Kathleen From The Bronx
08-13-2007, 06:52 PM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
Ohhh you guys brought up an excellent question today! I too have also wondered if people pray out loud when they are alone.... Yeah, so I was watching that Big Brother as well the other night and witnessed weeping Amber prayin in stereo sound.... Ya see, like... I pray and everything...in my head....that stuff is contained, kid! I believe that it was Ron who asked, "Who prays out loud!?! When you pray in this world you look like a nut!!" Well I'll tell ya RnF Show, I always figured that praying audibly was for movies and soap operas....and crazy people on subways.
In soaps there is always a scene in a hospital chapel where someone is petitioning God and I have always figured that was for the viewers catching up, in case they had missed key plot points....The general formula rolls something like,
"Sooo....'The Big Guy..heh...You and me have never actually seen eye to eye.... given the dark secrets in my life that no one in this town necessarily knows about yet..but this isn't about me God!!! This is about that little boy in there..... fighting for his life!!! I know that there's no reason to listen to me...but here it goes Lord...Please let Fabian track down that Swiss doctor with the anecdote in time....Heaven only know what Sledge will do if he finds out that little Barnaby isn't really his son...I'm willing to make a promise to you, Lord.... I'll change my ways... I want to make a promise to you that will become increasingly hard to keep as months and months of this story line drag on...."
.....and so forth.... Errrr...sorry... but you know what I mean....I tells ya! That scene outta Big Brother 8's resident crier was totally reminiscent of that kinda deal.... mad specific and almost too much wit the details already! ....like that.... Well I'm not tryin to yack about Big Brother here incessantly....or make you think that I watch soaps at all... but another matter did come up today that reminded me of something about that very same Big Brother's Amber......
Ronnie said, "There's just something about crying girls..don't know what it is...but there's something so great about crying girls!! They are more precious when they cry....... and say, 'NO! Stop!!' and, 'I'm losing consciousness!' " I thought of that same Big Brother chick and was like... welllllll... I don't think there's a human being alive that would check the box marked, "Hot," over the box marked, "deserves a bullet," in her case.......but I did laugh so hard thinking of her ...especially during that, "I'm losing consciousness part!" Man, that was mean of me.... now I'm gonna have to sit alone on a park bench somewhere and scream at the heavens, "God forgive me for the petty and cruel remarks that I make about reality show contestants!!!!!" That'll garner a crooked look or two from the surrounding people on picnic blankets.... I just may do it...
Well, sorry to go on and on about TV shows, it's just mad convenient that you peoples are watchin some of the same shows as me and everything....like John From Cincinnatti.... I loved that show! Because of all the online talk-typing I've done about that lil gem I finally know how to spell, "Cincinnati!!" I mean..before it was all... double n's and extra t's all willy-nilly! So that's helpful.....Besides that though, I have so many catchphrases that I'll continue to utilize even though the show appears to be kaputski.... like.... "I got my eye on YOU!" and, when I don't know something I will say from now on and forever, "I don't know Butchie instead..." I don't care if that makes no sense in life... The people that get it will get it.... and I will feel all good about that... right? Yeah...Ya know.... I can dig a catchphrase...
If I were to be known for anything in my life, I would love it to be for a catchphrase....I've tried to set about creating some in the past...hoping that they would really take off! I've always wanted to coin a phrase and have it be celebrated...wildly accepted even! Because of this dream I have come to understand failure....
See, you guys- you Ron and Fez have that contagious phrase shit down!!! I mean there's always Ronnie's, "That don't make you a bad person," that is so excellent.... and Fezzie's indignant, "rude and rude," that makes me laugh..... but even besides that and so many others......Please... Do you think that anyone under normal circumstances would used the word, "gimmick," more than thrice annually?!?!! If that even?! No... I don't think so.... but any fan of The Ron and Fez Show, I'd be willing to bet, has found a comfortable home for that ever all-purpose description in many a conversation... You guys got tons of em that I steal on a regular basis!
