Pissed at someone, do you tell them?

[Doogie]

I title the thread this way cause I had a instance recently that has weighed very heavy on my mind. I have a close member of my family that I got along with great. A cousin from Louisiana to be exact. Well in the last few months we seem to have fallen off due to a very stupid simple thing.

I visited a friend of mine in the panhandle of Florida a couple months back. The trip from my friends place to my cousins was like 6 hours, maybe 7. I called her up and said I was at my friends, mind you I didnt warn her prior to when EXACTLY I was going to my friends. But she did know a general time frame. Back to the point, so I go to my friends and I call up my coz and ask since I am in the area can I visit. Well the chick freaks the fuck out, and curses me out over the phone. I didnt want to call my cousin a cunt and told her I was freaked out, so I hung up. Later that day my uncle, her father, calls me up and is like "Look this isnt a good time...yaddey yadda, blah blah blah." So I accepted that. Sie la vie. I enjoyed my vacation with my friend.

Fast forward three months. I notice that myself and my cousin hadnt spoken since that incident so I decide to call them up. When I get her on the phone, there must have of been a bad connection due to it being a cell phone, and we were doing the whole "hello, hello" routine. When the connection got clear, she said "Ohhh, its you..." I was like 'ewww' but didnt say that out loud. I was like "Hey whats up?" And she goes "I am busy, Ill call you back later." And promptly hangs up. I have to admit that when that happened I was pissed. I was pissed cause she was NEVER like that to me in the past. At least not until I visited my friend in Florida and suggested my lil journey to their place.

My whole story comes full circle when I ask, should I fire a pissed off email, or just not even bother. I have the whole title figured out that will catch her attention. And do I wait for a response in the form of phone call or initiate the respone?? I have to admit I have a hate filled email to fire off and am only contemplating firing it off due to a possible fall off of relations altogether. Now mind you this was a cousin I was very close with until this whole stupid episode. But I am being treated like I raped her on a consistent basis for years, like a drunken uncle.

Just a lil advice is what I need, cause I can let my temper and my grudges dictate my words.

[PapaBear]

You did your venting here. Just let it go. Angry emails never help. If your cousin ever asks what's wrong between the two of you, calmly tell her about it.

[FUNKMAN]

You did your venting here. Just let it go. Angry emails never help. If your cousin ever asks what's wrong between the two of you, calmly tell her about it.

lock e'r up... great advice!

[sailor]

send a friendly email. ask what's up, but nicely.

[Death Metal Moe]

You ALWAYS tell someone you're pissed off. If you don't, it just sits there and festers until it either keeps you apart or becomes a HUGE fight the next time something comes up.

Deal with it now. Letting it sit 3 months was too long.

[pennington]

Don't send an E-mail, she'll just use it to tell everyone what an ass you are. The next move is hers, maybe you'll hear from her in a few years. Otherwise just write her off.

There's more to this story; it's interesting your uncle called you. Next time you talk to him calmly, without attacking his daughter, find out what's really wrong.

[sailor]

write off someone close after 1-2 phone calls are off? crazy talk.

[Fat_Sunny]

send a friendly email. ask what's up, but nicely.

Sailor Is Right. You Are Certainly Entitled To Ask For An Explanation. Something Soft, Like:


"Dear Cuz:

I am so sad that after all these years something seems to have come between us. Did I do something to offend you?

I miss seeing you and talking to you, and would like to get our relationship back to where it was.

Can we talk about this?

XXX
OOO
Cuz D"

[TrailerTrash]

write off someone close after 1-2 phone calls are off? crazy talk.

definitely, especially since it's a family member.

You ALWAYS tell someone you're pissed off. If you don't, it just sits there and festers until it either keeps you apart or becomes a HUGE fight the next time something comes up.

Deal with it now.

exactly! don't let it just sit there and build up when you're pissed off. it leads to some rather messy situations. been there and its not fun - it causes you to have feelings that you never wished you had to have.

