice is that way and its true.

:thumbup:
Hey look a smiley face

Better days my friend

[Crispy123]

It's not just about the break up. I've been feeling shitty for awhile. And that relationship seemed to be the one thing that was holding me up. Now that it's gone I just keep falling. I have no clue what to do with my life. I hate my job. I hate going to college and feeling lost when I get there. I hate not feeling worth anything. I wish I was better looking. I wish I was smarter. I wish I didn't have to take medicine for a disease that seems so shitty to me. I don't even feel good about myself because I can handle MS. I see people who are handling cancer and I feel like such a pussy.

Hey Budday,

Everybody has things about themselves they would change. You can compare yourself to what someone else is going through but I find it kind of pointless because we are all walking along our own path. I know I have felt the way you describe about myself at times but I haven't felt that way in a long long time.

The only thing we know about this life is that everything we know will change eventually. We are born, we live and we die. No getting around it so we might as well and try to enjoy the ride. :wink:

[ScottFromGA]

i hate myself. i cant stand looking into the fucking mirror. i just want to sleep and when i have to get up i just wish i would break my legs so i had a reason not to do anything. im going through this break up and its stupid butits really showed me hopw much i cant stand being me. i wish i was someone else. or nothing at all.i cant fucking take it. all i do is cry, feel completely empty, drink, cry, drink, cry, feel empty,drink, and it goes on and on. i can't fucking do this anymore. i can;'t deal with it.

Oh Keithy. I wish I had words of wisdom but I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel like this from time to time as well. Mainly in times of high, painful stress.
My mom died 8 months ago and I am flailing... FLAILING... trying to get her Estate together, sell a car, close an apartment, go through years worth of collectibles and memories. And I am doing it all by myself. Sometimes I look at how little I have accomplished and I just feel like the most useless piece of shit. And I cry. All the time. And I am a strong fucking person!

I know.. MUCH different than your situation. You're right.

But one thing ties us together. We are both alone in our quests. Sure we have friends who have been through similar things. But we need to find something within that is stronger ... and it's there... but the depression tends to throw a shadow over the best parts of us. Only we can see the good.... can push past the hurt and propel ourselves into the UNKNOWN future.
A world without this person who is no longer a part of our lives.

Being alone is fucking scary.

But it will get better. I promise you. Just look in that mirror and see the person who you know deserves more. Who deserves a fresh start and a chance to get to know the real YOU ... beyond someone elses expectations.

Hang in there, darlin. ;)


I know how both of you two feel.....my story almost mirrors Friday's.

Group Hug? :happy:

[Reephdweller]

And that relationship seemed to be the one thing that was holding me up.


Keithy I can tell you that it gets better. Part of life and growing to be a mature person involves going through some fucked up shit. I'm not saying it's easy and right now what you are feeling is EVERYTHING in the world. I know it. You will experience a hell of a lot more in life that will pale in comparison to this and one day you will look back and see that. That doesn't diminish what you're feeling or your situation but you will have highs and lows.

There are definitely days when I feel like complete garbage and all alone in the world, but I know there are people who love me and depend upon me. You need to look around you - the bigger view of it all and see that. From what I know of you and from your posts you're a good guy and people here like you a lot. Otherwise people wouldn't show you support if they thought otherwise. I get self conscious about my looks and things about me but I use that as part of my drive to better myself. I think you need to find something similar to that to motivate you.

The key to what I'm saying, and the reason I quoted part of what you said is that you need to build inner strength. It's great to be in a relationship and feel like it's your life, but you need to be stronger to move beyond it in these situations. That involves you building self esteem. Doing things you don't normally do and actually impressing yourself that you could do that, whatever it is. You will start to feel better about yourself and put yourself on the road to independence. Believe me, I feel many of the things you do, but I have several things in my life that motivate me and push me harder to be stronger and self sufficient. I think you need find things that apply to you and do similar.

[SatCam]

Keith we bust your balls all the time about your threads, but the majority of the people on this board dont have anywhere near the stones to talk about whats going on inside their head

[CofyCrakCocaine]

i hate myself. i cant stand looking into the fucking mirror. i just want to sleep and when i have to get up i just wish i would break my legs so i had a reason not to do anything. im going through this break up and its stupid butits really showed me hopw much i cant stand being me. i wish i was someone else. or nothing at all.i cant fucking take it. all i do is cry, feel completely empty, drink, cry, drink, cry, feel empty,drink, and it goes on and on. i can't fucking do this anymore. i can;'t deal with it.

Nothing to say other than just keep a stiff upper lip and quit bashing yourself. The only thing you should be ashamed of is when you are wasting time and energy being ashamed of something you ought be proud of; namely, yourself. The only person who will ever be on your side 100% of the time is yourself. All the loved ones in the world can't make that guarantee. If you ain't happy with the way things are, change a couple things up. Simple as that. Doing nothing is like rinsing a burning mouth with tobasco sauce.

And every dude hates to be himself when he's going through a break-up. So we've all been there brother, and can relate to just how awful the feeling is. If you can't sleep give Ambien (5 or 10mg once a night as prescribed) a shot. Helped me out when I was having "white nights" after a particularly rough breakup aught seven years ago.

[patsopinion]

I went through almost an identical thing a few years ago(when i was same age) and i pretty mutch lost my faith in everything

its part of growing up for some of us

just calm down a little bit

no one expects you to have the answers
just get into the groove for school and work and it will come, eventually

go see a baseball game
slow down, its not the way you thought it would be, but what did you really think it would be like?

[CYYYFYYY]

I am older than you and you know what... Sometimes it does not get better. Everyone loves saying give it time and crap. Sometimes it just gets worse. Or just stays shitty. You have guts for posting. But is it reality that it will get better. Hopefully but I can;t say it will. I have no answers.

[JesterOfSadness]

Almost two years ago I was in your same situation(or close to it). I got dumped and took it really badly. I had wished that once I was done trying to cry myself to sleep, that I wouldn't wake up. I didn't do anything or speak to anyone for days. Everything I did and saw reminded me of her and it just made me completely break down. I decided to remove anything that she painted, bought, wrote, even pictures of her and myself enjoying ourselves at the zoo for my birthday. I'll be honest and say that after all that time, I still feel sad if I hear about her or see her picture.

It can/will take time to go on. Some longer than others. I don't know what to say advice wise, cause my advice usually sucks, but try to keep busy so that you don't think about her whether it be work, homework, or anything that keeps the mind busy. Don't look at her myspace/facebook or whatever thing she's into and I'm sure friends of yours know what you're going through and know that any word spoken of her will bring you down. I agree with MadMatt, on each day can/will get better and eventually it'll all be over with and you can continue your life into bigger and better things.

