Kathleen From The Bronx
08-22-2007, 05:50 PM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
You guys.. You totally brought up so many of my favorite subjects to talk about today..... There was Bill Murray, and The Big Lebowski...and plots to murder an entire small town.... Ahhh yes, all the great shit......but man, I guess the Bill Murray conversation was brought about by some unfortunate news.... What the hell, Sweden??
If Bill Murray wants to drive around in a stolen golf cart after a martini or five, I say let him! What's the worst that could happen? He might hazardously spill joy and merriment wherever he might go??? In Sweden is being deadpan and hilarious some kind of crime!?!!? Answer me!!! Ahh Jeez..... Well, it appears that he might get off with just paying some fines....but there IS a chance that this charge could lead to jail time.
I hate to get all eerily somber on you guys, but please allow me to take a moment.....Look at me. I am dead serious here.
Bill Murray will not rot away in some Swedish jail on my watch!!! Not while I breathe!!! If he needs us, we are gonna bust him outta that Swedish klink....We must be ready at a moment's notice..... Waiting by the door I already have a bag packed with all my cat-burgling outfits and little flashlights and shit... Are you in!?
I guess I can understand if you don't want to risk your freedom, nay...nay.....your very lives... for the freedom of our dear brother, Bill..... I suppose I might comprehend your hesitancy.... if.... you indeed don't love Bill Murray as much as I do.. or something. You must remember this: He would do it for us. He would free us from a Swedish prison. He would do it for us..........
Well, maybe I'd better speak for myself then...This maybe a one woman job.... Bill Murray will be spirited away to freedom with my aid....and here's the best part.... On the run from the law, traveling by the dark of night......and holing up in whatever obscure little European hamlets we can find.....I just know we would totally become like... the besssst of friends! We would. I know it.
"I some how always knew that we'd be friends Bill Murray!" I would muse one night by the campfire..... (Yeah, I plan on only calling him, "Bill Murray," just like RZA did in Coffee and Cigarettes)..."Who knew it would take you bustin me outta that Swedish prison," he would chuckle......
It would be quite a rollicking good time.....Ohh Ron and Fez Show, I just know Bill Murray will never get sick of acting out scenes from What About Bob with me!!! It'll be like.... "No! No! Bill...Check it, listen to this..... This time I'LL do the Bob Wiley parts and YOU'LL be Dr. M.!!!" and I'll be all like, "Come on! I've come so faaaar!! I'm babysteppin, I'm doin the work.....I'm babystepping! I'm not a slacker!! Check it out, lookit, I'm in really bad shape!!!C'mon please, please, GIMMEE GIMME GIMMEEE!!! I NEEEED! I NEEED! I need, I need......Gimme, gimme please!!!!" and he'll be ole irritated Doctor Marvin.....
We will sooooo falll out laughing after that...... cause, "DUDE! Trippy!!!" I'll cry out happily, " I'm like doin Bob Wiley, TO BOB WILEY!!" Ohhhh we will just rolllll laughin...Sure, the whole caper will all be fraught with danger, but it will also be good times.... Like that fine night in Tokyo when we sang karaoke....Elvis Costello.......Roxy Music; More Than This.......... Sighhhh....
OK.... now we've talked about this before, right? About how there seems to be a terrible dearth of manners left in this country??? Yeah. Well, you think that most people would realize that it is pretty damn rude to read over your shoulder as you are trying to write, right? Apparently all civility has fallen by the waste side..... Just now some smart ass reading over my shoulder informed me that it might be pretty silly to go, "on the lam," with Bill Murray......It might be a bit with the overkill, as he may only have to serve like.... a day or two in Swedish confinement. Nosey over here snipped, "This shit sounds more like a kidnapping than a rescue mission...huh, huh...."
Whatever to that!
Look, I never let on here at any point that I was not willing to saaaay..stretch the truth a little bit.....maaaybe pretend.....give Bill Murray the illusion that he was perhaps in much more dire risk than he... um....actually was......and how I'm the only one who can help him....... Maybe I was acting a little bit.... fibs.... ya know. I tell you, I may not be such a fan of Sweden and their oppression right now...... but I am a lil fan of their Stockholm Syndrome....