At times though, I run into problems when I make certain references based on info that I've retained from the show... out in the world.... that are too deep rooted in ya show..... I'll share wit yez a, "for instance.." Remember when Fezzie's cousins from New Foundland came to visit him in the big city and he took them out to eat and drink.... and they were not afraid at all to order pina colada after pina colada? Yeah.... So... though tres aggravating for Fezzie... Sorry Fez! I apologize for finding that scene hilarious...you glowering silently as your cousins from the north well feasted! Ever since that tale, if we're takin anyone out... and we're pickin up the tab, I enjoy proclaiming, "Go crazy! Yeah! It's on us! Tonight you drink like Newfie cousins!" and... I uh don't think that's really understood......... and it could be taken as kinda inflammatory like... "What do you mean by that, God damn you!??? My father is from New Foundland??!!" I mean that hasn't happened yet... but I imagine that it could... Whatever, get pissed off then.... Dinner is OFF!
Oh yeah, but Ronnie was talking bout being down in Little Italy the other day and seeing an unexpected parade of Chinese Catholics.... and how he found it odd that they were so basically ignored... No one really paid them any mind at all on the streets.... It occurred to me that I think my next phrase du jour will be based on that story..... This idea came to me during the conversation about names for bands that were sucky and not-sucky...... Ron and Fez Show, I totally have so many names that I've made up for bands! I have ideas..... Yeah, but the names I have created for bands are widely under appreciated... It's probably because mine are of the, "they seemed amusing at the time, but didn't hold up over time," type....
I used to think that a good name might be, "The Unnerving Dead-Eyed Smiles," but after you were talkin about, "what if you need to announce just a single member of the band..." that whole thing.... it got me thinking.... Yeah it would be stupid! You're gonna be like, "Now please let's welcome Frank, a former Unnerving Dead-Eyed Smile!???" No... that sounds crazy...... Your valid points also knocked, "The Shameful Comb-Overs," out of the running too......... and please don't think that I'm ever gonna bring up the lil brainchild of mine that was, "VanBuren," ever again... Van Buren my Van Halen cover band that dresses up as little cared about former presidents and historical figures..... What a gimmick!?! What, am I trying to attract only Weird Al type fans???? Shuddderrr..... Nooooo.....
After band name talk I became finally assured that it might really be for the best if my band ideas are largely ignored......They should be ignored like a Chinese Catholic parade in Little Italy..... SEE!??! that's what I'm talking about there.... I derive many useful phrases from yez..... High hopes for that one.... but yeah... Another reference I might like to steal is, "That's as stupid as REO Speedwagon!!!" after Earl said a great band name was, "Aerosmith." I just think it would be rad if anytime something was ridiculous you could yell, "That's as stupid as REO Speedwagon!!" THAT ONE might just be a hit.... uuuhh anyway.....
Another one of my favorite memories of today's show was when Ron was sayin that he hates when people call Led Zeppelin, "Zep," and ESD said, "My friends and I did..." and Ron said..."I hate you and your friends!!" ........ "I hate you and your friends!" Shit! even that would come in quite convenient in so many social situations for me.... Oy, maybe I'm stretchin that whole incorporating lines into my life thing out way too far.... but I tell ya.... ENDLESS possibilities....
I hafta say.... The whole part of the show that discussed band names was really funny to me.... it tickled me brain....... Oh... maybe I should reconsider the term tickle from now on cause it is abuse for our children! You're right though! Tickling is bullshit... as Fezzie said, "It's laughs mistaken for enjoyment....It's like poking with glass!" He is so bothered by tickling that he now believes that he has ovaries... He now has, "Ovary sensory," when it comes to that stuff.....That is the harrowing and long term effects of tickling!! Who KNEW!!!??? I did not... til today....
You're totally right on about that tickling thing, now that I come to think of it.... I appreciated Ronnie's memories of childhood tickling... "I'll come back here with a knife!" he retold of screaming at tickling uncles.... "I'll slit your throats!!" Sometimes I think that The Ron and Fez Show should write a, "How to Raise Your Kids," manual... This is no joke! I am serious as a guy shell shocked from tickling here....