[buzzard]

You ALWAYS tell someone you're pissed off. If you don't, it just sits there and festers until it either keeps you apart or becomes a HUGE fight the next time something comes up.

Deal with it now. Letting it sit 3 months was too long.

Moe said this better than I would've...never internalize tomorrow's heart-attack.

[RoseBlood]

Since this is weighing on your mind so heavily, send an e-mail but NOT the angry one you have waiting in the wings! That e-mail was written for yourself. In fact, take it out of your e-mail, it may prove to much temptation on a drunken angry night. As previously stated send a 'friendly' e-mail like the one's sailor and F_S suggested. While some may think it's healthy to unleash your pent up fury on her, I don't think it'll help. It'll only serve to put her on the defense and make you look like an asshole in writing; you cannot take back written words. You seem to have a history with her and value your relationship with her to act so hastily. I reiterate, sending an angry email won't get the results you are looking for, unless you are looking for more anger? Sending a friendly e-mail, you'll either get no response or perhaps insight into what's bugging her. Throw the ball in her court and then just let it be. You can't force her to tell you anything. Either way, you won't be any worse off then you are now. Just my advice, take it or leave it ;)

[RoseBlood]

You ALWAYS tell someone you're pissed off. If you don't, it just sits there and festers until it either keeps you apart or becomes a HUGE fight the next time something comes up.

Deal with it now. Letting it sit 3 months was too long.

Hmm yeah there are definitely times when you need to tell someone how you really feel, but this is not the case, imo. He doesn't even know what's going on with her? Maybe she's going through a difficult time and isn't ready to talk about it, I'm not trying to let her off the hook but it's a little premature for him to start laying the smack down.

[Death Metal Moe]

Hmm yeah there are definitely times when you need to tell someone how you really feel, but this is not the case, imo. He doesn't even know what's going on with her? Maybe she's going through a difficult time and isn't ready to talk about it, I'm not trying to let her off the hook but it's a little premature for him to start laying the smack down.

Oh I didn't mean "Go balls to the wall" against her, cursing and spitting on the ground. I just meant "Deal with it now." If he doesn't he's just gonna run into her in the future at some family function and it will just be worse because whatever the problem is, it's been brewing for months.

He should let his cousin know that he's confused by what happened and that he doesn't want to see a family problem arise out of this. But he shouldn't be an apologetic pile of puke either. Let her know that from your standpoint, you did nothing and you're trying to work it out and possibly see if you did something wrong. Just in case you did and didn't realize it, there's no way you'll know until she tells you.

It's not gonna be a short talk but it has to happen.

[sailor]

Oh I didn't mean "Go balls to the wall" against her, cursing and spitting on the ground. I just meant "Deal with it now." If he doesn't he's just gonna run into her in the future at some family function and it will just be worse because whatever the problem is, it's been brewing for months.

He should let his cousin know that he's confused by what happened and that he doesn't want to see a family problem arise out of this. But he shouldn't be an apologetic pile of puke either. Let her know that from your standpoint, you did nothing and you're trying to work it out and possibly see if you did something wrong. Just in case you did and didn't realize it, there's no way you'll know until she tells you.

It's not gonna be a short talk but it has to happen.

i saw my stance and moe's to be similar from the beginning. worded differently, but i don't disagree with anything he's typed.

[Death Metal Moe]

i saw my stance and moe's to be similar from the beginning. worded differently, but i don't disagree with anything he's typed.

Yea, I re-read what you wrote to. We agree. I just think E-mail isn't personal enough for family, but if she just keeps hanging up on you, that may be your only way to contact her.

And actually now that I think of it, you may not get the change to lay everything you want to say out for her on the phone. so an E-mail gives you the chance to say everything.

Maybe the E-mail is a good idea, ended with a "I'd like to talk to you on the phone live so we can work this out, it's not worth breaking a family tie over a disagreement no matter who's fault it was."