Well anyway, I can't sit here talkin about Bill Murray all night... I mean I really can, but there is a lot more to discuss...... Like The Big Lebowski...... Oh do I love that film....and the Coen Brothers.... Ronnie, I hope you get to live your dream of sitting between em and commanding them to, "stare straight ahead," as you do ya thing... See, we all have our own crazy dreams don't we huh? Anyway, I guess Lebowski came up cause today on ya show we learned that some towns are so small they have a bowling section in the paper! Crazy shit....some towns even have a section for Foosball...... Wow.
Remember that one guy from Tupelo Mississippi called in to tell you guys about a little known backyard game called, "pitchin' warshers!" Ronnie pointed out, "Tupelo...That's where Elvis was from...." and suddenly became possessed by the both the spirit of Elvis AND his mama...Elvis' mama yellin for him to quit pitchin' warshers! Elvis cried back, "But Mama I gotta sing and dance! I just love colored music Mama!!! How can I rip it off and make it miiiine!!???" Mama barked back, "Elvis stop fuckin them babies!!! He loved them young chicks even since he was a little boy....."
I don't think this needs to be said, but with lines like that and so many others about his attraction to fetuses....all that to enjoy; "Little Elvis: The Cartoon," needs to be made. It pleads to be made...... Ron and Fez Show, please make this happen! I was dying laughing during that whole thing man........Oh and at this too..... when yez were talking about Lisa Marie and her music...and how dead Elvis must feel, Ron stated, "I don't know if in your grave you can put your hands over your ears...but I bet he did hearing that!" I bet he made the same move in his tomb when Ronnie said that he'd make Lisa Marie, "Sneer while she blew me..." HAHAHAHA... Dude. Now that you bring up the word, "sneer," it reminds me......
You know I'm constantly wit the science.... In all my research, I have only been able to ever detect three facial expressions from Lisa Marie Presley.....Ahem, they are as follows: 1) Smirk, 2) Scowl, and, 3) Sneer. Thank you, that concludes tonight's seminar and slide show.
Ya know Jerry Lee Lewis came up today too! Oh yeah cause of the underage lovins and cause Lewis was arrested at Graceland, waving a gun and telling a security guard he was there to kill Presley.....that stuff..... I had never heard that story about him setting the piano on fire and then bellowing, "Follow smoke!" Crazy story... I dig.... oh, oh, except for the, "N," part of that, which I conveniently left out...... Nutty ole Jerry Lee Lewis.... He's someone I'd really like to see....... Great stuff.... I was thinking about what Ronnie said after talking about JLL wavin his gun around..... "I wouldn't mind if Jerry Lewis killed me." I mean, nobody wants to be murdered.....but if you had to be I guess it would take away a bit of the sting if it was at the hands of a legend...an icon...... That got me thinkin...... about Bill Murray again!
OK now, I thought....what if Bill Murray really had found himself in some hot water, worse that the situation he is in now..... What if he had killed somebody with that stolen golf cart?? After Ron's comment about Jerry Lee Lewis I realized, "Hey! I wouldn't mind if Bill Murray killed me!" If I was walking along, minding my own business and out of the darkness came Bill Murray, barreling down the hill on an out of control golf cart... I would laugh and laugh and laugh.... and forget to move out of the way.....
Lying there wheezing my last shallow breaths, I would still be softly laughing, "Holy shit! This is crazy....Bill Murray just ran me over with a golf cart! Ha! Is this great or what....(Cough...cough).... Gahh, is he so funn....." and then I'd die abruptly. I would still be cackling though, as I went up to see everybody in Heaven.....YEAH.... HEAVEN. Stop acting so surprised! Anyway...I would still be all giggles as I made my way into Heaven....like...."Did you seee that shit!??! Oh my God.... HILARIOUS!!" If Bill Murray killed me, I'd feel like I'd died and gone to Heaven.....
I'll tell ya what though, if you take that very same storyline of my demise and you substitute Dan Akroyd for Bill Murray....we'd have ourselves a way different response. I would haunt that mutha til the day he died. YEaaaah..... Ok! Enough of this daydreaming...... On to more daydreaming..... about a bloodbath in a small town.....
