Social Anxiety

[Tenbatsuzen]

For the past month or so, I've had nearly paralyzing social anxiety at work and I can't explain why it's happening to me. It's really freaking me out to the point where I've been considering seeing a shrink or something.

It's hard to explain what's going on. Part of the problem is trying to get validation from my boss, which is very hard to get even though I've never gotten any negative attention either. I just do my job.

Ever since Fez was identified with having Asperger's syndrome on the air, I did some research into it and realized that I probably have something very similar to that because the behaviors suit me to a T.

Today at work I had to run a conference call with a client, and the people on the other side were on a speakerphone.

Because I have an issue with mumbling, I was trying my hardest to enunciate my words and that made me slip into my "radio training". The problem is, my "radio voice" is a BOOMING voice, which doesn't help when I'm in a small office with very tight cubes.

My boss IMed me and told me to keep it down because she could hardly hear her own call.

That set me off... I suddenly became very self-concious of my voice and started mumbling and breaking down and losing focus. It's very rare that I lose confidence when I'm doing a presentation but I just LOST it and couldn't pay attention to the last 20 minutes of the call, which I'm sure made me lose details that the client wanted in the next draft of the marketing piece I was working on.

I hate these quirks in my personality, and every time I work hard to correct them, I just seem to dig my hole deeper. Last week when I got home from work I was miserable and paranoid until I woke up the next morning.

I know I'm not the easiest person to like, but I really don't display the attitudes I show here at work. It's almost like I try too hard to keep my shit together, and that just makes the situation worse.

What's not helping is that I hate shrinks, much like Fez does. I've seen four of them over the course of my life and I've found them all to be worthless, outside of the therapist who helped me with my ADD.

[Reephdweller]

It can certainly be frustrating finding the right level to pitch your voice on a conference call - especially when your working with a speaker phone. One of the things I do right at the beginning of the calls is to make small talk with whoever is on the other end before the business part of the call starts, this way I can see what I'm working with, if I need to talk louder or lower. When I first started doing conference calls I had problems finding the right octave for my voice also, I guess I just kept playing with speaking on the calls so that now I'm pretty good with finding good balance.

[Tenbatsuzen]

It can certainly be frustrating finding the right level to pitch your voice on a conference call - especially when your working with a speaker phone. One of the things I do right at the beginning of the calls is to make small talk with whoever is on the other end before the business part of the call starts, this way I can see what I'm working with, if I need to talk louder or lower. When I first started doing conference calls I had problems finding the right octave for my voice also, I guess I just kept playing with speaking on the calls so that now I'm pretty good with finding good balance.

Yeah, the weird thing was that I've done a few conference calls before but this was the first time I was called out on it.

[Bulldogcakes]

I don't have any social phobias, but if I have a fear/worry about anything I usually start to try to deal with it step by step. What am I worried about? Why am I reacting this way? Whats the worst thing that could happen?

The key for me is to always have a plan B. If this happens, I'll do X. If you think of the worst case scenario and what the best response would be, then instead of REACTING to the world around you you'll be ACTING on your planned response. Life's usually not that complicated, you can usually guess what will happen especially if you know the personalities involved.

Works for me. That, and valium. :wink:

[Stankfoot]

Yeah, the weird thing was that I've done a few conference calls before but this was the first time I was called out on it.

Sometimes that can be the problem; if you start thinking too much about how your voice sounds or how loud you are speaking you can lose focus on what you are talking about. Then you panic and your mind goes blank. Its really not that unusual. Happens to everybody.....

[The Silencer]

i think you feel that you have alot of stress...At work, take it easy...Breathe frequently and deeply (i know it sounds corny but it helps lol)...I know shrinks are frustrating but maybe there is a good friend at work that you can talk to? Maybe you can feel more comfortable telling your friend whats going on! Anything else going on in your life! Maybe its a collage of things bothering you!

[Reephdweller]

Yeah, the weird thing was that I've done a few conference calls before but this was the first time I was called out on it.

Do you have someone at work that you can work with to test how you sound on these types of calls? What I mean is, a friend of mine had her own anxiety about how she would sound on a very important call she had to run. So to test things out we did a conference call together where I went into another office at work and she went on speakerphone and tested to see how she sounded. You might want to try something like that.

[Bellyfullasnot]

Don't be so rough on yourself. Try calling your own voicemail or answering machine with your conference call equipment. This will give you a rough idea later how you sound without involving other people. If you're still not sure ask a coworkers opinion. I think your boss took something off your fastball when you were interrupted.

[Death Metal Moe]

How old are you Matty? I recently start noticing I was developing some weird social anxietys too, and my work stress level shot up 200% recently.

Just curious of the work stress and our ages might be similar.

[ShabbyDoll]

Your biggest ally is confidence, and fake it if you have to. I was a shy person growing up but once I got my first retail job, I had to instantly become a salesperson and all that it entailed. It helped me mature as a person, knowing that I could at least portray an outgoing, confident, knowledgable woman to my prospective customers, no matter what my real feelings and limitations were. I ended up being able to sell shoes to a fish. Your radio voice is that part of you that you have to rely on, volume levels notwithstanding. ; )

"It's not what you say but how you say it." Hmmm, I'm not totally on board with this in the strictest sense. If you believe in what you're saying, show your expertise in it, and bring a credible persona to the other folks, you can dance on a table in your jock strap and they'll all follow your lead off the cliff, nuts tightly gripped.

If you have physical symptoms of anxiety when this situation arises, see your doc. Explain what you're dealing with and you'll get a short script of Ativan or Xanax to help with the shakes/chest tightness/fear that you feel pre-conference call. Work past it though. BE THE MAN. Be in charge. You know you can do it. You know it.