[RoseBlood]

Oh I didn't mean "Go balls to the wall" against her, cursing and spitting on the ground. I just meant "Deal with it now." If he doesn't he's just gonna run into her in the future at some family function and it will just be worse because whatever the problem is, it's been brewing for months.

He should let his cousin know that he's confused by what happened and that he doesn't want to see a family problem arise out of this. But he shouldn't be an apologetic pile of puke either. Let her know that from your standpoint, you did nothing and you're trying to work it out and possibly see if you did something wrong. Just in case you did and didn't realize it, there's no way you'll know until she tells you.

It's not gonna be a short talk but it has to happen.

I pretty much agree with this. I must've misinterpreted your post with the phrase "pissed off" instead of "confusion"
Yea, I re-read what you wrote to. We agree. I just think E-mail isn't personal enough for family, but if she just keeps hanging up on you, that may be your only way to contact her.

And actually now that I think of it, you may not get the change to lay everything you want to say out for her on the phone. so an E-mail gives you the chance to say everything.

Maybe the E-mail is a good idea, ended with a "I'd like to talk to you on the phone live so we can work this out, it's not worth breaking a family tie over a disagreement no matter who's fault it was."

Yeah, email seems to be his only alternative since he's already tried calling. Even though it seems less personal, I think it'll give him the luxury of not sticking his foot in his mouth or saying something he regrets later due to hurt feelings and emotion.

[Death Metal Moe]

Yeah, email seems to be his only alternative since he's already tried calling. Even though it seems less personal, I think it'll give him the luxury of not sticking his foot in his mouth or saying something he regrets later due to hurt feelings and emotion.

Yea, completely agree with that now. I think he should call as soon as possible to talk things over, it's more personal. But the 1st contact should be a short E-mail laying out that he doesn't know what happened and wants to work it out to keep the family connection.

[Doogie]

Howdy all...as a follow up, I did fire an email because as some of you kept saying I needed to deal with it now. I am more pissed about not knowing what the hell I did wrong, which I shall say was stated in the beginning. As Moe said, I will not apologize for an action where I did NOTHING wrong. I really didnt. I have tried the calling route and I swear to God you would have of thought I was the rapist of her animals. And the worst part is, I dont know what the fuck that problem is. And that was why I was so fired up. My thing is to have a strong tone in the email stating my position and that I will not apologize for actions that dont warrant an apology. It is ridiculous. She wants to contact me, let her. The ball is in her court. I am done on this end and to be honest I am pretty close to having the attitude of her being "dead to me." And that is just as ridiculous, I admit. But this isnt worth it to talk with someone who overracts over nothing. And that is my stance.

And yes. I can be a stubborn mother fucker. But that only happens when I am pushed too far. I go the reconciliation route first. And if someone doesnt want to engage in that then sie la vie.

[Kris10]

Glad you did what you did, I was going to tell you to go for it anyway. I deal with the issues at hand, I can't let things just go. I want to know what the deal is myself.

[Friday]

sometimes the undertone of an email can be more telltale than you realize... and can end up doing more damage than good.

plus the person has time to read the email over and over and find new meanings...etc....

i hope you guys work things out... family tensions are never fun.

[Tenbatsuzen]

I just make them leave RF.net

[commish13]

I'm confused at the whole situation.

So you went to see some friends and wanted to go see your cousin. You called her up and she acted mean/weird to you. You let it sit for a while and then called her up and she once again acted weird.

My first thought would be to try to talk to her and find out why she was acting like that, not to be pissed at her and think about telling her off. That doesn't make any sense at all. A family member that you love acted weird to you a couple times, and instead of being concerned and trying to figure out why she was acting that way (especially since you were told that it was "not a good time" for her by someone else), you decide to take it personally and want to bitch about it?

That baffles me.

The solution is to try to talk to her and figure out why there was a problem. You should be concerned, not angry.