People are not fully enough aware that adults who tickle are psychotic weirdos...... My favorite part of this proposed book might be when Ron reenacts how to handle such situations... "Get the fuck away from those kids you tickling asshole!!! Get out there and smoke a Pall Mall before I take your eye out with my thumb!!!" These are tips that I believe all parents need.... handy ways to guide your children out of harm's way.... One chapter might be called, "Men do not share cigars.... If they are sharing, it's not a cigar," Or... ya know.... a less wordy title to a chapter on that subject.
If a handbook like that existed, poor East Side Dave would not have found himself in such an awkward predicament like the other night, mistaking a blunt for a stogie....... I was thinkin.... that tale really strikes me as one straight out of an afterschool special where some kid gets offered a smoke and doesn't know it's a, "marijuana cigarette," and then wanders across a train trestle haphazardly or into some kind danger....Yikers!!!... It reminds me of one of those cautionary tales except for the little detail that people do not ever share cigars, or inhale them...and Dave is an adult..... Ahhhh whatchaa gonna do, the book ain't out yet kid... Don't feel bad... Beside, I was rooting for you to smoke that entire cigar today, down to the band! I was rootin'..... That's partly cause then I would be able to give ya the nickname, "Davey Mac, Lungs of Steel!" Anyway... I do love a Ron and Fez laboratories on air experiment!!
Something else I learned today from the show....( what did I tell ya?! Always learning!).... was that the hip also have feelings...... Remember? Ron asked, "Why do people think the hip can't hurt....???? Why can't the overly cool be hurt???" Hmmm.. I guess we forget that sometimes.... I'll tell ya.... It reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite films, The Big Lebowski, which happened to be on HBO last night... and I watched again..... though I own it at home..... Ron's line made me recall that line where, Jeffrey Lebowski- The Big Lebowski weeps, "Are you surprised at my tears sir!? Strong men also cry....Strong men also cry...." Indeed......
Now might be the time to tell yez that, sometimes if a topic comes up on the show........like Coen Brothers films.....directly after I have watched one.... I feel like a psychic.... A radio psychic, radio psychic...... Man, I love them Coen brothers joints too...AND I agree with the statement that Ron made about John Turturro being one of the greatest actors we have in America... Ferget it! I know right.... Shit, I watch, "The Bronx is Burning," on ESPN just so I can repeat over and over... "Holy crap, he really is JUST LIKE Billy Martin.." But anyway, Ron said, "Wait, let me say that again about John Turturro, looking toward Tribeca...I'm looking right at you Robert De Niro!" That made me cackle, I tell yez...
I wonder if De Niro can feel that piercing glare!? I bet it just might work.....Maybe it hits him all voodoo doll style like a flick in the ear or something...Someone is talking about me.... Maybe he knows and has to realize, "Oh Goddamnit... someone's remembering Bullwinkle or Meet the Fockers again!" when he is met with a little sharp pain.... I dunno.... Anyway... I do enjoy movie talk tooo! I know that I may have mentioned that a few million times in the past...
Anyway.... I apologize for goin on an onnnnn here! Just so much to talk about... Thinking back again to the HBO show, John from Cincinnati... as it's final episode is still in my brain kickin around... I was thinkin that these emails of mine might be way a lot shorter if I adopted John's speech patterns or cryptic catchphrases and lines repeated like a parrot.... It might go a little something like this:
Satellite is big.... Ron and Fez has teachings.....The hip also hurt, the hip hurt too....That's not a cigar... Look not to the map for names for your band....Fezzie has ovaries...ovaries are not to be tickled...Tickling leads to To Catch a Predator....Bobo lives in Brooklyn, Brooklyn is in Maryland.....Earl says, "It's all in my mind"...Fez says he has always wanted to be a rock DJ....Ron say's, "I know you all lie to me, you're all paid actors and I'm on Joe Schmoe,"....De Niro feels shame.. NO truck full of cats were killed today..... In Ronnie's words, "Homestar wasn't there something you wanted to say??!"