And seriously, avoid the sad sappy emo music. That won't do you any good.

[keithy_19]

And seriously, avoid the sad sappy emo music. That won't do you any good.

I've been listening to Against Me! and Clutch, MXPX, stuff that I never really attached to her.

[AngelAmy]

And every dude hates to be himself when he's going through a break-up. So we've all been there brother, and can relate to just how awful the feeling is. If you can't sleep give Ambien (5 or 10mg once a night as prescribed) a shot. Helped me out when I was having "white nights" after a particularly rough breakup aught seven years ago.


for the future please shy away from suggesting any kinds of prescription drugs if you're not a doctor.

[keithy_19]

for the future please shy away from suggesting any kinds of prescription drugs if you're not a doctor.

4 benadryl for me.

[sr71blackbird]

Keith, what are you talking about? I have seen your picture, you are a normal, good looking guy. Dont worry about too much shit, just concentrate on school, work, family and friends. Keep your self busy and things will fall into your lap. Network yourself. Look at people on the board that are networking themselves. The larger your circle is, the more likely people within that circle will help you out and open opportunities for you. Never stay locked up, always keep yourself out there for people to meet and know you.

[keithy_19]

She called me today. I was on my break at work and she called me. I answered, cause U haven't talked to her in a a day or two. We made small, boring talk. And then I told her I had to go back to work. I said that I'd talk to her later or something. So I said bye. And she said, "bye babe...um I mean..." and caught herself saying babe.

Of course, I didn't try to make something of it on the phone. I played it cool. But it's been kind of stuck in my mind for the day. Why would she say babe? She hasn't said that to me in awhile. Since we broke up. Is it out of habit? Does she call the other guy babe? Does she miss me? I'm just even more confuse, and I know I shouldn't be.

[drjoek]

DONT read more into then it is you seem to be making progress DONT slide bacwards now. I also suggest that small talk with your ex can't serve any helpful purpose for you. I wouldn't take those calls unless they we're something important which there isn't much of

Just my thoughts

[Jujubees2]

I agree with the good doctor. Try to keep communications with her to a minimum and do not read into anything she says. I had the same situation and every time I got a letter from her (this was in the good old days before cell phones and email) I would dissect it, line-by-line, driving myself crazy.

[keithy_19]

I just really feel that there's more than this for us. I really don't think we're done. It's not just false hope.

[Furtherman]

Oh man I feel for you but if she's away at school (I think that's it... right?) or you're separated by a long distance and you're SO YOUNG... the sooner you pick your chin up and start doing other things in your life, the sooner you will feel better.

I hate to be so blunt... but rarely, hardly ever, would two young kids seperated by distance ever stay together. Sure, they'll always have some feelings for each other, but because there are so many more other people to meet... it's just not going to happen.


I didn't know one girl who started college with a boyfriend back home to still be with that guy at graduation. In fact, most of those relationships were over Freshman year. Same with guys who had a girlfriend back home. And I knew a lot of people like that.

It just can't happen when you are still trying to figure out who you are. You're doing it right now, although you may not realize or even acknowledge it, but you'll see in later years.

[drjoek]

Keithy Budday

Your'e 19 and youve been a board member since 2002?

Im impressed

So youve got that working for ya

[keithy_19]

Oh man I feel for you but if she's away at school (I think that's it... right?) or you're separated by a long distance and you're SO YOUNG... the sooner you pick your chin up and start doing other things in your life, the sooner you will feel better.



No. She's in high school. Yeah, I know. She's young and so am I. But she moved last year and was farther. She moved back to my town as soon as the school year ended. Of course, all the people telling her she shouldn't e with me took its toll and she gave in. She's dating some other kid from where she jsut moved from. He doesn't have a job, but makes money drawing pictures. Fucking "artist" probably draws anime shit and sells it to stupid kids.

The fact is, that whole thing is a rebound and she is desperately trying to convince herself that she doesn't love me. And I have no clue why, other than the fact that so much shit has been force fed to her. It takes its toll after awhile.

But I'm not giving up on her. On us. She used to ask me if I would fight for her if something happened between us. Well, I'm fighting.

[Snacks]

No. She's in high school. Yeah, I know. She's young and so am I. But she moved last year and was farther. She moved back to my town as soon as the school year ended. Of course, all the people telling her she shouldn't e with me took its toll and she gave in. She's dating some other kid from where she jsut moved from. He doesn't have a job, but makes money drawing pictures. Fucking "artist" probably draws anime shit and sells it to stupid kids.

The fact is, that whole thing is a rebound and she is desperately trying to convince herself that she doesn't love me. And I have no clue why, other than the fact that so much shit has been force fed to her. It takes its toll after awhile.

But I'm not giving up on her. On us. She used to ask me if I would fight for her if something happened between us. Well, I'm fighting.

Shes still in HS? This sounds like one of those she went out with you b/c you were older type of relationships. Like you were a senior and she was a soph dating the senior who drives? Those types never last after the older one graduates and the younger one starts to drive and guys in her grade start to drive etc.


Like many people have said, your young and so is she. Maybe she really doesnt love you? Maybe your convincing yourself that she does? I dont know your relationship but I do know what its like to date at your age and how the world is going to end b/c she no longer wants to be with you. You will be fine there are much "hotter" girls who will want to be with you someday.

Sometimes you got to stop fighting and let things take their course. If she really wants you, she will eventually come back, but doing what your doing is making you act and look crazy. What your probably doing is scaring her off. Its time to move on.

[Furtherman]

You guys are so young, you don't even know what real love is yet.

I'm out of advice. Frankly, you'll be wasting time... she's in high school?! Far away... with boys all over the place. And I'm guessing she's going into her senior year? Oh man... please Keithy.. find some kind of club, volunteer service... look into going to college. You got to toughen up and move on. She already has. Fight for her? It's not like you're sitting next to her in science class. And this isn't 1950. You may feel some kind of nobility but you are just going to hurt yourself more. There is always someone else.


Ladies: chime in here.... think back when you were in high school and where you are now.

[buzzard]

Keith, I wish there were some miraculous wisdom I could empart to you...it's already been done! yer friends in this forum care about you and you obviously do the same! consider yourself lucky you didn't wait til you were 30,like me to go through this,I like my new friend Keith ALL these people do,that's why we want to help.It may sound like so much B.S. however,time will heal you and being a part of something much bigger than any ONE of us...is the answer RF.net loves you way more than she ever has....or knows how to at this point in her life.Sincerely,Wil

[jetdog]

I'm not trying to belittle your feelings in any way here, but I think several threads have popped up over the last few months, that deal with similar, not exact, sitiuations that you're describing. You're a young dude, all us old fuckers on here remember this shit about being broken up (or down) about losing the chick we were into for so long in high school or even college. Take our advice, learn from our pathetic grasps at maitaining a relationship long after it shoould have been gone (I'll speak for myself here). Move on. Feel better.