Liddy Rules sent you guys in a question.....Oh of course that nobody would ever REALLY carry out....disclaimer, disclaimer...... asking, "Could you take out a small town of one hundred people...Could you wipe out the whole town in one night?"....Somethin like that.... You guys decided, no guns....That's too easy.... No poison gasses either..Fez said, "It DOES have to be a bloodbath, I think..." You decided that your only weapons allowed would be an axe and two knives....... Ronnie said that you would consider anything less than the entire town dead, a complete and utter failure..... Yes, yes...... As Fezzie pointed out it has to be, "Like the Anti- Santa Claus...KILL em all in one night." HAH! I'll tell you what my favorite mental image was of this whole dastardly affair.....It was when you guys were acting out this scene here from,
The Night of The Palookaville Murders:
Ronnie B: You know I would probably come running up, all covered in blood and out of
breath yelling, "Fezzie how many have you gotten!???
Ronnie B. (in Fez voice): I couldn't get past the dog! HELP ME!!
Fezzie: Help! Ronnie, I'm stuck in this window!!!
Ronnie B.: Goddammit Whatley! You haven't gotten one person and the sun's coming up!!
You still haven't killed the Mortons!!!!!!!!!
Damn, I loved that play......... It was really exciting when Ron snuck into the houses all quiet, quiet......everyone sleeping soundly and then....."BLAAAM!!!!!!!" All the lights in the house surge on as, Helter Skelter blares!!!!! "The Angel of DEATH has taken this house!!!!!!!" He screams,"WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!!! You're all goin down!!!!!!!! Charlie is back mutha fuckas!!!" as he ran up and down the stair..... Wooo... WHAT a scene. Bad ass...... and the fact that you were dressed like Elvis and those hayseeds thought you were the second coming of Jesus! Fergetit!!! That was a plot twist I didn't see coming......AND.... You don't know what it did to this ole girl's adrenaline during that scene when Ron was chasing that little boy up the stairs! Will he get away? Get him Ronnie!!! Oooh...ohh.... YOu were letting him THINK he had a chance of escape.....I guess that in the heat of that scene, I had forgotten how you so tenderly had cut his Achilles tendon before hand.... Shrewd Ronnie B!!!!
Yeah man, I really was diggin The Ron and Fez Show Afternoon with the Arts....... It's not so often the ole man and I get to step out and see a play, and well.... You didn't let us down.... Rivetting stuff!
As always I am sure that I have left out so much stuff that made me laugh today...... I don't just wanna ramble, ramble, ramble all over your eyeballs constantly.......... I do wish that Stan Lee was my grandfather though..... That's one thing! Anyway..... Peace out!!!
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)
You guys.. You totally brought up so many of my favorite subjects to talk about today..... There was Bill Murray, and The Big Lebowski...and plots to murder an entire small town.... Ahhh yes, all the great shit......but man, I guess the Bill Murray conversation was brought about by some unfortunate news.... What the hell, Sweden??
If Bill Murray wants to drive around in a stolen golf cart after a martini or five, I say let him! What's the worst that could happen? He might hazardously spill joy and merriment wherever he might go??? In Sweden is being deadpan and hilarious some kind of crime!?!!? Answer me!!! Ahh Jeez..... Well, it appears that he might get off with just paying some fines....but there IS a chance that this charge could lead to jail time.
I hate to get all eerily somber on you guys, but please allow me to take a moment.....Look at me. I am dead serious here.
Bill Murray will not rot away in some Swedish jail on my watch!!! Not while I breathe!!! If he needs us, we are gonna bust him outta that Swedish klink....We must be ready at a moment's notice..... Waiting by the door I already have a bag packed with all my cat-burgling outfits and little flashlights and shit... Are you in!?
I guess I can understand if you don't want to risk your freedom, nay...nay.....your very lives... for the freedom of our dear brother, Bill..... I suppose I might comprehend your hesitancy.... if.... you indeed don't love Bill Murray as much as I do.. or something. You must remember this: He would do it for us. He would free us from a Swedish prison. He would do it for us..........
Well, maybe I'd better speak for myself then...This maybe a one woman job.... Bill Murray will be spirited away to freedom with my aid....and here's the best part.... On the run from the law, traveling by the dark of night......and holing up in whatever obscure little European hamlets we can find.....I just know we would totally become like... the besssst of friends! We would. I know it.
"I some how always knew that we'd be friends Bill Murray!" I would muse one night by the campfire..... (Yeah, I plan on only calling him, "Bill Murray," just like RZA did in Coffee and Cigarettes)..."Who knew it would take you bustin me outta that Swedish prison," he would chuckle......