If ya listened today, ya know what I mean :0)
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)
Ohhh you guys brought up an excellent question today! I too have also wondered if people pray out loud when they are alone.... Yeah, so I was watching that Big Brother as well the other night and witnessed weeping Amber prayin in stereo sound.... Ya see, like... I pray and everything...in my head....that stuff is contained, kid! I believe that it was Ron who asked, "Who prays out loud!?! When you pray in this world you look like a nut!!" Well I'll tell ya RnF Show, I always figured that praying audibly was for movies and soap operas....and crazy people on subways.
In soaps there is always a scene in a hospital chapel where someone is petitioning God and I have always figured that was for the viewers catching up, in case they had missed key plot points....The general formula rolls something like,
"Sooo....'The Big Guy..heh...You and me have never actually seen eye to eye.... given the dark secrets in my life that no one in this town necessarily knows about yet..but this isn't about me God!!! This is about that little boy in there..... fighting for his life!!! I know that there's no reason to listen to me...but here it goes Lord...Please let Fabian track down that Swiss doctor with the anecdote in time....Heaven only know what Sledge will do if he finds out that little Barnaby isn't really his son...I'm willing to make a promise to you, Lord.... I'll change my ways... I want to make a promise to you that will become increasingly hard to keep as months and months of this story line drag on...."
.....and so forth.... Errrr...sorry... but you know what I mean....I tells ya! That scene outta Big Brother 8's resident crier was totally reminiscent of that kinda deal.... mad specific and almost too much wit the details already! ....like that.... Well I'm not tryin to yack about Big Brother here incessantly....or make you think that I watch soaps at all... but another matter did come up today that reminded me of something about that very same Big Brother's Amber......
Ronnie said, "There's just something about crying girls..don't know what it is...but there's something so great about crying girls!! They are more precious when they cry....... and say, 'NO! Stop!!' and, 'I'm losing consciousness!' " I thought of that same Big Brother chick and was like... welllllll... I don't think there's a human being alive that would check the box marked, "Hot," over the box marked, "deserves a bullet," in her case.......but I did laugh so hard thinking of her ...especially during that, "I'm losing consciousness part!" Man, that was mean of me.... now I'm gonna have to sit alone on a park bench somewhere and scream at the heavens, "God forgive me for the petty and cruel remarks that I make about reality show contestants!!!!!" That'll garner a crooked look or two from the surrounding people on picnic blankets.... I just may do it...
Well, sorry to go on and on about TV shows, it's just mad convenient that you peoples are watchin some of the same shows as me and everything....like John From Cincinnatti.... I loved that show! Because of all the online talk-typing I've done about that lil gem I finally know how to spell, "Cincinnati!!" I mean..before it was all... double n's and extra t's all willy-nilly! So that's helpful.....Besides that though, I have so many catchphrases that I'll continue to utilize even though the show appears to be kaputski.... like.... "I got my eye on YOU!" and, when I don't know something I will say from now on and forever, "I don't know Butchie instead..." I don't care if that makes no sense in life... The people that get it will get it.... and I will feel all good about that... right? Yeah...Ya know.... I can dig a catchphrase...
If I were to be known for anything in my life, I would love it to be for a catchphrase....I've tried to set about creating some in the past...hoping that they would really take off! I've always wanted to coin a phrase and have it be celebrated...wildly accepted even! Because of this dream I have come to understand failure....
See, you guys- you Ron and Fez have that contagious phrase shit down!!! I mean there's always Ronnie's, "That don't make you a bad person," that is so excellent.... and Fezzie's indignant, "rude and rude," that makes me laugh..... but even besides that and so many others......Please... Do you think that anyone under normal circumstances would used the word, "gimmick," more than thrice annually?!?!! If that even?! No... I don't think so.... but any fan of The Ron and Fez Show, I'd be willing to bet, has found a comfortable home for that ever all-purpose description in many a conversation... You guys got tons of em that I steal on a regular basis!