[FUNKMAN]

stay in touch but don't let your heart get heavy. keep it civil, casual, and be nice to each other. don't burn bridges, date others and down the road who knows where life may take you two and another opportunity may arise to be together

[MadBiker]

You guys are so young, you don't even know what real love is yet.

I'm out of advice. Frankly, you'll be wasting time... she's in high school?! Far away... with boys all over the place. And I'm guessing she's going into her senior year? Oh man... please Keithy.. find some kind of club, volunteer service... look into going to college. You got to toughen up and move on. She already has. Fight for her? It's not like you're sitting next to her in science class. And this isn't 1950. You may feel some kind of nobility but you are just going to hurt yourself more. There is always someone else.


Ladies: chime in here.... think back when you were in high school and where you are now.

OK, Furtherman, I'll jump in. I've already advised Keithy to look at reducing his stress level in life, and I hope he tries to find ways to make his life more manageable while he gets through this tough time. It sucks, because women and men go through this stuff all the time.

As far as the high school me, I did not date much, I had one semi-serious relationship but it ended, as most do, when summer came and we drifted into seeing other friends and going on family vacations, etc. I was not happy, but I got over it. I had other troubles and demons to battle to worry about boyfriends and such, so much of my life had to be pulled together before I could think about real, heart-to-heart relationships.

As far as this whole "Fight for me" thing: well, Keithy might not want to hear this, but sometimes you have to be blunt. That's the kind of thing a girl (especially a young immature girl) says when she is hooked on soap operas and doesn't know what really, really fighting for a relationship is all about. I think people who have the notion of "fighting for me" are the types who think Romeo and Juliet would have lived happily ever after if it wasn't for their suicides.

When you "fight" for a relationship, it is never about one person doing all the work to fight for the other. Keithy should not have to battle to get the girl. Fighting, really fighting to keep your love strong involves so much more than proving your worth, real or imagined, to someone.

Real couples fight together. You have to be mutually committed to helping each other solve a problem or manage a difficult time (illness, death of a family member or child, financial troubles, addiction - just a few I can name off the top of my head). There are so many real struggles that couples may have to face in their lives, so if this girl is going to sit back and play the mamby-pamby princess in a tower game waiting for Keithy to pull of some romantic stunt to impress her, he's going to have more problems with her in later years than just the loss of young love.

"Fight for me." That shit doesn't fly. It's just another game girls play to get guys to run around and do crazy things to get a little sack-time before the girl runs off to the next guy who fights harder. She does not know what real love, or real "fighting" is yet.

Wait until you have to stand by someone as they watch a drug-addicted parent spiral into oblivion and lose the respect of everyone around them. Stand by and say nothing and know you will have to hold that person in the middle of the night, wishing you could kill to make him happy, yet say nothing because you can't say anything to make the pain stop. Wait unti the struggle to stay afloat when the unemployment runs out and the rent is due, and one income cannot support you both for too much longer, and you have to crawl back to your parents, pride in tatters, just so you can eat. Pass through some of that fire and fight with each other because you LOVE, not because you want to save something that resembles love.

[DolaMight]

Sounds like you need something to take your mind off things. I recommend getting a 60" or larger HDTV and maybe a Xbox360 or PS3. Buying expensive doo-dads always makes me feel better. Either that or maybe a dog.

[mdr55]

Go for it. What have you got to lose? If it doesn't work out, at least you tried and would have no regrets later on in life with the "what if" when your old and grey.

[midwestjeff]

Sounds like you need something to take your mind off things. I recommend getting a 60" or larger HDTV and maybe a Xbox360 or PS3. Buying expensive doo-dads always makes me feel better. Either that or maybe get oral from a dog.

eewww!

[keithy_19]

I talked to her last night. I was out with two girls driving down to Clinton Road in West Milford last night. (Btw, there's a detour for Clinton Road and I wish I would have known that)

She called me and she asked what I was doing and I told her I was out with these girls and that we were driving to Clinton Road cause it's creepy. She got really jealous. Asked why I never took her places like that. Truth is, I couldn't take her places like that cause her parents are so fucked up in the head.

But, she moved back to where I live so I could take her to those places now. She just effed up with the timing and didnt think anything through.

It did make me feel good to see her get so jealous though.

[drjoek]

If youre out driving around with two girls youre making progress. Don't slide back to feeling like shit

[keithy_19]

If youre out driving around with two girls youre making progress. Don't slide back to feeling like shit

Well, I don't have a shot with either of these two girls. But, that's ok. I guess it is progress maybe.

[drjoek]

Well, I don't have a shot with either of these two girls. But, that's ok. I guess it is progress maybe.

If youve got a car you always have a chance with girls.
Fuck I wish I knew then the shit I know now


"Youth is wasted on the young"
Its a Wonderful Life

[Furtherman]

Feeling good that someone is jealous isn't a good thing. Jealously shows lack of trust. I don't anyone who likes a jealous partner. It only leads to fights.

[Dingbat_Charlie]

hang in there. I remember being your age and broken-hearted. god, it sucked, and it seemed like it would never go away and that I'd never feel better.

the good news is that it does go away and you will feel better someday, whether you get back with your ex or not.

[JesterOfSadness]

Feeling good that someone is jealous isn't a good thing. Jealously shows lack of trust. I don't anyone who likes a jealous partner. It only leads to fights.

True dat. I'm guessing you meant to put "I don't know anyone..." or something?

[Furtherman]

Feeling good that someone is jealous isn't a good thing. Jealously shows lack of trust. I don't anyone who likes a jealous partner. It only leads to fights.

True dat. I'm guessing you meant to put "I don't know anyone..." or something?

Exactly, thank you.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

I like women who are easily jealous only if A) I only want to sex them up B) hate their guts.

If you want to make an emotional investment in a chick, hair-trigger jealousy is definitely a red flag.

[buzzard]

Well, I don't have a shot with either of these two girls. But, that's ok. I guess it is progress maybe.

part of the drill is learning that you "have a shot" with everyone...not just in a relationship/sexual nature...as they say(whoever THEY are!) don't belittle yerself...beBiG yerself! you(in my opinion) need more self-confidence.THAT comes with time,experiance,self-introspection.self learn don't fall into that self-loathing crap.:smile:

[Dingbat_Charlie]

don't belittle yerself...beBiG yerself!

http://www.gossiportruth.com/wp-content/images/Dr_Phil.jpg

[keithy_19]

Jealously shows that there are still feelings there. I think that she is confused about what she's doing, and she ran to that kid cause he was there and had played his cards wonderfully.