It would be quite a rollicking good time.....Ohh Ron and Fez Show, I just know Bill Murray will never get sick of acting out scenes from What About Bob with me!!! It'll be like.... "No! No! Bill...Check it, listen to this..... This time I'LL do the Bob Wiley parts and YOU'LL be Dr. M.!!!" and I'll be all like, "Come on! I've come so faaaar!! I'm babysteppin, I'm doin the work.....I'm babystepping! I'm not a slacker!! Check it out, lookit, I'm in really bad shape!!!C'mon please, please, GIMMEE GIMME GIMMEEE!!! I NEEEED! I NEEED! I need, I need......Gimme, gimme please!!!!" and he'll be ole irritated Doctor Marvin.....
We will sooooo falll out laughing after that...... cause, "DUDE! Trippy!!!" I'll cry out happily, " I'm like doin Bob Wiley, TO BOB WILEY!!" Ohhhh we will just rolllll laughin...Sure, the whole caper will all be fraught with danger, but it will also be good times.... Like that fine night in Tokyo when we sang karaoke....Elvis Costello.......Roxy Music; More Than This.......... Sighhhh....
OK.... now we've talked about this before, right? About how there seems to be a terrible dearth of manners left in this country??? Yeah. Well, you think that most people would realize that it is pretty damn rude to read over your shoulder as you are trying to write, right? Apparently all civility has fallen by the waste side..... Just now some smart ass reading over my shoulder informed me that it might be pretty silly to go, "on the lam," with Bill Murray......It might be a bit with the overkill, as he may only have to serve like.... a day or two in Swedish confinement. Nosey over here snipped, "This shit sounds more like a kidnapping than a rescue mission...huh, huh...."
Whatever to that!
Look, I never let on here at any point that I was not willing to saaaay..stretch the truth a little bit.....maaaybe pretend.....give Bill Murray the illusion that he was perhaps in much more dire risk than he... um....actually was......and how I'm the only one who can help him....... Maybe I was acting a little bit.... fibs.... ya know. I tell you, I may not be such a fan of Sweden and their oppression right now...... but I am a lil fan of their Stockholm Syndrome....
Well anyway, I can't sit here talkin about Bill Murray all night... I mean I really can, but there is a lot more to discuss...... Like The Big Lebowski...... Oh do I love that film....and the Coen Brothers.... Ronnie, I hope you get to live your dream of sitting between em and commanding them to, "stare straight ahead," as you do ya thing... See, we all have our own crazy dreams don't we huh? Anyway, I guess Lebowski came up cause today on ya show we learned that some towns are so small they have a bowling section in the paper! Crazy shit....some towns even have a section for Foosball...... Wow.
Remember that one guy from Tupelo Mississippi called in to tell you guys about a little known backyard game called, "pitchin' warshers!" Ronnie pointed out, "Tupelo...That's where Elvis was from...." and suddenly became possessed by the both the spirit of Elvis AND his mama...Elvis' mama yellin for him to quit pitchin' warshers! Elvis cried back, "But Mama I gotta sing and dance! I just love colored music Mama!!! How can I rip it off and make it miiiine!!???" Mama barked back, "Elvis stop fuckin them babies!!! He loved them young chicks even since he was a little boy....."
I don't think this needs to be said, but with lines like that and so many others about his attraction to fetuses....all that to enjoy; "Little Elvis: The Cartoon," needs to be made. It pleads to be made...... Ron and Fez Show, please make this happen! I was dying laughing during that whole thing man........Oh and at this too..... when yez were talking about Lisa Marie and her music...and how dead Elvis must feel, Ron stated, "I don't know if in your grave you can put your hands over your ears...but I bet he did hearing that!" I bet he made the same move in his tomb when Ronnie said that he'd make Lisa Marie, "Sneer while she blew me..." HAHAHAHA... Dude. Now that you bring up the word, "sneer," it reminds me......
You know I'm constantly wit the science.... In all my research, I have only been able to ever detect three facial expressions from Lisa Marie Presley.....Ahem, they are as follows: 1) Smirk, 2) Scowl, and, 3) Sneer. Thank you, that concludes tonight's seminar and slide show.
Ya know Jerry Lee Lewis came up today too! Oh yeah cause of the underage lovins and cause Lewis was arrested at Graceland, waving a gun and telling a security guard he was there to kill Presley.....that stuff..... I had never heard that story about him setting the piano on fire and then bellowing, "Follow smoke!" Crazy story... I dig.... oh, oh, except for the, "N," part of that, which I conveniently left out...... Nutty ole Jerry Lee Lewis.... He's someone I'd really like to see....... Great stuff.... I was thinking about what Ronnie said after talking about JLL wavin his gun around..... "I wouldn't mind if Jerry Lewis killed me." I mean, nobody wants to be murdered.....but if you had to be I guess it would take away a bit of the sting if it was at the hands of a legend...an icon...... That got me thinkin...... about Bill Murray again!