At times though, I run into problems when I make certain references based on info that I've retained from the show... out in the world.... that are too deep rooted in ya show..... I'll share wit yez a, "for instance.." Remember when Fezzie's cousins from New Foundland came to visit him in the big city and he took them out to eat and drink.... and they were not afraid at all to order pina colada after pina colada? Yeah.... So... though tres aggravating for Fezzie... Sorry Fez! I apologize for finding that scene hilarious...you glowering silently as your cousins from the north well feasted! Ever since that tale, if we're takin anyone out... and we're pickin up the tab, I enjoy proclaiming, "Go crazy! Yeah! It's on us! Tonight you drink like Newfie cousins!" and... I uh don't think that's really understood......... and it could be taken as kinda inflammatory like... "What do you mean by that, God damn you!??? My father is from New Foundland??!!" I mean that hasn't happened yet... but I imagine that it could... Whatever, get pissed off then.... Dinner is OFF!
Oh yeah, but Ronnie was talking bout being down in Little Italy the other day and seeing an unexpected parade of Chinese Catholics.... and how he found it odd that they were so basically ignored... No one really paid them any mind at all on the streets.... It occurred to me that I think my next phrase du jour will be based on that story..... This idea came to me during the conversation about names for bands that were sucky and not-sucky...... Ron and Fez Show, I totally have so many names that I've made up for bands! I have ideas..... Yeah, but the names I have created for bands are widely under appreciated... It's probably because mine are of the, "they seemed amusing at the time, but didn't hold up over time," type....
I used to think that a good name might be, "The Unnerving Dead-Eyed Smiles," but after you were talkin about, "what if you need to announce just a single member of the band..." that whole thing.... it got me thinking.... Yeah it would be stupid! You're gonna be like, "Now please let's welcome Frank, a former Unnerving Dead-Eyed Smile!???" No... that sounds crazy...... Your valid points also knocked, "The Shameful Comb-Overs," out of the running too......... and please don't think that I'm ever gonna bring up the lil brainchild of mine that was, "VanBuren," ever again... Van Buren my Van Halen cover band that dresses up as little cared about former presidents and historical figures..... What a gimmick!?! What, am I trying to attract only Weird Al type fans???? Shuddderrr..... Nooooo.....
After band name talk I became finally assured that it might really be for the best if my band ideas are largely ignored......They should be ignored like a Chinese Catholic parade in Little Italy..... SEE!??! that's what I'm talking about there.... I derive many useful phrases from yez..... High hopes for that one.... but yeah... Another reference I might like to steal is, "That's as stupid as REO Speedwagon!!!" after Earl said a great band name was, "Aerosmith." I just think it would be rad if anytime something was ridiculous you could yell, "That's as stupid as REO Speedwagon!!" THAT ONE might just be a hit.... uuuhh anyway.....
Another one of my favorite memories of today's show was when Ron was sayin that he hates when people call Led Zeppelin, "Zep," and ESD said, "My friends and I did..." and Ron said..."I hate you and your friends!!" ........ "I hate you and your friends!" Shit! even that would come in quite convenient in so many social situations for me.... Oy, maybe I'm stretchin that whole incorporating lines into my life thing out way too far.... but I tell ya.... ENDLESS possibilities....
I hafta say.... The whole part of the show that discussed band names was really funny to me.... it tickled me brain....... Oh... maybe I should reconsider the term tickle from now on cause it is abuse for our children! You're right though! Tickling is bullshit... as Fezzie said, "It's laughs mistaken for enjoyment....It's like poking with glass!" He is so bothered by tickling that he now believes that he has ovaries... He now has, "Ovary sensory," when it comes to that stuff.....That is the harrowing and long term effects of tickling!! Who KNEW!!!??? I did not... til today....
You're totally right on about that tickling thing, now that I come to think of it.... I appreciated Ronnie's memories of childhood tickling... "I'll come back here with a knife!" he retold of screaming at tickling uncles.... "I'll slit your throats!!" Sometimes I think that The Ron and Fez Show should write a, "How to Raise Your Kids," manual... This is no joke! I am serious as a guy shell shocked from tickling here....