She was the one with someone else, and I was the one who was alone. After she heard I was actually with other girls, I think it sunk in that she still has feelings for me.

[JesterOfSadness]

Jealousy can also lead to not being able to hang out with your girl friends or in worse cases friends in general. If she knows you're hanging out with another chic, she'll bring the whip..and not the good kind. (This is if you are to go back with her)

But then again, what I listed above is something that's currently happening with my best friend. He's not allowed to hang out with any girls, unless she's present. Same goes for his guy friends as well. She's stated that she'll hold the jealousy, but people say alot of things and jealousy is difficult to cure.

Whatever you decide to do and whatever the outcome is, you live and learn.

[buzzard]

http://www.gossiportruth.com/wp-content/images/Dr_Phil.jpg

Ouch!...I'm not looking for ratings like that Oprah lackey!:laugh:

[keithy_19]

Jealousy can also lead to not being able to hang out with your girl friends or in worse cases friends in general. If she knows you're hanging out with another chic, she'll bring the whip..and not the good kind. (This is if you are to go back with her)

But then again, what I listed above is something that's currently happening with my best friend. He's not allowed to hang out with any girls, unless she's present. Same goes for his guy friends as well. She's stated that she'll hold the jealousy, but people say alot of things and jealousy is difficult to cure.

Whatever you decide to do and whatever the outcome is, you live and learn.

I have no problem with her hanging out with me and my friends that are girls. That's never bothered me. I don't need to be with these girls alone.

And I trust her to hang out with people. Maybe I trust too much.

[keithy_19]

Slowly but surely, we'll be back together.

[DolaMight]

This thread is dueling another; "Clueless" (http://ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=62172). They should be merged.

[FUNKMAN]

Slowly but surely, we'll be back together.

step by step, inch by inch...

[SatCam]

Slowly but surely, we'll be back together.

please read this post (http://ronfez.net/forums/showpost.php?p=1379136&postcount=12)

[keithy_19]

please read this post (http://ronfez.net/forums/showpost.php?p=1379136&postcount=12)

Unfortunately, I've found out that I'm not that strong. Or, I don't want to be. Something like that.

[MrPink]

Keep busy. Do some work to distract yourself from whatever is fucked up in your life. When there is no work to do, party! Get fucked up with friends, listen to some music, meet some girls.

[keithy_19]

Keep busy. Do some work to distract yourself from whatever is fucked up in your life. When there is no work to do, party! Get fucked up with friends, listen to some music, meet some girls.

I actually quit drinking. Not that I did it much, but recently it was every night to get over her. And it was that way the past month. I can't be doing that. It won't win her back, and it won't make me feel better about myself.

[ppanda]

Keith-
Im gonna keep this brief. I am going on 33 this month and at times I feel the same as you.
And I apologize if someone has already said this because I didnt read all the posts.

But think about this...How many good times do you think about?....not many right?...do you only think about all the aweful things you went/are going through?

It just seems like people tend to dwell on the negative- including myself.

Try to think of all the good times and fun things you've done in your past even going back to your childhood- and it could even be as simple as a TV episode you enjoyed....a song...a concert or whatever. I'm sure you will find that they outnumber the negative.

I at times feel that I havent accomplished anything but thinking positive and striving towards goals are what keeps life interesting- Please I'm 33 and still dont know what I want to be when I grow up- I think it's a change in generations where our parents had their careers at like 22.

The future will be an experience and try to remember all the great times you have with friends (and ignore all the bad)- that will keep you positive.

WOW that wasnt so brief- sorry budday

[ppanda]

I actually quit drinking. Not that I did it much, but recently it was every night to get over her. And it was that way the past month. I can't be doing that. It won't win her back, and it won't make me feel better about myself.

Listen budday- girls arent worth a fuk- I know it sounds cliche- but No woman is worth pining over. There are so many hotties out there especially at your age. Live it up. Have fun. All mjy friends who got married- wound up divorced in two years so the moral of the story is-= L-O-V-E is a scam to sell hallmark cards and diamond rings- doesnt exist budday.

[ppanda]

Sorry another post script....Like other people have mentioned drinking is not the solution..believe me- I have posted in this forum that I am up til at least 4 in the morning drinking to kill the pain. Not a solution and now I am in a trap- I cant stop. I now have a reputation at work because of the amount of booze I drink at happy hours not to mention that a few of my friends mentioned to me at work that I wreak of booze from time to time.

Although I am a functional alcoholic- Stop the drinking before it nips you in the bud- its only a matter of time before you see me on that show Intervention- joking/but not really.

Hope all works out for ya budday

Pat

[keithy_19]

Of course my no alcohol thing fell apart tonight. Fuck.

[FUNKMAN]

Of course my no alcohol thing fell apart tonight. Fuck.

don't sweat it, I'm with ya budday... just had a bottle of Pillar Box Red, some fresh asparagus sauted in garlic, oil ,and sundried tomatas, and spinach ravioli

just don't drive

[keithy_19]

I drnka gain tonight. I don't know what the fuck im doing anymore,

[mdr55]

what's up with you and that chic?

[keithy_19]

what's up with you and that chic?

What chic?

[PapaBear]

What chic?
That's the spirit!!!

[keithy_19]

I'm so confused. But that's ok. Listening to Andrew W.K. and coming down from your drunkenness at 6 in the am is a new experience for me. I'me xperiencing new things because of this break up. Perhaps that's the point of broken hearts. To experience thigns you never thought you would. Like andrew w.k. and sobering up at 6 in the morning.

[drjoek]

Download and listen to some Tom Waits it will help. Theres a nice TW appreciation thread here you could reference
http://ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=62007&highlight=Tom+Waits

[keithy_19]

I'm not going to talk to her anymore. I'll just keep my mouth shut and think she's missing me a little bit. Even if she isnt.

[JPMNICK]

I'm not going to talk to her anymore. I'll just keep my mouth shut and think she's missing me a little bit. Even if she isnt.

she's not, so seriously start moving on. it is the summer, you should be bagging chicks once per week.

[keithy_19]

she's not, so seriously start moving on. it is the summer, you should be bagging chicks once per week.

I'm hanging out with this girl tonight. Maybe I bang her. And ronfez.net memebers will pat me on the back. Maybe.

[midwestjeff]

I'm hanging out with this girl tonight. Maybe I bang her. And ronfez.net memebers will pat me on the back. Maybe.