OK now, I thought....what if Bill Murray really had found himself in some hot water, worse that the situation he is in now..... What if he had killed somebody with that stolen golf cart?? After Ron's comment about Jerry Lee Lewis I realized, "Hey! I wouldn't mind if Bill Murray killed me!" If I was walking along, minding my own business and out of the darkness came Bill Murray, barreling down the hill on an out of control golf cart... I would laugh and laugh and laugh.... and forget to move out of the way.....
Lying there wheezing my last shallow breaths, I would still be softly laughing, "Holy shit! This is crazy....Bill Murray just ran me over with a golf cart! Ha! Is this great or what....(Cough...cough).... Gahh, is he so funn....." and then I'd die abruptly. I would still be cackling though, as I went up to see everybody in Heaven.....YEAH.... HEAVEN. Stop acting so surprised! Anyway...I would still be all giggles as I made my way into Heaven....like...."Did you seee that shit!??! Oh my God.... HILARIOUS!!" If Bill Murray killed me, I'd feel like I'd died and gone to Heaven.....
I'll tell ya what though, if you take that very same storyline of my demise and you substitute Dan Akroyd for Bill Murray....we'd have ourselves a way different response. I would haunt that mutha til the day he died. YEaaaah..... Ok! Enough of this daydreaming...... On to more daydreaming..... about a bloodbath in a small town.....
Liddy Rules sent you guys in a question.....Oh of course that nobody would ever REALLY carry out....disclaimer, disclaimer...... asking, "Could you take out a small town of one hundred people...Could you wipe out the whole town in one night?"....Somethin like that.... You guys decided, no guns....That's too easy.... No poison gasses either..Fez said, "It DOES have to be a bloodbath, I think..." You decided that your only weapons allowed would be an axe and two knives....... Ronnie said that you would consider anything less than the entire town dead, a complete and utter failure..... Yes, yes...... As Fezzie pointed out it has to be, "Like the Anti- Santa Claus...KILL em all in one night." HAH! I'll tell you what my favorite mental image was of this whole dastardly affair.....It was when you guys were acting out this scene here from,
The Night of The Palookaville Murders:
Ronnie B: You know I would probably come running up, all covered in blood and out of
breath yelling, "Fezzie how many have you gotten!???
Ronnie B. (in Fez voice): I couldn't get past the dog! HELP ME!!
Fezzie: Help! Ronnie, I'm stuck in this window!!!
Ronnie B.: Goddammit Whatley! You haven't gotten one person and the sun's coming up!!
You still haven't killed the Mortons!!!!!!!!!
Damn, I loved that play......... It was really exciting when Ron snuck into the houses all quiet, quiet......everyone sleeping soundly and then....."BLAAAM!!!!!!!" All the lights in the house surge on as, Helter Skelter blares!!!!! "The Angel of DEATH has taken this house!!!!!!!" He screams,"WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!!! You're all goin down!!!!!!!! Charlie is back mutha fuckas!!!" as he ran up and down the stair..... Wooo... WHAT a scene. Bad ass...... and the fact that you were dressed like Elvis and those hayseeds thought you were the second coming of Jesus! Fergetit!!! That was a plot twist I didn't see coming......AND.... You don't know what it did to this ole girl's adrenaline during that scene when Ron was chasing that little boy up the stairs! Will he get away? Get him Ronnie!!! Oooh...ohh.... YOu were letting him THINK he had a chance of escape.....I guess that in the heat of that scene, I had forgotten how you so tenderly had cut his Achilles tendon before hand.... Shrewd Ronnie B!!!!
Yeah man, I really was diggin The Ron and Fez Show Afternoon with the Arts....... It's not so often the ole man and I get to step out and see a play, and well.... You didn't let us down.... Rivetting stuff!
As always I am sure that I have left out so much stuff that made me laugh today...... I don't just wanna ramble, ramble, ramble all over your eyeballs constantly.......... I do wish that Stan Lee was my grandfather though..... That's one thing! Anyway..... Peace out!!!
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)