People are not fully enough aware that adults who tickle are psychotic weirdos...... My favorite part of this proposed book might be when Ron reenacts how to handle such situations... "Get the fuck away from those kids you tickling asshole!!! Get out there and smoke a Pall Mall before I take your eye out with my thumb!!!" These are tips that I believe all parents need.... handy ways to guide your children out of harm's way.... One chapter might be called, "Men do not share cigars.... If they are sharing, it's not a cigar," Or... ya know.... a less wordy title to a chapter on that subject.
If a handbook like that existed, poor East Side Dave would not have found himself in such an awkward predicament like the other night, mistaking a blunt for a stogie....... I was thinkin.... that tale really strikes me as one straight out of an afterschool special where some kid gets offered a smoke and doesn't know it's a, "marijuana cigarette," and then wanders across a train trestle haphazardly or into some kind danger....Yikers!!!... It reminds me of one of those cautionary tales except for the little detail that people do not ever share cigars, or inhale them...and Dave is an adult..... Ahhhh whatchaa gonna do, the book ain't out yet kid... Don't feel bad... Beside, I was rooting for you to smoke that entire cigar today, down to the band! I was rootin'..... That's partly cause then I would be able to give ya the nickname, "Davey Mac, Lungs of Steel!" Anyway... I do love a Ron and Fez laboratories on air experiment!!
Something else I learned today from the show....( what did I tell ya?! Always learning!).... was that the hip also have feelings...... Remember? Ron asked, "Why do people think the hip can't hurt....???? Why can't the overly cool be hurt???" Hmmm.. I guess we forget that sometimes.... I'll tell ya.... It reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite films, The Big Lebowski, which happened to be on HBO last night... and I watched again..... though I own it at home..... Ron's line made me recall that line where, Jeffrey Lebowski- The Big Lebowski weeps, "Are you surprised at my tears sir!? Strong men also cry....Strong men also cry...." Indeed......
Now might be the time to tell yez that, sometimes if a topic comes up on the show........like Coen Brothers films.....directly after I have watched one.... I feel like a psychic.... A radio psychic, radio psychic...... Man, I love them Coen brothers joints too...AND I agree with the statement that Ron made about John Turturro being one of the greatest actors we have in America... Ferget it! I know right.... Shit, I watch, "The Bronx is Burning," on ESPN just so I can repeat over and over... "Holy crap, he really is JUST LIKE Billy Martin.." But anyway, Ron said, "Wait, let me say that again about John Turturro, looking toward Tribeca...I'm looking right at you Robert De Niro!" That made me cackle, I tell yez...
I wonder if De Niro can feel that piercing glare!? I bet it just might work.....Maybe it hits him all voodoo doll style like a flick in the ear or something...Someone is talking about me.... Maybe he knows and has to realize, "Oh Goddamnit... someone's remembering Bullwinkle or Meet the Fockers again!" when he is met with a little sharp pain.... I dunno.... Anyway... I do enjoy movie talk tooo! I know that I may have mentioned that a few million times in the past...
Anyway.... I apologize for goin on an onnnnn here! Just so much to talk about... Thinking back again to the HBO show, John from Cincinnati... as it's final episode is still in my brain kickin around... I was thinkin that these emails of mine might be way a lot shorter if I adopted John's speech patterns or cryptic catchphrases and lines repeated like a parrot.... It might go a little something like this:
Satellite is big.... Ron and Fez has teachings.....The hip also hurt, the hip hurt too....That's not a cigar... Look not to the map for names for your band....Fezzie has ovaries...ovaries are not to be tickled...Tickling leads to To Catch a Predator....Bobo lives in Brooklyn, Brooklyn is in Maryland.....Earl says, "It's all in my mind"...Fez says he has always wanted to be a rock DJ....Ron say's, "I know you all lie to me, you're all paid actors and I'm on Joe Schmoe,"....De Niro feels shame.. NO truck full of cats were killed today..... In Ronnie's words, "Homestar wasn't there something you wanted to say??!"
If ya listened today, ya know what I mean :0)
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)