While hanging out with this new girl, DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE OLD ONE! and good luck.

[citymedic27]

While hanging out with this new girl, DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE OLD ONE! and good luck.

Best advice EVER.

Keith, we are both in tough spots. A little different, but the same. Alone. i have a gf and a good family but neither one of them has any idea what goes when im a work. (im a paramedic btw) I went to a real bad fire, when we arrived two people jumped, and there were many injured, we had reports of kids and babies still trapped (which ended up to be false) I ended up taking care of this woman who was horribly burned, 3rd degree over 60% of her body, she had ran back into the building in an attempt to rescue her mentally handicapped (i hate the word retard) daughter. She exited on fire, we put her in our ambo and the only thing that I could focus on was taking care of her pain, knowing she wasnt going to live much longer than a couple of days. It was me and her, it was like being on an island. Her last words "did my daughter get out" I have to carry that with me everyday.
The rest of the tour only got worse, 2 more horrible calls.

The when i finally left the next morning, I drove home, and sat on the couch, and just stared off into space, it was like a bad dream, my mother just wanted to hear the stories about the fire, and say that ass and the back of my head had made it on tv. I didnt want to eat, i just wanted to sleep. I had nightmares, the whole works. I went to counseling but I felt alone, like no one had idea what was going on. But opening up to people helps, alot. Sure its not the man thing to do, I cried over it, and I still think about that nite alot. But I know im a better caregiver now, b/c I have that experince, and you will too, you'll be a better person in the end for having your heart broken and mended back together. we have all been there in one or another. Keep your chin up kid.

[JPMNICK]

While hanging out with this new girl, DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE OLD ONE! and good luck.

that's great advice. do not even say anything good about the old one, do not even mention just. you can say you dated someone, it ended, and you have moved on. no one wants to think you are still hung up on an ex

[drjoek]

I'm hanging out with this girl tonight. Maybe I bang her. And ronfez.net memebers will pat me on the back. Maybe.


have you and citymedic considered a "life coach"
I know a good one named Elsie

[buzzard]

have you and citymedic considered a "life coach"
I know a good one named Elsie
:lol: :lol: I'd forgotten about Elsie!

[keithy_19]

Citymedic, comparing our situations is really comparing apples and organges. I mean, I know the point was that we go on and we become better for our expeirences.

But you're a hero man. You have every right to cry about stuff like that. And, I just want to personally say thank you for your services. My brothers are both fire fighters and emts, and it's such an honorable thing to do.

And, I talked to my ex tonight. We kinda got into a fight, and then I sat down and thought about it. I can't keep beating myself up over this. I'm ebtter than that and have dealt with a lot more serious shit than this.

As someone said before, if it's meant to be it will be. I can't stop my life and wait for her. Her and her new guy won't last. As soon as summer is done they won't make it a month. And if they do she'll be msierable. And even if she stays with him and they make it, whatever. It's not my concern. With time I'll forget her more and more. I'ma lreayd have trouble remembering her face. I guess that's a good sign, though it's also depressing at the same time. It'll be all ok though.

[keithy_19]

So, I went out tonight, and I got some girls number. Maybe something will come of that.

[PapaBear]

So, I went out tonight, and I got some girls number. Maybe something will come of that.
:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::c lap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

[keithy_19]

She's done a few plays at my high school with this summer theater group. She has a lot of talent. Incredible singer. And ya know they say about girls who are great at singing.























































They can deepthroat the cock of an ox. Or so I'm hoping.

[PapaBear]

They can deepthroat the cock of an ox. Or so I'm hoping.
I'd think you'd prefer she do that to you, instead.:dry:

[keithy_19]

I'd think you'd prefer she do that to you, instead.:dry:

Well, if she can deepthroat an ox she'll most likely be able to deepthroat a horse. Which means she'll be able to deepthroat me. Wooo!

[Ax Handle]

Sorry I'm a lazy ass. I didn't want to read the whole thread, so I'm just responding to the origional question.
The only thing that can get anyone past a bad break up is going on like it didn't happen. The last thing you need after a break up is a lapse in confidence. You might die tomorrow. Is this what you want to be thinking about.

[keithy_19]

Sorry I'm a lazy ass. I didn't want to read the whole thread, so I'm just responding to the origional question.
The only thing that can get anyone past a bad break up is going on like it didn't happen. The last thing you need after a break up is a lapse in confidence. You might die tomorrow. Is this what you want to be thinking about.

My luck, I'd be thinking about her, and then get my legs on the ground and say that I'm better off, and then get hit by a bus.

I went to a party tonight though. I got pretty drunk, hooked up with this girl. The first girl I've kissed since my ex. I don't know. I didn't feel anything. It really just felt like I was goign through the motions. I think I'm broken.

[citymedic27]

My luck, I'd be thinking about her, and then get my legs on the ground and say that I'm better off, and then get hit by a bus.

I went to a party tonight though. I got pretty drunk, hooked up with this girl. The first girl I've kissed since my ex. I don't know. I didn't feel anything. It really just felt like I was goign through the motions. I think I'm broken.

Thats a good sign, you got back in the batters box. If you hooked up with this girl, that means that you had to talk to her a little bit (unless you used some type of pharmological intervention) and hang out with her for a while. You'll feel numb for a while, but the feeling will return. Hang in there

[keithy_19]

Thats a good sign, you got back in the batters box. If you hooked up with this girl, that means that you had to talk to her a little bit (unless you used some type of pharmological intervention) and hang out with her for a while. You'll feel numb for a while, but the feeling will return. Hang in there

This girl who I hooked up with, though, isn't someone I'd want to be with. It was just I was drunk and said fuck it. I have to start somewhere.

[buzzard]

she's not, so seriously start moving on. it is the summer, you should be bagging chicks once per week.
at last,the voice of reason!

[ryf]

This girl who I hooked up with, though, isn't someone I'd want to be with. It was just I was drunk and said fuck it. I have to start somewhere.

hey you can make the ugly/odd ones work for it sometimes! before I met my wife I used to love hooking up with the outsider at parties, a little kinkier, a little crazier, biting could be involved.... good ole days.... I wouldn't date em either but why not a crazy night to break up monogamy...

I'm married now and I'm a one woman guy, but the good old days give me memories I can hold on to. like dave says about an acid trip, you can get there in your mind again anytime you want.

keep the spirit man, your not starting somewhere, you are on your way already. good luck with getting past yourself and getting back to the life you deserve to live.

[keithy_19]

hey you can make the ugly/odd ones work for it sometimes! before I met my wife I used to love hooking up with the outsider at parties, a little kinkier, a little crazier, biting could be involved

My ex used to bite my lip. I actually have a permanent mark on my lower lip from where she bit it. A reminder of her every time I look in the mirror.

[keithy_19]

I'm going to her house on tomorrow to watch Moulin Rouge with her. I've never seen it, but it's her favorite movie and she always compared our love to the love of the characters in the movie.

I'm probably stupid for going. But I love the girl. And, well, she'll be alone with me watching a romantic movie that she loves and means something to us. Maybe soemthing will happen?

[mdr55]

Didn't they break up in the end????

[IamPixie]

Didn't they break up in the end????

She dies of tuberculosis.

[mdr55]

So they kinda broke up.

[keithy_19]

She dies of tuberculosis.

Thanks for ruining it for me. Now when she doesn't fuck me I won't even have a movie to watch SINCE I KNOW THE ENDING.

But seriously, I hope she fucks me.

[midwestjeff]

Thanks for ruining it for me. Now when she doesn't fuck me I won't even have a movie to watch SINCE I KNOW THE ENDING.

But seriously, I hope she fucks me.

So fucking her is what you want? You can fuck anyone. Love is different, or so i hear. This thread needs cat pics. Midkiff, work your magic.

[mdr55]

She's kidding about the end.



I think.



Let us know how it turns out.



The movie I mean.


And the other stuff.

[keithy_19]

So fucking her is what you want? You can fuck anyone. Love is different, or so i hear. This thread needs cat pics. Midkiff, work your magic.

Not at all. I want to love her like I did and get it back again. I want to fall asleep knowing I'm the guy on her mind. I want to be able to go places with her, hold hands, laugh over inside jokes, and then every night give her a kiss ont he lips and hear "I love you baby." That's what I want.

[PapaBear]

Not at all. I want to love her like I did and get it back again. I want to fall asleep knowing I'm the guy on her mind. I want to be able to go places with her, hold hands, laugh over inside jokes, and then every night give her a kiss ont he lips and hear "I love you baby." That's what I want.
Get it.



With someone else. Seriously.

[keithy_19]

Get it.



With someone else. Seriously.

If she's willing to watch a romantic movie with me, one that has a lot to do with us, (in her mind), I think it's a good sign.

[IamPixie]

Thanks for ruining it for me. Now when she doesn't fuck me I won't even have a movie to watch SINCE I KNOW THE ENDING.

But seriously, I hope she fucks me.

get a grip. knowing the ending of the movie is gonna ruin your chance of getting fucked? Trust me....she already knows if she's gonna fuck your or not.

[keithy_19]

get a grip. knowing the ending of the movie is gonna ruin your chance of getting fucked? Trust me....she already knows if she's gonna fuck your or not.

Knowing the ending of the movie was a joke. Like, if we dont have sex, I won't have the movie to entertain me either. But it was a joke.

[SatCam]

Knowing the ending of the movie was a joke. Like, if we dont have sex, I won't have the movie to entertain me either. But it was a joke.

if she fucks you I will pay you money

plus I thought it was tonight??

[keithy_19]

if she fucks you I will pay you money

plus I thought it was tonight??

Well. I will take that wager. And I'll be honest.

And it was today, but we're gonna watch it tomorrow instead. And, probably on her laptop in her room on her bed.

[envirogator]

if she fucks you I will pay you money

plus I thought it was tonight??
__________________


Keithy...no offense but I'm with Sat here...take it slow bruddah

[keithy_19]

Keithy...no offense but I'm with Sat here...take it slow bruddah

I don't think we'll fuck either. I don't care if we fuck. That's not what I'm looking for.

[keithy_19]

I went to her house today and watched the movie. At times, she really seemed like she was into me and wanted to do something. Nothing happened though. And the movie just depressed me. Not the fact that she dies, but the fact that the moral of the story was love conquers all yet you still won't be able to keep it.

I still hold out hope that we'll get back together someday. But there's no reason anymore to try. So, with a good defeatist attitude I will let this go.

[sr71blackbird]

Keith, these women will come and go into your life. Come and go. Especially at your age. The trick is to enjoy it while it here, but guard your heart with the knowledge that this is fleeting. Women are actually more attracted to men who are difficult to effect emotionally.
Look around you at all the girls you see who are hooked up with guys who you know are "wrong" for them. The girls all think they can change the guy. If you try and be the guy that they have already changed, you represent no challenge to them and are unappealing. Be distracted around a girl you like. Let her think you do not care too much and she will jump through hoops to try and change you. Part two of this trick though, is to work on maintaining this illusion. I had a hard time not reverting back the way you are after I "had her". I lost a few that way, but you are young and you will learn through trial and error.

[keithy_19]

Today would have been our one year, eight month. I'm trying to keep my mind off of it, but it's hard.

[mildly amusing]

seriously man, you need to move on...every guy in this thread will tell you the same thing, because we've been there before and now we know better...i dated my highschool sweetheart for 10 years before we broke up...we had a difference of opinion...i wanted her to move back to NJ, she wanted to fuck other guys....and i was destroyed for months...but i had great friends that told me how much i had to offer other chicks...and i don't know you, but i'm sure you have tons of shit going for you...even if you can't see it...anyway, cut the cord son....do you really think that with all the women in the entire world, the best one for you is one you knew when you were a kid...there are plenty of girls who will care about you for you....you deserve better...and if you take the time to look, you'll find better...sorry if i was harsh, but i see way too much of myself in you...and i know how much happier i would have been if i'd moved on sooner...

[keithy_19]

I'm hanging out with other girls. It's just I'm having trouble reclaiming the confidence I had while I was dating my ex. I'm trying though. And I'll move on. And she'll realize what a mistake she made, and it'll be too late for her.

[Furtherman]

And she'll realize what a mistake she made, and it'll be too late for her.

False hope. Drop the idea that you are the best person for her. If you were, you wouldn't be in this situation. Someone else will be the best person for her - eventually - in like 10 or more years. Same with you.

[keithy_19]

False hope. Drop the idea that you are the best person for her. If you were, you wouldn't be in this situation. Someone else will be the best person for her - eventually - in like 10 or more years. Same with you.

I'm not the best person for her. But fuck, I'm a great guy. I did everything for her. Maybe she really does need to be treated like shit. Thank God I'm a better person than that.

[mdr55]

I'm hanging out with other girls. It's just I'm having trouble reclaiming the confidence I had while I was dating my ex. I'm trying though. And I'll move on. And she'll realize what a mistake she made, and it'll be too late for her.

Who the fuck cares what she's going to think. Let it go. It's over. Once you stop thinking about what she's going to be thinking you'll be able to move on and shit. The fact you're thinking like this ("she'll realize what a mistake she made, it'll be too late") tells me that your not over her yet and hope for a possibility of getting back together. You know what? She's not your problem anymore. Fuck her. She's dead to you. Move on. Remember the thrill of the chase that got you that bitch. Let your hook out and go fishing again.





But if she's that hot...........

[mdr55]

I'm not the best person for her. But fuck, I'm a great guy. I did everything for her. Maybe she really does need to be treated like shit. Thank God I'm a better person than that.


Stop thinking about that bitch regardless ("maybe she really does need to be treated like shit" bullcrap). YOU don't give a DAMN what's going on with her. Fuck her. Repeat after me "I did all I could do for her and she treated me like shit, always about her (me, me, me...). FUCK HER. I don't need this crap." If she calls you, she texts you, e-mails you whatever, You don't fucking know her. She junk mail to you. You're busy doing other stuff, seeing and hanging with other people. Besides, her folks didn't like you anyway. Fuck all of them. Those mementoes and other stuff lying around you that remind you of her, chuck em out the trash.






But then again, if she's that hot........well you know..........

[keithy_19]

But if she's that hot...........

She's really hot. Though, last night I was hanging out with a girl that was possibly hotter. And me and her are both getting out of long relationships. So, today, instead of thinking of my ex I've been trying to think of how I could go about starting something with her.

[mdr55]

She's really hot. Though, last night I was hanging out with a girl that was possibly hotter. And me and her are both getting out of long relationships. So, today, instead of thinking of my ex I've been trying to think of how I could go about starting something with her.


Cha cing! That's what I'm talking about.


Oh and another thing. Repeat after me- that bitch wasn't that hot. I've had hotter.

[Thrice]

I'm not the best person for her. But fuck, I'm a great guy. I did everything for her. Maybe she really does need to be treated like shit. Thank God I'm a better person than that.

I don't know you, sir, but these five little words seem to help me most in my time of distress...

Let go and let God.

Seriously though, the only thing that will make this better is time. You can't rush this shit and I know that it's impossible to NOT think about her right now but that will change with time. Keep yourself distracted and stay as far away from her as possible. Then and only then will nature take it's course. Unless you enjoy having your every waking brain synapse dictated by this chick. If that's the case keep going over her place, laying in her bed while watching movies and keep reminding yourself of how long you WOULD have been together... if you still were, that is.

[keithy_19]

As many of you know, I have a medical condition. For those of you who don't, it's multiple sclerosis. I got diagnosed when I was 14, first symptom (that I recognized anyway) at 13. I've been doing well as of late, but recently I've started having some shitty symptoms again.

My right side is sluggish, especially my leg, though I'm out of rbeath from typing this right now. And, I'm just really weak, and just getting depressed about it on top of the depressed feelings I have about my relationship.

She always said she would be there for me if I needed someone when I had difficulty with my disease. Even if we weren't together. I talked to her about everything, and I always could. And, I really took that as a sign of comfort. Even knowing that we're not together it was nice to know I could talk to her about this. I told her some stuff I haven't told anyone else about involving the disease.

So, she called me tonight to talk to me about something stupid, and I brought up how I was having trouble with my ms. And I told her I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm really not. Just someone I can talk openly too.

So I tell her about it and she tells me I should go to the doctor. To which I said, I will if it doesn't get better soon. I hear her friend in the background, and she starts talking to him. I realize she was out with a friend, but he's her next door neighbor they cans ee each other whenever. I'm going through such a fucking tough time right now and she won't even keep the one promise she swore she would.

Maybe I was stupid for bringing it up to her and expecting she would care. I just really could have used her voice tonight.

[mdr55]

What I tell you about that chic. It's all about "her. her, her". Words don't mean nothing unless the actions back them up. You already know where you stand in her book. Time for you to take a walk. You don't need to put up with her stupid mind games.

Stay strong brother.

[keithy_19]

What I tell you about that chic. It's all about "her. her, her". Words don't mean nothing unless the actions back them up. You already know where you stand in her book. Time for you to take a walk. You don't need to put up with her stupid mind games.

Stay strong brother.

She called me late last night. Saying she was sorry she blew me off earlier. And we talked close to an hour. But, It doesn't really matter anyway. I shouldn't expect her to want to deal with MY disease. She didn't want to deal with me anymore, so why should she have to deal with my problems. It's ok though.

[keithy_19]

Just an update. I still am strongly attracted to her and foolishly still would love to be in a relationship with her.

But I'm growing fond of the sleepless nights. I feel it's very poetic, all be it pathetic as well.

[rooter]

Shit can always get worse. In fact, life will most definitely get worse while you sit around bitching about it. You can either mope around writing whiny emo poetry or actually try to go out and get laid again. Although, sometimes whiny emo nonsense can get you laid, so work with what you got.

peace

[led37zep]

Just an update. I still am strongly attracted to her and foolishly still would love to be in a relationship with her.

But I'm growing fond of the sleepless nights. I feel it's very poetic, all be it pathetic as well.

Are you at least dating other chicks?

[keithy_19]

Are you at least dating other chicks?

Well, I got stood up on friday. So, that was cool. Didn't really make me too upset, which is good. Maybe.

I'm working on getting a date with a girl I'm friends with. I kissed her a week ago, and it was nice. But we're friends so it had that stupid friend thing after it. Though, we both agreed it was good. So, I figure, with sane people anyway, you don't kiss someone if you don't have a small bit of attraction to them. I have to make that attracticon grow more. That could turn into something good.

There's another girl too who I'm going to take on a date when she gets back from her family vacation. I don't know how that'll go, she's getting out of a serious relationship herself. Maybe we could get over our exes together.

And I do write poetry. But I don't think it's very emo, unless you consider writing feelings you feel down emo. I guess that would make Edgar Allen Poe emo. As well as so many other people who are known for their poetry. Just saying.

[keithy_19]

Shit can always get worse. In fact, life will most definitely get worse while you sit around bitching about it. You can either mope around writing whiny emo poetry or actually try to go out and get laid again. Although, sometimes whiny emo nonsense can get you laid, so work with what you got.

peace

I guess the fact that getting laid again is the last thing on my mind makes me less of a man too.

[rooter]

I guess the fact that getting laid again is the last thing on my mind makes me less of a man too.

Who ever said anything about your manhood?

Are you a drama queen about everything?

My point was that whining about things doesn't make them better. Going out and doing something about them does.


and on a side note, if you are going to run around and say things like, "I hate myself," people are going to start agreeing with you.

[keithy_19]

At the time, I did hate myself. I don't really like myself right now. But, then again, this thread wasn't about my failed relationship to begin with. It got turned into it.

And I do go out and live life. Unfortunately, when I get home I tend to have time to think about things. That's when the negative thoughts come up.

[keithy_19]

Just figured I'd let everyone know that I've got a strong itnerst in another girl. my ex is really not bothering me as much anymore. It still sucks sometimes, but that's how it goes. So, thanks to everyone who gave advice or just read.

[keithy_19]

:clap:

[SatCam]

:smoke:

[keithy_19]

:thumbup:

What can I say, I underestimated myself. I'm a whole lot more desirable than I ever let myself believe.

I'm seeing a new girl, who blows my ex out of the water in every category. I can talk about my ex and not care about it. It doesn't hurt anymore and that feels so fucking good.

And it didnt have nything to do with another person. I just got sick of it and feeling bad. I realized I did nothing wrong. I wasn't responsible for what happened and I can't stay upset/mad forever. I don't hold a grudge or anything, it's just something that happened in my life now. It's great.

Once again, thanks to everyone for all the advice. It was all taken into account even if at times it didn't seem like it was. :happy:

[mdr55]

But what if she wants you back 10 years from now???

[keithy_19]

But what if she wants you back 10 years from now???

Then she wants me back, and I look at where I am in my life and take it from there. Then I remember a post by mdr55 and smile to myself and just rub one out instead of being with her. Unless she's really really really hot to which then I run a trail in her hair.

:smoke:

[mdr55]

That's what I'm talking about!

[keithy_19]

That's what I'm talking about!

I think that may be the best post I have ever posted in my RonFez.Net career.

[keithy_19]

I saw my ex recently and we had a talk. It was weird to have a conversation about her. There was always a part of me that wanted her back, and unfortunately there still is. But the fact she said everything that happened in our realationship was my fault makes it easier to hate her. As does how she told me how she blows her bf and how he touches her.

It was good we had that talk though, since october remidns me of her and I was pretty bummed out for whatever reason. It was interesting to see how she just looks like a slut. At least I got to her before that transformation.

[IamPixie]

I saw my ex recently and we had a talk. It was weird to have a conversation about her. There was always a part of me that wanted her back, and unfortunately there still is. But the fact she said everything that happened in our realationship was my fault makes it easier to hate her. As does how she told me how she blows her bf and how he touches her.

.

what a sadistic bitch. you're better off.

[Furtherman]

Seriously, wtf is with the graphic description. Unless she really is that mean, I wouldn't waste one brain cell thinking about her.

[keithy_19]

She also told me how her bf could kick my ass. I'm not a big guy, but I'm bigger than him. And I do know how to throw a punch.

She also told me how just cause I do a shot every night(for my condition) doesn't make me tough. Fucking bitch knows the pain that happens to a person who has ms. It's fucking awful. I hardly sleep at night cause I'm so sensitive that the sheets and blankets feel like they're burning me.

[IamPixie]

She also told me how her bf could kick my ass. I'm not a big guy, but I'm bigger than him. And I do know how to throw a punch.

She also told me how just cause I do a shot every night(for my condition) doesn't make me tough. Fucking bitch knows the pain that happens to a person who has ms. It's fucking awful. I hardly sleep at night cause I'm so sensitive that the sheets and blankets feel like they're burning me.

She's the devil. Go find your angel.

[Furtherman]

So she just walked right up to you and started spewing this hate? You didn't provoke her? I find that hard to believe... then again, kids these days! Running wild!

[keithy_19]

So she just walked right up to you and started spewing this hate? You didn't provoke her? I find that hard to believe... then again, kids these days! Running wild!

We botha greed there was no closure to our relationship. I needed to tell her some things and I wasn't sure I would get the chance too in the future, so she agreed to have this talk with me.

I can honestly say I was very kind, and I apologized for all my shortcomings. I told her that I didn't hate her for everything, and that I was happy she was happy though I wish it could have worked out differently. She then went on to tell me how I ruined the relationship single handedly and I didn't really love her. That she was the only one putting any effort into us.

She said soemthing about how her bf hates me, and I told her if he has a problem with me he can talk to me himself. Thats when she went on to say he could kick my ass. I told her how I'm not a pushover and that I knew how to take pain. She then ripped me over my disease.

I really tried to be the better man here. I didn't want to get into shouting match, and I kept my composure very well. Even when she started spewing so much of this shit.

[keithy_19]

She's the devil. Go find your angel.

I'm talking to one of the sweetest people I've ever met. It's going incredibly slow, but it's ok. I'm just worried that one day the same shit will happen with her that happened with my ex. She'll all of a sudden change and start blowing a puerto rican and gloat about it:unsure:

[keithy_19]

Reading over this thread, boy was it immature. Sheesh.

[SatCam]

Reading over this thread, boy was it immature. Sheesh.

no regrets

[keithy_19]

I don't have any regrets. It was just incredibly immature.

[reillyluck]

I don't have any regrets. It was just incredibly immature.

you have to be immature to become mature. youre on the right track, sweety.

[keithy_19]

you have to be immature to become mature. youre on the right track, sweety.

All I do now is read the wallstreet journal, smoke cigarettes, sip congac and fuss over biils. You bet I'm on the right track!

[TheGameHHH]

All I do now is read the wallstreet journal, smoke cigarettes, sip congac and fuss over biils. You bet I'm on the right track!

look at that, you went from 15 to 45 very quickly. im glad things are better for you. we all go through it and it sucks for everyone.

[keithy_19]

look at that, you went from 15 to 45 very quickly. im glad things are better for you. we all go through it and it sucks for everyone.

You'd think I be my age for once, but nah.

It sucked a whole lot, but I'm able to look at it in a totally different light now. I'm glad she did what she did. It taught me a lot about myself and made me keep my guard up more with people. And now with the girl I'm seeing, I'm able to appreciate her more because of the situation I went through with my ex.

[keithy_19]

While currently I am able to say I am incredibly happy with the way my life is going (got a great girl in my life, will be attending school to become a medical assitant) I still at times have moments where I am bummed out about my ex. They are few and far between and are short little things that creep up and it's no big deal.

Well, while dining out with my family for my brothers birthday I received a text message from my ex. She was just saying hi and was wondering "what's up". Because I felt that enough time had passed to at least be civil with her, I responded back with a kind text message. Bull shit small talk (text) went on and it was no big deal. She then told me she had been thining of some things and they involved me. When I inquired what about she told me how she regretter "giving it up to me". I was surprised how much it hurt to hear her say that to me. Despite everything that happened with us (ie her cheating, lying, and being an alla round bitch to me) I would and will never regret giving my virginity to her. I loved her and it was beautiful and she'll always have a place in my heart for what we had together.

Just needed to vent.